Getting worse.

[Fanta_Lover44]

I wan't to go completely. I want out of this hell. Schools getting worse with being in bottom set for everything and not getting good grades. I hate it how i'm bottom set. It makes me feel depressed in class. I don't have any friends who care about me and most of the other friends just use me. I can't even play sports as i cant even throw or catch so in PE people just start shouting when i miss. My Dad's never ever been there for me when I've been growing up and hes just sat back. It rips me apart from the inside when i see kids happy with their dads, it reminds me of the dad i never ever had. My Dad at the moment is starting to act like he doesn't care about me anymore. I hate myself for who i am. I hate myself for being gay, i want kids so i can give back the dad i never had and make sure im always there for them no matter what. I'm not that sociable either. I really don't want to be here anymore. I just make people around me sad. I don't see a future for me anymore. I just want to close my eyes and never wake up. I'm happyier in my dreams then real life. I'm finding it too hard to keep a promise to an online friend that i would sucicde no matter how hard it got. I don't see the point in me being here anymore.

[societycantkillme]

Before you do anything you can't reverse, think about something. In one year, you will be thinking "Why did I ever want that?" Every fight you've fought with yourself will be worth it, you will be happy. You've made it this far, too far, to give everything up. Keep your head up, i promise everything gets easier.

[Fanta_Lover44]

Before you do anything you can't reverse, think about something. In one year, you will be thinking "Why did I ever want that?" Every fight you've fought with yourself will be worth it, you will be happy. You've made it this far, too far, to give everything up. Keep your head up, i promise everything gets easier.

Thanks for the support guys but after 3 years it doesn't get better it just gets worse...

[Extreme586]

So your 15? I assume your are just entering high school then? Take it from a current 17 year old senior that it will either get very good from here on out or very very bad. The thing is only you can decide what that's going to be. I realized it too late and disconnected from the people around me by telling myself that I was too different, my parents didn't have money like the other kids around me and my family is dysfunctional. I made myself my own worst enemy and in the end I payed the price for it.

You and I aren't so different. Everything you said, even being gay is right on the money. The difference is what you decide to do with yourself from this point on. Don't kill yourself because you are worth so much more than you can possibly understand at this point in your life.

I realized far too late how my self misery and awkward behavior (due to feelings of being unwanted) towards others would eventually make me unwanted. No one knew what I was going through at the time and they still don't know now, but my feelings of being unwanted eventually turned into a reality as a result of how I treated people. I had trouble looking them in the eyes even when it was obvious that I knew they were there. I would look away when passing them, not because I didn't want to talk to them, but because of the inherent belief that they didn't want to talk to me. Now when I get the nerve to look someone in the eyes, all they can do is quickly look away because of how uncomfortable they get.

And last but not least, be yourself. Be the quirky, dorky, gay kid who you really are inside. If I had realized that and not tried so hard to make everyone around me think I was something I was not, then I would be happy now and surrounded by loving and supportive friends. Don't hold yourself back, in order for other people to love everything about you, you first have to love everything about yourself.

[Fanta_Lover44]

I have just turned 15, Im in 10th grade so im starting to do the GCSE's and all sorts, I entered the school in 7th grade. I usally lie to people onlilne about how I feel, if I really talked to them about it, give it a while and they would just delete me... I don't know its just far too hard.

[Mynick]

First off, fuck PE, fuck school ok?
School doesn't tell you jack shit how clever you are, and most of the time it just make you fell stupid and dumb. Also, during High School you don't have many friends, sure you may have tons of class mates, but friends? Nop.
Tell me something, if you go away like you want, how will you have kids? Think about that.
Sure now things may seems like a shitstorm but you will meet new people, people that care about you, HS is just a small part of your life. Eventually you'll figure out what you want to do with your life.

[Fanta_Lover44]

First off, fuck PE, fuck school ok?
School doesn't tell you jack shit how clever you are, and most of the time it just make you fell stupid and dumb. Also, during High School you don't have many friends, sure you may have tons of class mates, but friends? Nop.
Tell me something, if you go away like you want, how will you have kids? Think about that.
Sure now things may seems like a shitstorm but you will meet new people, people that care about you, HS is just a small part of your life. Eventually you'll figure out what you want to do with your life.

