I am so confused

[Lovelife090994]

I am so confused about, everything! My sexuality confuses me because I like guys and girls but guys more, and my want of companionship goes up and dips down it's crazy. I'm scared my family will reject me.

I am supposedly Christian but I keep my beliefs and stuff between me and God and I do not like going to church. My mother and aunt are the only family close to me and they are strictly religious. I am tired of the judging and given how they think of the LGBT they would disconnect from me or try and pray me out of me! I have never dated or anything because I want a guy and I'm scared. My mom and aunt said I cannot be Christian and "wrong" or Christian and not in church and speaking in tongues and reading my Bible everyday. Maybe I am flustered, maybe I am wrong for a Christian but I'm tired of it. I'm 19 I'm not yet on my own and able to be in school yet and my mom forces me to attend church and get saved again when I see it as unneeded.

I am very worried and confused and feel so dirty. I am very introverted yet intuitive, and I am very sensitive. I just don't know what to do. I am so lonely and stuck. I even am struggling with depression and doubts in myself and faith. I thought Christians were loving and caring, not judging and forceful. My mother doesn't trust me and doesn't want me talking to gays or anyone online. She wants me in church and totally to her and God but in church, not at home. I'm just tired of being hit with scriptures and not openness to tell her everything that is up. I mention the subject and she goes ballistic! I am so confused.

Not to mention I think outloud and my mother thinks it demented and demonic. I feel I'm going to go nuts. I know I have multiple experiences on these subjects but I repeat thinking of them and they come out in writing because my mother keeps bringing up her woes and my faith, she even thinks I'm going effeminate! I admit I am not masculine but I am not feminine either, just alone and confused. I'm sorry this so long and possibly vague.

[Blood]

Firstly, your mother sounds very judgemental and close minded, but you know what? That's her problem. It's really sad she's this way, and your family is this way, but there's really nothing you can do about it. Family is family. They're going to be there for the rest of your life.

Secondly, you shouldn't feel dirty because quite frankly you have no reason to. You haven't done anything wrong. But as long as you love you're going to run into people who are going to tell you you're wrong and you're going to hell, I don't care who you are. There are ALWAYS going to be people who find something wrong with you. All you can do it turn your cheek and walk on.

Thirdly, I can really relate to you on the religious problems you're dealing with. I can't really offer any advice other than what I've told myself for a while: if there's really an "almighty, loving, selfless" god out there, is he going to hate someone HE created for loving someone else HE created? If so I don't think I want to be any part of this god's plan. I'm not going to live my life being taught to hate myself and others because we're wrong" in religions eye's. I hope you don't either.

The bottom line is that you're 19, you can't help what you love or what your sexual orientation is, and if other people hate you because if this, it's their problem. Sorry if this advice is all over the place...I can just really relate to what you're going through and I wanted to throw in my 2 cents. Hope it helps and just remember that you're still young, things are bound to get better.

[CRed]

Well for one you feeling that way is unnecessary. Just keep it yourself till you actually are on your own and can you know experiment and act on your confusion. If you want a guy that's not going against your religion, people put to much emphasis on that to make people feel bad on being a certain way, when there's nothing wrong with it. Your family, they love you they can look past whatever your decision may be, it could possibly take some time but it's nothing. Church, just because you don't go or don't wanna go doesn't mean you don't love God. He sees the good in everyone. Getting saved, I would say just get anointed just ease your mothers mind that you are making progress.

[Lovelife090994]

Firstly, your mother sounds very judgemental and close minded, but you know what? That's her problem. It's really sad she's this way, and your family is this way, but there's really nothing you can do about it. Family is family. They're going to be there for the rest of your life.

Secondly, you shouldn't feel dirty because quite frankly you have no reason to. You haven't done anything wrong. But as long as you love you're going to run into people who are going to tell you you're wrong and you're going to hell, I don't care who you are. There are ALWAYS going to be people who find something wrong with you. All you can do it turn your cheek and walk on.

Thirdly, I can really relate to you on the religious problems you're dealing with. I can't really offer any advice other than what I've told myself for a while: if there's really an "almighty, loving, selfless" god out there, is he going to hate someone HE created for loving someone else HE created? If so I don't think I want to be any part of this god's plan. I'm not going to live my life being taught to hate myself and others because we're wrong" in religions eye's. I hope you don't either.

The bottom line is that you're 19, you can't help what you love or what your sexual orientation is, and if other people hate you because if this, it's their problem. Sorry if this advice is all over the place...I can just really relate to what you're going through and I wanted to throw in my 2 cents. Hope it helps and just remember that you're still young, things are bound to get better.

I know my mother is often judgemental, just don't tell her that. She says she's being caring so I just hold my tongue. Thanks though for the response.

[RavleIncarnate]

Wow...I'm so sorry. I am a Christian, not a very strong one though, and I am also not gay, so the only thing I can relate to some level is my very religious grandmother, she has a wise saying and a preachong for every occasion. I really hope things get better for you, for every dark cloud has a silver lining, and although you haven't discovered this lining yet, it will reveal itself to you. And Blood has a very good point: why would He create something that does not please Him? Stay Strong.

[Lovelife090994]

Wow...I'm so sorry. I am a Christian, not a very strong one though, and I am also not gay, so the only thing I can relate to some level is my very religious grandmother, she has a wise saying and a preachong for every occasion. I really hope things get better for you, for every dark cloud has a silver lining, and although you haven't discovered this lining yet, it will reveal itself to you. And Blood has a very good point: why would He create something that does not please Him? Stay Strong.

Thank you. I will try and abide by my mother's strict rules until I am on my own. Well, I'll go to church every now and then. I just wish things were different. Still, thanks, you are the third person to say, stay strong to me and for that I thank you.