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View Full Version : Too much to handle?


Biscuithead13
December 4th, 2013, 09:13 PM
So I am interested in this guy I know from my LGBT small group. Hes drop dead gorgeous! I've had boyfriends in the past and they always proved high maintenance, but I've been single for 9 months and having fun once in a while just doesn't seem like it will cut it, because I always feel unfulfilled. Anyways the guy I like lives 45 min away, so its a bit far. I see him once a week at the LGBT program we both attend. He seems enthusiastic when talking to me, is very flirty, and when he is calm is very polite and personable. However he has talked about how he doesn't handle anger well, sometimes does self harm (and ive noticed evidence of what seems like he tried to cover it up), and drinks. He even mentioned going to alcoholics anonymous and the fact his phone has been taken by his mom until he gets a job. Sounds like theres more to the story to me. Anyways, he is very personable, and if he can control his anxiety is actually a good guy. He seems very intelligent, and is super super cute. I'm interested in him, but am very aware hes not the most stable person.

My thinking was I could start hanging out with him, and go from there. I don't want to jump into relationships like I always used to. We talked about doing something this Sunday, but he hasn't gotten back to me yet, and I told him I needed to think of what we could do. I have multiple things working against me for this weekend including the lack of a firm plan, him being uncooperative with his mom (making communication difficult right now), and even the winter weather. I've become to accept we probably wont hang out this weekend, and will perhaps the next.

Anyways I guess I'm wondering, is it worth getting to know him bit more and see where it goes? I understand going on a date doesn't mean you have to commit off the bat, so down the line I thought I can progress slowly if all goes well. Thoughts on my plan?

Living For Love
December 5th, 2013, 12:22 PM
Maybe if he starts dating you he can become more emotionaly stable. I think you should take things slow, get to know him better step by step. It's definitely worth trying to know him a bit more.

jesusogpaign
December 5th, 2013, 11:08 PM
Probably don't listen to Ryanair's first sentence. Never go into a relationship trying to "fix" someone. Always a bad idea.

I would say, if you really want to, try to date him. But be willing to accept if things won't work out, or if these issues will get in the way.

Blood
December 6th, 2013, 11:37 AM
Maybe if he starts dating you he can become more emotionaly stable. I think you should take things slow, get to know him better step by step. It's definitely worth trying to know him a bit more.

No. Bad advice.

Like Jesusopaign said, you never, ever, EVER want to get in a relationship with someone thinking that you can fix them and make them "more emotionally stable." You know why? Because what's going to happen when you get emotionally unstable? The relationship is going to fall apart because YOU were the one holding it together. I'm not trying to diss emotionally unstable people or anything, because we all have our moments, I'm just saying never go into a relationship with that mindset.

Anyways; yes, I do think you should get to know him better. It seems like you really like him. See where things go and maybe this will become something more. Good luck!

Biscuithead13
December 7th, 2013, 10:47 PM
Between what you guys have said, my friends have said, and even my psychologist has said, I think its best I don't pursue anything with him. Hes really cute, but hes displayed unstable and inappropriate behavior in front of me even when me and some friends are just joking around. He even pushes to flirt and I don't find it flattering.

ksdnfkfr
December 7th, 2013, 11:07 PM
yeah unless you are okay with his instabilities then
best you do not pursue it. I have instabilities by my
s/o is okay with them.