Online dating: Inevitable disaster?

[psychedelic]

I met this guy over a year ago online and for a while I made it clear that I didn't want to go into the whole online dating thing since it seemed like fantasy and it rarely amounted to anything serious. He had said early on that he liked me but I wanted to stay friends. However, after texting throughout the day, everyday, and talking over the phone, I grew to like him, a lot and vise versa.

Now, we are closer than we've ever been. I've never had such strong feelings for a guy, telling him I love him even. Maybe I'm too young to know what love is but the way he makes me feel seems like i do. We sometimes talk about serious subjects like meeting up, marriage, and kids but mostly in a joking way but (sometimes serious) since were still so young and "naive". I've seriously thought of visiting Florida in summer after I turn 18 and when he finishes university. And he's mentioned he'd eventually like to visit California again to see me (he's even gotten a job opportunity here, but highly doubt he'd seriously take it).

We do keep our relationship secret since I'm sure our parents or friends wouldn't be pleased or understand a relationship that could develop over the phone with a 16 and 20 year old (yikes..the very idea!). We haven't told anyone about it nor friended each other on Facebook. It's difficult to not tell anyone and not have any advice on this.

I've lately been thinking about dating other people though. Should I wait for him or experience tangible relationships? I always feel even if I do date other people, I'll always revert back to him and want him in the end or compare them to him. I'm not sure what to think about all this. I have had feelings for another guy, but not that strongly and every time I talk to "my true love" it seems I'll never want anyone but him. I also want him to be happy pursuing a "real" relationship if he pleases, but I know I'd be hurt if he did. I've told him this and he's said he doesn't like anyone but me and that I'm the type of girl he's always been looking for/wanting etc. I care about him so much and don't want to hurt him, but it's quite the complex situation when you feel you love someone, but they're not really there, you just hold on to the idea of them and what could be your sought after future.


What do you guys make of all this? Any experience or know of people who had fail/success? Is the age gap weird? Kinda weirded me out at first. Any advice would appreciated. Thanks.

[workingatperfect]

Let me start by saying that I'm in a relationship with a person I met on here. We've been together since September 2012 and we haven't met in person yet.

It is a very difficult thing to do, it can take a big emotional toll on you. You have to take it seriously if you want to put yourself and him through that. LDR is not something to take lightly. It's expensive, stressful, one of you will have to move far from your family at some point.

My boyfriend and I do actually plan to visit when we get the money, and at some point one of us will move. Plans are important to keep it from feeling like a fantasy that'll never happen. If you think you'll feel as if you're missing out, don't do it. That feeling will turn into resentment and you won't have a chance of making your relationship work.

Take some time to think about it. I mean, you can always just give it a shot, because at least you won't wonder about all the "what ifs." If you do decide to take that chance, let me know, I can give you some advice on how to keep things... alive, so to speak. Also, Loving From a Distance is a great LDR community, you may want to check that out.

[Ainsleyshea]

tbh you both lucky to have some one as long as u both want each other don't mater about the age go for it people might judged u on the way but if you have each other u can get thro it

[psychedelic]

Let me start by saying that I'm in a relationship with a person I met on here. We've been together since September 2012 and we haven't met in person yet.

It is a very difficult thing to do, it can take a big emotional toll on you. You have to take it seriously if you want to put yourself and him through that. LDR is not something to take lightly. It's expensive, stressful, one of you will have to move far from your family at some point.

My boyfriend and I do actually plan to visit when we get the money, and at some point one of us will move. Plans are important to keep it from feeling like a fantasy that'll never happen. If you think you'll feel as if you're missing out, don't do it. That feeling will turn into resentment and you won't have a chance of making your relationship work.

Take some time to think about it. I mean, you can always just give it a shot, because at least you won't wonder about all the "what ifs." If you do decide to take that chance, let me know, I can give you some advice on how to keep things... alive, so to speak. Also, Loving From a Distance is a great LDR community, you may want to check that out.

