Slight social differences between man and women?

[britishboy]

I'm not talking pay or ability to join the military but instead what each other do, for example on a date, the man pulls out the women's chair, pours the wine and pays the bill. What do you guys think? Is this ok?Or should we act like one gender?

[StoppingTime]

Act however you want to. All you're doing is listing some stereotypes in hopes that people will yell at each other over them. I'm not even sure one would classify this as a debate, but more of a social preference.

[britishboy]

Act however you want to. All you're doing is listing some stereotypes in hopes that people will yell at each other over them. I'm not even sure one would classify this as a debate, but more of a social preference.

It's not stereotypes it's how must of us act but it is fiercely debated, some say there should be no difference, some say theres not a problem so it is a debate

[Elysium]

You mean gender roles? I've always said act like whomever or do whatever you want. Forget whether or not something "fits" your gender. If a guy wants to be the "chivalrous gentleman" during a date, fine. If the girl wants to, fine. If they both do, fine, and if neither of them want to, fine. The same goes for same sex relationships. And that just goes for the example you provided; the same goes for any other situation where gender roles may play a part.

What's not okay is forcing yourself to do something or be someone that you don't want to do/be because society says "you're a boy/girl, so this is how you should act in this situation."

[StoppingTime]

It's not stereotypes it's how must of us act

lul most...don't use those kind of possessive words unless you feel like backing it up. It's a stereotype- when someone thinks of a date, generally, that's what they think of: a straight couple with the guy "doing all the work" though more likely than not it doesn't happen.


but it is fiercely debated,

It really isn't? It's personal preference and the preference of the couple. If that's the kind of relationship a guy has with a girl, as you said, then there's nothing wrong with it. If the girl doesn't like it, then that wouldn't be okay, but then it's up to them to fix it, not you and your apparent "social justice."


some say there should be no difference, some say theres not a problem so it is a debate


That's like having a debate over whether or not it's okay for a guy to drive or not because stereotypically men are worse drivers. There's no facts to support either argument in this case, therefore, it's not exactly a debate.

[sqishy]

I'm not talking pay or ability to join the military but instead what each other do, for example on a date, the man pulls out the women's chair, pours the wine and pays the bill. What do you guys think? Is this ok?Or should we act like one gender?

Gender role stereotypes are hard to shake off, but some of the could be justified (I'm being general I don't know if any actually are).

But we should not act as one gender.
Why?

[britishboy]

You mean gender roles? I've always said act like whomever or do whatever you want. Forget whether or not something "fits" your gender. If a guy wants to be the "chivalrous gentleman" during a date, fine. If the girl wants to, fine. If they both do, fine, and if neither of them want to, fine. The same goes for same sex relationships. And that just goes for the example you provided; the same goes for any other situation where gender roles may play a part.

What's not okay is forcing yourself to do something or be someone that you don't want to do/be because society says "you're a boy/girl, so this is how you should act in this situation."

Gender roles, thats what I was looking for:D I agree however there is no harm in teaching your son to be a gentleman or your daughter to be a lady but yeah it's not a problem if people dont act like their gender and it shouldnt turn heads when people dont.

[Harry Smith]

Gender roles, thats what I was looking for:D I agree however there is no harm in teaching your son to be a gentleman or your daughter to be a lady but yeah it's not a problem if people dont act like their gender and it shouldnt turn heads when people dont.

You've been watching too many episodes of Downtown Abbey, the whole idea of trying to encourage people to be a gentleman is extremely outdated and as pointed out helps allude to the idea that a man does all the work whilst the woman sits their doing nawt, this is something we shouldn't encourage in society.

You've also got an extremely televised view of romance- my idea of date would be a takeaway on the sofa with booze- it's not all fine dining and dinner dates.

Adults need to just let their kids be with their personality, don't try and force some stupid out dated ideas upon them, hope that they treat everyone- man and women with the same respect

[Vlerchan]

Gender is a social construct.

[tovaris]

Depends who is on the oposide side of the table... ;)

[LouBerry]

I'm not talking pay or ability to join the military but instead what each other do, for example on a date, the man pulls out the women's chair, pours the wine and pays the bill. What do you guys think? Is this ok?Or should we act like one gender?

