I'm 19 and my father still hits me realky bad

[Anon-ymous]

Okay this might get a bit longer than you expected, but I want you all to know exactly what I'm going through!
My father has been hitting me since I was a child. He says he hits me because He cares for me and that He loves me and when I repeat my mistakes constantly he just could not take it. I'm 19 and I'm still threatened.
So here is how it started.
He always used to shout when he was angry on me but the first time I got hit, as far as I can remember, was when I was about 6 or 7. The reason might sound stupid. I failed in a computer puzzle game like 10 times, he came and sat with me. He asked me to solve the puzzle. He was polite first. I didn't understand how it had to be solved. After 2 or 3 wrong tries, he started slapping me on my face for every wrong move that I did. Had to take about 7/8 slaps and I never played that computer game again.

The second time he hit me the same way because I was having trouble learning a board game.
The third time he had a longer constant hitting session with me when he was teaching me division in maths. I was in third grade by then.
I was poor in studies, while teaching maths he used to slap me, beat me with a hard stick, pulled me by my hair and drag me around everytime I couldn't solve a maths problem.
Almost every month I was severely beaten because of poor studies and my constant lack of interest in studies.
When I reached 8th grade, I had completely given up on studies. Everytime I repeated any mistake like again and again forgetting doing some task he gave, he would shout on me and sometimes slap me on my face. Everytime he found my school work was incomplete he started hitting me severly. After he hit me he used to apologize and promised he would never do again. But I never believed.
Anyway in Olevel I got 1A* and 7A. Im in Alevel now and I'm more irresponsible towards my studies. I have totally become frustrated because of that constant mocking and hitting. I don't have any feelings for my father. I was a caring child but now I just don't even want to accept that he even loves me. He does love me but if that's his love, I wish he never loved me. I'm 19 now and he still beats me and threatens me and Im too scared of being hit all the time. I never complete my college work idk why. I just cant concentrate. He still hits the fuck out of me, slaps me, punches me, hits my head to the wall, drags me around and I dont want to fight back because he is my father and I need to respect him, however deep inside I dont think I love him anymore even though he works hard for the whole family.
All I do is end up crying in bed in night. I never self harmed btw.
I don't realky need that kind of love. I hope things will be better after I enter university though I'm still afraid. I'm skinnier than usuall, short statured, never confident, always scared of being caught in a fight in college, too quiet in daily life arguments. I believe this all is because of my father. According to him I am the most disgraceful kid ever.
Is there something I could do? I am too frustrated and crying all the time. He shouts at me alk the time now and I feel like I might fail in life because my CIE Alevel is near. In may 2014.

[ArtemisLianCrock]

Try talking to someone you trust (although they're often in short supply) about what is happening/has happened. You may need to go the police about this. This is not love, and your father probably has unresolved issues from his own childhood.

[Living For Love]

This is clearly abuse. Hitting your head in the wall, beating you with a stick, slapping you because of a stupid computer game!? What kind of father is that? Since you live in Pakistan, I don't know if that's something largely tolerated in your culture/religion, but it needs to stop. I can't understand how someone can love his child while doing things like that. You should either get help from an institution, or police, talk to your mother or another member of your family, or even try to move to another house, because that's simply NOT right. And you're not a "disgraced kid", you're someone worthy, and needed, and it's not your fault that your father doesn't understand that.

[CRed]

Your father seems I think seems to have his own struggles and is taking them out on you when you mess up. It looks like tough love but you don't have to take that abuse. Yes he's your father and you want to respect him but he don't need to be hitting on you. Maybe it's time you start making your own threats. Crying, in this situation I don't think it helps, try bashing the person. Say something like fx-k that bxt-h, not to them but to yourself, that's slowly or maybe swiftly boost your confidence before you know your dad or whoever gone say something you don't like and you gone be like "Ugh is that bxt-h talking again" your not even gonna mind it. As for being scared of getting in a fight in college that's probably not going to happen but if you do don't be scared, I know violence is not the answer but yes it is. Sometimes you can't walk away from it, a quick way to get that axx whooping in, kick em in they spot or their stomach, throw a couple punches (face, head, wherever), throw em down, (depending on the severity), stomp em out or drag them (with one hand and be punching with the other) or get on top of them and start punching. It will probably be broken up fast though. I'm quiet in arguments as well because I'm not with all that back and fourth people don't know how to shut up and just be askin for they beat down. But when I am in one I don't really tend to back down till that person is done. And something about your father coming from past experience maybe he's still doing this because you haven't got back at him. Maybe he's seeing this yelling, threating, and beating as a way to control you or he has anger issues. And your not going to fail in life :) you have a purpose in being here, you just focus on getting your grades up and your getting your education and go all the way. And anybody that tells you, you can't do it, they ain't worth ish.