Thanks a lot for the great advice and suggestion. I'll try to check it out. Definitely agree with what you're saying and it's nice to know there are other people in similar situations. Don't have enough posts to pm you, but interested in what you mean by keeping things alive lol

tbh you both lucky to have some one as long as u both want each other don't mater about the age go for it people might judged u on the way but if you have each other u can get thro it

Thank you. Hoping it will all work out in the end..wishful thinking though :wub:

[AlexOnToast]

Well i'm in an online relationship, and while it's not without its difficulties, We are working to make it more than just an online thing

[workingatperfect]

Thanks a lot for the great advice and suggestion. I'll try to check it out. Definitely agree with what you're saying and it's nice to know there are other people in similar situations. Don't have enough posts to pm you, but interested in what you mean by keeping things alive lol

I just mean like, it can get boring sometimes, since you're so limited on what you can do together. It can be difficult to keep things exciting. Especially if the distance is long term. But if you get creative there's a lot of things you can do together besides just talking. The main page of that site I recommended has a list of activity ideas, and the forum has some cool suggestions too. It's really helped us deal with things, so hopefully it'll help you too. :)

[JamesJB]

its interesting

[psychedelic]

Yeah had a lot of great ideas. Maybe we can read a book together or something :P

[CostumerServiceGuy]

You might change your mind on online dating when you watch Catfish lol

[Fiction]

Well maybe i'm biased but...

I was dating someone on this site for 11 months. I was 15 and he was 18, so similar age difference to you two.

I ended up breaking up with him because I needed more than an online relationship could give me, and no I don't mean sex I mean support. It ended awfully. We both ended up in hospital after overdosing. We both could have died. We had got way too caught up in this second life. We where obsessed. Neither of us ever left the house.

We stopped talking and then over a year later a friend of his contacted me. We managed to deduce through online profiles that this "he" wasn't a "he"... That "he" was a "she". I'd spoken to her on the phone, we'd arranged dates to meet up but something had cropped up at the last minute, i'd talked to her family. And yet i'd never thought he might be a girl. Well not until after we'd been together. People online can be very convincingly deceptive.

This wasn't just me being young and easily deceived, this person was a global moderator on here, and a very popular one at that. She had many online friends under her male persona and not one guessed, some had known her for years. And I wasn't the only girl on this site that "he" dated.

Be careful.

[psychedelic]

You might change your mind on online dating when you watch Catfish lol

Lol I've seen the show. Interesting stuff but I don't have a doubt that he is who he says he is and his pictures are of him. We've been talking more serious about meeting up and how to keep the relationship alive for so long..often times on catfish plans are never strictly made or filled out b/c excuses.

[psychedelic]

Well maybe i'm biased but...

I was dating someone on this site for 11 months. I was 15 and he was 18, so similar age difference to you two.

I ended up breaking up with him because I needed more than an online relationship could give me, and no I don't mean sex I mean support. It ended awfully. We both ended up in hospital after overdosing. We both could have died. We had got way too caught up in this second life. We where obsessed. Neither of us ever left the house.

We stopped talking and then over a year later a friend of his contacted me. We managed to deduce through online profiles that this "he" wasn't a "he"... That "he" was a "she". I'd spoken to her on the phone, we'd arranged dates to meet up but something had cropped up at the last minute, i'd talked to her family. And yet i'd never thought he might be a girl. Well not until after we'd been together. People online can be very convincingly deceptive.

This wasn't just me being young and easily deceived, this person was a global moderator on here, and a very popular one at that. She had many online friends under her male persona and not one guessed, some had known her for years. And I wasn't the only girl on this site that "he" dated.

Be careful.

That's an awful tragedy. I'm so sorry you had to go through finding out that way. The first part sounds kinda like what I'm going through. Although I'm not addicted or would put myself in danger from the pain of him not being there, I do think it is consuming my life more than I would like it to. Well I don't know if I should say consume, but it does take a toll and strength to keep my lives separate. I've talked to his friends with him and there's nothing that would make me think he's not his age and gender. Thanks for sharing your personal experience and helping out here. Appreciate it a lot.