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Archduke Robert of France
February 6th, 2008, 11:45 PM
To start, let me say that this has to be one of the worst days I have had in a very long time. Today, I had to leave school early because of a dental appointment. So as I am walking from my class, I see the car parked with my parents waiting for me. I hurry to my locker and put my textbook away, when I come back and go to the passenger's door I tell me dad to sign me out (part of the school policy). He then says he did in a “you're an hour late” (which I was not) sort of voice and orders me to get into the back of the driver's seat. At this point, I am enraged that my concern for school policy was taken as an act of aggression. I open the passenger door and throw my bag into the seat next to me.

That was a mistake. My father then begins his diatribe on how I'll, “be driving a piece of shit car” and “could not even afford one to begin with.” Now if he knew anything about me, I have no desire to have a car and I never expected him to pay me for it. I also find it horribly ironic that I actually make significantly more than my father.

As I sat in the back of the car, I began thinking about everything that he has done to me. I guess it all starts in third grade. My father had been rather abusive, so to speak, and all this came out when a concerned teacher referred me to the counselor for some behavioral problems. I confessed that I wanted to runaway from home and just die in a ditch somewhere. They called my father in who put on a marvelous show of crying and “I'm going to change things.” When we got home, of course, he began screaming at me about how this was all my fault and blaming me for everything.

Things most certainly got worse for me when he got married for the fifth time, I believe. This time, I had a stepbrother and things got along quite well. We went to church quite a bit and I found the concept of God to be more than reasonable. When the marriage fell apart less than a year later, he began this whole thing about spirits and how she would burn in hell for divorcing him. At this point, I could still claim to believe in God, although I knew not why he would permit such things.

While everything was kind of just stewing, my dad and I got into a bitter argument. Although I'm not quite sure what it was over, I ran into my room and screaming into my pillow to release all the stress. Suddenly he storms into my room and chases me off the bed. He backs me into a corner and begins swearing at me. (Just as a note, we lived in a hotel-ish sort of place and had security guards. When I was younger, one of them actually came to the apartment because he was swearing at me so loudly). Anyways, he suddenly rushes toward me and pushes me against the wall. He then begins punching me in the stomach and storms the room in a fury. After regaining my ability to breath, I notice that I can taste blood in my mouth. I had seriously considered calling the police, but I could not bring myself to do it (more on this later).

Eventually he met someone else on the Internet and they got together. The thing was that she lived across the state and so she had to fly here if she wanted to see him. She claimed that she understood what I was going through and would try to make things better. It meant that we would have to move to Kona, but that was a comparatively small price to pay for a better relationship with my father.

The most serious doubts about my religion came during the week we were planning to move. He took me out of school a week early, meaning that I hardly got to say my farewells to all the friends I had made that year. Even though I know for a fact that he said he would not take me out on that day, he claimed that I was lying and trying to ruin everything for him. So after not getting to tell everyone goodbye, I was trapped in my house and cleaned up my room.

One evening I had decided to take a break from the third day of cleaning and called the person he was about to move in with. A few minutes into the conversation, he bursts down the stairs and tells me that I am being lazy and forcing him to do everything. Mind you, I had very little in my room left to clean. He starts screaming and all that.

Sometime during that week, we got into another argument for reasons I do not recall. He drags me to the store with him to pick up some food. He asks me if I wanted something and I said no, because I wanted to go back home. When we're in the check out line, he suddenly screams, “Fuck you, Robert!” extremely loudly. He gave me the most menacing glare I have seen. Even though other people most definitely saw that and looked at him, nobody did anything.

On the final night of our stay on Kauai, he bought a boatload of beers and begins drinking. He then gets angry at me for no reason, as I sit on the couch reading a phonebook out of boredom. He calls me “Satan”, “the Devil” and a bunch of other names. He threatened to beat me and all that. I just sat on the couch and cried for three hours until it was nearly midnight. He suddenly gets the brilliant idea to go to a 7-eleven for snacks. I agree simply because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't. We buy some snacks and he takes me to a remote cliff area. At this point, I am terrified that he was going to kill me. I literally feared for myself and unlocked my door so that I could runaway if he tried to stab me or something.

I survived that terrifying night and moved to Kona without further incident. I confided in my father's new mate about my thoughts about him and what he's done to me in the past. I was fairly confident that she would be able to make things better, but it most certainly didn't.

