EmptySoul
November 22nd, 2013, 02:35 AM
I just found out an hour ago that my Gramps passed away in the early hours of this morning. But the thing is I've been told for weeks that his health has been deteriorating and that he has said that he is ready to die and I've felt that its not our place to feel not sad exactly but depressed about him passing. I think that I have already accepted that since he is ok with his own death and that he is ready that we all (meaning my family) should feel happy and at peace knowing that he is no longer suffering and that he didn't die when he wasn't ready and at terms with it. Am I just a stupid naïve bitch or is it actually ok to not have cried since I feel its not what he would have wanted? My mum kept telling me that since he was happy to go and that he would want us to just remember him from our memories as the happy and energetic person that he was and not to dwell on his passing that the fact that I'm not crying over his death is fine but when I have to see my sister tonight I know she's been crying and is upset and she gets angry when she cries at something and I don't as I'm the younger one and she almost feels like I shouldn't have accepted things as easy as I have. Or at least its how I take her actions to be when she verbalizes her less than eloquent responses.
basically I just wanted to know if accepting a loved ones death the day they died is being rude or if its ok to still feel sad but that if you don't cry its ok. I almost feel like I don't want to cry so I don't do something stupid (I have SH in the past and don't want to stat again because last time I found out that he was really sick and could have died its what started me again) so I feel like if I start crying and get angry and upset that tits going to happen and I don't want to cause my family any more stress because this isn't about me its about my Gramps and I don't want to be seen and an attention seeker or needy or like I'm trying to get attention which I'm not. And I no its ok to cry about him passing but if I go to cry because I know he's at peace, I fell more like crying because I don't want to seem like a mindless emotionless robot.
basically I just wanted to know if accepting a loved ones death the day they died is being rude or if its ok to still feel sad but that if you don't cry its ok. I almost feel like I don't want to cry so I don't do something stupid (I have SH in the past and don't want to stat again because last time I found out that he was really sick and could have died its what started me again) so I feel like if I start crying and get angry and upset that tits going to happen and I don't want to cause my family any more stress because this isn't about me its about my Gramps and I don't want to be seen and an attention seeker or needy or like I'm trying to get attention which I'm not. And I no its ok to cry about him passing but if I go to cry because I know he's at peace, I fell more like crying because I don't want to seem like a mindless emotionless robot.