what's it like for you?

[Ocelot]

why do you self-harm? also, how often, and where on your body? ive never told ANYBODY about my self-harming, and i have no idea what it really means to anyone else, and i'd be interested to find out

[Harley Quinn]

I self harm/self harmed because I didn't know how to express emotions or feelings. It helped me in a way, feel things. I don't know what I really started for but once I did it was one of those safety net things. I was 13/14 when I did start though, I do remember my first cut, then again, I remember why I have all the scars I do. Whenever I got hurt, or I was angry I'd take it out on myself because it was the only thing that I actually knew how to. I had control over it and that was something that I always wanted, control. When I first started it never used to be a constant thing but over the years, it got worse and worse. It became a daily routine and it helped. It obviously didn't help in the long term, because that's not what self harm does, but in the short term it did help. I first started on my arms but then I realised that it was too obvious to cut there or burn there, so I moved onto my thighs and ankles. After that, I moved onto my hips and every place was a strategic thing. It wasn't a random ''Oh I'll cut here'' it was there for a reason. At least, in my head it was.

When my parents found out, it broke their hearts but they did the worst thing they can do when it comes to self harm, they took away all sharp objects. I wasn't allowed to have scissors, knives, compasses (the ones you get in maths sets), sharpeners, razors etc and I had to ask whenever I did actually need to use one of those. It just meant I'd find unconventional things to hurt myself with, obviously they weren't the cleanest of things either. I have however, never got an infection, well not badly at least. They checked my body every day and every night to make sure I wasn't self harming but I just learnt to hide it better. They did this for 2 years then all of a sudden they stopped caring about it. After that, a year later I was sent for counselling because the school at the time thought I was a suicide risk. I've had 3 different types of it and they never really worked. Self harm for me has never been about killing myself, it was more about saving myself from that. Every pain I was feeling mentally I'd take it out on my body because I thought that would help. I've learnt a lot along the way though, I don't regret self harming. It's something that has made me a hell of a lot stronger as a human.

[Ocelot]

I self harm/self harmed because I didn't know how to express emotions or feelings. It helped me in a way, feel things. I don't know what I really started for but once I did it was one of those safety net things. I was 13/14 when I did start though, I do remember my first cut, then again, I remember why I have all the scars I do. Whenever I got hurt, or I was angry I'd take it out on myself because it was the only thing that I actually knew how to. I had control over it and that was something that I always wanted, control. When I first started it never used to be a constant thing but over the years, it got worse and worse. It became a daily routine and it helped. It obviously didn't help in the long term, because that's not what self harm does, but in the short term it did help. I first started on my arms but then I realised that it was too obvious to cut there or burn there, so I moved onto my thighs and ankles. After that, I moved onto my hips and every place was a strategic thing. It wasn't a random ''Oh I'll cut here'' it was there for a reason. At least, in my head it was.

When my parents found out, it broke their hearts but they did the worst thing they can do when it comes to self harm, they took away all sharp objects. I wasn't allowed to have scissors, knives, compasses (the ones you get in maths sets), sharpeners, razors etc and I had to ask whenever I did actually need to use one of those. It just meant I'd find unconventional things to hurt myself with, obviously they weren't the cleanest of things either. I have however, never got an infection, well not badly at least. They checked my body every day and every night to make sure I wasn't self harming but I just learnt to hide it better. They did this for 2 years then all of a sudden they stopped caring about it. After that, a year later I was sent for counselling because the school at the time thought I was a suicide risk. I've had 3 different types of it and they never really worked. Self harm for me has never been about killing myself, it was more about saving myself from that. Every pain I was feeling mentally I'd take it out on my body because I thought that would help. I've learnt a lot along the way though, I don't regret self harming. It's something that has made me a hell of a lot stronger as a human.

wow, I really relate to a lot of that actually, except i have never been caught. but i feel particularly close to what you said about self-harm not being about killing yourself. I've never thought about it like that with myself, and honestly I could never take my life, I just need something to try and help myself feel... better i guess?

[Akasuki]

I SH when I'm overwhelmed. I cut my legs, burn my hands and hit anywhere that isn't my stomach. the only person who knows what I do in detail is my boyfriend, but a few friends know I SH in general but we don't talk about it. I don't plan on telling anyone else. I am okay at controlling my urges. I do healthy things more than I SH, but sometimes it's just too much so I give in.

