Lost,dont know anything anymore

[AdolescentBoyBlue]

its been over a year since ive been hospitalized,the drugs didnt do anything and yeah ive hd.multiple breakdowns,i feel completely out of it.Recently I noticed that even.though i have an insane amount of sadness i cant cry anymore,i use to cry for hours at night.My wrist still hurt when i feel like it though. I also feel like i dont know where my life is heading.im not in school not working just sleep everyday. i feel drifted and out of it like i need to do something. I have a "brother",dont consider him one, who acts nice and then.acts like an A-hole and my whole family knows thay.ive considered suicide yet he and my mom still start fights with me,my brpther usually blames me for everything wrong and yells at me and recently instead of fighting back i just feel like cutting smoking and sleeping or a lot of the time i feel like asking someone to hit me until i bleed out of frustration and perhaps b/c i think.i deserve it. So basically i feel like i dont know whats hppening.and no point which motivates me to disobey my parents whixch is stupid b/c im just doing what make me okay for a few moments. basically if i want moments of happy ill have to deal with sh*t later.I also decided i rather be alone than in a relationship since i cant really feel love and if i wanted to leave id be held down by that person

Also i cant believe my brother accused me of trying to get my parents divorced, why would i? if theie marriage falls apart thats their own issue not mine,besides if he payed attention he would see that our dad seems unhappy

[HeyMrsTambourine]

I'm in the same state as you.
I'm just so... tired and broken, that I can't give you advice the way I would have done a few months ago.
I just realize how it's easy to give advice when you don't live exactly the same thing...
I'm sorry for this pathetic speech. I just wanna tell you I TOTALLY understand you, and you're not alone.
And I promise someday it'll change, in any case I hold on to this hope.
You do deserve to be happy.
I'm interested in what other people will reply.

[The Trendy Wolf]

I would suggest just talking with your brother. If he is mad, then he won't listen to you, so you must talk to him while he's calm, or at least to some degree. Hear what he has to say and he will hear you. You two must have some understanding between you in order to repair this broken and repetitive relationship. Just talk with someone about it, and they will most certainly try to help you, because in the end, nobody wants you to get hurt regardless of what they may say.

I really, truly hope that you feel better. :D

[AdolescentBoyBlue]

even when hes calm hes an A**
i forgot to mention that since idc about life i do some reckless things,i also recently found out that nobody can break my heart either b/c i cant feel nor believe in love weird huh?