Coming out advice?

[riguy99]

For about the last the month I have been debating about my sexuality. I have come to agree that I am bi and I am happy with that. I plan to come out to a few close friends. Btw I am 14. Do you think I should wait or go for it? If so, any tips?

Thanks

[Syvelocin]

What do you hope to gain from coming out?

It's just, I feel like LGBT youth romanticise the idea of coming out when you shouldn't have to come out. I did it, but I felt the same way. Like, I figured it out, now I need to reintroduce myself to the world. No, you don't have to, because you're the same exact person you just figured out if your soup has celery or carrots. I didn't ever come out to my friends though, just my parents, but that one I don't see any disadvantages because it's a nice act of love and trust to confide something like that to a family member.

The only real benefit of being out is looking for potential mates, but you don't have to come out to your friends to do that, you just come out to your dating candidate. But yeah, consider my first question. Why do you want to come out?

Also, while I'm not saying this is a phase, know that coming out at your age can be risky because your body is doing all sorts of things. You will be a completely different person by the time you reach adulthood (and if my experience is anything to go on, you will be a completely different person in a year or two). I came out twice, because I came out before I knew my sexuality, and I was already an adult at that point. It was terrible. But I only came out to my parents, and to my friends, I just stopped hiding it. I didn't say Hi, I'm gay. When people asked why I broke up with my significant other, I tell the truth and say I realized I wasn't into men, but I don't make a deal out of it, mainly because we'll never get equality if we have to come out to everyone as Dave the homosexual or whatever.

[ImCoolBeans]

What do you hope to gain from coming out?

It's just, I feel like LGBT youth romanticise the idea of coming out when you shouldn't have to come out. I did it, but I felt the same way. Like, I figured it out, now I need to reintroduce myself to the world. No, you don't have to, because you're the same exact person you just figured out if your soup has celery or carrots. I didn't ever come out to my friends though, just my parents, but that one I don't see any disadvantages because it's a nice act of love and trust to confide something like that to a family member.

The only real benefit of being out is looking for potential mates, but you don't have to come out to your friends to do that, you just come out to your dating candidate. But yeah, consider my first question. Why do you want to come out?

Also, while I'm not saying this is a phase, know that coming out at your age can be risky because your body is doing all sorts of things. You will be a completely different person by the time you reach adulthood (and if my experience is anything to go on, you will be a completely different person in a year or two). I came out twice, because I came out before I knew my sexuality, and I was already an adult at that point. It was terrible. But I only came out to my parents, and to my friends, I just stopped hiding it. I didn't say Hi, I'm gay. When people asked why I broke up with my significant other, I tell the truth and say I realized I wasn't into men, but I don't make a deal out of it, mainly because we'll never get equality if we have to come out to everyone as Dave the homosexual or whatever.

I disagree with you, Rith. Coming out can bring great ease to an unsteady mind. Somebody who is not out and has anxiety over being in the closet can really feel horrible as a result of it. Not everybody feels this way, but many non-straight people feel as if they can't truly be themselves if they aren't out, whether it be fully out or partially out.

You don't need to continuously broadcast it, but getting something like that off of your chest can be like lifting the weight of the world off of your shoulders. I'm out, that doesn't mean I tell every new person I meet, it just means that I'm not hiding my sexuality at all times, I can comfortably, openly date and I don't have to worry about people "finding out".

[satarra3180]

What do you hope to gain from coming out?

It's just, I feel like LGBT youth romanticise the idea of coming out when you shouldn't have to come out. I did it, but I felt the same way. Like, I figured it out, now I need to reintroduce myself to the world. No, you don't have to, because you're the same exact person you just figured out if your soup has celery or carrots. I didn't ever come out to my friends though, just my parents, but that one I don't see any disadvantages because it's a nice act of love and trust to confide something like that to a family member.

The only real benefit of being out is looking for potential mates, but you don't have to come out to your friends to do that, you just come out to your dating candidate. But yeah, consider my first question. Why do you want to come out?

Also, while I'm not saying this is a phase, know that coming out at your age can be risky because your body is doing all sorts of things. You will be a completely different person by the time you reach adulthood (and if my experience is anything to go on, you will be a completely different person in a year or two). I came out twice, because I came out before I knew my sexuality, and I was already an adult at that point. It was terrible. But I only came out to my parents, and to my friends, I just stopped hiding it. I didn't say Hi, I'm gay. When people asked why I broke up with my significant other, I tell the truth and say I realized I wasn't into men, but I don't make a deal out of it, mainly because we'll never get equality if we have to come out to everyone as Dave the homosexual or whatever.

