Please pick me up.

[Extreme586]

It's my last year in high school before college, I feel like everyone around me has grown up over the past 4 years while I sat in the dark and played video games wasting all the time I had.


Not to mention for the last year I have watched a boy I really cared about maintain a successful cute relationship with a girl he really likes. I don't wish any ill will on their relationship, I just really don't like feeling the sting of reality every time I see them, or even just him on Facebook. The ironic thing is I know he is a really strong believer in the gay rights movement and is for legalization. I wonder how he would react to someone he has known for the past 7 years who he thought was some weird kid actually thinking he was cute and liking him.


I wasn't going to go into this either but now that I think about it, even during locker room showers sometimes I was the only one in their. A lot of people thought I was weird then too so they avoided me or plain and simply didn't need to shower. I for one just did it every day, I don't play sports and always got slightly sweaty afterwards, so yeah...


Anyways he would always come in and a lot of the times we would be the only two people in their. I never felt like he was uncomfortable around me, not once. Then to top it off, I remember not eating a lot of my high school lunches and just going straight to the library. During my sophomore year, he started coming into the library a lot. To the point where it became an every day thing and I got to see him all the time. Then one day it was like he moved on and just stopped.


But if any of that meant anything why would he have a girlfriend for the past year?? I mean I just don't know what to think of any of it. I feel heartbroken yet happy to see him on social media all the time, even if it is with his girlfriend. I mean he cares about her and I can just tell he is happy by looking at him. So why does my heart ache? If all I want is to care about someone and for them to be happy, WHY AM I NOT CONTENT regardless of who he is with!?


Any words of wisdom are welcome at this point, I just don't know anymore.

[Barneytinsen]

Maybe your just forcing yourself to be happy cause deep inside you want him to be with you.your not contented cause you just dont want to look at this guy and be happy with his girl,and you will only fill that contentment when you ended up with him.

[Conqueror of Hearts]

You can't be content, because what you truly want is him by your side. You're really humble and good if you just want him to be happy even if it hurts you, but his happiness can never be yours. No matter how hard is to move on when you're in love maybe the best thing for you is to do that. Soon, you'll stop seeing him on a daily basis so it will be easier for you.
Sometimes we see what we want to see...I am in similar situation now, I like a guy and I thought he liked me too, but then I found out he has a girlfriend for more than a year. I guess I just wanted to think he liked me so I turned his every move and word into something it wasn't. And it hurts and yes it's nice to know he's happy with someone, but I can't really be happy about that. I want him, and I think I've never liked someone this much but now I know I have to get past this. And you should too, no matter how hard it is.
Stay strong dear, it will get better. <3

[Extreme586]

Maybe your just forcing yourself to be happy cause deep inside you want him to be with you.your not contented cause you just dont want to look at this guy and be happy with his girl,and you will only fill that contentment when you ended up with him.

You can't be content, because what you truly want is him by your side. You're really humble and good if you just want him to be happy even if it hurts you, but his happiness can never be yours. No matter how hard is to move on when you're in love maybe the best thing for you is to do that. Soon, you'll stop seeing him on a daily basis so it will be easier for you.
Sometimes we see what we want to see...I am in similar situation now, I like a guy and I thought he liked me too, but then I found out he has a girlfriend for more than a year. I guess I just wanted to think he liked me so I turned his every move and word into something it wasn't. And it hurts and yes it's nice to know he's happy with someone, but I can't really be happy about that. I want him, and I think I've never liked someone this much but now I know I have to get past this. And you should too, no matter how hard it is.
Stay strong dear, it will get better. <3


Thank you guys, I appreciate the comments. I think your both right, deep down all I wanted was him to secrectly like me. I blew things that did mean something, way out of proporsion. He was and still is really kind to me and I just wanted it to be something more than that. All I can do now is appreciate the cool and somewhat hysterical experiences I shared with him and find closure. The best thing for me at this point is to move on and look forward to college and meeting new people and making new memories.

[Axw_JD]

I am not the most experienced with this but I would say, don't just throw away all those good memories and the friendship you two have. I barely have 1 friend, but his friendship means the world to me. Idk your friend or you, but it sounds like it means quite a bit to both of you too.

On one hand having a girlfriend, specially in high school, means absolutely nothing about someone's sexuality.

I have one question for you though. Have you come out to him? You said you know he is pro-LGBT rights but you didn't say anything about him knowing you like guys (not necessarily telling him you like him...)

[steellord321]

Well you seem to have 2 options. You can be just friends with him and also try to meet new people now. There's no good reason to wait till college. That's several months. You should open up to people and not throw this time away. I think you should start by coming clean to him. He won't likely leave his girlfriend but there will be no more torment in your head of what ifs.

Your other option is to avoid him (he may be upset by this though) but again, it will help you get over him and live your life to try and find someone who is single and also gay and can love you back.

If you start to socialize more and come out you'll be in a better position to do that in college too. Don't think that all will magically turn around without effort and courage.