"group" of friends

[Tony X]

I'm 16 and sophomore in hs. I've had trust issues with "Friends" since 6th grade and I get lots of mood-swings, anxiety and depression because i've never had a true friend since 6th grade.
This year I joined the swim team and thankfully met some people and made friends - acquaintances. I've always felt comfortable with them and I have lunch with them and they share secrets with me and all.

In break time i've always hung out alone and go on my computer waiting for next class and I found out 2 mins ago that the group of friends that i "hang" with sit at this table. I've never brought it up as in "i saw u guys there" or something. Cuz maybe they don't want me there

Anyway, what really hurt me is that today my friend was having trouble with this girl our group and he was like "I'm talking to her in break". so i went ahead and asked "oh by the way, where do you guys go in break?" and he was all blocky and muzzy about it... "ohh idk.. not really a place. sometimes a table or whatever... but don't come!" and i was like confused.. he said "sorry I mean cuz i will be alone with her" and i was like alright...


but i just saw them (my friend, the girl, and everybody else) in that same table.
I don't give it that much thought until ow cuz I know i'm better off without trusting anybody. But it hit me hard cuz this is the only year i've felt a spark of friendship but i just realized it has never really been there.


if you're curious to me what happened in 6th grade that made me lose motivation for friendship, well, my BESTFRIEND since i was in kindergarden. Hacked my Facebook account about a month after i moved out of the country (summer after 6th grade) and posted "i'm gay" and whatever such and such. And I STILL hang out with him whenever i come back to my home country and he acts like nothing.
My parents tell me that he was young and dumb and he's ur real friend whatever.

ThanK you for reading. Anyway, should i ask my friend if i can hang out with them at the table at break or do it indiscreetly so he brings it up and invites me to hang out with them. or leave it like it is right now.
I'm crying insdie :(

thank you for reading :)

[Tony X]

anybody please help

[Living For Love]

I know it can be hard for you to understand all this. I haven't experienced true friendship for a long time, since my first years of middle school (I'm in my last year of high school), and that also made me stop believing in friendly love and stuff.

I think the main problem here is that all that those people you met already had their group of friends formed. That's one of the main difficulties I personally have when meeting new people, all of them already have friends, why would they want another one, especially a weird kid like me?

Maybe you should try to find common interests with them first, so that you could give them reasons to make you their friend. Don't try to just get into their group abruptly, give it time to happen. If they're all chatting, sitting in a table, and having lots of fun, it's better if you just sit somewhere else, and when they see you alone they might ask you to join them. On other occasion, if you're sitting alone, and suddenly one of them appears, make sure you don't seem busy so that he can sits near you. When you're actually talking to all of them, don't try to monopolise the conversation, just talk once in a while and when you have something fun to say.

Sorry if this seems confusing, I'm definitely not a very social person, so I'm just expressing my opinion.