isaiah1038
December 8th, 2013, 07:00 PM
I wasn't sure exactly where to put this post, as it doesn't really fall into the "Sexuality" category but it somewhat does fall into the "Mental Illness" Category. If an admin could tell me where exactly this falls into, that would be great.
Anyways, in order to explain my problem I need to go back to 6th grade. I started masturbating around that time, and one of the first things I thought about was my mom. It made me feel very... Odd. Like it was WAY better than thinking about anything else or watching porn, but at the same time afterwards it always made me feel like total shit. A scumbag. A pervert. Etc. So, I looked online and did some research about it. I found out that it was actually quite common amongst young boys, and that they typically grew out of it. I was semi-relived, and for the meantime I just dealt with it, and tried to use other things so that I wouldn't think about my mom. Sadly, most of the time, images of her would pop into my head while I was masturbating and I would then finish with thinking about her and fantasizing. As the years went on, it didn't stop. I was having wet dreams about her practically every other day. I was having trouble talking to her at all because every time I saw her, I would imagine what it would be like to... You get the point. Now it's been five years and the torture is still never ending, the only good side is my libido is going down a tiny bit and so I'm not horny all the time and therefore thinking about her all the time. Yet, I still feel horrible. I'm depressed almost every other week. Furthermore, I am wondering as to whether or not it's affecting my ability to have a relationship because so far I have asked out five girls, and each time I was rejected. This may or may not be a coincidence, but I'm still wondering.
You may not understand what I'm going through, and I certainly don't expect you to, but does anybody have some advice? Aside from going to a therapist because there is NO way I could ever tell anybody this that knows who I am.
Thank you.
Anyways, in order to explain my problem I need to go back to 6th grade. I started masturbating around that time, and one of the first things I thought about was my mom. It made me feel very... Odd. Like it was WAY better than thinking about anything else or watching porn, but at the same time afterwards it always made me feel like total shit. A scumbag. A pervert. Etc. So, I looked online and did some research about it. I found out that it was actually quite common amongst young boys, and that they typically grew out of it. I was semi-relived, and for the meantime I just dealt with it, and tried to use other things so that I wouldn't think about my mom. Sadly, most of the time, images of her would pop into my head while I was masturbating and I would then finish with thinking about her and fantasizing. As the years went on, it didn't stop. I was having wet dreams about her practically every other day. I was having trouble talking to her at all because every time I saw her, I would imagine what it would be like to... You get the point. Now it's been five years and the torture is still never ending, the only good side is my libido is going down a tiny bit and so I'm not horny all the time and therefore thinking about her all the time. Yet, I still feel horrible. I'm depressed almost every other week. Furthermore, I am wondering as to whether or not it's affecting my ability to have a relationship because so far I have asked out five girls, and each time I was rejected. This may or may not be a coincidence, but I'm still wondering.
You may not understand what I'm going through, and I certainly don't expect you to, but does anybody have some advice? Aside from going to a therapist because there is NO way I could ever tell anybody this that knows who I am.
Thank you.