A Poem on Immigration to America

[DorkimusPrime]

-Lost Hope-

I left my home country,
That nice American soil I had to see,
The old government was too much for me,
I can not live in tyranny,
My family and I piled onto a boat,
With so many people I'm surprised it could float,
The boat continued for days, week after week,
My health began to fail and I was growing weak,
We made it to America the promised land,
Once off the boat I could barely stand,
I saw the doctors watching as I went up the stairs,
Their eyes bore into me and I could feel their stares,
My family went through without any cares,
I was held back, deemed unfit,
I was sent back home like America was just a visit,
My opportunity was taken from me and I was left only to dream of it.

--Tell me what you think of it, or how I can improve it.

[Dark Unicorn]

-Lost Hope-

I left my home country,
That nice American soil I had to see,
The old government was too much for me,
I can not live in tyranny,
My family and I piled onto a boat,
With so many people I'm surprised it could float,
The boat continued for days, week after week,
My health began to fail and I was growing weak,
We made it to America the promised land,
Once off the boat I could barely stand,
I saw the doctors watching as I went up the stairs,
Their eyes bore into me and I could feel their stares,
My family went through without any cares,
I was hald back, deemed unfit,
I was sent back home like America was just a visit,
My opportunity was taken from me and I was left only to dream of it.

--Tell me what you think of it, or how I can improve it.

I think it's really good.A few grammar and spelling errors here and there but I reckon they are just common typos so it's no big deal.Other than that nice and simple with a rather sad twist at the end.Very well thought out with a good rhyme scheme.

[rogoshtalmour]

very good poem