Hi, I need some help

[lolo55]

Hi guys, to start off I would like to say I have had this social problem for as long as I can remember, what this problem is, is that I can't seem to carry on a normal conversation with anyone or open myself up to people and the problem with that is that I can't ever bond and make friends with anyone, so I've always been this lonely guy that never had friends and would only be seen using my computer all day to distract me from real life. I've been like this ever since I was young when I was often verbally and physically abused by my father. I constantly am quiet no matter at school or if i'm at home celebrating a holiday with my family. This stupid problem has driven me crazy and no one even knows how it feels to want to be normal and have friends but it's just something that I can't explain to people. They think I never like to talk and be a friend to anyone so I'm just some sort of angry teenage boy that dislikes other human beings when it's just my inability and lack of confidence to try to be friends with anyone. I literally have no friends at this current moment, not my mother, not my brother.

Anyways onto my current situation, This first month of this school year, I have been working harder than I ever have to do well in school which is very unordinary for me. From 8th grade til last year I would skip school every other day and wouldn't participate in any projects or do homework and would do less than half of the classwork given. This October I was averaging A's, I was proud of myself.

My mom might not know this but the only reason I decided to put so much effort in school was because she changed over the summer. She gave me more respect and was more nice and kind to me and that really gave me motivation to work hard to make her happy. But then I could sense things slowly changing back to how it was before. These past 3 weeks, I've probably quintupled the absences I've had from September to November easily. All because of how my mom changed her attitude towards me and I don't even know why, what can a socially inept boy do to her that made her so mad she changed her attitude towards me completely. She has always been very biased in terms of relationship with my siblings. There was my brother, the son that my parents favored over anyone else in the world no matter what. My sister, the daughter my mom has always loved and appreciated from the start. Then there's me, the only child that was abused by his father and would often get no support at all. He has left a scar in my life ever since even though I've already cut him out of my life. My mother didn't abuse me but I could tell she didn't admire me nearly as much as she did with my brother and sister. Recently I got into a fight with my mom. I was in bed and she woke me up, I just sat in the bed and thought, is it really worth it to get up and go to school? I said no. From past experiences until now my mom liked to bring up hurtful things up that she knew I hated. She'd tell me to look at myself and how fat and ugly I was, she'd call me disgrace, useless, worthless. I always just took it and never said anything back but she would continue. It really affects me but she doesn't know. She also would often take my modem that provides access to the internet so that I would have nothing to do during the day, but really it only infuriates me. She always seems to be annoyed by me she also knows the struggles I deal with but she is hardly ever there to support me and help me. Basically when she started caring less about my happiness, I stopped caring about her happiness, leading to me not going to school as often. Then because this she would threaten to cancel the internet cable, my phone and break my computer. Is she just delusional? I kind of just feel life moving out as soon as I have enough money to live on my own, and completely forget about my parents.

So my questions are, does my social problem have something to do with my current relationship with my mom? And who is wrong and please any tips or advice will help.

Thanks!

[clooney]

I think that your social problem has to due with your relationship with your mom. Due to her treating you differently from your siblings, I think that you try to avoid people. Also I think that your father being cut out of your life caused you to avoid people as well. If your mother is a stay at home mom, I think you should attend school more to try not to get into conflict with her. I'd also recommend that you pick up an after school activity. It is a great way to make friends.

[Living For Love]

It's possible that your social problem is related to your mum's issues. I mean, if you had lots of friends, you would spend less time at home, they would encourage you to go to school, you would have good grades, you would be a happier person.

For a long time I thought I didn't need friends for nothing, even when I had them, and now, that I don't have any, I realised I was being a total idiot, and that I should have given my friends the importance they deserved.

My mum also threatens me to hide my computer or to turn off the internet because she thinks I'm addicted to it, even when I have good grades, it makes her happy but she forgets about it right after, and everything goes back to the same. Just focus on your studies, because if you really want an independent life like me, away from your parents, you need to have a good job, a good career, and you can only achieve that if you do well at school. Try to do your best, even if your mum doesn't show any interest on you. You don't have to prove nothing to anyone, all your success should come from your efforts, and you're the only one who deserves the rewards.

Just think about the amazing life you can have when you're fully independent, with you own job, own salary, your little apartment, your own car, go wherever you want, do whatever you like, without having your parents boring you. This is what should make you work hard to achieve the things you want, don't do it because you want to impress your mother, as you've already seen that, unfortunately, she doesn't care.

About making new friends, I don't really know how to help you on this, but trying to join an after school activity would be a good idea. You would spent less time at home and you could make some new friends. Try to talk to people who are also shy like you, and not very social, people who also need friends.

Good luck, this is just a bad phase of your life, everything will get better eventually, believe me. :)