[Were]

i guess you should try to make him happy most of the time and see if there is kind of a difference

[Synyster Shadows]

Try talking to someone you trust (although they're often in short supply) about what is happening/has happened. You may need to go the police about this. This is not love, and your father probably has unresolved issues from his own childhood.

This is clearly abuse. Hitting your head in the wall, beating you with a stick, slapping you because of a stupid computer game!? What kind of father is that? Since you live in Pakistan, I don't know if that's something largely tolerated in your culture/religion, but it needs to stop. I can't understand how someone can love his child while doing things like that. You should either get help from an institution, or police, talk to your mother or another member of your family, or even try to move to another house, because that's simply NOT right. And you're not a "disgraced kid", you're someone worthy, and needed, and it's not your fault that your father doesn't understand that.

Agreed. Get legal help. That's not ok; it's abuse. He probably has issues from his childhood and is taking it out on you.

[joejoe]

Don't take the abuse! Seek help!

[TruthHunter]

Guy, I feel really sorry for you. One of the best things you can do is to seek for legal help.
I wonder about the phycological injuries your father had done to you... despite deep, aren't incurable. Beyond professional help, things like listening to music, talking to friends and walking can help you to relieve your sadness [please don't give up about ur life].
Your bad development at school isn't your fault, but was certainly caused by the attribuition, by your brain, of undesirebleness ideas to study related tasks, due to the pain you felt while peforming them. Don't worry about your external appearance. You are yet a human and can make a difference and change your country and the world :D
If you need any help (or just talk), pls feel free to contact me.

[The Trendy Wolf]

Okay this might get a bit longer than you expected, but I want you all to know exactly what I'm going through!
My father has been hitting me since I was a child. He says he hits me because He cares for me and that He loves me and when I repeat my mistakes constantly he just could not take it. I'm 19 and I'm still threatened.
So here is how it started.
He always used to shout when he was angry on me but the first time I got hit, as far as I can remember, was when I was about 6 or 7. The reason might sound stupid. I failed in a computer puzzle game like 10 times, he came and sat with me. He asked me to solve the puzzle. He was polite first. I didn't understand how it had to be solved. After 2 or 3 wrong tries, he started slapping me on my face for every wrong move that I did. Had to take about 7/8 slaps and I never played that computer game again.

The second time he hit me the same way because I was having trouble learning a board game.
The third time he had a longer constant hitting session with me when he was teaching me division in maths. I was in third grade by then.
I was poor in studies, while teaching maths he used to slap me, beat me with a hard stick, pulled me by my hair and drag me around everytime I couldn't solve a maths problem.
Almost every month I was severely beaten because of poor studies and my constant lack of interest in studies.
When I reached 8th grade, I had completely given up on studies. Everytime I repeated any mistake like again and again forgetting doing some task he gave, he would shout on me and sometimes slap me on my face. Everytime he found my school work was incomplete he started hitting me severly. After he hit me he used to apologize and promised he would never do again. But I never believed.
Anyway in Olevel I got 1A* and 7A. Im in Alevel now and I'm more irresponsible towards my studies. I have totally become frustrated because of that constant mocking and hitting. I don't have any feelings for my father. I was a caring child but now I just don't even want to accept that he even loves me. He does love me but if that's his love, I wish he never loved me. I'm 19 now and he still beats me and threatens me and Im too scared of being hit all the time. I never complete my college work idk why. I just cant concentrate. He still hits the fuck out of me, slaps me, punches me, hits my head to the wall, drags me around and I dont want to fight back because he is my father and I need to respect him, however deep inside I dont think I love him anymore even though he works hard for the whole family.
All I do is end up crying in bed in night. I never self harmed btw.
I don't realky need that kind of love. I hope things will be better after I enter university though I'm still afraid. I'm skinnier than usuall, short statured, never confident, always scared of being caught in a fight in college, too quiet in daily life arguments. I believe this all is because of my father. According to him I am the most disgraceful kid ever.
Is there something I could do? I am too frustrated and crying all the time. He shouts at me alk the time now and I feel like I might fail in life because my CIE Alevel is near. In may 2014.

