Jiston
December 8th, 2013, 02:39 AM
Ok, this entire situation is going to take a long time to explain, so go grab a box of popcorn, a bar of chocolate, or whatever it is you people like to eat :)
This all started about 4 (when I was in Grade 4) years ago, when I first moved into a new school. As with all schools, on the first day, everyone was asked to talk about themselves. We were all a bunch of 4th graders back then, so you can make quite a valid guess about the types of things that came up. After that, the teacher started assigning "buddies" to the "newbies" (new students). I was assigned with (a person who's name I will not use, but let's just call him C, which is the first letter of his name) C.
It was the typical "walk around the school and try to avoid an awkward conversation" sort of thing, only in 4th grader style.
By the time we were 5th graders, we were pretty darn good friends. I was going through puberty (early bloomer, yes) back then, and I had a lot of conflicted emotions, but nothing that serious yet.
Now, in Grades 6-7 was when I really started to notice somethings. In Grade 6, every time I talked with C, he would always be messing around with my collar and/or the sleeves of my shirt. I was as innocent as a... (attempts to think of a simile and fails) back then, so this didn't ring too many bells.
At the start of Grade 7, I started to develop a huge crush on a guy who we will just call S. I guess I probably jumped too far ahead of myself, and told him about the fact that I liked him (and if you've not figured out by now, I am gay ). He wouldn't talk to me for the next week or two, until I managed to calm him down (and realise that he was homophobic).
Ever since then, I had closed myself off from a lot of people. I mean, I still tried to act happy around everyone, and the teachers would always describe me as happy and lively. But everyday, I had this ache in my heart. I started cutting down of my sleep, and I grew more short-tempered as the days past.
After a month of holidays, during a Languages lesson, I saw C again, and all I can say is that my heart literally stopped for 10 seconds. God, I wanted to sit next to him so badly in class, but the teacher had a different seating plan.
As the year progressed, I found myself staring at him a lot, and god forgive me, I would always have...thoughts...about him. And then the day came when he told everyone that he would be leaving at the end of the year. In other words, someone should've just punched me in the face.
During Christmas, he invited a bunch of his friends (including me) to a Christmas party at his house. When everyone left, we spent about an entire hour playing on the piano, I found myself shifting closer and closer to him, to the point where my head was literally rested up against his shoulder. He asked me if I was tired, ashamed, I left quickly after saying goodbye.
On another occasion, he invited me to a sleepover with 2 other people. We were sleeping in a sort of half storage half playroom-room. His parents had linked 3 sofa's together (vertically) for us to sleep on, and I ended up sleeping right next to C. It took my entire self-control to not touch him that entire night. In the morning, I had to wait for everyone to leave the room first before I could change, as I had an (forgive me again) erection.
Finally, and thank you for reading so far,
On the last day of school, before everyone left their separate ways (with the exception of the people taking the school bus), I literally had a mental breakdown in front of C. He ended up hugging me, telling that he would constantly come back to visit me, and that was when I just ran out of the classroom, idiotic me.
Now to get to the main point: C is coming back in about 5 days time (just for a visit) and he's invited me over to his house for another Christmas party.
Should I tell him that I like him? Even though 2 days after that, he would end up all the way on the other side of the world? I mean, I've liked other boys, but not to the point where my heart would ache after not seeing them for more than 2 weeks... I'm scared that he will stop talking to me like S did, but I've been trying to build up the courage to tell him for almost a a year now.
This all started about 4 (when I was in Grade 4) years ago, when I first moved into a new school. As with all schools, on the first day, everyone was asked to talk about themselves. We were all a bunch of 4th graders back then, so you can make quite a valid guess about the types of things that came up. After that, the teacher started assigning "buddies" to the "newbies" (new students). I was assigned with (a person who's name I will not use, but let's just call him C, which is the first letter of his name) C.
It was the typical "walk around the school and try to avoid an awkward conversation" sort of thing, only in 4th grader style.
By the time we were 5th graders, we were pretty darn good friends. I was going through puberty (early bloomer, yes) back then, and I had a lot of conflicted emotions, but nothing that serious yet.
Now, in Grades 6-7 was when I really started to notice somethings. In Grade 6, every time I talked with C, he would always be messing around with my collar and/or the sleeves of my shirt. I was as innocent as a... (attempts to think of a simile and fails) back then, so this didn't ring too many bells.
At the start of Grade 7, I started to develop a huge crush on a guy who we will just call S. I guess I probably jumped too far ahead of myself, and told him about the fact that I liked him (and if you've not figured out by now, I am gay ). He wouldn't talk to me for the next week or two, until I managed to calm him down (and realise that he was homophobic).
Ever since then, I had closed myself off from a lot of people. I mean, I still tried to act happy around everyone, and the teachers would always describe me as happy and lively. But everyday, I had this ache in my heart. I started cutting down of my sleep, and I grew more short-tempered as the days past.
After a month of holidays, during a Languages lesson, I saw C again, and all I can say is that my heart literally stopped for 10 seconds. God, I wanted to sit next to him so badly in class, but the teacher had a different seating plan.
As the year progressed, I found myself staring at him a lot, and god forgive me, I would always have...thoughts...about him. And then the day came when he told everyone that he would be leaving at the end of the year. In other words, someone should've just punched me in the face.
During Christmas, he invited a bunch of his friends (including me) to a Christmas party at his house. When everyone left, we spent about an entire hour playing on the piano, I found myself shifting closer and closer to him, to the point where my head was literally rested up against his shoulder. He asked me if I was tired, ashamed, I left quickly after saying goodbye.
On another occasion, he invited me to a sleepover with 2 other people. We were sleeping in a sort of half storage half playroom-room. His parents had linked 3 sofa's together (vertically) for us to sleep on, and I ended up sleeping right next to C. It took my entire self-control to not touch him that entire night. In the morning, I had to wait for everyone to leave the room first before I could change, as I had an (forgive me again) erection.
Finally, and thank you for reading so far,
On the last day of school, before everyone left their separate ways (with the exception of the people taking the school bus), I literally had a mental breakdown in front of C. He ended up hugging me, telling that he would constantly come back to visit me, and that was when I just ran out of the classroom, idiotic me.
Now to get to the main point: C is coming back in about 5 days time (just for a visit) and he's invited me over to his house for another Christmas party.
Should I tell him that I like him? Even though 2 days after that, he would end up all the way on the other side of the world? I mean, I've liked other boys, but not to the point where my heart would ache after not seeing them for more than 2 weeks... I'm scared that he will stop talking to me like S did, but I've been trying to build up the courage to tell him for almost a a year now.