My parents are first cousins...help?

[Readerkid]

Hello this has been bothering me for a while. I came on here because I really need advice, and also to vent a little. I understand this is pretty long, so appreciate your time. I tried to be as detailed as possible.

First some background. I'm Haley. I live with my twin brother, Ian, and my parents. My brother and I are both 15.

Recently I decided to put some time into researching my family history; I was curious where I came from. For some reason, my parents tried relentlessly to get me to do something else with my time and wouldn't volunteer much information about my ancestors; this made me more curious.

For those of you who don't know, there is literally billions of public, online records of various sorts that can be very helpful in researching your family tree. Birth and Death records, newspaper articles, immigration records, stuff like that. So it was easy to trace back and find my grandparents full names and stuff (they're all dead).

So then I get to my great grandparents, and I noticed something really odd: My paternal grandmother's parents had the same name as my fraternal grandmothers parents! I thought that was an odd coincidence, and so I looked further into it. They also were born on the same day, died on the same day, got married on the SAME day, and lived in the SAME city...they were the same people!

So if my parents had the same grandparents, then they are FIRST COUSINS. When I realized this, I almost threw up I was so disgusted. I double checked and triple checked tons of other websites, and it pretty much convinced me this is the case...if fact, I even found one place the specifically listed both my parents as "grandchildren" of one of the people. It's a fact.

I haven't told anybody about what I found out. I discovered this all about two weeks ago, and I've been feeling really weird and kinda mentally freaking out since. I feel disgusted at myself whenever I look in the mirror, and also whenever I look at my twin brother I also feel repulsed because I think of where he came from. I HATE IT! Thanksgiving was really hard because, you know, myself, an inbred was eating with my inbred brother and my parent-cousin once removed combos. All the while, I'm supposed to be thinking about what I'm thankful for. Don't get me wrong; I know I'm very lucky to live in America and stuff but it's kinda hard to be thankful with this all going through my head. It was the worst Thanksgiving ever!

This is especially hard because my parents are good people I'm very close to them, they raised my brother and I well. And it's not like I can wish that they were never together, because then we wouldn't exist, right? I am really mad at them though, I mean how can you have kids with your own cousin? Did they just think we wouldn't mind being inbred...or did they think they could hide it from us for our entire lives?

I really have nowhere else to turn, and am not sure what to do, so that's why I'm posting on here. So here's where the questions start. If I were to tell somebody about what I found out, it'd probably be my twin brother. We're very close, like best friends. He has some severe food allergies and some medical problems, things that could be caused by the inbreeding, I think, and so I kinda feel like he has the right to know what's really going on. Also, this is really hard to deal with by myself. But at the same time I'm not sure if it's right of me to tell him, because Ian will probably, you know, become disgusted with himself if I dump this weight on his shoulders, too. Do you think I should tell him?

Secondly, I'm really not sure what to do about my parents. I mean, I don't really see any real good that could be done by confronting them about this. But I am really really mad at them. Not just the fact that they are cousins, but also that they'd try to keep it from us. As I've said, all the facts point to this, and I really can't imagine what that conversation would be like. But do you think that i should, maybe if I tell Ian about it first?

Most importantly, how can I and Ian if I tell him, get over this? As I've said, as soon as I found this out I've felt weird, like I wish I could step out of my body, and I don't feel like that's going to go away anytime soon. I can't seem to think about anything else! Have you ever been in a situation similar to this? How did you get over it?

Finally, I have a question about genetics: Is they're a higher chance that my or Ian's children down the road will be defective, too? Just wondering.

Thank you so much for your help.

[Living For Love]

Wow! I really like reading this! Thanks for being so honest.

I totally understand you, although I've never been in a situation like that. I think that, if you feel keeping that secret to yourself is making you unconfortable, perhaps talk to your brother will help. He will have another opinion on the subject, and you two can decide what to do next.

Just remember this: it's not your fault that your parents, if this whole story turns out to be true, being cousins, feel in love with eachother. It's normal that you feel mad at them, because they were hiding you their past which you have the right to know, but don't feel bad when you look yourself at the mirror or when you look at your brother, because your family still loves you nevertheless, and it's not your fault. I don't know, they can be cousins, but they loved eachother, isn't that what matters now? I suggest you don't talk to your parents without hearing your brother's opinion first.

And about your question on genetics, I think that, if you or your brother have children, they will might have some kind of problems because they still carry those bad genes, but I'm not totally sure. When it comes the time, you and your partner can make one of those tests to predict the possibility that your children have to develop certain diseases based on your genetic backgrounds.

Anyway, good luck. BTW can you tell me one of those websites you used to track down your family history. I'm curious about mine. :D

[Readerkid]

Wow! I really like reading this! Thanks for being so honest.

I totally understand you, although I've never been in a situation like that. I think that, if you feel keeping that secret to yourself is making you unconfortable, perhaps talk to your brother will help. He will have another opinion on the subject, and you two can decide what to do next.

Just remember this: it's not your fault that your parents, if this whole story turns out to be true, being cousins, feel in love with eachother. It's normal that you feel mad at them, because they were hiding you their past which you have the right to know, but don't feel bad when you look yourself at the mirror or when you look at your brother, because your family still loves you nevertheless, and it's not your fault. I don't know, they can be cousins, but they loved eachother, isn't that what matters now? I suggest you don't talk to your parents without hearing your brother's opinion first.

