Am I Transgender?

[hftarasque]

Before I go into my story, I would like to say that I am not looking to make any decisions now, I am simply hoping somebody can help clarify things or give some advice.

So, background. I am a 16 year old mostly straight male, currently a student in central Europe, and I have a question for everyone here. Since I was very young, I can't remember the exact age, I have felt like I should have been born a girl. Even my parents say that I was supposed to be the girl of my family, after a long line of boys. That didn't happen, but that didn't stop the feeling that I did not belong to the male gender. This feeling really reached a peak around 11 or 12 years old, and then started to mellow down when I turned 14. It has been present ever since, but I think now it has been diluted by social pressures and my own doubts.

Since I did not feel I could manifest this, living in a small very conservative town in the US, and I did not even know how to, I kept it under wraps. My parents knew, but they were the only ones I (still) have ever expressed this to. I think this has led to a large amount of frustration on my part, frequently showing itself as jealousy. Since I was about 10, I became intensely jealous of girls, to the point where sometimes I would hate a girl only because she did something that was not socially acceptable for me to do. Irrational, selfish, and cruel, I know, but it was still the way I felt.

Now, I am filled with doubts on both sides. I cannot seem to get this question out of my head, and I think about it constantly, but at the same time, it seems totally unreasonable and impossible. I don't know if I could actually pull it off, I don't know if it's what I want, I am nervous about having to take hormones my whole life, I don't know if I would be accepted here, and by others in my family. On the other hand, I despise the roles society puts on me as a man, I try to bend the rules as much as I can already, and I am frequently filled with frustration at what I cannot change. I find it much more difficult to imagine myself as a female than I did when I was younger, and I wonder if I could ever really be one. If it's possible, or just something I can grab at but never quite reach. Both choices would be difficult, and I really have no idea what to think or do right now.

So, to put it bluntly, am I transgender? What advice can you give me?

[tundravortex]

Dont worry abouy it as long as u have one private part that works just be glad u have it

[Living For Love]

When I was in middle school, there was a girl in my class that started to tell everyone she wanted to be a boy. No one took her serious, but one day she just showed up with her hair totally shaved. She then started to hang out with boys only, giving them hand-shakes instead of kissing them in the cheeks when they were greeting eachother, playing a lot of football and basketball, etc... She started to consult a psychiatrist who told her she had something called "absence of identity" or something like that. She addopted a new name (a male one) and all the teachers had to call her by that name. She had a lot of support from her friends and stuff, and now she's taking hormones to develop muscle and to grow a beard, stuff like that.

With you, it's the other way around, you feel you're a girl born in a guy's body, but I still suggest you try to consult a specialist to help you. It was really good for her, it might work for you as well. I'm not saying you're a transgender, I'm just saying it would be good to consult a psychiatrist to help you answer your doubts and questions. It would make all this process much easier for you, and help you decide if you really want to carry on with this or not. Just remember that you are who you are, and whatever you decide to do, your family will still love you nevertheless.

[hftarasque]

Thank you for the great response, Ryanair. I will consider pursuing that, though it is difficult here because I do not speak the language very well. Seeing as you are from Portugal, do you have any experience on how transgenders are treated in other parts of Europe?

[deregisterme]

You have been brave to come you and state this initially. Agreed with what's said so far. There are professionals that you can speak to, who have dealt with people in your position (weather a male wanting to be female or vice versa). In the UK, I'm not sure if they would start hormonal treatment for physical traits to change, though there would be nothing wrong in starting the conversations earlier. You do have time to mage such a decision, so there's no rush. I hope you also have people around you that are understanding towards your feelings.

[Living For Love]

Thank you for the great response, Ryanair. I will consider pursuing that, though it is difficult here because I do not speak the language very well. Seeing as you are from Portugal, do you have any experience on how transgenders are treated in other parts of Europe?

Hum, sorry, she's the only one I know. She had lots of support from her friends, that's for sure, but, of course, there were some people who liked to tease her sometimes. But she's pretty fine right now, in middle school things were more difficult for her, but in high school people are more mature. Her parents also accepted it very well. I think this all worked out very well for her from the beginning because she had a lot of true friends who really liked her, and because she didn't do everything suddenly at once, she changed gradually and gave people time to assimilate all of that.

Here in Portugal people are becoming slowly more open-minded, and I think that's also happening in the rest of Europe, so perhaps it wouldn't be much trouble to you. Just make sure that, if you do it, do it when you're ready, and stick close to your friends, and to people that fully accept you.

[hftarasque]

You have been brave to come you and state this initially. Agreed with what's said so far. There are professionals that you can speak to, who have dealt with people in your position (weather a male wanting to be female or vice versa). In the UK, I'm not sure if they would start hormonal treatment for physical traits to change, though there would be nothing wrong in starting the conversations earlier. You do have time to mage such a decision, so there's no rush. I hope you also have people around you that are understanding towards your feelings.
Thank you, but I still feel like I can be a bit of a coward about it. Actually, my parents do not know that I still have these feelings. They seem to know anyway, though. My mom asked me about 6 months ago if I still wanted to be a girl, and I gave a noncommittal answer (now I realize I should have answered much more in depth), and she has referred to me as having an androgynous look before. I am nowhere near committed enough to begin HRT, but I think finding people to talk to may be a good idea at this point.

Hum, sorry, she's the only one I know. She had lots of support from her friends, that's for sure, but, of course, there were some people who liked to tease her sometimes. But she's pretty fine right now, in middle school things were more difficult for her, but in high school people are more mature. Her parents also accepted it very well. I think this all worked out very well for her from the beginning because she had a lot of true friends who really liked her, and because she didn't do everything suddenly at once, she changed gradually and gave people time to assimilate all of that.

Here in Portugal people are becoming slowly more open-minded, and I think that's also happening in the rest of Europe, so perhaps it wouldn't be much trouble to you. Just make sure that, if you do it, do it when you're ready, and stick close to your friends, and to people that fully accept you.
Of course, things like that will happen. I'm glad everything worked out well for her.

This is good news. As I said, I come from a very conservative and very religious part of the US, so maybe I am being overly cautious with all of this.

Edit: I have another question. Do you guys think I would be able to pass as female? Here is a picture of me (pardon the frizzy hair)