Not too long ago, I learned that she would betray my secrets to him if it meant it would deflect his drunken rages away from her. One day he storms into my room, catching me off guard. He grabs my hair and yanks my head back, nearly knocking me off the chair. He starts swearing at me because I told her not to marry him because he's been divorced more times than I can count. It was, of course, more than just that but it didn't seem to matter. Perhaps it wasn't my place to say, but he began punching me in the face. He screams that if I do anything like that again, he'll drag me outside and beat me. Unable to take it anymore, I just broke down and cried for five hours.

Once more, I considered calling the police, or at least talking to a counselor. However, I was unable to bring myself to do either. Even though I have not despised anyone more than him, I can never bring myself to do anything. I'm partially afraid that he'll just get a slap on the wrist and make my life worse, or that I'll get taken away, in which case I don't know what will happen to me.

I have decided for myself that I no longer believe in God because of what I have seen. Besides him using God as justification for his brutal actions, I also find myself disagreeing with many of the Christian ideals (men being “better” than women, sexuality, etc.). I had thought about talking to him about it, but he reveres God so much that I have valid reason to suspect that he would do one of the following: 1) deny me food, transportation, etc. because “God” has given him the money to give me those things and if I don't believe in Him, I shouldn't get anything, 2) kill me in a drunken rage (he drinks a lot now) claiming that I am Lucifer or 3) completely disown me.

Things came to a head today, and I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I could literally envisage myself strangling them in the car. Thing have progressed into school where minor things like a rumor have almost sent me off the edge. I don't really know if I can trust the counselors (seeing as how they have failed in the past), and I don't want to talk to one of my teachers because it would forever change the relationship. I am teetering on the edge of a breakdown...

japanman
February 7th, 2008, 01:07 AM
:eek::eek::eek:omg ok i need to say this your dad has some dam issues im young but theres is no freaking way even if thers a god that a dad can beat his daughter :eek: i suggest running away to a hospital or some where safe caus hell get into some trouble for beating or yelling at u at the hospital.:eek:
wut the hell is wriong with your dad i just wunt to yell at him so much grr:mad: i may not kno u but seriously no freaking way will i read this and say its dumb this story is real i bieleve im concerned for u. as for your dad he need to get his freaking act together if u need some more help just ask.;)

some ppl can be so messed up:( you are a GIRL and theres no way in freaking hell that hitting a girl is ok.your dad needs to go down. but try your self get some help go to a docter and tell them wut ever u do if hes gonna hurt u any more call the cops and never give up i reapet dont let him harm u im gonna ask my dad wut else u can do hes a cop by the way if u need help just ask.

Kaleidoscope Eyes
February 7th, 2008, 01:13 AM
You say that you've considered going to the police or a counselor multiple times. But have you tried that yet? If not, I STRONGLY advise that you do. You don't have to live like this, there are people out there who's jobs are to help kids like you. My mom's a teacher and one of her students last year lived with an abusive father. It took most of the year to get it out of him, but finally he told my mom what was happening to him. Child Protection Services showed up, the kid's dad wasn't allowed to see him or take him home when he came to pick the kid up, and that night the kid was in a safe home. We have a place in the town where I live called Casa Pacifica, I'm sure there's something similar in your area, where kids go while they await placement in a foster home, or they might stay there until they're 18 if they are severely emotionally disturbed, and that's where he went. It's a great place to be when home doesn't work out.

Consider it. And know that all of us here at VT are here for you. You can pm, IM, or email me at any time. I love to help people when I can, and I hear I'm a good listener. If you refuse to talk to an adult about this, I guess your friends or us here are the next best thing. Talk to someone at least. I'd like you to think seriously about telling a teacher, the school nurse, anyone. My mom's a teacher, and I know they are supposed to alert the authorities if you are in danger so you can get the proper help. It won't go ignored if you just say something.

EDIT: and jkiller, by the way, he's a guy.

japanman
February 7th, 2008, 01:20 AM
o :whoops: oops still thats not right to hit your son i agrre with u teenys sis talk to your friends or an adult like a counsler. ( i guess i got so tied up will reading i didnt notice if the person was a he or a she sry bout that).

