ImagineRepublicCity
January 4th, 2014, 03:21 AM
So last year was the first time anyone important to me passed away, in fact, it was two.
My Grand-Aunt passed away in September or so after a stroke and my Grandfather on my dad's side passed away on the 20th of December since he's being going in and out of hospital due to Lung Cancer since July Last year.
The thing is though, I didn't know how to respond. Since most of my family live overseas, I haven't seen them since about 3 years ago and it's difficult because I never really liked them because (considering I was young at the time) I thought they looked kinda scary. It's kind of sad though because I didn't even get to see them at all. The last time I would ever remember my Grandfather was when my dad's family were fighting at our reunion dinner. The last time I would ever remember my Grand-Aunt was her getting scolded by her daughter.
I didn't cry or anything when I found out that they were gone but the thought of never seeing them smiling ever again frightens me. I know they weren't bad people, they were probably the nicest people in my family to be honest.
Then I remember that my mum doesn't have long to live because she has terminal cancer and that frightens me too. What if I don't cry then or feel affected by it? When my mum disappears, I'm most likely going to be separated from my oldest sister and my little brother and I will be forced to live with my dad which will be really different because my dad lives really far from where my mum lives at the moment. Then everything will change and I don't want any of that to happen. I don't even know what I should feel anymore because everything's just complicated and weird and I don't even know.
My Grand-Aunt passed away in September or so after a stroke and my Grandfather on my dad's side passed away on the 20th of December since he's being going in and out of hospital due to Lung Cancer since July Last year.
The thing is though, I didn't know how to respond. Since most of my family live overseas, I haven't seen them since about 3 years ago and it's difficult because I never really liked them because (considering I was young at the time) I thought they looked kinda scary. It's kind of sad though because I didn't even get to see them at all. The last time I would ever remember my Grandfather was when my dad's family were fighting at our reunion dinner. The last time I would ever remember my Grand-Aunt was her getting scolded by her daughter.
I didn't cry or anything when I found out that they were gone but the thought of never seeing them smiling ever again frightens me. I know they weren't bad people, they were probably the nicest people in my family to be honest.
Then I remember that my mum doesn't have long to live because she has terminal cancer and that frightens me too. What if I don't cry then or feel affected by it? When my mum disappears, I'm most likely going to be separated from my oldest sister and my little brother and I will be forced to live with my dad which will be really different because my dad lives really far from where my mum lives at the moment. Then everything will change and I don't want any of that to happen. I don't even know what I should feel anymore because everything's just complicated and weird and I don't even know.