Suicide is the only answer for me

[dreamofdante]

For years upon years I've felt a depression greater than you can ever imagine. I was abused when I was younger and this trauma never seemed to go away...I then witnessed the paralysis of my father at the age of 9 and seeing this happen to a healthy man really destroyed me...Then 2 years later my best friend died unexpectedly of an artery disease and that was when I really broke. I've been depressed for roughly ten years and each year it gets worse. I'm to the point where everyone I know knows that I hurt. They feel there's nothing they can do and they're right. I've tried to get a girlfriend to give me some meaning in my life and find a little love but over the past six years it's been nothing but rejection. I'm too ugly for anyone and everyone agrees. The only people who find me attractive are women my mother's age and above. I'll always be alone and I'll never have sex like I've wanted badly. I can't live like this anymore and I'm just wondering if everyone knows why I need to end it...

[Kid0809]

You shouldn't think like this regardless what anyone says your special. Everyone is different and we all go through challenges in life some; some more than others, but you shouldn't give up because it will only get worse. Think positive, get some help from family or friends, and remember you shouldn't let these thoughts cloud you hope this helps

[dreamofdante]

You shouldn't think like this regardless what anyone says your special. Everyone is different and we all go through challenges in life some; some more than others, but you shouldn't give up because it will only get worse. Think positive, get some help from family or friends, and remember you shouldn't let these thoughts cloud you hope this helps

I've tried to talk to friends and family but it seems like there's nothing they can really do and there's nothing that will be changing for me...I either suffer for however much longer or I end it...

[Kid0809]

Ok then if you want we can talk about and see if I can help?

[dreamofdante]

Well you can't PM yet so I guess we'd have to talk here......

[Kid0809]

Ok then start

[dreamofdante]

I don't know what to say...I've already said what's wrong...

[Kid0809]

I believe there might be more like talk about it individually start from the beginning

[dreamofdante]

Start with what...being abused?

[Kid0809]

Yeah start with and sorry if this is a bit awkward and uncomfortable but it might help

[dreamofdante]

When I was six my Mom's boyfriend used to beat me and his daughter ended up trying to rape me but he stopped it before she did. And that ironically is the only sexual encounter I've ever had in my life. He hit my Mom one night and we left...

[Kid0809]

How did you feel about that whole time? We're you scared? confused?

[dreamofdante]

Scared, confused, and hurting...

[Kid0809]

Does it still haunt you?

[dreamofdante]

Every day...

[Kid0809]

Now why does it still haunt you?

[dreamofdante]

Because I can't forget it. It was traumatizing to me...And knowing that that's the closest I've ever come to sex and ever will is disturbing...

[Kid0809]

Your still young you have time to find someone but think about why exactly it haunts you I think there might be something else or maybe I'm wrong

[dreamofdante]

I'm still ugly so no...Time runs out when you're ugly...Maybe it haunts me because that could've been my one and only sexual encounter in life and the man who beat me stopped it. I don't know. I didn't want it but subconsciously maybe I did...

[dreamofdante]

I'm still ugly so no...Time runs out when you're ugly...Maybe it haunts me because that could've been my one and only sexual encounter in life and the man who beat me stopped it. I don't know. I didn't want it but subconsciously maybe I did...

[Kid0809]

You must also remember that beauty doesn't last forever either. When your older you find someone who looks past those physical features and you'll truly be happy

[Kid0809]

Time also runs out for beauty remember that some day you'll find someone who will look past that and you'll truly be happy

[dreamofdante]

No one wants to see past me man. If they would, I wouldn't be like this. I've been called ugly for ten years straight. There isn't a month that goes by that someone doesn't call me unattractive or ugly.

[Kid0809]

You can't let yourself believe that or else you'll not get past this. You have to move toward and not let these things but you

[dreamofdante]

But I think they're right......:(

[Kid0809]

If you believe they're right then it will only get worse :/ stop believing what other people think and live life

[dreamofdante]

Women will still not want me because I'm uglier than sin...

[Kid0809]

You hurting yourself every time you say this

[dreamofdante]

Women rejecting me every time I ask them out doesn't help. A few months ago I asked a girl out I was friends with for a while and I was certain she liked me and she rejected me. The same day I told a friend to beat the shit out of me because I wanted to hurt for thinking someone could like me.

[Kid0809]

I don't believe she rejected you because of that man... Most likely this happen because she thought she was friends with you and when you told her that you complicated things between you too... It happened to one of my friends who is a girl btw and she told me her reaction and response to this exact situation

[dreamofdante]

Maybe...But that doesn't explain the tons of other ones who never have a reason why and expect things to be normal afterwards...

[Kid0809]

Maybe because they don't know you well enough?

[dreamofdante]

https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/539782_402657889867120_1654317769_n.jpg

Or it's because of that.

[Kid0809]

No I don't think so

[dreamofdante]

That would explain why a girl rejected me after she wanted a picture of my abdomen...She got it and told me we couldn't be together...

[Kid0809]

My older cousin is kind of like you and he was able to find several girlfriends

[dreamofdante]

Really?

[Kid0809]

Yeah and they lasted a decent amount of time

[dreamofdante]

He probably has a good personality...

[Kid0809]

It's because he doesn't let people bug him about those little issues...

[dreamofdante]

So pretending that it doesn't bother me would change everything.........

[Kid0809]

Maybe it will help. Listen it's getting late I have to go offline I can talk tomorrow if you'd like?

[dreamofdante]

Yeah...maybe......

[Fanta_Lover44]

For years upon years I've felt a depression greater than you can ever imagine. I was abused when I was younger and this trauma never seemed to go away...I then witnessed the paralysis of my father at the age of 9 and seeing this happen to a healthy man really destroyed me...Then 2 years later my best friend died unexpectedly of an artery disease and that was when I really broke. I've been depressed for roughly ten years and each year it gets worse. I'm to the point where everyone I know knows that I hurt. They feel there's nothing they can do and they're right. I've tried to get a girlfriend to give me some meaning in my life and find a little love but over the past six years it's been nothing but rejection. I'm too ugly for anyone and everyone agrees. The only people who find me attractive are women my mother's age and above. I'll always be alone and I'll never have sex like I've wanted badly. I can't live like this anymore and I'm just wondering if everyone knows why I need to end it...

Hey, I know its tough and about the girl friend thing... You will find someone one day, you just got to sit and wait, it will be worth it though. You don't need to end on it at all. If there is no bright side that you can see, you're best bet is to make one like I did. :)


Hope I helped. :)

[dreamofdante]

I have a friend who is in his 60s and he's never had a girlfriend and he's a virgin...He tried too...I think he's a good looking guy too even for his age...So if he can't get with someone how could I? Sometimes the only bright side in life is that my family is alive...Not that I am...