Archduke Robert of France
February 7th, 2008, 01:24 AM
:eek::eek::eek:omg ok i need to say this your dad has some dam issues im young but theres is no freaking way even if thers a god that a dad can beat his daughter :eek: i suggest running away to a hospital or some where safe caus hell get into some trouble for beating or yelling at u at the hospital.:eek:
wut the hell is wriong with your dad i just wunt to yell at him so much grr:mad: i may not kno u but seriously no freaking way will i read this and say its dumb this story is real i bieleve im concerned for u. as for your dad he need to get his freaking act together if u need some more help just ask.;)

some ppl can be so messed up:( you are a GIRL and theres no way in freaking hell that hitting a girl is ok.your dad needs to go down. but try your self get some help go to a docter and tell them wut ever u do if hes gonna hurt u any more call the cops and never give up i reapet dont let him harm u im gonna ask my dad wut else u can do hes a cop by the way if u need help just ask.

I am not a girl. ;)

Moving along, what I am worried about it that I really have no "evidence" of this. Any bruises have long since healed, most witnesses have long since forgotten. My father is also extremely experienced in manipulating people into doing his bidding, and I am afraid that he'll somehow convince CPS or anyone else with authority that this didn't happen.

Kaleidoscope Eyes
February 7th, 2008, 01:37 AM
If all else fails, wait until you do have a bruise. Although it's not 100% necessary. In the case of my mom's student he was African American and VERY dark-skinned. You almost couldn't see most of his bruises, though they were always the nasty, deep ones. I would think that an adult such as a teacher, who sees you every day, would have a good idea of if you're telling the truth. It's an emotional topic, and I'm sure if they said they didn't believe you, you wouldn't just say "oh, ok, well I tried." You'd be upset about it. That alone should be enough for them to take a second look. You're old enough that you shouldn't be joking about this kind of thing. I think it's common decency to take you seriously until there is proof that you're lying. Thats what they should do and what I think they will do. I mean, when a girl admits she's been raped people take her seriously, even if it's been so long that the physical evidence is gone. This should be the same kind of thing.

Archduke Robert of France
February 7th, 2008, 01:41 AM
Ok, that makes sense. I just don't know who to reach out to. One of my friends is aware, but she's always busy and more of a person for me to talk to. I really don't know how much more of this I can take and I must say that I don't know many of the adults at my school well enough...

japanman
February 7th, 2008, 01:42 AM
ok this may be a crazy idea but trick him bad. like get a tape recorder or something and try to hide leave it on when he comes in let him yell at u then u got evidence. try oo heres a good one ok talk to the police set a deal up even if they dont bielieve you make it so you are on the phone with your dad let the cops listen in on the phone call theyll see if its abusive or not and as a last resort take a camera press record leave it on wait till you get footage of your dad hurting u or curssing at u then go to school wait for a presentaion in class or something play the footage in class thatll show your dad whos boss. ( if u can fight back this is wut i do in a fight with a guy kick him as hard as u can in the balls then this part is trickky will he is stunned run outside and yell and scream make a scene outside your house your dad will be so pissed hell chase now to trick him run towards the nerest house and onto there porch bang on the door and keep running reapet someone is bound to see your dad trying to chas and hurt you then your dad is down. it may not work think it over.

Archduke Robert of France
February 7th, 2008, 01:43 AM
ok this may be a crazy idea but trick him bad. like get a tape recorder or something and try to hide leave it on when he comes in let him yell at u then u got evidence. try oo heres a good one ok talk to the police set a deal up even if they dont bielieve you make it so you are on the phone with your dad let the cops listen in on the phone call theyll see if its abusive or not and as a last resort take a camera press record leave it on wait till you get footage of your dad hurting u or curssing at u then go to school wait for a presentaion in class or something play the footage in class thatll show your dad whos boss. ( if u can fight back this is wut i do in a fight with a guy kick him as hard as u can in the balls then this part is trickky will he is stunned run outside and yell and scream make a scene outside your house your dad will be so pissed hell chase now to trick him run towards the nerest house and onto there porch bang on the door and keep running reapet someone is bound to see your dad trying to chas and hurt you then your dad is down. it may not work think it over.

That seems like dangerous advice, if you don't mind my saying so. The last thing I want to do is injure someone by kicking or punching them. Although the idea of the voice recorder is not too bad.

japanman
February 7th, 2008, 01:46 AM
yes i kno i get these ideas in my head most will never work but if i tell some one theyll say wait thats not a bad idea but ya go with wut your comfortable with:)

Kaleidoscope Eyes
February 7th, 2008, 01:48 AM
You don't have to know them well. It'd be best if it's someone who sees you often, like I said, even if it's not like you chat regularly. They're more likely to take you seriously than a total stranger is.

