Is this a form of self harm? Or something else?

[SilentCutter]

Hello, haven't been on in awhile, but I have an issue I need advice on. I'm not sure if this goes here, forgive me if doesn't. Here goes:
I have this "craving" to put myself in dangerous situations. Maybe I'm just dumb, but I would go out for a walk in the middle of the night wanting someone to come up to me grab my purse, and when I don't have anything they kill me, or walking slowly in the middle of the street waiting for someone to drive and run me over. I have high blood pressure, and I have medication to slow my heart, but I'm not taking it anymore. I would go out with someone online, a part of me hoping they're a serial killer, and sad that they're not. Sometimes I see shows where these people are kidnapped and beat, and I wish that was me. In my past relationships, I intentionally got them mad enough to hit me or push me. My dad got into a car accident, and I sorta wished I was with him(he's okay). My sister had a stalker who wanted to kill her and I wished that was me and succeeded(he got arrested, so she's fine).
This makes me sad and depressed because not only am I'm always depressed, overweight with high blood pressure, see things that aren't there, am suicidal, now I have feelings like this.
I know this is a lot and I know this is crazy, and I'm stupid, but what the hell is wrong with me?

[Keats]

I can relate to you on this, and personally i would define this as a form of self-harm - You're willingly putting yourself in harms way in order to receive a relied from it.

For me, it was things like going bungee jumping not caring if it snapped, or doing stupid things for bets like climbing scaffolding after a night out and not worrying whether i fell or not. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense - but you're not alone feeling like this.
You can always PM me if you need someone to talk to :)

[emansubzero]

Whatever the case may be please be careful you guys. Keep in mind that although you may not put too much into your own safety, there are still many people who do. If I can do anything for you at all just let me know ad I'll see what I can do. Be blessed :)

[Tarannosaurus]

Yes I've always gotten those feelings and urges you're not stupid :) And yes I would say that it's a desire to self harm, or self harming thoughts, and maybe insecurity. You just have to try and distract yourself when you get those thoughts or reason yourself out of them. Keep safe :)

[SilentCutter]

Thank you all for your kind words. I really appreciate it :) and I'm going to hold you to your offers of talking. Again thank you.

[Katiya]

I've had this feeling a lot, I can completely understand! It might be a little bit of feeling suicidal but it is very related to sh.

[SilentCutter]

It's nice to know that I'm not the only that feels this way.

[Dark Unicorn]

You aren't stupid.You aren'y crazy.You are just a lovely person going through a terrible time.The way I see it(and correct me if I'm wrong) you don't see yourself as a person deserving of good things,happy experiences so these feelings of inadequacy manifest themselves as a desire to be harmed.Hold tight and I can only say please,try to resist the urge.For your own safety.I hope things work out for you.