[survivor]

I started self-harming because I was depressed and it just continued as I was overwhelmed. I am really trying to stop, but it is so hard. I cut my ankles and hips, and I sometimes stick needles through the skin in my hands. Only one of my friends knows.

[ksdnfkfr]

It happened the first time when I picked
up a knife and cut myself. It felt satisfying.
I did not know anything about cutting or others
doing it. Then I just kept repeating the process.
But I got some counseling and therapy (I was
already in counseling and therapy for autism)
and I have been free of self harm for about 90
days so far.

[Ocelot]

It happened the first time when I picked
up a knife and cut myself. It felt satisfying.
I did not know anything about cutting or others
doing it. Then I just kept repeating the process.
But I got some counseling and therapy (I was
already in counseling and therapy for autism)
and I have been free of self harm for about 90
days so far.

wow, congrats on 90 days! :wave:

[musickeepsusgoing]

I cut because im mentally messed up. i started cutting when i was 10-11, and im almost 15 now. for two years no one knew, i talked to no one about it. all of my life ive been severely bullied, and my parents dont give a damn about me. i always get into fights with my mom and it sucks. i started cutting to feel pain, i felt like i deserved it. but now, i just feel numb to it all. now i just do it at least every hour or two, and cut deep, and watch myself bleed. i hate myself, and watching myself get her gives me pleasure. Because i know that i deserve it for all my flaws, all my mistaked, my personality.

[mermaidfairy]

I self harm to cope with a lot of stress that I have been dealing with, and because my mind just gives me a lot of negative thoughts that probably aren't true. How often I self harm varies, sometimes I can go like two months without self harming and sometimes I do every day. I have been self harming on my thighs a lot lately but my hips are also common, and sometimes I'll get daring and cut once or twice on my arms. Most of my friends know and so does one teacher and my therapist.

[nearwales]

i self harm when i feel down, alone, angry or anything negative really. anywhere between a dew times a day or week. thighs, shins and upper arms. once on my stomach but that was too visible

[Josef_]

I used to self harm when I got sad. Not just sad, really sad. It was more of educational-thoughts, really. Thinking about all my grades and how they were bad (at the time) and all the work I had to get done and the only way to get it off my mind was that.

[Etcetera]

I started cutting in 7th grade (I'm in 12th now.) Because I've been through a lot in life but when I was in 7th grade my biological dad showed up trying to demand me back, I'm adopted and he abused me when I was little so that set off an avalanche of emotions inside of me. The cutting wasn't a suicide attempt, it was just a release. Then the cutting continued (there's a lot that happened after that) and then in 10th grade I started starving myself as well as continuing to cut. I lost like 20 pounds in a week and a half. I went weeks on end without eating, just drinking water. I have a story a mile long. I cut on my wrists though, and my thighs. I didn't tell anyone until last week, and the school sent me to a recovery center. Since then I haven't cut again and they are going to get me a counselor. Today is day 7 of no cutting. It's really hard right now, I feel shattered inside.

[MisterNobody]

Let's see. I started self-harming when I was like, 14 (very mild). My mom caught me, though, and it freaked me out so much. It's gotten worse over the years. I went from scratching to cutting within the past few years, and my SH migrated from my left wrist/arm to my upper left arm (just so nobody can see); however, I have two distinct scars from two different episodes I had: one on the side of my left wrist, and one on the top of my right hand. Those I can't hide, but it's okay. I embrace them. I really only SH when I'm feeling numb/suicidal/unwanted/unloved/alone... and usually it has to be in combination with an array of unfavorable circumstances. Just one thing by itself isn't enough. I have to be under a lot of pressure. So. And I guess the reason I do it is to feel something, or to literally cut through the pain of a flashback or something (PTSD, woot!) Yupppp.

[shotgungirl]

Anxiety/PTSD is the main cause for me. I usually do it when I feel like I am about to lose my mind. I cut on my arms and thighs.

[thatgothgirluknow]

ive only done it a few times but usually im realy mad and upset when i do it and it calms me down i usually do it on my right wrist but ocasionaly do it on my left