I wish you the best of luck with this. :hug:

EDIT: My only concern about a tape recorder is if he finds it with his voice on it. Just be careful about where you leave it and how obvious you are when you use it. It'd be great evidence though.

japanman
February 7th, 2008, 01:56 AM
thats ture the bestt thing to use is a tape recorder thats small i hope i was of some help and i hope you get thourgh this ok.
by the way i found more smiles lol heres a hug:hug: and a pumpkin :pump:
hmm how about a:spike: lol that reminds me of south park.

Kaleidoscope Eyes
February 7th, 2008, 02:00 AM
Oh yes, we all need a pumpkin. When I feel down I always reach for one of those and it cheers me up. xP Just kidding, I just thought it was funny that you'd choose the pumpkin.

japanman
February 7th, 2008, 02:05 AM
lol thx i just randomly found it and o wuts this i found under the bed :woot::violin::watsup::type: and wtf is this one :inappropriate: thats just funny yet wierd. lol :lol:

Kaleidoscope Eyes
February 7th, 2008, 02:08 AM
Haha. Well, what do you think they're doing? ;) We should probably leave off the smiley discussion for now though. Don't want to be accused of hijacking the thread.

japanman
February 7th, 2008, 02:13 AM
lol ture by the way i hope the smilies are wering protection

thesphinx
February 7th, 2008, 10:26 AM
Back on topic..
Like its already been said you need to tell someone about this.
If you do go to the police they are trained to look for signs of abuse and will hopefully catch your dad's lies, PLEASE go to the police!

byee
February 7th, 2008, 12:57 PM
Robert, this is an absolutely dreadful story, I'm sorry for you. But, sometimes the more dredful the story, the easier the recommendation. If you fear for your well being, if there's a real risk, if your dad is out of control and potentially violent, you have to tell someone.

Forget about taping him or otherwise confronting him in any way. You need protection from 'the system', get to them ASAP. The question becaomes who do you tell, and how.

It might be easiest to tell a guidance counsellor or school principal, they'll know what to do. There's something intimidating aboiut calling 911, so i understand your unease in doing so. Also, consider having a bunch of close friends there with you for support when you tell the GC.

You have to trust that anything is probably better than what you're going thru now, if you've assessed the risk accurately. So, whatever happens, at least you will be safe.

Skittlez1313
February 8th, 2008, 07:54 PM
Thats HORRIBLE
Absolutley bullSHIT
*sorry for my language*
That is shit shit shit shit SHIT!!
I am so angry at your dad for treating you like that, thats awful. You should really, really go report this, it would be better to go under the care of someone good rather than live with that fu**** bastard of a dad you have.
I would want to be adopted. I feel so so so sorry for you, If I were you I'd run away, but I'm a complete idiot and you really shouldn't do that, call 911 right away, Because if your dad treats you liek that, you should really tell them, regardless of what lies in the future. I wish you the best of luck

P.S. When it comes to stuff like this, the police will beleive the kids

Archduke Robert of France
February 10th, 2008, 01:33 AM
I must say that I am finding it difficult to get the motivation to do something about it. Yes, I am tortured, figuratively, by them, but my determination erodes after a short while as I begin to fear what would happen to me and how it might adversely affect my future. I think that unless it were to happen to me just before I got to school, or if someone else told an adult about (thus forcing it into the open), I would not be able to open up about it.

My mom asked me to make dinner, and I was more than happy to oblige her since she is, frankly, lazy. However, she has done nothing but said negative things to me since I moved in with her. Something I can understand (like that burned chicken), but you you ask someone to make dinner because you're too lazy, who are you to chide them for the crust being too thick?!

I literally came within an inch of grabbing that kitchen knife and performing a nice chiffonade on a certain someone. I am beginning to think that this is interfering with my physical health as I get lightheaded and dizzy immediately after even the smallest dispute. ARGH!

Kaleidoscope Eyes
February 10th, 2008, 02:02 AM
It might seem weird, but pent-up negative emotions can actually affect your physical health. Before I got therapy and medication and all that, I got sick ALL THE TIME. It wasn't uncommon for me to have strep throat and a double ear infection at the same time, or to get pneumonia within 6 months of just getting over it. I had a sinus infection for 3 years straight. And every time the flu when around, I got it twice. Due to all of that, I found out the hard way how many antibiotics I'm allergic to. I always blamed it on the fact that I was born 6 weeks early, I thought my immune system just wasn't quite up to par, but after I started feeling happier, I stopped getting sick. The sinus infection I had last week was the first time in over a year that I'd gotten sick, which is just phenomenal for me.