Love this! While I do agree that "coming out" can be like a weight lifted off someone's shoulders, I feel like if we are to keep moving forward as society being gay should not to be looked at as being different or an "alternative" lifestyle. If you are not gay, you dont reach a point in life when you declare to everyone "im heterosexual"...and ultimately that is what I hope for anyone who prefers same-sex relationships.

[ksdnfkfr]

This is my personal take on it.
I am too young to know where I am at.
The way I feel now could be a lot different
by the time I am 18.
I just do not see any reason to come out to anyone.
Especially since the adults are just going to think
that I am too young to know for sure.
Also if I out myself, I will automatically
be outing my bf as well because it will be obvious
what is secretly going on between us.
So for right now for me personally,
I see no reason or advantage in coming out.

[Syvelocin]

I disagree with you, Rith. Coming out can bring great ease to an unsteady mind. Somebody who is not out and has anxiety over being in the closet can really feel horrible as a result of it. Not everybody feels this way, but many non-straight people feel as if they can't truly be themselves if they aren't out, whether it be fully out or partially out.

You don't need to continuously broadcast it, but getting something like that off of your chest can be like lifting the weight of the world off of your shoulders. I'm out, that doesn't mean I tell every new person I meet, it just means that I'm not hiding my sexuality at all times, I can comfortably, openly date and I don't have to worry about people "finding out".

I don't mean you should keep it a secret, I mean it doesn't have to be done as a big dramatic reveal as if you're announcing your pregnancy or something. I'm out of the closet but I didn't go to every friend of mine and formally come out. They know I'm gay because I live with my girlfriend, I'm not afraid to call her such or correct people who call her my roommate, and in conversations about crushes or what not I provide the names of female celebrities. I've never said "I'm gay" unless under specific circumstances (or with the one or two dim-witted ones who don't seem to understand it any other way, but that's rare). Obviously, I might want to formally come out to friends if any of them were conservative, but I've literally never been friends with someone who would have a problem with my sexuality so it's never been a worry of mine. But it's no news, you're the same, you just have figured out you like something better (or instead of) something else. I didn't announce when I started liking blondes as much as brunettes lol.

All I'm saying to the op is if you have a reason other than just the idea that "I've figured out my sexuality, now I'm supposed to come out" then go ahead and come out formally. You can save yourself some hassle though if that's the only reason you were going to do a widespread coming out. But for example, if you answered "I'm dating/seriously looking to date," "my parents are conservative," "my best friend(s) are conservative," "I want to be a peer leader for the LGBTQA community," etc. whatever reason it's something you might consider doing.

[sqishy]

I disagree with you, Rith. Coming out can bring great ease to an unsteady mind. Somebody who is not out and has anxiety over being in the closet can really feel horrible as a result of it. Not everybody feels this way, but many non-straight people feel as if they can't truly be themselves if they aren't out, whether it be fully out or partially out.

You don't need to continuously broadcast it, but getting something like that off of your chest can be like lifting the weight of the world off of your shoulders. I'm out, that doesn't mean I tell every new person I meet, it just means that I'm not hiding my sexuality at all times, I can comfortably, openly date and I don't have to worry about people "finding out".

This makes things must easier, yes. The only thing stopping myself from fully doing so is myself, ofc :P
I mean the 'wall' that separates my inner secrets from the world outside, which is actively stopping me from letting some pent-up secrets go.

[mermaidfairy]

I think that if you want to come out, you can.

Do you know if the friends you have are accepting of LGBT+ issues? If you aren't sure, maybe you can slip LGBT+ issues into a conversation one day, such as a celebrity coming out or maybe a state that has legalized gay marriage, and then see their views.

Also remember that you should only come out to the people you feel most comfortable with. You don't have to come out to everyone around you, just people such as those few friends. When you feel more comfortable you can come out to others.

Of course, one way to come out would be sitting down with your friends and verbally speaking to them. You can talk to your friends on a day when they are in a decent mood in an area that doesn't have that many distractions, and let them know that you are bisexual and this is something you are happy with, so you want their support too. If there is anything else you think you should cover, get it out at this time too. Anticipate any questions they may ask and try to get those answered too, but if they have any others, feel free to answer so they understand. It also may help if you plan out what you're going to say before you go in there.

Another option is to come out through letter, email, Facebook message, or text. This allows you to get everything out without nerves and interruptions getting in the way. Say everything you need to say, and then deliver or send the message to them. They'll still want to talk about it or ask questions, but at least the main things will be out!

If you're creative you can also incorporate it into something like an art project or piece of writing.

Best of luck!