Can anyone relate at all?

[Moth]

Right so. I don't know where this post is actually going.

Basically I think I'm going through an identity crisis. I don't know where my life is going... I've messed up alot of chances and there is a lot of regret and disappointment in my life. I don't feel like an individual, I change my personality in accordance with my company. And to watch my sister be open and happy with my family and then me, having to close up around them is quite upsetting... I should be able to talk to my family atleast. :(

I think having to change my personality so much has shifted my ego to the point where I'm always pretending and when I'm alone I still pretend to myself (This is probably going to start getting quite confusing) about certain things. But yea all this fake imagery, I believe stems from a deep emotional pain.

My father walked out on me and my Mum when I was young, young enough to remember and also unfortunately young enough to leave a lasting impression, all my life I haven't felt good enough for anyone's company (possibly hence all the awkwardness and fake personalities). This really gets me down because even the slightest hint at me being unwanted in a group or with someone else in my company whether it was meant as a joke or not will leave my mind racing. I guess the fact I have had people laugh and joke about me for as long as I can remember doesn't help either?

These fake personalities all revolve around one notion however, love and compassion and genuine kindness. I hate upsetting people I really do. Even if someone has attacked me verbally or physically I wouldn't feel right retaliating without the right incentive.

Like I said I don't know where this post is going I guess it was more of a beacon for anyone else who can relate to how I feel (If you can I obviously don't need to describe it to you)

I guess I just feel so alone.

[MechaSniper]

Well your not alone 'cause i know how you feel. My bio father walked out on my mom and i when I was 4. The personalities are probably because your father walked out on you and you probably want (guessing Don't yell at me please) attention.

[Moth]

I know what the personalities are for, it's to please everyone i come in contact with. To avoid rejection.
I do want attention, I lack it in my life and everyone craves it. I don't deny it.
I just want to be able to confide in someone, it's such a lengthy topic for me and my post above is very, very vague.

[Living For Love]

I have always been this quiet, wierd, lonely kid who didn't talk to anyone, who most people made fun of, who just sat in a corner trying not to be noticed, and who was hated by a lot of people for reasons I completely ignored. All this while I watched my brother being just one of the most sucessful guys in school. So yeah, sometimes I can definitely say I might have some kind of mood swings, that I don't know exactly who am I, what characteristics can define me. But it's not that bothers me much because, to be honest, I'm kind of sick and tired of pleasing to people, of trying to be someone I am not. But on the other hand, I feel that the person I really am is a good person, and I try to do my best to keep it that way. It's just not fair that people don't like me the way I am, but that isn't my fault, right? And it's not yours, either, that people might not understand you. You've had your problems in the past, and you try to deal with them, and sometimes it's not easy, but you should never let people get you down because of that. If your personality really revolves around "love and compassion and genuine kindness", so leave it that way, I'm sure someone will notice it, sooner or later.

[MechaSniper]

Sorry. but we are alike in a lot of ways and don't think your alone. K?

[Moth]

I have always been this quiet, wierd, lonely kid who didn't talk to anyone, who most people made fun of, who just sat in a corner trying not to be noticed, and who was hated by a lot of people for reasons I completely ignored. All this while I watched my brother being just one of the most sucessful guys in school. So yeah, sometimes I can definitely say I might have some kind of mood swings, that I don't know exactly who am I, what characteristics can define me. But it's not that bothers me much because, to be honest, I'm kind of sick and tired of pleasing to people, of trying to be someone I am not. But on the other hand, I feel that the person I really am is a good person, and I try to do my best to keep it that way. It's just not fair that people don't like me the way I am, but that isn't my fault, right? And it's not yours, either, that people might not understand you. You've had your problems in the past, and you try to deal with them, and sometimes it's not easy, but you should never let people get you down because of that. If your personality really revolves around "love and compassion and genuine kindness", so leave it that way, I'm sure someone will notice it, sooner or later.

Thankyou! Your response is very insightful and it's good to get a different perspective on it, that actually I may be the opposite of "Not good enough".
Or maybe I try too hard?