Need Advice!!!!

[Jake Crane]

Early this year i finally came out of the closet officially. I tell people that i'm bi even though i feel like i'm gay because deep down if i put it into a percentage i like boys 99% and i like girls 1%. So its rare for me to like a girl. Now with that i had a friend that i wasn't into at first but i stopped hanging out with him for a couple of months and the first time i saw him after so long i started to grow feeling for him in a sexual way because he had changed since the last time we hung out. Then a week after we started hanging out again i had a very vivid dream that i was sucking his ****. And after that night i wanted so badly to make the dream come true. He knew i was gay but he kept telling me he was straight, i guess just so i wouldn't get any ideas. And so my determination to make my dream a reality changed me. It blinded me into a mindless slave. I started hanging out with him more and doing things that he liked just so that i can be with him. So one day i got so desperate that i bribed him into letting me suck his ****. I gave him $50 just so that he would let me and to my surprise he did. But my mindlessness got worst all i remember is unbuttoning his pants and the taste of his **** when i got up and left. After that day i began to notice that i wanted more and so i got $50 more and he let me do it again. Again going blank in the process of it and only remembering the beginning of it and the taste afterwards. I did it three times. But then i started to feel a strong surge of regret for doing this. Then i stopped talking to him. But the more i tried to push him away the more i wanted his ****. And then he did something i never thought would happen. One day he sent me a message telling me that he found himself and that he was bi. My heart dropped. I then continued to not talk to him until all i can remember was opening my eyes and laying in his bed with his **** in my mouth. I got up and lied to him that i had to go do something with someone and left. As i walked home i realized that my mindlessness had taken me over i didn't even remember walking their all i remember was darkness as if i was sleeping. I had another dream about sucking his **** last night and now i cant stop thinking about sucking his ****. I'm more worried that my mindlessness might take me over and i might end up mindlessly doing it again but this time not remembering anything at all. What should i do because i'm at a standstill here and i'm afraid that i might end up doing it again within the next few days if not hours.

[Living For Love]

First of all, congrats in coming out. I know it must be a great step for you.

Considering that story you've posted is true, I think you should either consult a specialist/psychiatrist/doctor or tell your friend everything that's going on. Now that you know he might be bi (probably because he enjoyed experimenting with you) he will understand your feelings much better.

But just give yourself some time and think about it: do you relly love him or do you just want to be friends with him bacause you want to suck his penis? Isn't it more pleasurable if you just lie next to him, look at his eyes, cuddle a bit, than doing something you only want to do because you want to feed that obsession you have, not for him, but for his dick? I still think you should try to talk to someone abou this, someone you really trust. It can be only your hormones or something, but you can't let this guide your whole emotions, right? If you don't feel confortable taling to an adult about this, then just tell him, ask him if he has feelings for you, and try to entertain yourself with things you like when you can't stop thinking about it.

[Jake Crane]

Well thats the thing after he came out to me i guess i kinda lost the feelings that i had for him. I now understand that i might have not even felt anything for him at all and it was all in the hormones like you said. i guess i just wanted to experiment with some one of the same sex so bad that i used him because he was the only source i had at the time. I stopped now its been a month since i've talked to him and i don't think i really want to either. Now i know how the internet works, you're probably going to say that i left out some parts or that i'm making you confused but rest assure that you've helped me in a way so thank you.

[Forsakenbymyself]

apart from your story with him, which i think you can still recover if you speak about it, i suggest you go to a doctor to have a look to this "amnesia" phenomenon.

[jessicaann]

If you seriously have memory lapses get medical care. That matters most. Good luck