mai-rin
December 14th, 2013, 10:06 AM
I've only just come out with what happened last October ,from there on it's all been down hill.
When I was around 6 we moved to a different part of town ,me and my elder brother were really excited to find out there were other kids in our small road (14 terraced houses) We'd moved to a new school and everything was great for a while... Then we met the twins who lived opposite and started hanging out.I was the youngest ,the baby out of us.our parents from what I can remember got on well with theirs ,the female twin became my older sister figure,her brother was a different story entirely.Kids squabble and our families had arguments over the next few month's ,but they always made up.
One day the twins came over to ours like always after school and played video games with my brother when there was a knock at my door ,it was him.He walked in smiling at me ... it was sinister to say the least ,he sat down next to me and started braiding my hair ,whispering to me.I just carried on playing with my toys for a bit before I felt his hand on top of mine.I looked up asking if he was ok and he started to push me back. I clammed up wondering what was going on.Then he groped me.
The first few times this happened it was just groping and over time it went on from that to rape later on.As he got older the more violent he got ,I was so scared ,but I had to act normal around people.I was his 'property' and he wasn't willing to let me go.This went on until I was about 11 ,then it suddenly stopped when he lost interest in me ,although he'd still come by occasionally to scare me into keeping quiet and as far as he was concerned I am always going to be his.
--- 2012/13
Everything that happened has scarred me ,even now I cant bare to be around guys.when I came out with it last October everyone got involved although I refused to talk to the police about it,even to this day. Children's services know about it and my old school do too.
By mid October my cutting got worse and I couldn't cope ,I'd'd sit rocking myself crying .I hadn't been in my room since the disclosure.One time I cut at school,I cleaned myself up and walked into my graphics lesson .My best friend ollie stopped still ,staring at me .Then ran off to get a teacher,I had blood dripping down me .They took me to hospital for stitches and they gave me a whole talk about it.This was reoccurant untill I decided life was too much.I was admitted to the emergency room after running away in the middle of the night as I'd planned to jump off a high rise of apartments.Instead I went to my mates because I thought I was being followed.I hid with the shrubs in her front garden until she opened her window and saw me.Her mum called my parents who took me.
Adolescent outreach became involved and I was put on anti depressants.Late November came and again I couldn't cope .I was eating a meal with my mental health nurse and she asked if I was getting better.I broke down in tears and walked off.She chased me and managed to get me to go home.She had to phone her colleagues and the police about getting me sectioned .I was later that night taken off to a metal health hospital where I spent the next month and a half (including Christmas) .I made several attempts inside there including one near successful hanging with a pair of tights .After I was 'better' they released me home where I was as miserable as ever.I got on with things ,still sleeping on the sofa as I still hadn't been in my room since October.After a long battle the council moved us away from Him in April.
May came and I was starting to heal ,I persuaded mum to let me go off to visit my friends in my old town.I woke up and got ready ,they dropped me off at Mc Donalds and left.I text my friends and didn't receive a reply so I walked on to where we would meet.I took a short cut through a field over looking town .I stopped for a second to admire the view when I heard footsteps .Someone grabbed me and dragged me back into the woods -I struggled but nothing worked ,I screamed ,but no one came.I really thought my luck was getting better ,but yet again I was raped .After ,He spat on me and walked off leaving me crying.I wasn't badly hurt just a few scrapes and bruises .After a few hours I got up off the ground dusted myself off and called for a lift home.
When I arrived home my parents went back to our neighbours with me .I started to feel sick so I went up to their girls bed and went to sleep.I woke up vomiting ,I felt really ill and passed out.I was taken to a hospital and kept in for a week on iv for food poisoning .That whole week in hospital I spent thinking about what had happened.when I got home I took a overdose of 32 paracetamol and 8 ibuprofen. Again I was violently ill and taken back.This time they called out adolescent out reach again who were going to put me back in a mental health hospital,I just said I did it because I felt depressed again about what had happened when I was younger.In the end I promised to stay safe.At that point no one knew about the recent rape.It took me month's to tell,but I did in the end.
It got out what happened around a local secondary school and people said I was lying and a slag ,I had to deal with hate messages on fb and people calling me up at all hours harassing me.This compared to everything else was nothing although it hurt.
Its been a long journey ,but i'm glad i'm still here.I still suffer with ptsd because of the attacks ,but i'm better than I was .This past 14 month's nearly killed me multiple times.Sometimes I still get down and get suicidal ,but i've kept safe so far. Actually writing this made me feel extremely nauseous ,even to remember all this ,but I cant keep bottling up. I'm trying to move on although at the back of my mind I feel as though no guy will ever want me because of what happened.