That's a hard one. I guess theres many differen views. Me being selfish, guess they won't exist.

[Extreme586]

If you want to be good at school, it's not a matter of being smart or dumb. It's a matter of effort. I completely understand your situation because depression is possibly the most distracting thing for me atm with keeping my grades up. All you have to do is force yourself to put aside time to sit down and do the work that your teachers want you to do. No matter how stupid or pointless the assignment is, just do what's going to get you an A.

Same thing as PE. If you want things to be easier or you want to be more athletic. Like anything it takes effort and practice. Start working out outside of school at a gym or something. Or if you can't. Start working out at home, even if it's just push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, etc. You just have to try and try until you succeed.

[Fanta_Lover44]

If you want to be good at school, it's not a matter of being smart or dumb. It's a matter of effort. I completely understand your situation because depression is possibly the most distracting thing for me atm with keeping my grades up. All you have to do is force yourself to put aside time to sit down and do the work that your teachers want you to do. No matter how stupid or pointless the assignment is, just do what's going to get you an A.

Same thing as PE. If you want things to be easier or you want to be more athletic. Like anything it takes effort and practice. Start working out outside of school at a gym or something. Or if you can't. Start working out at home, even if it's just push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, etc. You just have to try and try until you succeed.

Athletic does not matter, thing is, I can't catch or throw. I can't seem to fix this... Doing sit ups and all sorts of different things aren't going to help that....

[Extreme586]

Athletic does not matter, thing is, I can't catch or throw. I can't seem to fix this... Doing sit ups and all sorts of different things aren't going to help that....

Being healthy and athletic does have to do with being good at a sport though, not just catching and throwing. But if that's what you want to improve on, then the point of my last post still stands true. You need to practice and rehearse what you want to be able to perform. It's just like basketball or any other sport for that matter, if you want to make the a certain shot every single time, you have to practice it enough so your body knows exactly what to do when you want to perform that way again.

You keep detracting from the points of the posts that everyone is replying to your original post with in order to point out a flaw of your own. Everyone has flaws regardless of how they seem at school. You put so much weight on being able to catch and throw, but ask yourself, does that even really matter TO YOU? Or do you just want to be good at something because other people around you can do it better than you?

If you constantly compare yourself to others you will never be happy. If there is one thing you remember about this post, remember that. Just be you and be happy with yourself, people naturally gravitate towards people like that, at least the people you will find true happiness with.

[Imaustinigeuss]

-hugs- I don't use u :( and I love u wayyy to much 4 u 2 kill u self that's y sam and I had u promise us

[Fanta_Lover44]

-hugs- I don't use u :( and I love u wayyy to much 4 u 2 kill u self that's y sam and I had u promise us

I know you don't use me. Wish I never made those promises now though.

[Imaustinigeuss]

I know you don't use me. Wish I never made those promises now though.

have a good day at school luv u :* so does sam

[ausley]

Honestly, im sure there's some sort of thing that you have to find happy in your life. Trust me, I have been through the phase in which you think the only way to go is suicide, but take my advice and fight through it by looking at that happy thing. If you're not socialable then just take a deep breathe when you're about to confront them and just say, " im not very socialable but I want to get to know you" or sometimes you just have to smile more and people will come to you. Even though im the same age as you I want to stress to you that suicide is not the answer it'll only just leave you and other people with regrets! During my middle school life I was kind of shy and a negative person thinking there's no point to anything. Though coming into my high-school year I found that if I just be positive and happy and nice to people they will do the same. Though I did learn one thing from the negative side which is "if you don't like it don't give a fuck" :) I also recently went through a hard phase with some friends in which I thought they were my bestfriends but finally saw that they only used me. The solution to that was to find a new friend which I did and he's now kind of my bestfriend and if I can do it you can do the same! I can tell you're a really good person who's just misunderstood and shy. Just remember to look on the bright side of things. And whatever you end up doing I just want to let you know I myself will be very sad if you suicide and I don't want you to. If you ever need a friend in here :)

[Fanta_Lover44]

A friend online is good however its different to real life. And there is no bright side for me. Never is, never will be. Schools just getting beyond a joke. I tried to meet a friend, I succeeded, we hung out for 2 weeks and then I stopped talking to him after I noticed what kind of horrible person he is. Theres nothing left here anymore apart from the promises I made to two online friends. Quicker I full fill the promises, quicker I can go. Nothing really left here for me anymore.