And about your question on genetics, I think that, if you or your brother have children, they will might have some kind of problems because they still carry those bad genes, but I'm not totally sure. When it comes the time, you and your partner can make one of those tests to predict the possibility that your children have to develop certain diseases based on your genetic backgrounds.

Anyway, good luck. BTW can you tell me one of those websites you used to track down your family history. I'm curious about mine. :D

Thanks for the advice. I'm gonna think about it some more before I do anything.

Probably the "best" (my experience wasn't all that great haha) site was familysearch.com

[Tarannosaurus]

Wow! I really like reading this! Thanks for being so honest.

I totally understand you, although I've never been in a situation like that. I think that, if you feel keeping that secret to yourself is making you unconfortable, perhaps talk to your brother will help. He will have another opinion on the subject, and you two can decide what to do next.

Just remember this: it's not your fault that your parents, if this whole story turns out to be true, being cousins, feel in love with eachother. It's normal that you feel mad at them, because they were hiding you their past which you have the right to know, but don't feel bad when you look yourself at the mirror or when you look at your brother, because your family still loves you nevertheless, and it's not your fault. I don't know, they can be cousins, but they loved eachother, isn't that what matters now? I suggest you don't talk to your parents without hearing your brother's opinion first.

And about your question on genetics, I think that, if you or your brother have children, they will might have some kind of problems because they still carry those bad genes, but I'm not totally sure. When it comes the time, you and your partner can make one of those tests to predict the possibility that your children have to develop certain diseases based on your genetic backgrounds.

Anyway, good luck. BTW can you tell me one of those websites you used to track down your family history. I'm curious about mine. :D

^He answered it pretty well, so I will just add on to it. I know you are quite upset and maybe rightly so. But have you thought that maybe they didn't tell you because they were afraid you'd be disgusted? It must have been very hard for them as, let's face it, many people would find it disgusting. But love is love, and you can't control who you fall in love with. I think you should talk to your parents about this because you're angry and confused and from your post maybe slightly afraid. It would help to hear things from their point of view. And you are not your parents, their relationship certainly doesn't make you a bad person. And hey, a lot of royal families are inbred and they manage just fine :) Hope everything gets sorted out :)

Also from a genetics point of view yes I think there is a possibility of you and your children being defective, less so for your children because they have less of those genes. I think I'm correct in saying that it's supposedly less of a danger to have children with your first cousin than with your third cousin. If possible you could try asking a doctor :)

[pjones]

is there a counselor at school you can talk with? i guess maybe talking this over with someone who some sort of professional background could offer different advice than us folks might be able to give you. don't get me wrong there are a lot of smart people on here, just wondering if there might be someone local to you that you could talk with face to face when you need to.

Good luck

[tedheath]

Jeeze that's tough to find out. I'd talk to a friend you know you can trust and confide him or as you said your brother or talk to some counsellor somewhere. There are always free numbers you can call or websites you can visit that might offer some professional confidential adbice . I wouldn't talk to your parents until you've talked to someone else. There's also no need to be disgusted in yourself, it doesn't change who you are

[Luminous]

Yes, I would tell your brother. Perhaps it is going to make him as upset and confused as you are, but he really does deserve to know especially if the medical problems he has really did come from inbreeding. You two should start to deal with this together, and once you have started to accept it a little more and the shock has worn off, you DEFINITELY need to talk to your parents.
Assuming you and your brother don't inbreed again with family members, I doubt your children will be at risk. One generation of inbreeding shouldn't do too much, after all, people used to do it all the time. However, I'm no expert, so you should talk with a specialist about this.
Eventually you will accept it if you let yourself. What's done is done, and at least you are here because of it. It may always repulse you, but try and not let that get in the way of your life, of your family.

[HUSTLEMAN]

That's one messed up way to learn about your family tree. Tell your brother about the situation then you have to go directly to your parents. Hopefully they'll explain exactly what was going on in their minds when they fell in love. Its normal to feel like this but nonetheless still love them. They made a huge mistake but only because they fell in love with each other. With the genetics part, I'm not really sure but before you have make sure your bad genes won't affect your offspring. Good Luck

[deregisterme]

I know this is a bit late, but the following is an interesting factual read. Most of the world seems OK (with most of the states in the US having rules against it). As I'm from the UK, it is fine, and not unusual, whilst in the middle east it is very common. You may find part of the pressure is where you come from, but with this site listing 10% (1 in 10) marriages being between cousins (which is a similar %age of people being left handed), what your parents have done is not wrong, just a little uncommon

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage

[Katiya]

There is nothing wrong with that and it's unlikely that you are defective from inbreeding. It takes several generations to hurt anything. It would be different if they were brother and sister. But cousins. Nah. They both have one different parent (who their mother father married). And your children will be far more diluted if you do not breed with any relatives in the future. Its incredibly unlikely your kids will have any problems.

Second, are you sure one of them wasn't a kid from a previous marriage, different father (affair child, rape child), adopted, or any other circumstances?

I would ask them about it. It is wrong to keep this from your kids as it just creates anger later in life. Best to tell when very young so its normal. They still love you. :) Don't worry. America is just weird about this stuff. Doesn't really reflect on the worlds views. Its actually very common in some areas.