When I was around 6 we moved to a different part of town ,me and my elder brother were really excited to find out there were other kids in our small road (14 terraced houses) We'd moved to a new school and everything was great for a while... Then we met the twins who lived opposite and started hanging out.I was the youngest ,the baby out of us.our parents from what I can remember got on well with theirs ,the female twin became my older sister figure,her brother was a different story entirely.Kids squabble and our families had arguments over the next few month's ,but they always made up.
One day the twins came over to ours like always after school and played video games with my brother when there was a knock at my door ,it was him.He walked in smiling at me ... it was sinister to say the least ,he sat down next to me and started braiding my hair ,whispering to me.I just carried on playing with my toys for a bit before I felt his hand on top of mine.I looked up asking if he was ok and he started to push me back. I clammed up wondering what was going on.Then he groped me.
The first few times this happened it was just groping and over time it went on from that to rape later on.As he got older the more violent he got ,I was so scared ,but I had to act normal around people.I was his 'property' and he wasn't willing to let me go.This went on until I was about 11 ,then it suddenly stopped when he lost interest in me ,although he'd still come by occasionally to scare me into keeping quiet and as far as he was concerned I am always going to be his.
--- 2012/13
Everything that happened has scarred me ,even now I cant bare to be around guys.when I came out with it last October everyone got involved although I refused to talk to the police about it,even to this day. Children's services know about it and my old school do too.
By mid October my cutting got worse and I couldn't cope ,I'd'd sit rocking myself crying .I hadn't been in my room since the disclosure.One time I cut at school,I cleaned myself up and walked into my graphics lesson .My best friend ollie stopped still ,staring at me .Then ran off to get a teacher,I had blood dripping down me .They took me to hospital for stitches and they gave me a whole talk about it.This was reoccurant untill I decided life was too much.I was admitted to the emergency room after running away in the middle of the night as I'd planned to jump off a high rise of apartments.Instead I went to my mates because I thought I was being followed.I hid with the shrubs in her front garden until she opened her window and saw me.Her mum called my parents who took me.
Adolescent outreach became involved and I was put on anti depressants.Late November came and again I couldn't cope .I was eating a meal with my mental health nurse and she asked if I was getting better.I broke down in tears and walked off.She chased me and managed to get me to go home.She had to phone her colleagues and the police about getting me sectioned .I was later that night taken off to a metal health hospital where I spent the next month and a half (including Christmas) .I made several attempts inside there including one near successful hanging with a pair of tights .After I was 'better' they released me home where I was as miserable as ever.I got on with things ,still sleeping on the sofa as I still hadn't been in my room since October.After a long battle the council moved us away from Him in April.
May came and I was starting to heal ,I persuaded mum to let me go off to visit my friends in my old town.I woke up and got ready ,they dropped me off at Mc Donalds and left.I text my friends and didn't receive a reply so I walked on to where we would meet.I took a short cut through a field over looking town .I stopped for a second to admire the view when I heard footsteps .Someone grabbed me and dragged me back into the woods -I struggled but nothing worked ,I screamed ,but no one came.I really thought my luck was getting better ,but yet again I was raped .After ,He spat on me and walked off leaving me crying.I wasn't badly hurt just a few scrapes and bruises .After a few hours I got up off the ground dusted myself off and called for a lift home.
When I arrived home my parents went back to our neighbours with me .I started to feel sick so I went up to their girls bed and went to sleep.I woke up vomiting ,I felt really ill and passed out.I was taken to a hospital and kept in for a week on iv for food poisoning .That whole week in hospital I spent thinking about what had happened.when I got home I took a overdose of 32 paracetamol and 8 ibuprofen. Again I was violently ill and taken back.This time they called out adolescent out reach again who were going to put me back in a mental health hospital,I just said I did it because I felt depressed again about what had happened when I was younger.In the end I promised to stay safe.At that point no one knew about the recent rape.It took me month's to tell,but I did in the end.
It got out what happened around a local secondary school and people said I was lying and a slag ,I had to deal with hate messages on fb and people calling me up at all hours harassing me.This compared to everything else was nothing although it hurt.
Its been a long journey ,but i'm glad i'm still here.I still suffer with ptsd because of the attacks ,but i'm better than I was .This past 14 month's nearly killed me multiple times.Sometimes I still get down and get suicidal ,but i've kept safe so far. Actually writing this made me feel extremely nauseous ,even to remember all this ,but I cant keep bottling up. I'm trying to move on although at the back of my mind I feel as though no guy will ever want me because of what happened.