Care less to care more

[ausley]

Alright, so this was the situation, although im over it now I wanted to know why it happened and what I can do to fix it again. So last year I was bestfriends with two other guys at my school (freshman year) and we were all good friends until they started to box me out a little.They started to hangout more with eachother and tell eachother things more than they did with me so I started to break apart from them and find new friends cause I always third wheeled them. I started to hang out with my old middle school friends and found out I was moving or transferring to a different school. The two friends found out because someone else told them and I was trying to keep it on DL and they got mad at me and one of them stopped talking to me for a while. Finally after a couple weeks we talked a little again and now its just kind of awkward. I have a new friend who I find to be now really close with but the other two and I don't even talk and just exchange awakward eye stares at school (all in the same group ) I sometimes try to text them and see what they're up to or hangout with them but they always say they're busy when I know they're not and they make plans right in front of my face and don't even invite me (but invites the rest of the group) So I guess KY question is with a best friend does anyone ever try to care less to show that they care or do so trying to be like the stronger friend or the leader friend?

[Living For Love]

I've had a similar experience.

In my first year of middle school, I met this two guys, we didn't know eachother from anywhere because we came from different primary schools. We immediately started to get along really well, it was just kind of instinctive. We used to spend the whole school breaks just talking about our favourite stuff (we all three played the same online game) and we shared a lot of interests. Well, turns out one of the guys (A) was kind of a jerk, and I hadn't realised it until he started to force me to backup from the other guy (B), because he told me I was there as third wheel, and the two of them didn't need me for anything. The other guy (B) was more comprehensive, and he then started to realise that there was something wrong between me and A, so he just told us to sort out our problems because he wanted to be friends with both. He was definitely the leader friend, as you called, in our group. The friendship between us three had its ups and downs, sometimes I used to back off from them for a while, but they would just eventually tell me to start hanging out with them again, and I remember that when A was mad at B he would vent off with me, and the same when B was mad at A.

In the third year of middle school, B changed to another school, and because A clearly remebered that he tried to make be backing off from him and B, he was kind of ashamed, but me, being naïve as I was at that time, eventually forgave him and it was just the two of us. Nevertheless, I started to hang out more with the other guys in the class to whom he didn't relate, so sometimes he would spent a lot of time just alone. The next year he changed to the school B had changed to the previous year.

What I'm trying to say with all this is that you don't need to worry if you're fine. If they don't want your friendship, it's pretty much their problem, not yours. You're trying everything you can to just forget about what happened in the past and start again, but if they don't accept it, well, screw it, you can't force them to be your friends again. You have a new friend, that's really great, and if you got another friend after what happened with those two, I'm sure you can get much more.

I assume you've already talked to them and explained that you didn't tell them you were moving to another school because you thought they were not treating you right. If they got mad at you, it seems to me that they still cared about you a bit, and perhaps they were not realising they were treating you as the third wheel. You can always try to apologize a bit more, but if you seem they're just not doing anything to keep the friendship, then I guess all you have to do is leave them, or at least give them some time.

People are always saying friends come and go in your life, and perhaps that's what's happening to you. If they don't want your friendship, believe me, they're not worthy of yours either.

[ausley]

Yeah, just a couple days ago we had this thing called challenge day in which one of the guys went to also and I apologized to him and he did the same also. What you said was the most enlightening advice I can get. He apologized too but I think once we apologized we were both able to take in that its not going to be the same and it's time for me to move on from the other two. thank, you helped me a lot!