[Fanta_Lover44]

Life is a gift, it's like the guy up there says here is my gift it can have is defects but hope you like, and you want to open that and in front of them throw that away. You can come back from there, join martial arts (muay thai and jiu jitsu) and also do krav maga, I only advice you to do those three martial arts. Go to the gym, get a busy life, when you are home, listen to happy songs and program some shit (I like it too, java, php, javascript it's awesome). After three months and if you train well, if someone mockes with you just beat the shit out of them. About the gay thing, problably it's the hormones, were you straight before puberty? Scientists already discovered what causes someone to be gay (epigenetics, take a look), just don't do shit you will regret, look at girls only and if it doesn't work just take the operation in the future (gay to straight). I'm not saying that being gay is wrong, but if you feel bad about it here is the solution, and bad memories erasing will be possible, so if you have some trauma ur safe. But remember it will be possible, it's not yet possible. I'm almost always sad (it began this year) but there is someone I can talk too, my mom!

It's not hormones.... I don't know any javascript at the moment, we will proberly move on to that next in our computing class. I'm always like this. And you're other comment about mum, she'll be fine. She always is.

[ausley]

Breh don't do it. It doesn't matter if im online or not a friend is a friend. Talk to me anytime of you need to. If its your school friends you're worried about im in the same exact place as you. Highschoolers are assholes you just have to look on the good side of people just as they would you! I promise you some time in the near future it will be good. This is all probably weird for coming from a Stranger but promise me you wont do it nothing will be good coming out of suicide.

[Fanta_Lover44]

Breh don't do it. It doesn't matter if im online or not a friend is a friend. Talk to me anytime of you need to. If its your school friends you're worried about im in the same exact place as you. Highschoolers are assholes you just have to look on the good side of people just as they would you! I promise you some time in the near future it will be good. This is all probably weird for coming from a Stranger but promise me you wont do it nothing will be good coming out of suicide.

Yes there is, I can be put out of this once and for all and then I don't need to worry about bothering people about my problems.

[Cece14]

Thanks for the support guys but after 3 years it doesn't get better it just gets worse...

I dont give a crap about how long it takes! Just know that it will get better!! No matter how long it takes!!! And, you will be happy soon, just keep holding on man! Dont let Go!

Stay strong
Dont stop believing
Carry On

[Fanta_Lover44]

I dont give a crap about how long it takes! Just know that it will get better!! No matter how long it takes!!! And, you will be happy soon, just keep holding on man! Dont let Go!

Stay strong
Dont stop believing
Carry On
It never does get better and no point saying I'll be happy soon. For me there's nothing to be oh about.

[Cece14]

It never does get better and no point saying I'll be happy soon. For me there's nothing to be oh about.

seriously...... You need to find stuff to be happy about, look at funny pictuers, watch funny shows and movies........

[ausley]

Yeah! I agree with Cece don't do it its not worth it. Don't take the easy way out because your life is worth something and you owe it to me to everyone around and especially to yourself to fight through. Seriously, yesterday I went to this thing called challenge day which tells us how we should love ourselves and those around us. If you are bottling problems up don't fill your balloon with anger because that's dangerous! Yell at the top of your lungs, talk to someone, even cry once in a while there's no reason for you to not shoe your feelings to those around you if that's the problem. I promise it will get better once you find yourself and you are back to the person you saw as happy. I wont let you say you're not worth it anymore. I want you to say you love yourself and will at least try again and fight through the hardships!