BookSmart
December 2nd, 2013, 07:14 AM
I've been struggling with an eating disorder for over two years now. It's been getting worse recently though, like I keep spiraling down. I haven't been losing much weight recently, in fact I've pretty much stayed the same, but weight really isn't the issue. I HATE myself. It's not just my weight, it's not even just my appearance anymore, it's everything about me. I just can't deal with it anymore. I keep restricting, then binging, then eating "normal", and the cycle continues. I've seriously thought about getting help before, but every time I try telling someone I end up blurting something else out like "I like your shoes today." I don't know what to do.
I don't look like I have an eating disorder I'm not underweight. My family thinks I'm perfectly healthy and strong, that I'm smart and happy. I'm not though. I'm kind of like the "strong one" in my family. My twin has medical issues and I have a little sister, so I'm kind of looked to as the role model or the one who should be able to deal with more on their own. I try. I try really hard, but I'm not dealing with things well at all.
I'm failing math. I'm not doing well in my other classes. I hate school so much I've actually faked sick (including today) because I'm a coward and don't want to face my problems. I go from eating nothing to 2000+ calories. My stomach kills every time I eat. I feel pain both physical and emotional. I'm just so scared of my future and what will happen to me. How did I mess up this bad.
I want out. I want to be done with this, but I'm terrified of getting help. What if no one believes me? What if they think it's a joke or some attempt to get attention? I'm just so scared.
Have any of you ever gotten help for something like this? Even depression or self-harm? I just need someone to give me advice and tell me I'm not alone. Thanks.
I don't look like I have an eating disorder I'm not underweight. My family thinks I'm perfectly healthy and strong, that I'm smart and happy. I'm not though. I'm kind of like the "strong one" in my family. My twin has medical issues and I have a little sister, so I'm kind of looked to as the role model or the one who should be able to deal with more on their own. I try. I try really hard, but I'm not dealing with things well at all.
I'm failing math. I'm not doing well in my other classes. I hate school so much I've actually faked sick (including today) because I'm a coward and don't want to face my problems. I go from eating nothing to 2000+ calories. My stomach kills every time I eat. I feel pain both physical and emotional. I'm just so scared of my future and what will happen to me. How did I mess up this bad.
I want out. I want to be done with this, but I'm terrified of getting help. What if no one believes me? What if they think it's a joke or some attempt to get attention? I'm just so scared.
Have any of you ever gotten help for something like this? Even depression or self-harm? I just need someone to give me advice and tell me I'm not alone. Thanks.