Girls do that shit too. I pay for Seth's stuff all the time. Now, I don't open doors for him or anything, but he wouldn't let me if I tried. His momma raised him to be a gentleman, and it would upset him if I didn't let him do those things. It makes him happy. It's just a tradition thing.

[Sir Suomi]

Like others have said, it depends entirely on the relationship. Every relationship acts in it's own unique way, which is due to how each of the people involved have been raised, for example, the male being taught that he should pay for his counterpart's meal. Yet just because it's the "norm", doesn't mean it needs to be followed. For example, I try to be a gentleman when I take my girlfriend out on dates, letting her pick the movie, buying her food and drinks, etc, but if she wants to pay for her own things, or says that I should pick, I don't disagree. My opinion is that both people in the relationship should care about their counterpart to the extent that they should like to please the other in every possible way they can, without harming themselves or others, that is.

In shorter terms, it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you make him/her happy :wub:

[teen.jpg]

Yes, those are definitely stereotypes. I'm not pulling out a chair for no one but myself :)

[ryzzz9]

I like chivalry, personally. But it's not just about girls. Opening up doors and pulling out chairs can be nice for guys or girls. Shows that you care!

[Achillea]

That is probably one of the few "perks" to being a woman, once in a while you wont have to pay for a meal. But is it really? To me, it seems as though it could be a method for making the woman feel indebted to ths man.Of course the man doesnt think like that nowadays but the guy, if he pays, has gotten a bit more control over the girl. Or thats just thinking way too deeply into it! Either way the girl is expected to rear the children and cook dinner fir the rest of her life, so I dont think its too expensive to pay for dinner a couple of times! Also girls are subjected to a rougher life...cough(glass ceiling, giving birth, periods,being scared of rapists all the time)cough....I take it that the OP is a bit disgruntaled over not going Dutch?:)

[britishboy]

That is probably one of the few "perks" to being a woman, once in a while you wont have to pay for a meal. But is it really? To me, it seems as though it could be a method for making the woman feel indebted to ths man.Of course the man doesnt think like that nowadays but the guy, if he pays, has gotten a bit more control over the girl. Or thats just thinking way too deeply into it! Either way the girl is expected to rear the children and cook dinner fir the rest of her life, so I dont think its too expensive to pay for dinner a couple of times! Also girls are subjected to a rougher life...cough(glass ceiling, giving birth, periods,being scared of rapists all the time)cough....I take it that the OP is a bit disgruntaled over not going Dutch?:)

You are so over analysing, a man pays for dinner, the women is not indebted, the guy paid for dinner lol and as for the children and cooking that is out dated, most men like to cook themselves and for the children, ever herd of school/ day care?

Yes, those are definitely stereotypes. I'm not pulling out a chair for no one but myself :)

What a gentleman:/

[Jess]

You shouldn't be forced into a gender role if you don't want to be in one. If you do want to though, you shouldn't be criticized for it. There's nothing wrong with the man paying for the dinner but this is the 21st century; a guy doesn't have to act like a gentleman all the time, nor does a girl have to act like a lady. If they want to, fine, but they shouldn't push it on others

[britishboy]

You shouldn't be forced into a gender role if you don't want to be in one. If you do want to though, you shouldn't be criticized for it. There's nothing wrong with the man paying for the dinner but this is the 21st century; a guy doesn't have to act like a gentleman all the time, nor does a girl have to act like a lady. If they want to, fine, but they shouldn't push it on others

I agree but I was raised to be a gentleman, and I will do the same for my children.

[Harry Smith]

You are so over analysing, a man pays for dinner, the women is not indebted, the guy paid for dinner lol and as for the children and cooking that is out dated, most men like to cook themselves and for the children, ever herd of school/ day care?

What a gentleman:/

Ahh it's nice that you think sexism doesn't exist, being delusional is such a calming feeling. Women in many countries are excluded from society for attempting to go back to work after having children and are treated with disdain for taking time off to have the baby.

The man doesn't pay for dinner, you are not every single man in the world- stop pretending as if every man and every women acts the same...

You almost seem to have some sort of autistic understanding of gender.