Your father should not be hitting you just because you are having difficulty learning something new. He quite possibly could have troubles of his own, but he should help you learn instead of making you feel bad for every mistake you make. Humans are meant to make mistakes before they are able to learn, and if your father cannot cope with taking the time to teach you instead of forcing the knowledge upon you, then you need to have a firm talk with him or the authorities. There is certainly a reason that he is this aggressive, so you might be able to get to the root of the problem by talking with him. He simply needs help controlling his anger in a healthier way, instead of taking it out on a learning child. He's not a bad man, and like you said, he used to apologize when he hit you the first few times. Now it has become part of his normal behavior, so you must confront the problem with him directly for it to stop. It is important that you talk with him when he is calm and not in an enraged state, and that way you can get his thoughts out of rationality, and not from his anger. If you fail to work things out between the both of you, then I strongly suggest seeing a professional or contacting the authorities.

You are a good kid, and you don't deserve this abuse. You were just unfortunate enough to have had an abusive father, which isn't your fault. Don't blame your father, because he is having problems of his own, and your accusations will only make him angrier. You must help him find out why he's so angry all the time, and finally fix this. You still can succeed if you find the right way of communicating with your father.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you wish to discuss your situation further.

[The Trendy Wolf]

Maybe it's time you start making your own threats. Crying, in this situation I don't think it helps, try bashing the person. Say something like fx-k that bxt-h, not to them but to yourself, that's slowly or maybe swiftly boost your confidence before you know your dad or whoever gone say something you don't like and you gone be like "Ugh is that bxt-h talking again" your not even gonna mind it. As for being scared of getting in a fight in college that's probably not going to happen but if you do don't be scared, I know violence is not the answer but yes it is. Sometimes you can't walk away from it, a quick way to get that axx whooping in, kick em in they spot or their stomach, throw a couple punches (face, head, wherever), throw em down, (depending on the severity), stomp em out or drag them (with one hand and be punching with the other) or get on top of them and start punching. It will probably be broken up fast though. I'm quiet in arguments as well because I'm not with all that back and fourth people don't know how to shut up and just be askin for they beat down. But when I am in one I don't really tend to back down till that person is done. And something about your father coming from past experience maybe he's still doing this because you haven't got back at him. Maybe he's seeing this yelling, threating, and beating as a way to control you or he has anger issues. And your not going to fail in life :) you have a purpose in being here, you just focus on getting your grades up and your getting your education and go all the way. And anybody that tells you, you can't do it, they ain't worth ish.

This is an example of something not to do in this situation. You don't fight back because that is only worsening the relationship between you two. Crying is a natural thing for you to do in this situation! Tear your eyes up all you want because it is better than repressing your emotions. Do not fight others, please, it will certainly not help you by getting injured, and your reputation will become much worse. It takes understanding and communication, but not rebellious or copy-cat behavior. You need to work this relationship back together before you will truly be able to focus better, and you will feel so much happier with your life. Express your feelings! It is the best thing to do when you are feeling down because repressing them will make those emotions resonate deep inside you, and they will haunt you later in life unless you address them in their entirety. Also, do not use words or phrases that others use to describe you, because that's not what you are.

[AlexOnToast]

I'm terribly sorry for your situation, and all I can do is suggest that you seek legal help :(

[Shailene]

Your dad's an asshole. Get out of there as fast as you can. No one should put up with that shit