Rukua
November 14th, 2013, 01:35 PM
I always said I was never going to make a sad post..... but here it is.
One day I was having a terrible morning. Mum was in a crappy mood when she dropped me off at school, saying I'm lazy, she said that I disappoint her, blah blah blah, nothing I haven't heard come out of her mouth before... but today it just hit me harder than usual.. I cried almost the whole car ride there. And when I jumped out of the car, she didn't even say good bye. And I walked to my outdoor education class just sobbing.
We had to go to the beach for canoeing, so we took the bus there... I avoided everyone until we had to leave, I didn't want anyone to see me cry, because I'm usually a cheery guy.
We got on the bus and about half way there, I started daydreaming. I went through an array of ways that I could kill myself. Cutting, overdosing, jumping in front of a car, falling from a the stair case at home.... I have never thought about self harming before. and you could probably guess that I wasn't alright with those thoughts floating around my head, I was pretty hysterical. I don't want to die.
My teacher asked me if I was okay, asked if we should stop the bus and I said no, and calmed myself down, but silently sobbed the whole bus ride.
But I've been thinking about it more and more ever since then, and that was like, 2 months ago. And the thoughts are getting worse. I'm getting more and more depressed the more I'm around my family. And I don't know what to do, who to talk to? I don't know how to arrange a doctor appointment by myself. I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure this thread is allowed here, :\
If someone could give me some guidance please.... I know other people have worse problems than me on here, I just want to leave this here in-case someone takes the time to read it.
Sorry if this post wasn't allowed here.
One day I was having a terrible morning. Mum was in a crappy mood when she dropped me off at school, saying I'm lazy, she said that I disappoint her, blah blah blah, nothing I haven't heard come out of her mouth before... but today it just hit me harder than usual.. I cried almost the whole car ride there. And when I jumped out of the car, she didn't even say good bye. And I walked to my outdoor education class just sobbing.
We had to go to the beach for canoeing, so we took the bus there... I avoided everyone until we had to leave, I didn't want anyone to see me cry, because I'm usually a cheery guy.
We got on the bus and about half way there, I started daydreaming. I went through an array of ways that I could kill myself. Cutting, overdosing, jumping in front of a car, falling from a the stair case at home.... I have never thought about self harming before. and you could probably guess that I wasn't alright with those thoughts floating around my head, I was pretty hysterical. I don't want to die.
My teacher asked me if I was okay, asked if we should stop the bus and I said no, and calmed myself down, but silently sobbed the whole bus ride.
But I've been thinking about it more and more ever since then, and that was like, 2 months ago. And the thoughts are getting worse. I'm getting more and more depressed the more I'm around my family. And I don't know what to do, who to talk to? I don't know how to arrange a doctor appointment by myself. I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure this thread is allowed here, :\
If someone could give me some guidance please.... I know other people have worse problems than me on here, I just want to leave this here in-case someone takes the time to read it.
Sorry if this post wasn't allowed here.