Who the fuck cares about being a gentlemen? We're not in the 1800's, some people pull out a chair for their date some people don't, there's a lot bigger issues in the world than this 'love actually' tirade you seem to be going on

[britishboy]

Who the fuck cares about being a gentlemen?
I don't know what to blame for that attitude, the fact your gay or maybe your patents, most likely woulf be the fact that it's true what they say about the working class, care for no one and no self respect. Being a gentleman is important if you want to be respected, it's not hard.

[Emerald Dream]

Once again, let's not get personal. Please debate or talk about the issues. There's no need to attack other members.

[Achillea]

You are so over analysing, a man pays for dinner, the women is not indebted, the guy paid for dinner lol and as for the children and cooking that is out dated, most men like to cook themselves and for the children, ever herd of school/ day care?


Lol if you wont pay for a dinner, I think you might fall off your chair with the prices of childminding. Its not outdated at all, no offence but seriously, I only know of around 1/5 mothers of everyone who work, especially when jobs are scarce as it is. I dont know what guys are like in Britain but here, mammy does all. Im not sure if there is a popular phrase anywhere else but here theres this one about a bpyfriend talking about a girlfriend that goes like: Sure she can make me a sandwich. And I did say I might have been over analysing it, but hey, a girl knows;)

[britishboy]

Lol if you wont pay for a dinner, I think you might fall off your chair with the prices of childminding. Its not outdated at all, no offence but seriously, I only know of around 1/5 mothers of everyone who work, especially when jobs are scarce as it is. I dont know what guys are like in Britain but here, mammy does all.

It's not a big issue who pays but I think it's romantic for the guy to pay. Most women want to care for their children themselves, you do get stay at home Fathers. Childminding can't be that expensive. but hey, a girl knows;)

A girl might know but she still can't drive;)

[StoppingTime]

It's not a big issue who pays but I think it's romantic for the guy to pay. Most women want to care for their children themselves, you do get stay at home Fathers. Childminding can't be that expensive.


ITT: You going off on what you think is right and what you want in your life and what you think values are, that's not a debate.


A girl might know but she still can't drive;)

Dude if you're here to just make nonsensical one liners I suggest finding a different place to "debate."

[Vlerchan]

You shouldn't be forced into a gender role if you don't want to be in one. If you do want to though, you shouldn't be criticized for it. There's nothing wrong with the man paying for the dinner but this is the 21st century; a guy doesn't have to act like a gentleman all the time, nor does a girl have to act like a lady. If they want to, fine, but they shouldn't push it on others
This.

It's fine if someone voluntarily conforms to their gender roles but the belief that your gender should have any tangible impact on your day-to-day actions or activities is entirely outdated and I believe completely ridiculous.

[Pseudogeek]

I like it when boys are gentlemen, but I've never been one to sit and watch a guy do all the work, either.

But I found it sweet when there was a door that would lock from the outside automatically and my guy friend accidentally let the door close on me and instantly tried to open it again. :3

[Ashthefox]

Honestly, I think we should all be treated equally. Like, don't hold open the door for the lady, open it for everyone!

[workingatperfect]

Honestly, I think we should all be treated equally. Like, don't hold open the door for the lady, open it for everyone!

This is pretty much how I feel. I hold doors open for men sometimes, I've paid for my friend's, guy or girl, lunches before. That's not going to change with my boyfriend. I won't stop doing those things just so he can be the "man" and never pay or hold the door for him.

And I agree that while it is nice, if it's done all the time, it seems like a power thing. That's why I think it's important for the girl to get the check sometimes. Or hey, what if the guy is between jobs or got a pay-cut, or the girl just simply makes more?

I don't know what to blame for that attitude, the fact your gay or maybe your patents, most likely woulf be the fact that it's true what they say about the working class, care for no one and no self respect.
And once again you've managed to turn something against poor people (as in the weight issue thread) Your financial standing has NO influence on how you treat people. Some poor people are rude because they think the world owes them, some rich people are rude because they think they own the world. And it can go the other way too, some a nice from both walks of life.

Being a gentleman is important if you want to be respected, it's not hard.
Is this implying that by letting your girlfriend pick up a few checks, or letting her pull her own chair out, you deserve less respect? Personally, I don't like being babied, so if a guy HAS to be chivalrous 24/7, not only do I get slightly offended since he's ignoring my discomfort, but I see him as insecure because he's looking for respect not in our relationship, but from other people, by trying to look like the stronger, more financially secure partner.