Losing Him..

[Melodic]

So here's a little predicament..

I've been in a LDR for about four months, and I've known this guy for two years. He was like one of my first friends when I transferred to a new school, and I kinda fell in love with him. Well me and him dated during that summer (2012) and then broke up for probably the most stupidest reason in existence. And we talked after it and I guess we started trying to fix things and realized we still had feelings for him. Well right around when I joined VT, we actually were trying to go somewhere and then he stopped communcating with me and his cousin told me he just said he wasn't interested in it anymore. So I kind of made it off like no big deal but I was actually pretty depressed about it. Then later in August, he added me on Facebook and told me he moved a couple states away and he still missed me. So I guess he moved on because he didn't want to put our relationship through the distance.

So after that, we decided to try an online relationship, things were going fine the first couple of months.. Then around late November I started realizing there were more changes in our relationship. We didn't talk as much.. we didn't really flirt it was more casual friends.. and I knew it was all my fault. It's like I can't tell him how I feel and I'm so secretive about a lot that he should probably now. And I don't know what to do about it cuz I'm never secretive with anyone.


The next couple weeks, he told me he was possibly making a trip up here. He ended up texting me on the 23rd telling me he was in Town and he asked for my address so he could see me. So I gave it to him. He hasn't texted or even came by since and break is already over and he's probably gone by now. I tried texting him and he never answered so I gave up.


I'm not sure what to do.. I feel like I'm losing him and he's the last person in my real life I have left.. My other friends have vanished and I feel alone and I don't want him to leave, but I don't want to put pressure on him either to stay.

[Blood]

Well firstly, why are you secretive with him? Are you afraid of him judging you? Do you not trust him? This is probably something you need to figure out ASAP if you're going to try to make this work. Trust and communication are two of the most important things you need to make a relationship work.

Secondly, if you want this to work out and you don't want him to leave, you need to let him know that. Tell him how you feel. You won't be putting pressure on him per se, but you DO need to let him know you care and that you want to make it work out. Figure out if he wants it to work out, too. A relationship isn't going to be truly happy unless both people want it to work.

[workingatperfect]

I'm in an LDR myself, and him not visiting you is a huge red flag, unless something is wrong on his end. If my boyfriend was in town and he didn't come see me, I'd be destroyed. And he would probably be single. To be honest, it doesn't sound like you're that into him. Sounds like it's about having company period, not having HIS company.

It's really hard to maintain an LDR, you have to actually put work in it for that connection to stay strong, because you don't get all the benefits of physical intimacy like holding hands, kissing, going on real dates, etc. If you're not 100% committed to that person, you don't have a shot.

I know it's very hard to be alone, trust me I do. I've been there, I AM there. Besides my boyfriend, who's halfway around the world, I don't have a single friend. But isn't it just as lonely being an empty relationship?

[Meganium]

Well, he sounds very secretive himself as well as you. If he broke contact with you because he didn't want to deal with the stress of an increased distance in an LDR, it wouldn't surprise me if there's a reason why he didn't show over the past break. Though this justifies ABSOLUTELY nothing, and it was a disloyal and just rude thing to do, I believe there is some kind of reason behind it. It's something to look into.

[EmmaJane]

Well, he sounds very secretive himself as well as you. If he broke contact with you because he didn't want to deal with the stress of an increased distance in an LDR, it wouldn't surprise me if there's a reason why he didn't show over the past break. Though this justifies ABSOLUTELY nothing, and it was a disloyal and just rude thing to do, I believe there is some kind of reason behind it. It's something to look into.
I agree with Meganium. I think there's a reason behind it.

[Melodic]

Well firstly, why are you secretive with him? Are you afraid of him judging you? Do you not trust him?

No it's not that I judge him or wouldn't trust him with it. It's just I don't exactly want him in a specific part of my life, which is my depression and anger problems, until I get it all resolved. I just don't want him to be affected by it, I already put enough people through it.


I'm in an LDR myself, and him not visiting you is a huge red flag, unless something is wrong on his end. If my boyfriend was in town and he didn't come see me, I'd be destroyed. And he would probably be single. To be honest, it doesn't sound like you're that into him. Sounds like it's about having company period, not having HIS company.

It's really hard to maintain an LDR, you have to actually put work in it for that connection to stay strong, because you don't get all the benefits of physical intimacy like holding hands, kissing, going on real dates, etc. If you're not 100% committed to that person, you don't have a shot.

I know it's very hard to be alone, trust me I do. I've been there, I AM there. Besides my boyfriend, who's halfway around the world, I don't have a single friend. But isn't it just as lonely being an empty relationship?

Well I saw this comment the other day, and I figured I actually do need to figure out if it's just me not wanting to end up alone before I go into talking to him about it.. 24 hours later and endless thinking about him.. I guess I think otherwise.. It's just it adds pressure to it because he is the closest person I have to me right now.



Well, he sounds very secretive himself as well as you. If he broke contact with you because he didn't want to deal with the stress of an increased distance in an LDR, it wouldn't surprise me if there's a reason why he didn't show over the past break. Though this justifies ABSOLUTELY nothing, and it was a disloyal and just rude thing to do, I believe there is some kind of reason behind it. It's something to look into.

Oh I know there's a lot he hasn't told me yet. Me and him have pretty personal secrets that never really get mentioned, I already know this. Half of the stuff I have shared on VT I probably could never tell him.



Now I really am taking all of your guys advice to heart. If I haven't heard anything about it on Friday I'll probably end up trying to text him again. I know I probably shouldn't be keeping secrets from him and I do need to start making a bigger effort and I'm gonna take this all into help me because I don't want to ruin things between me and him.

But thanks you all for the advice. :)

[Body odah Man]

I have no advice for you, I'm sorry. all I can say is-perhaps the relationship has slowly run its course :(
It sucks but that's life-everything decays. Nothing is eternal. What I can suggest tho is CALLING or Skyping him. Talk to him with ur voice and talk everything out. Perhaps that can save the relationship. If not...I'm sorry :(