crashing and burning

[Seemyheart]

Lately, I've been having a really rough time keeping a good grasp on the self restraint to not cut again... this week, I had 3 major meltdowns. I feel like im drowing when im at school because there are people everywhere around me... judging me. its like im under a microscope and they're examining me up close and personal. im usually a social person, kind nice yet kinda quiet but I'd talk to everyone, but lately im shutting everyone out.. right now, all I can think about is wanting to feel that pain... What's wrong with me... why can't I be like everyone else at my school and be happy... why me..

[Captain Canada]

Its completely normal to feel small in a big crowd. The problem isnt the people around you its with you feeling like you can fit in, right? Well, I had to learn this the hard way but, you dont need to fit in. All of my friends arent like the other students in the school and its perfectly fine with me. Find some people that make you feel comfortable and not pressured. If you cant, still just be yourself. Dont try to be like everyone else because no one can be like you!

[Katiya]

Hmm, tell the haters to go f*** themselves. Lol. Idk but that's how I deal with people I don't like now. I dont feel the need to bother making a smart comment, I'd rather not waste my time. So I just say "OK then f off". I hate people that piss me off and I just want them out of my face as fast as possible. I don't need to screw around with them until I punch them or something.

Its easiest to just leave and forget about it. I know I'm better than them so I need not feel threatened by their criticism.

People that judge like that are just ass holes, your better than that. Be your self. Believe me I know how hard it can be but trying to brush it off is the easiest thing. I just be my self, yeah so I'm not your classic cookie cutter girl, and if that bothers you go away. Us people who are unique make the world an interesting place and generally its us who start new trends, not preppy people that follow MSM for their life style. ;)

[Seemyheart]

I'm the type of person who cares about anyone and everyone. Like, I have problems but i make sure to put others first and I just deal. Sorta the suffer in silence type.

[Believe]

From what it sounds like, you were just like me in high school. I was quiet and cared so much about my friends not being sad, but hiding my scars and cuts. Its been 2 days since i last cut, and planned to have quit altogether. I threw out most of my blades, i still have them. 3 days ago, my group of friends and I were playing drunk strip poker, and i let it slip. My bestfriend (Em) saw my scars. She broke down in tears and begged me to not do it anymore and how sorry she felt for me. The girl that im in love with but doesnt feel the same was begging for me to kiss and hold her. She kissed me 3 times. I didnt turn my head once. I hate people feeling pity for me, but its not fair to make them sad and make their lives more difficult and confusing on my account. I still havent spoken to Em about it yet, but i really feel like she deserves an explanation and she should know. I plan on telling her tonight at some point when i meet her. I believe in you that you'll stop cutting for good too. I dont know how long since you've last, but we're all in this together. Im here for you. If you ever feel the need to talk or anything, id love to help, and who knows maybe you can help me too. Darling you'll be okay.

[Seemyheart]

From what it sounds like, you were just like me in high school. I was quiet and cared so much about my friends not being sad, but hiding my scars and cuts. Its been 2 days since i last cut, and planned to have quit altogether. I threw out most of my blades, i still have them. 3 days ago, my group of friends and I were playing drunk strip poker, and i let it slip. My bestfriend (Em) saw my scars. She broke down in tears and begged me to not do it anymore and how sorry she felt for me. The girl that im in love with but doesnt feel the same was begging for me to kiss and hold her. She kissed me 3 times. I didnt turn my head once. I hate people feeling pity for me, but its not fair to make them sad and make their lives more difficult and confusing on my account. I still havent spoken to Em about it yet, but i really feel like she deserves an explanation and she should know. I plan on telling her tonight at some point when i meet her. I believe in you that you'll stop cutting for good too. I dont know how long since you've last, but we're all in this together. Im here for you. If you ever feel the need to talk or anything, id love to help, and who knows maybe you can help me too. Darling you'll be okay.

Reading that, it made me cry... thank you for your support... it's been close to 3 months since I last cut, and I want to keep that record going, so badly
I'd love to help you too, thank you so much

[Believe]

ive been using rubberbands and marking where i would cut, but man its been difficult. I cant imagine for going for 3 months... im proud of you... :)

[Seemyheart]

ive been using rubberbands and marking where i would cut, but man its been difficult. I cant imagine for going for 3 months... im proud of you... :)

I used those methods as well, I always have a rubber band with me no matter what though, I still don't trust myself to go completely without. but I'm trying. I know exactly how difficult it is, so not doing it for 2 days, that's also an achievement :)

[Believe]

:) If you ever need anyone to talk to, im here for you. Its always easier to talk to someone on the same wavelength and knows what you are going through and what its like... Its tough for us... Also the best thing to do is to just ignore that people think about you and just be yourself, because the more you care about what people think the more of a toll it takes on your mind and body... I wish i did this ^ when i was 15. The effects that caring about what people thought of me did was terrible... the social anxiety and depression were too much. Dont let anyone bring you down ever; There'd be people that would kill to see you fall.

[Seemyheart]

:) If you ever need anyone to talk to, im here for you. Its always easier to talk to someone on the same wavelength and knows what you are going through and what its like... Its tough for us... Also the best thing to do is to just ignore that people think about you and just be yourself, because the more you care about what people think the more of a toll it takes on your mind and body... I wish i did this ^ when i was 15. The effects that caring about what people thought of me did was terrible... the social anxiety and depression were too much. Dont let anyone bring you down ever; There'd be people that would kill to see you fall.

Thank you:) if you ever need someone to talk too, I'm here too
Do things get better after high school

[Believe]

Yes they do. I hated my High School and nearly everyone in it, always felt out of place and that I didnt belong. Once you move on after Senior year, mentally and literally its like a clean slate. You can be whoever you want, change who you are. Things will change if you want them to, if you believe in yourself and take action (No cliche intended).

[Seemyheart]

Yes they do. I hated my High School and nearly everyone in it, always felt out of place and that I didnt belong. Once you move on after Senior year, mentally and literally its like a clean slate. You can be whoever you want, change who you are. Things will change if you want them to, if you believe in yourself and take action (No cliche intended).

That's reassuring, I just gotta get through the next couple years, and then I'll be outta here