Point is, you need to make sure you talk to people about the things that are bothering you, or they can come back to bite you in the butt in a lot of ways. Talk to your mom, without yelling, and just say that you'll keep cooking for her but that you don't appreciate the negative comments when you're only trying your best.

I really do encourage you to come forward about your dad, even if you aren't living with him anymore. You said something about how he would beat up his girlfriend too at times? How she'd get you in trouble just to save her own skin? Well, now that you aren't there is she his only punching bag? If you can get the authorities involved, he won't be able to hurt anyone again. Not you, not any girlfriend of his, no one. Keep thinking about it. Most importantly, keep hanging on. You can make it through this. :)

Archduke Robert of France
February 10th, 2008, 02:28 AM
I really do encourage you to come forward about your dad, even if you aren't living with him anymore. You said something about how he would beat up his girlfriend too at times? How she'd get you in trouble just to save her own skin? Well, now that you aren't there is she his only punching bag? If you can get the authorities involved, he won't be able to hurt anyone again. Not you, not any girlfriend of his, no one. Keep thinking about it. Most importantly, keep hanging on. You can make it through this. :)

The thing is that I have only told a good friends. WE're talking right now and i feel bad that my story made her cry. I know things can't get better unless I tell someone, but I jsut lack the confidence in myself to tell anyone. I somehow doubt that they will believe me, or that this will ruin my future.

Kaleidoscope Eyes
February 10th, 2008, 03:27 AM
Well, right now your future is living knowing that he is getting away with it. That he could do this again to anyone, and you could stop it. I'm not trying to guilt you, just think about that. If you can't do it now, you can't do it. Maybe later you'll be able to. And maybe you'll never do anything. It's up to you. Just know that this will bring more good than bad. You'll still be able to live with your mom, she's not beating you up, you won't have to move or be in a foster home as long as you feel she's fit to raise you for the next few years until you're eventually on your own. But turning your dad in will ENSURE that you never have to live in that environment again. If you wanted, you'd never even have to see him again; the court would make sure of that, if it's what you wanted. They will make this as easy on you as they can.

Does your mom know about all of this? Can you talk to her about maybe getting you into therapy? Friends are great, but a professional can help you to work through this. You may be getting by alright now, but a childhood like yours could hurt you later. If it ends up you have nothing to talk about, so be it, but it would be a good idea to look into it.

byee
February 10th, 2008, 01:57 PM
Robert, you know, your choices are fairly limited here. Either you learn to deal with the dysfunction and somehow cope with it better, or you try to change the conditions so you're not being exposed to them anymore.

So, you can develop some short term plan to get you thru HS, maybe by insulating yourself with friends, school, successes, activities, therapy, etc., and have hope and optimism that this will be over soon, b/c you'll be old enough to just leave.

Or, you try to actively change what's going on. In order to do that, you have to tell someone and pursue that course, of having 'the authorities' monitor things and make sure you're safe.

It's understandable to just want it to stop because it shouldn't be happening in the first place. But, sadly, your family isnt able to see this and respond accordingly. So, you either have to develop coping skills and some important distractions, or you have to do some things that you might not want to, in order to get the changes you want.

Techno Monster
February 10th, 2008, 09:34 PM
Call The Police You Don't Deserve To Be Treated This Way!!!!

Skittlez1313
March 30th, 2008, 12:44 AM
I must say that I am finding it difficult to get the motivation to do something about it. Yes, I am tortured, figuratively, by them, but my determination erodes after a short while as I begin to fear what would happen to me and how it might adversely affect my future. I think that unless it were to happen to me just before I got to school, or if someone else told an adult about (thus forcing it into the open), I would not be able to open up about it.

My mom asked me to make dinner, and I was more than happy to oblige her since she is, frankly, lazy. However, she has done nothing but said negative things to me since I moved in with her. Something I can understand (like that burned chicken), but you you ask someone to make dinner because you're too lazy, who are you to chide them for the crust being too thick?!

I literally came within an inch of grabbing that kitchen knife and performing a nice chiffonade on a certain someone. I am beginning to think that this is interfering with my physical health as I get lightheaded and dizzy immediately after even the smallest dispute. ARGH!

Hooooooooooooolllllllllly hell, I swear to god, YOU DONT REPORT THIS AND I WILL T_T
I cant stand that, I am having a freakin spaz attack over how sad and awful those BITCHES are! If I didn't have self control they would be DEAD. NYAR >< They SHOULD be dead, that pisses me off so flipping much, no one deserves that kind of shit done to them, :mad: