First Time Cutting

[Jono]

When was the first time you cut yourself? What did it feel like the first time you cut yourself? What was going through your head at the time? If you look at the thing that was going through your head at the time you can try and figure out why you cut in the first place.

For me it was my friends and my girlfriend at the time, my Mum and Dad
disagreed on me going out with her and we had a row, my friends were ignoring me and one of the best friends I had ever had fell out with me.
It may seem fairly normal but to me at the time it was the end of my life and for the first time in my life I begun to contemplate on suicide, cutting seemed a way of getting all my pain and anger out but I also blamed myself for many things so hurting myself seemed logical at the time.

Once I realised that cutting could not go on, I looked at the things that I thought of that first time and I basically had a checklist and I went around sorting everything out. By the time I had got everything sorted cutting seemed irrelevent.

That may not apply to everyone but if you try and sort out the problems going through your head each time, life will be better.

Cutting may be a temporary solution but in the long run it really does not help. It damages you sometimes in ways that will never leave you and can leave you with scars that last forever.

[TheWizard]

Thanks Jono thats good. :)

[Anonymous]

It helps not to cut at all :)

Punch a pillow instead?

[Jono]

It's not that simple for people who cut, logical thinking such as that is not as easy as it sounds.

[Cat]

yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me. :?

[Jono]

Perhaps seeing a specialist may help? What have you done to help you stop?

[-Silence]

hey,
Sorry I seem to be butting in but i would like to put in my "two-cents".

The first time i ever cut I was in the 7th grade. (about 3 years ago) It was dumb I was depressed and I didn't know what to do, I wanted to be 'happy' again. I don't know why but i grabbed the knife that was on the counter and made a line. There wasn't any blood and I don't know why I did it but I could feel something again. I wasn't so numb. But then everything just went down from there, a downward spiral, people call it. Cutting became an addiction, where it felt like i needed it to feel somewhat normal. I'm supposed to try stopping it, but I don't know if I can anymore..I've used it for two long.

Yeah I agree, after doing it for a while it's really hard when you get the urge to just do something else. Its weird, it kinda changes your thoughts on coping.

Well sorry that is my "two-cents". I don't mean to butt in. :?

[ktbug10]

it's truly not that easy to stop... i've been doing it on and off for 2 to 3 years now (i don't remember exactly but i think the first time i did it was summer before 10th grade, so i guess it's been like 2.75 years) and the longest i've ever gone without doing it was 8 months. i stopped because of a pact i made with my boyfriend at the time... that was last feb and then in dec things got really ugly between us but he didn't seem to realize it and i started doing it again because i was afraid to talk to him... i stopped at the end of january, after breaking up with him, with the help of my best friend and then a month later i did it again, and with his help again i stopped and then i just did it last night and he doesn't know yet because i haven't had the chance to talk to him... he says we're gonna go for a year this time but it's so hard.
cutting really makes me feel... better, yanno? it calms me down. it hurts, so in order to make it not hurt my brain slows down and doesn't receive the physical pain, which means that it's also not receiving the mental pain and it's really relaxing. i realize that 'in the long run' it doesn't help... but i know how to do this and not hurt myself. i may be obscenely morbid, but even so, i don't want to die and i won't let myself get seriously wounded.
i know this may not be true for everybody, but cutting does help me because it's the only way i can release tensions and feel better afterward. i don't want to hurt anything else to feel better, i want to hurt myself. punching a pillow would do absolutely nothing for me. but when i am hurt, i calm down. i don't know how to explain it any better than that.
as for scars, i don't mind. i deserve them. i don't ever regret cutting, so why should i be ashamed of these scars? each cut means something different, has a different emotion and situation behind it. each one holds a memory. as awful as the memory may be, it's a part of who i am and the scar just accentuates the memory.

[Jono]

hey,
Sorry I seem to be butting in but i would like to put in my "two-cents".

The first time i ever cut I was in the 7th grade. (about 3 years ago) It was dumb I was depressed and I didn't know what to do, I wanted to be 'happy' again. I don't know why but i grabbed the knife that was on the counter and made a line. There wasn't any blood and I don't know why I did it but I could feel something again. I wasn't so numb. But then everything just went down from there, a downward spiral, people call it. Cutting became an addiction, where it felt like i needed it to feel somewhat normal. I'm supposed to try stopping it, but I don't know if I can anymore..I've used it for two long.

Yeah I agree, after doing it for a while it's really hard when you get the urge to just do something else. Its weird, it kinda changes your thoughts on coping.

Well sorry that is my "two-cents". I don't mean to butt in. :?

Welcome to VT :) Feel free to 'Butt in' whenever you feel like it! :lol:

I see how you are stuck, many people get like that, feeling like cutting is a part of you, makes you normal among other things.
But you need tyo get past that stage. Know that cutting yourself is because you have thoughts in your head that are not normal, and cutting is the only way to get out of it. The one way that stopped me doing it was people finding out and I felt embarrassed, stupid, abnormal - quite the opposite of how I felt immediately after cutting. Not only does this have an effect on you, but on the people around you who care. If you won't stop cutting for you, then at least try for the other people.

Though saying that I am not here to tell you what to do, only to offer you advice. If you feel like cutting, log online and see if I am online, I will be happy to talk to you about anything you chose...that goes for everyone and anyone! :)

[Jono]

it's truly not that easy to stop... i've been doing it on and off for 2 to 3 years now (i don't remember exactly but i think the first time i did it was summer before 10th grade, so i guess it's been like 2.75 years) and the longest i've ever gone without doing it was 8 months. i stopped because of a pact i made with my boyfriend at the time... that was last feb and then in dec things got really ugly between us but he didn't seem to realize it and i started doing it again because i was afraid to talk to him... i stopped at the end of january, after breaking up with him, with the help of my best friend and then a month later i did it again, and with his help again i stopped and then i just did it last night and he doesn't know yet because i haven't had the chance to talk to him... he says we're gonna go for a year this time but it's so hard.
cutting really makes me feel... better, yanno? it calms me down. it hurts, so in order to make it not hurt my brain slows down and doesn't receive the physical pain, which means that it's also not receiving the mental pain and it's really relaxing. i realize that 'in the long run' it doesn't help... but i know how to do this and not hurt myself. i may be obscenely morbid, but even so, i don't want to die and i won't let myself get seriously wounded.
i know this may not be true for everybody, but cutting does help me because it's the only way i can release tensions and feel better afterward. i don't want to hurt anything else to feel better, i want to hurt myself. punching a pillow would do absolutely nothing for me. but when i am hurt, i calm down. i don't know how to explain it any better than that.
as for scars, i don't mind. i deserve them. i don't ever regret cutting, so why should i be ashamed of these scars? each cut means something different, has a different emotion and situation behind it. each one holds a memory. as awful as the memory may be, it's a part of who i am and the scar just accentuates the memory.

Interesting...you seem to do it for jointly problems but I suspect a bit for the adrenaline rush you get in cutting. It is good in some aspects you aren't bothered about people knowing or seeing your cuts, but I cannot stress how "unhealthy" cutting is...just think of it like this...if God wanted us to cut ourselves, we would have a place to cut made specially for it!

Again, contact me if you wish to talk...oh and welcome to VT :)

[-Silence]

Thank you.. :)

[Jono]

I'm always here to help :)

[Cat]

I know its taken me forever to respond but I am lol. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist and they are helping a little.

[Jono]

As long as you are taking some steps to help yourself, you are doing a good job :)

[RunAwayMolly]

I do this with my ocd too! To get the thoughts out of my head and to control them i quickly, but tensely jerk my head and imagine all of the thought and pressure of cutting and my ocd fly out my ears! :D

[Jono]

I had never thought of doing that. :lol:

[Quahog]

I've done that sometimes, and sometimes it works, sometimes it don't.

[Lilly_420_2003]

the first time I cut I was 8, I loved it and have been doing it ever since, I'm trying to stop now after 10 1/2 yrs. though

[Jono]

What made you cut at 8 years old?

[Lilly_420_2003]

lots of things, bad things that were happening to me and that I saw and my mom and him fighting and everything else, oh well though. I was little and should have known better.

[Anonymous]

My first time was in the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I started after I was attacked by three men in LA, I felt so terrible that I just started cutting because it seemed like an easy way to make the pain subside. I never meant for it to go as far as it's going, but once I started I couldn't quit.

[Jono]

lots of things, bad things that were happening to me and that I saw and my mom and him fighting and everything else, oh well though. I was little and should have known better.

I'm very sorry, I don't think it fair that at such an age you should resort to cutting, you were young, you didn't know better. :(

[dying lullaby]

the first time i cut i didnt know i was doing it...i was in 7th grade, and i was sitting backstage for a play, waiting for the scene to change so i could go on. i took a safety pin and just started scratching it across my hand really hard, i didnt know i was doing it untill my friend freaked out b/c of the blood.

i had done self harm type things before that(i didnt know it at the time tho) like everyday in 3rd grade i would slam my head against the brick wall at school as hard as i could during recess. and i would climb trees and hurl myself from them. once i put a rusty nail through my foot by standing on it, i think i was 9 when i did that. idk i'm fucked up

[Slizza]

the first time I cut I was like 12 I think..it was at the beginning of 7th grade and I was just really fucked off by everything,father,teachers,...I was sitting in my room,on the floor,next to my bedside table and took my scissors and cut a little...it didn't bleed much, though...and I just felt so free...

[Lilly_420_2003]

Thank-you Jono, that helps, I guess I was just going thru 2 much stuff at the time and experiencing 2 much stuff that and 8 yr. old shouldn't have. I thought it was all just normal though and that's what everyone was doing and going thru

[WhoAmI8505]

th first 'cut' was november of 2002. i was 17 and i was depressed again. the main thought was "this is practice. i have to prepare for my departure" at the time, i had this foolish belief that i would succeed my third and final attempt at suicide. i felt that if i 'practiced' the cuts , i would know how deep i needed to go. how foolish, because i became addicted to the cutting, and forgot completely about the attempt.
Foolish delusions of an unbalanced mind.

[Jono]

There is nothing foolish about it, I don't want to condone cutting but cutting is better than suicide. Now all you need to do is try to stop cutting and hopefully things should get better.

[lee]

i first cut when i was in sixth grade. i was just really upset about a lot of things and i didn't know where to turn. i saw i psychologist for about 2 months before convincing my parents i was "better" and i was for the rest of the year but at the beginning of seventh i started again and i've been on and off since then.

i was just wondering, now this is for the older dudes, like 17 and older. i'm only 13 but i've heard from a lot of older people that middle school is tough and that it's not just me and when i look back it everything in a few years i'll realize it wasn't that bad. i seriously doubt that because it's not like everyone in middle school has had "help" or cut. what do you think? is middle school really much less worse than most kids think it is?

[Quahog]

I can't remember when i started to cut, but it was a long time ago.
It was when i first started to see and hear this fucking shit.
I was so afraid of everything.. I couldnt stand up, so i just fell down on the floor next to my bed.
And i grabed a razorblade (strangely i found one under my bed..) and i stated to cut.. I was so upset and sad so i cutted so deep and the whole floor was all covered with blood..
I loved it.. So i've did it again and i've keept on ever since..
That was my first time.. I still got those scars..

[SocKs]

One of my friends cut himself a few times but stopped. I didnt see how it was so addicting so I decided to but myself once and see what the big deal was. Not only did it hurt, it was the most painful thing I had ever been through ( and I had contests to see who could last the longest in titty twister wars) just knowing I was going to be hurt was what did that.

[roxy4sixty9]

i started cutting this year,7th grade, for a lot of reason,friends familyschool everything,i feel like i have something when i cut,freedom, when i dont i feel like ive lost everything cause i have my family dont understand me friedns only one person does my best friend katie shes all i have besides cutting i posted earlier about how i was trying to stop i dont have any pro no one in my family know

Lots Of Love
Jesse :cry:

[grass]

the reason i first cut was because my friend told me that she cut, I had never even imagined that ppl did that, it scared the hell out of me and i thought she was a freak but i really liked her and i wanted to understand y so i tried it myself, i didnt really get it the first time but i stuck with it and looked into it on the internet. As i got more into it i began to understand her more and now we are real close and im thankfull for what she has given me because i feel like this is where i belong and she helped me find my path.

[Waiting]

i first cut in september of 2002, i was extemly fucked up and felt i was being ignored, i guess it was a cry for attention. Though i had nobody to cry to except myself as only one person ever found out, whenever i felt down i would go to my room and take my penknife out of my back pocket and sit there and scratch things into my arm, ive been doing it scince,but i stopped a month ago and im glad i did. but i dont think it would be that bad if i did start up again as its a part of me

[Anonymous]

First time I cut is like The Wizard and psycho cat. I noticed when playing with my cat that she was slicing my arm up somthing bad but, I didn't really care.
So, I went on, I got more depresed, started hitting walls and such. Eventualy I cut myself shaving and that felt good too so I broke my razor and it all went down the pan. That was late 2003 somewhen. I hardly did it at all though. Just a few small ones on the top of my arm. Stopped pretty easily. Only mistake is I didn't throw away the blades so, I've started again and can't stop this time.

[Timantha]

reading all the stories about cutting made it seem the tinyest bit more attractive to me.

I better destroy all of my pocket knives.

[RunAwayMolly]

reading all the stories about cutting made it seem the tinyest bit more attractive to me.

I better destroy all of my pocket knives.

The thing is, that true i think for many cutters. they see it, they wonder whats its like, they try it, they get addicted, they cant stop. Its like a drug!

[Firestar]

I first started last summer - 2003, mainly because I was so sick of my life and feeling so numb... I remember coming home this one day and I was so depressed that I didn't have a job, or a car, and all my friends were mad at me, and a whole bunch of other stuff - I was sitting in my room crying and shaking, panicking about every single aspect of my life to such an extent that I got to the point where I thought I would never calm down. Then I saw this pair of scissors under my bed and I just grabbed them and made a small cut in my arm and I could feel the pain and see the blood and it calmed me down from what was pretty much a panic attack. After a few more small ones on my arms only when I REALLY felt I needed to, I started doing them on my leg because that's easier to hide, and doing them more often to, at least once a week, even though I was still trying to limit it. It's just a coping mechanism for me, I don't know how else I could get through things... and it's a part of me - a part I don't really want to let go of.

[unknown_14]

I'm a vampiric, gothic, satanist, bisexual, punk, tomboy and a freak of nature. For those who don't know vampiric is like being weak without blood. It's like my coffee :lol: . My parent sknow all of it except the bisexual but i think there gettin the hint. :D . My moms mom is not doing to well with the situation but whateve see ya :wink:

[FayWray]

I are a new kid, and sorry to trundle in like this, but I'd like to voice my reasons. I know them, and I hate them, so really I'd just like to get it out of the way =)

I'd seen my friend do it. She came to my house before we went out somewhere looking quite upset, and vanished into my bathroom for a while - not excedingly long, so I didn't think about it, just wondering if she was ok. She was.

Couple of weeks later at school she shows us these 'cuts' on her arms. She seemed proud? I'm not sure. I just looked - I suppose I thought 'pssht'. It didn't look like anything but a bit blotchy. Another friend was very worried but I kept watching her, looking at her cuts.

I had a paper-round. After school a couple of days later, I was out on it. I was bored, confused, and wet. It was raining. Before I knew it I was wandering around my area scratching at my arm - I thought of it as a competition. I knew I'd show her. And it'd be better. It was horrible. I seemingly had no motive to do it. But I liked it, so I did it again. Then I moved on from just scratching - finding blades from pencil sharpners, my penknife, and eventually I dismantled my razors.We both got worse.

Soon I relied on it. I've never been very good with emotions - I don't cry, I get angry too quickly, and I'm generally not very pleasant a lot of the time, I think. So, when I was angry - usually at her for doing it, I didn't want her hurt, and thus proving my inability to deal with emotions - I'd do it too. I realised then that I was doing it because I was upset by her - I wanted her to see how horrible it was to see a friend disfigured in such a way.

Eventually I stopped, and I'm pretty certain she did too.
I've been clean from it for...8 months now. I can't say I don't get any urges, because I do, but it is so much nicer to be able to walk around in a teeshirt and shorts without sitting in awkward postions or getting those awkward questions.

Sorry if that was really story-esque!

[cutter13]

I cut alot almost everytime i have aknife a pair of scissors a razor a safetypin or any sharp object and im alone. I can't stop it! I try so hard and no matter how hard i try i always go back to it! My boyfriend yelled at me the other day and like i got what he was saying but it didnt make sense its not easy to think of this the way 'normal' people do its just not that symple i see things different than other ppl i hate it i wish i was normal like i used to be but i cant go back i try and try im even seeing a therapist but it isnt helping at all! It even got worse in the past month :? idk what to do! i hate thinking of the fact that it hurts my boyfriend to see my cuts but i cant help it i even did it in my sleep about a week ago! i woke up the next morning and had a big slit on my left wrist! im scared i might go too far one time and commit suicide and ever since my friend committed suicide its been on my mind and it was about 2 months ago HELP ME PLEASE! :cry:

[cutter13]

ive been cutting for about 2 years now and my mom knows but she just kind of doesnt pay any attention to the cuts on my wrists and when i lie to her and say i fell or something she just like says ok and doesnt say anything why wont she help me? she knows i need help! i hate when she ignores the fact that i have a problem!

[dying lullaby]

wow, that is really scary. my best friend used to hurt himself badly in his sleep...one morning he woke up with such a deep gash in his chest he thought he cut the muscle. its not fun to think that you could kill your self w/o even knowing it. have you talked to your therapist about that b/c its really dangerous? is it like a compulsive thing? or something else? if its that bad and you really do want to stop then maybe you should get some professional help. i'm sorry i haven’t been more help

[cutter13]

idk i am like really scared tho and my bf is scared too i wish i could tell my mom but she wouldnt listen she neve does :?

[cutter13]

no one really gets y i cut! they say they do but they dont!

[cutter13]

im leavin now 2 depressed 2 talk

out

[dying lullaby]

i hope you feel better

[Waiting]

i think cutters are the only people who ever have understood me.

[TickleMeElmo]

i have a friend who used to cut herself. she stopped and she said that some of the scars are infected. Why od people cut? do you use a special type of knife? what happens if it bleeds too much?

[Anonymous]

Why do we cut? - That is what this post is about.
Special kind of knife? - Sort of, the sharpest object we can find. Usualy a razor or a pencil sharpener.
If it bleeds too much? - We are buggered. You just have to be careful not to cut that deep.

[Anonymous]

I cut just about 5 min ago for the first time... it hurts and i duno y i did it .... i just broke up with the guy i liked for like ever b.c he was cheatin on me and i dont think that was it my sister hates me and my mom thinks im useless but im a really luckey girl i mean i have a house my own room comp and tv friends parents that r together but i feel like there is something missing like there is something wrong with me i didnt cut very deep but just enough to hurt when it touches something... i didnt bleed alot just a lil... i need help i mean i was in a great mood and all the sudden im in the bathroom pushing this end of the sissors (sp) in my arm... help

[dying lullaby]

stop.
step away from all sharp objects.
never try to cut again unless you want a life long problem that will slowly kill you from the inside out.

i'm sorry to come on so strongly but it hurts me so much to see ppl who can stop but they dont know what they're getting into. cutting hurts so badly--not always physically but emotionaly every time. i've been doing this for about 3 years but i've been causing myself harm for alot longer than that and it does hurt, alot--and if you think it will solve anything you're wrong, so wrong. if you dont know anyother way to deal with the things you feel and deal with every day then please, ask to see a therapist or talk to someone. cutting is not a cool thing to do. it hurts everyone involved and creats more problems than you could ever imagion. and i wont even get started on how hard it is to hide all the scars, new ones or old....

please, DO NOT keep doing it--you will regret it.

[grass]

i wanna let go, I'm tierd of fighting myself, I'm tierd of everything

[Anonymous]

lostangel, please don't start. - Warning Label (http://www.recoveryourlife.com/Forum/?f=12&m=128683)

You put that very well grass!

[Anonymous]

thanks guys that helped alot i'll stop promise god wat was i thinking!?¿

[Waiting]

dont worry, its natural to see everyone talking about ti here and wanna try it, but if you can stop do!
i got addicted for two years and im strruggling so hard with stopping. its realy hard for me, dont put yourself throught that

[girl_interrupted]

So you guys can remember the first time you cut... i can't. During the time that i started my self-injury (i don't just cut) i was going through so much stuff and totally couldn't feel anything... it's not like, oh i'm gonna try this, everything was a blur. i think i was really angry and sad... i went through a lot of stuff when i was younger and still am a little... but we don't talk about that. Anyways, i think it has roughly been 5 months that it has been REGULAR, but the first "set" was probably 2 or 3 years ago. These past couple of weeks i have been doing it so much... i bought THREE new pocketknives within the week. In fact, i think i need to go and take care of some things now. Anyways... sorry for boring you all i'm new and thought i would... haha... introduce myself.

[bri]

nice to meet you, welcome

[Anonymous]

I felt like I didn't care anymore. Whatever was going to happen, it couldn't get much better. My life had dipped. You don't feel the pain of the knife or whatever you use. You feel it afterwards, and emotionally from your friends and familly

[Anonymous]

I was crazy that day... I don't know what got into me. I felt suicidal, and I wanted to feel the pain, thought I don't know why. I waited till Mom left and I was home alone. I sat on the floor of my room and cried, like crying was the last thing I could ever do. I thought about Lonnie, thought about how much I wanted to be with her. I thought about the mirror image of myself, how talking to it was like talking to her.
I took my old mirror and a chair. I locked my door and stood infront of the chair and started banging it with the mirror. After a little bit it broke and when I heard the bang I was satisfied and very scared about what I was going to do to myself next. I took the pieces and began to cut myself. I never forgot how much the sharp edges burned my arms and wrists. I was too much of a coward to cut my writsts, but I tried harder to cut my arms. There was this hot red blood that began oozing down from my arm and I wanted more pain because at that moment, I felt like I became pain. For some strange reason I wanted there to be blood, and I let myself cry. I went into the bathroom and looked at the blood and then mom came back. I screamed for her and when she saw the blood she was very scared. But she didn't yell. Oh, my mom is so strong. She was nice to me and held me and helped me wash the blood off my hands. I was so humiliated in school the next day. I lied and told everyone it was a cat that attacked my arm. One of my friends knew what it was because she did the same thing. I could almost feel Lonnie crying inside of me when I did it.

[forever_alone]

i think cutters are the only people who ever have understood me.
i believe i can understand you...i do cut

[Jono]

i think cutters are the only people who ever have understood me.

I understand you :)

[Martin0934]

hey,
Sorry I seem to be butting in but i would like to put in my "two-cents".

The first time i ever cut I was in the 7th grade. (about 3 years ago) It was dumb I was depressed and I didn't know what to do, I wanted to be 'happy' again. I don't know why but i grabbed the knife that was on the counter and made a line. There wasn't any blood and I don't know why I did it but I could feel something again. I wasn't so numb. But then everything just went down from there, a downward spiral, people call it. Cutting became an addiction, where it felt like i needed it to feel somewhat normal. I'm supposed to try stopping it, but I don't know if I can anymore..I've used it for two long.

Yeah I agree, after doing it for a while it's really hard when you get the urge to just do something else. Its weird, it kinda changes your thoughts on coping.

Well sorry that is my "two-cents". I don't mean to butt in. :?

Yea, same here, except I first started with metal compasses, and then dull scissors, and then staples...and yes it is hard to stop, I've tried 4 times...unsuccessfully. I tried just a few weeks ago, and now I have 14 cuts.

[Cpt.Fuzzle]

hi, First time was about two years ago the stress and depression got to me and i temporarly quit this year for about three months or so but its started back up due to everything going bad. stress+razor=not good. :shock:

[BelieveInYesterday]

hey, I've been cutting since i was about 10 and im 14 now. so 4 years. When i was about 8 my mom always pulled me to her and covered my mouth and nose with her hand and i'd try and get away from her as hard as i could. She was always drunk and going out and getting arrested for passing out in her car or something stupid. Then my mom had a heart attack and almost died. My mom moved out and cleaned up, she moved about 10 miles away and my brother who's 19 lived in her basement with his daughter and his fiance at the time. She went to Florida for a "vacation" and when she came back a week later she told them she was moving to Florida from Maryland. My brother had no money. Now i live with my dad who isnt all that good. I fucked up doing stupid stuff and almost got arrested, so i cut... really bad. my dad's girlfriend saw it and kept asking what's that what's that... He sorta covered for me and i don't know if that means that he knows about it because he's never asked me about it or anything like that.
It just goes on and on....Im running out of things that i can do to myself, except not wake up one day

[BelieveInYesterday]

I'ts so hard to stop.. The only thing that can make me want to stop is when i see the only thing in the world that i love...my 3 year old neice. I know it sounds like it's stupid but it's true. When i'm around her it's like i feel happier and i regret what i do to myself. After i leave to go back to my house it's back to the same old routine.

[Whisper]

I'ts so hard to stop.. The only thing that can make me want to stop is when i see the only thing in the world that i love...my 3 year old neice. I know it sounds like it's stupid but it's true. When i'm around her it's like i feel happier and i regret what i do to myself. After i leave to go back to my house it's back to the same old routine.

It dosn't sound stupid at all, the only time I regret what I do, wish I didn't cut and don't think about suicide is when I'm around my 2yr old nephew........He lives a looooooong way away though.....I won't see him again till Febuary :(

[BelieveInYesterday]

Sometimes I'm not sure whether i do it for the pain or just so i know that i'm still alive. I enjoy watching the blood come from my wrist and knowing that it's mine.

[grass]

ye i think thats the best bit cos straight after u cut theres no blood in the cut then u see all the blood seeping through ur skin and turnin in2 droplets it dus feel really gd

[BelieveInYesterday]

exactly

[grass]

i used 2 cut anywhere mainly in my bed at nite but then i would wake up wiv blood all over my bed, but sumtimes wen i was out wiv frends i would just walk off 4 abit find sumwere quiet and cut myself thengo back i still hav loads of bloody cloths hidden in my wardrobe

[Martin0934]

I cut in my bed...but I've been clean for 5 weeks....for now.

[*-tick tock-*]

i cut 2 months ago but yesterday and the day before i started again...stuff is just piling up pon me and i know its not good... what i started again i got deep enough to see blood.before then i didnt... it feels like it releives the bad part of me for a while... i am trying to stop tho..so instead ive been writing poetry and such.. bleh..
im also doing it for my neices and boyfriend and some friends..

i dont want my neices to look up to someone who harms themselves..cuz i dont want them to do that...

my boyfriend.. he saw my wrist the other day and i feel like i upsetted him... he wasnt shocked but we talked about it...

my friends...they always see me as this happy person and if they see me like this then they'll no somethings up..
i love them all to death and i dont want them to see me as someone who cuts... id rather them see me like my old self :(

[somedudeyoudontknow]

Cutting is pretty darn serious. MY friend and I were talking about her cutting and my ex's cutting. I'm a guy BTW. Anyways, I don't understand it, but I am so sad to hear that people hurt themselves because of other people hurting them too.

I could go on and on about how it is physically unhealthy, but it's the motional scars that disturb me most. Not only will the bad stuff stick with you, but the fact that cutting was your escape. I could never hurt myself on purpose no matter how bad things got because I am afraid of doing stuff like that to myself.

IT's kind of like a phobia. IT's weird. I wish all the cutters could find reasons to stop, but a lot of them don't. My friend has tried to kill herself about 7 times. I hope she never goes all the way thru w/ it. I would miss her too much. It made me sad to hear her say that she tried ending it about 7times!

I may get depressed due to life's events, but I am thankful to have life in the first place, so I hope people just stop taking their own lves and other ppl's lives. I also hope they stop destroying themselves slowly. I see cutting as self-destruction even though it is done as an act of self-preservation, but cutters are still going to live with pain of knowing they cut. Some ppl might deny it, but deep down I think all cutters would regret it,

[LiveStrong]

Nope, not me never cutted.

[Ravenous]

Nope, not me never cutted.

Says he who is always talking about cutting and his it in his sig :shock: :?

[kevin]

Well whats weird is he says he has been a severe cutter for the past few months when this is in january, but theres alot of things i don't understand?

[Ravenous]

He most probably dosent cut, and he is probably straight (he said he was gay) hes probably lying about most things :roll:

[LoSt_n_the_WoRlD]

Hey, i've been "cutting" for 2 months now. Not Exactly cutting though..i take an eraser and just erase my skin until its tender and it hurts too much to keep going. I have really bad scars that will never go away but i just don't know how else to deal with the pain..i'm 13 years old..and i went out with this kid for a year...i seriously thought i loved him..but i couldn't handle him anymore..he was alwasy by me and i just didn't like him i guess...and during the last few months we went out..i just caved..thats when i started cutting..plus my family life is messed...i just can't stop now..i feel like its the only thing i can do to make myself feel better...

[trixy]

hey, ive been cutting for just a year, i started in septemeber, and i managed to take a break over this summer, but i don;t know i couldnt help it especially wen my parents started arguing, and my mum actually wrote herself a suicide note which i keep in my wallet...

when i first cut myself, il admit it was stupid, i sorta just grabbed a knife for no apparent reason and slit my palm open... i wasnt angry or depresd at the time.. i was actually fine... i only did it because a good friend of mine had started self harming, and i wanted to know why she did it, so i tried it out myself.. and now i cant stop, (to be honest i supose i could, if i tried really hard, but i dont want to) which just goes to show...
EVEN if you cut urself for no actual reason at all, you can still get hooked.. its sorta like drugs in a way...

[kolte]

You know, somtimes, if you have the urge to cut, just remember. You won't have to live with you family anymore, or go to the school anymore, or talk to any of these people anymore, once you move out and go off in the world to live your own life. High School is so overrated, its not that important.

[nullandvoid123]

never cutted, and i never plan to

[xdeviancex]

I cutted a few times... buts its very embarressing... I dont cut much AT ALL...glad about it... I really do see how its so addicting...

[~Ðarç~]

yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me. :?


by no means am i trying to insult you
but what goes through your mind when you cut yourself? what do you think? do you think?

fight quotes removed

[Whisper]

thread cleaned

~xXx~

[~Ðarç~]

thanks =O

[schrei jess]

by no means am i trying to insult you
but what goes through your mind when you cut yourself? what do you think? do you think?

fight quotes removed

Of course we think. We think about all the shit that's happened to us, and we think about how much pain we are in. All the people that ever hurt us, and all the things that were said that hurt us - we turn them into cuts and scars. That's what fuels us, and that's what keeps us going even when it hurts too much. It's a stress reliever, and without it a lot of people would go insane.

[ZeppelinFan13]

i smoke weed when im sad like that, cutting would hurt to much, im a wuss

[megamikey59]

doens't really matter now.. since there's like 7 pages.. well i just cutted myself now just from the thought of why i started.. i just slashed my wrists and my arms until i fell dizzy from loss of blood.. and what went through my mind.. well idk i was extremely mad at my grandparents and mom. i don't really want to end my life tho.. well sometimes i do.. but everytime i do get mad which is rarely i take it out on a person or myself.. mostly me with cutting or punching the wall until i feel dizzy from loss of blood.. and when i take it out on a person i go all out on them until they back off or a teacher stops us.. last week it was morning and my grandparents sister and mom was messing around and getting me pissed off then i had to go to school pissed without cutting then michael this guy in my PE class got me even more angrier than we got in a fight and i almost killed him.. only thing that stopped me was him just giving up.. and one time like last year i got in a fight and got sent to the hospital cause i wouldn't stop..


What did it feel like the first time you cut yourself? What was going through your head at the time? If you look at the thing that was going through your head at the time you can try and figure out why you cut in the first place.

For me it was my friends and my girlfriend at the time, my Mum and Dad
disagreed on me going out with her and we had a row, my friends were ignoring me and one of the best friends I had ever had fell out with me.
It may seem fairly normal but to me at the time it was the end of my life and for the first time in my life I begun to contemplate on suicide, cutting seemed a way of getting all my pain and anger out but I also blamed myself for many things so hurting myself seemed logical at the time.

Once I realised that cutting could not go on, I looked at the things that I thought of that first time and I basically had a checklist and I went around sorting everything out. By the time I had got everything sorted cutting seemed irrelevent.

That may not apply to everyone but if you try and sort out the problems going through your head each time, life will be better.

Cutting may be a temporary solution but in the long run it really does not help. It damages you sometimes in ways that will never leave you and can leave you with scars that last forever.

[Barelythere]

hey megamikey59, sorry i dont no ur name, imreli sorry to hear that you cut, i do to, on and off now, woo up to 6days free again :P anyway, i used to b extetremly angry like you, i got suspened 3 weeks in to yr 7 for getting in a fight, well a few, i was just so angry all the time, it was only untill last yr i gave up being anrgy, well tried, i still get reli angry but what happened was, this girl i hated, she bullied me, she started again, in front of everyone and all they did was watch as i let her beat me up, i had no will to fight back, but i saw my supposed friend laughtin at it, that got me, something in side me just clicked, i totally lost it, nearly threw the girl in the lake, and i no she cant swim, but i saw the looks on ppls faces, they looked dissapointed, i couldnt take it, i just froze mid screaming, i heared counting to 10 helps so i tryed it, it sorta worked but i had to keep saying over and over to myself , just breath dont do it, u will regret it later, u no u will, she saw her chance and started again but with 3 of her frinds as back up now, i dont no why but i let them, then this girl i didnt even reli no came and stood up for me, she took me out of it, took me to reception and i told a teacher what happened, the gril got asked to leave after i admitted all the things she had done or said she would, she still lives near me andi still see her but we have this silent agreement to just b civil now, anyway, sorry got a bit carried away, my point is getting anrgy will get u no where good, when u feel it coming take a step back for a second think about the consequences and if u can walk away, i did and even tho it killed me, and i still feel she won, she was the one that got in trouble, not me, so just try and stay strong huni, k, hope i was sme help ((hug))


sorry
back to thread, my 1st time cutting was when i was 9 i wa v angry and had no way to express it, i wanted to hurt my self for smereason, so i did what my childmider did to me sometimes, i took a knife and i cut the palm of my hand, but i didnt go any further like she did, the pain from that was enough, and now 9ish yrs later in still cutting, but im really deterined to stop, i dont want to hide the pain anymore, its too much x

[Mycall.]

Interesting...you seem to do it for jointly problems but I suspect a bit for the adrenaline rush you get in cutting. It is good in some aspects you aren't bothered about people knowing or seeing your cuts, but I cannot stress how "unhealthy" cutting is...just think of it like this...if God wanted us to cut ourselves, we would have a place to cut made specially for it!

Again, contact me if you wish to talk...oh and welcome to VT :)

What the hell! arent bothered about people knowing or seeing it is a good thing?..way to get attention towards urself.!! ..I know Jono didnt post this but he brought it up so im contradicting it.its really pathetic in my opinion...

xXXx

[schrei jess]

Just because you dont feel ashamed about your cutting doesnt make you pathetic. We shouldnt have to alter anything just because someone else wants is to. I dont bother to hide my cuts anymore because, a) Im tired of wearing long sleeves all the time, b) I shouldnt have to change what I want just because other people might make fun of it, and c) It is good to be comfortable enough with who you are and what you do. And just because we dont hide, doesnt mean we are asking for attention - it just means we arent ashamed and arent afraid of what other people will think.

Please dont post anything like that when you obviously dont understand what it is you're even talking about.

If that's a big deal for you, you can just stop looking and get over it.

[Mycall.]

Omg! it is asking for attention though!
its saying give me all ur attention cause im trying to make u feel sorry for me!

And how would u know if i understood or not, i havent yet sed that i dont do it.

xXXx

[schrei jess]

You obviously dont do it because you think that if we arent ashamed of it, then we are attention whores.

If you knew what it was like, and if you understood it, then you would know that it is like a huge burden being lifted off you if you can learn to not worry about what other people will think.

Im tired of hiding, and sure, by not hiding I get a lot of attention - but it wasnt what I was looking for. Teachers are noticing and sticking their noses where they dont belong, and people I dont even know are trying to get into my buisness - but I dont care, because I dont have to worry about hiding anything anymore, everyone knows and I dont feel ashamed anymore. It's great.

[Mycall.]

ah uh. well goes to show how much you know because i do it, i just dont flaunt it around.

[Sapphire]

Im tired of hiding, and sure, by not hiding I get a lot of attention - but it wasnt what I was looking for. Teachers are noticing and sticking their noses where they dont belong, and people I dont even know are trying to get into my buisness - but I dont care, because I dont have to worry about hiding anything anymore, everyone knows and I dont feel ashamed anymore. It's great.

I think its great that you can say honestly that you are not ashamed. In all the time I cut I have never been able to say that. For me, everyone knew but no one talked about it with me. It was seen as a problem, but not a problem to be talked about. This merely made me more ashamed.
My hat's off to you Weeping Willow.

Openess about self harm does not mean that you are doing it for attention. Sadly, many do not believe this.

[Φρανκομβριτ]

ah uh. well goes to show how much you know because i do it, i just dont flaunt it around.

This is a place for people to voice their opinions. Please don't be rude. She has a point, and if you don't agree, be nice, or don't say anything at all.

[schrei jess]

I think its great that you can say honestly that you are not ashamed. In all the time I cut I have never been able to say that. For me, everyone knew but no one talked about it with me. It was seen as a problem, but not a problem to be talked about. This merely made me more ashamed.
My hat's off to you Weeping Willow.

Openess about self harm does not mean that you are doing it for attention. Sadly, many do not believe this.

Thanks =] It took a while for me to be okay with it. Im not saying what I do is good, or right, but it feels so great to just finally get it off your mind. Yes it brings up a set of it's own problems, but if I can face one of my biggest ones, it shouldnt be that hard.

BornAgain, I know that having a problem like cutting isnt easy to deal with. It's hard to admit that to yourself that you even have a problem, even harder to admit to others. But when you're ready, you'll feel great. I hope you can reach that point.

And xx.sagacious.s2.tears.xx, Im not going to come here and keep arguing over this. Your posts have been rude, and it is clear that you dont fully understand this issue. My apologies for assuming that you didnt cut, but through your posts, to me it sounds like you're coming from the outside, trying to judge whats going on with the inside. And for the last time I will say this, I am not flaunting it. It is NOT something to be proud of. An A on a test is something to be pround of, cutting yourself...no, thats not praise worthy. My point is that I dont hide them because Im learning to deal with it rather than hiding. Can you understand that? It is not for attention. Do you honestly think I want people I dont even know coming up and asking me if I want to die, or if I like watching myself bleed? If you do, then maybe you have more of a problem then just cutting.

[RowanVer.3.0]

There's some people who cut that I have no sympathy for. Some(but not all), are just attention whores. They piss me off... I know some people who cut that seem like pretty nice girls.. There's just some, the ones that put it in their MSN names and all that shit and at school try and ask some people for sympathy, like "I had to have an abortion.. That's why I cut.."

It's so stupid because all of the problems of most of the one's that are like "it's because of this... please cry for me.." are preventable. I have sympathy for those who don't really have set reasons.

I think it has a lot more to do with depression and horomones and stuff than because daddy didn't buy you that new pony you had your eye on...

For some reason, it seems around where I live only teenage girls cut.. Maybe it has something to do with horomones? Hmm..

[lostCHICK]

yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me. :?

i have never cut myself b4 but i really want to help ppl thaat do
why dont you tell your mom/dad whats going on w/ ur life or write in a journal? maybe tell your pet, stuffed animal even! watch romance movies, have a weekend of fun w/ some really good friends ( i do NOT mean sexual fun) go to a quiet park w/ the one you love, maybe make some new friends! if you cant find friends at skool then i will be ur friend!:) go outside, get your mind off of the troubles in life! meditation may help
remember that you will never be alone:)

[lostCHICK]

Thanks =] It took a while for me to be okay with it. Im not saying what I do is good, or right, but it feels so great to just finally get it off your mind. Yes it brings up a set of it's own problems, but if I can face one of my biggest ones, it shouldnt be that hard.

BornAgain, I know that having a problem like cutting isnt easy to deal with. It's hard to admit that to yourself that you even have a problem, even harder to admit to others. But when you're ready, you'll feel great. I hope you can reach that point.

And xx.sagacious.s2.tears.xx, Im not going to come here and keep arguing over this. Your posts have been rude, and it is clear that you dont fully understand this issue. My apologies for assuming that you didnt cut, but through your posts, to me it sounds like you're coming from the outside, trying to judge whats going on with the inside. And for the last time I will say this, I am not flaunting it. It is NOT something to be proud of. An A on a test is something to be pround of, cutting yourself...no, thats not praise worthy. My point is that I dont hide them because Im learning to deal with it rather than hiding. Can you understand that? It is not for attention. Do you honestly think I want people I dont even know coming up and asking me if I want to die, or if I like watching myself bleed? If you do, then maybe you have more of a problem then just cutting.

ok im talking to the guy/gurl that quoted this, i dont cut myself , but im not rude to ppl either and i think all cutters should not be ashamed! other ppl probably dont under stand what you guys have been going through ( i think i dont want to judge) but if anyone wants to stop (hey im just tring to help those who do) i qouted that to someone who posted ok? if you have depression (sorry if im being offencive im trying not to be) then really PRAY
i no some ppl may think thats dumb, but it works GOD WILL HELP YOU even if it takess forever! HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE EVERYONE

[Lifesreject]

Once uv cut yr self for the first time it is reali hard to stop
Last year my frend started 2 cut herself and people got reali irritated with her about giveing her stuff about it and getting really angry but I sat her down and listened to what she had to say and slowly just by me listning to her it got easier and she eventually stopped cutting her wrists.
But reasentli I fell out with 2 of my best friends and my boyfrend and i started to self harm myself i cut my wrists and ankles but the same person who i helped did the same for me. and she also gt me 2 go 2 a specalist and now i havnt cut myself for 2 months and am reali happy now and m bk frends and have anew bofrend who respects me.

[star_face]

The first time i cut i was 13 going on 14 and i was very lost, i was starting to find out who i was, at the time i had a friend that was into alot of drugs and drinking and we slowly became best friends, her family life wasn't the best and she would cut to control everything going on, and slowly i got pulled into everything and my life seemed to get out of control, i didn't even know what day it was becuase i'd been knocked out with drugs. the first time i cut was just on the top of my arm with a small pair of nail sissors, i didn't really think much too it becuase at the time i was very upset and it seemed to carm me almost into a trance as i did it.

As time went on whenever i didn't get my way or in drug fueled anger i'd go up to to my room to cut and it would calm me down and it would also help me sleep. when my mum found out she just thought it was a one off sort of thing but she made sure that i couldn't get hold of any sharp objects to do it again so i started to use other ways like burning with hair straightners and anything else hot, or running a very very hot bath, id do it on my legs stomach and arms, after a while i would slip up and one of my other friends would see the burn marks. after this i got scared that they might leave me or think i was werid so i stopped for a short while . then one day one of my friends came up to me and said she cut too and showed me them like she was proud of them, they were just little red lines that had hardly marked the skins and i felt angry that she was doing it just for pure attention within the week she had showen everyone them and all she would talk about was cutting.
I don't know if anyone else has felt this but i felt like it was almost a competition and i wanted to outdo her to show her up as being a fake and attention seeking so id cut deeper and deeper but i would never tell anyone, it turned out that she didn't really cut and she never did it again.

i don't cut as oftern as i used to now and i'm clean and i've stopped drinking, but i can't express emotion like others i don't show anger and i've never been upset infront of anyone, and i have been bullied since i can remember and because of it i'm quiet withdrawn from others and i find my self getting angry with my self becuase i can't stand up to the bullies and i let them do it, it's almost like i'm holding my self back and it's very fustrating so i guess thats why i cut, to express feeling.

sorry about it being so long x

[heartagram72]

thats great....

my first time was when i wasnt cutting at all
my friends started to hate me and call me emo
i wasnt emo at all
then my grades dropped, and i strarted becoming more and more emo
i soon started cutting, becasue my parents yelled at me about my grades, and my girlfriend broke up w/ me and started rumors.
i later got over this, tried stopping, and then i would make myself happy
i would make fun of her back...(she did it first, and so did every1 else) so she left me alone.
i showed my friends my death metal, hardcore, and rock music, not just emo. then i got my friends back, and i just kind of stopped and took up music instead....im soo happy i quit now!

[feel_the_silence]

My first time... was last november. For about 3 years I had harbored a passionate hate that I could not release. My logic of course was to turn it against me. I turned it into self hate...it was so simple...it was so fucked up. Now I can see my anger...I can see my hate. I used my scissors and hated myself for what that man did to me...for what I had no control over. It's been only 3 months now but I'm trying to let that hate go

[Serenity]

If you're starting a new subject, start a new thread so this one can continue as needed. Thanks :)

[TheDude]

For me I was proper depressed and I went into a depression support chatroom and we were all attempting to cheer people up and stuff (not everyone was depressed) then I said my age and apparently a rule was that you had to be 18. I then was stuck on the thought pattern "The world hates you. Why are you here? You are a waste of space" and bad stuff like that. And I felt like everything was my fault. I have a phobia of blood - so picked up the first sharp thing that wasnt like a blade or anything - it was a comb and I just kept on trying to rip through my flesh with it like a saw it went like 1-2mm deep and it made me relax and stuff and receive my punishment for like 2 minutes. Then my friends came online I explained stuff and they cheered me up a bit etc etc. I then stopped being depressed a couple of months later, yay!

[Crow]

The first time I cut was when my mum abandoned me emotionally.

[billie_joes_bitch]

It's not that simple for people who cut, logical thinking such as that is not as easy as it sounds.

thats true logical thinking doesnt come easy to a cutter....i know this coz i am one n i hav mates that do it aswell........ none of us do it as often or as bad as what we have done before because we've got each other to help each other through it......i know it probabley** sounds daft but it helped me cut down on the self harming n it has with my mates



**spelt wrong knowing my luck

[Never_Forget]

my first time was.. well.. my life was just a mess... all i could feel and think was:
"My friends hate me, my family hate me, society hates me, life hates me..."
It felt oddly relaxing, and even though ive stopped, i feel a need to start again.

[dushanbe4]

Instead of cutting just strap a rubber band over your wrist. If the need to cut arises, just snap yourself a few times, and all better.
^^

[lucki_scotti]

cutting also releases good hormones in the body that make you feel better about whats happening so you can accually become cemically addicted to it because you train your mind that every time you cut you begin to feel better.

[ViciousScheme]

I dont mean to encourage or arouse cutting habits more, but what does it feel like when you cut. Just out of PURE CURIOSITY. Not the kind that killed the cat, the safe kind. And I'm not weathered in this topic but I think I can help. I understand how hard it is. I helped a friend stop before.And I do Understand this is a VERY touchy topic and you always want to think think out very thoroughly, then do it an extra 5 times. The wrong words can lead to chaos.

[Chaos_and_Disorder]

I started cutting about three years ago, I think.

I began cutting during the course of dating my first real boyfriend. They were short, shallow cuts that would leave a scar for a while and would fade over in time. I never showed anybody but my ex boyfriend would always pull up my hoodie sleeves and he would see them. He got really upset about them and encouraged me to stop. I stopped because he wanted me to but I went to popping my wrist with my hair ties. I did it so hard it left marks on my wrists and he got upset again. So, I stopped.

I then went through tough times with my mum about the whole dating thing. I picked up cutting again. This time with a pocket knife and she saw the blood on it and freaked out. I went months and months without it. And then things fell apart. I went back to cutting and as of right now I'm an active cutter. I use to only make small cuts and a reasonable amount. But now, it's without care for the length or how much I cut. I clean them and watch after them.


I can't really explain the feeling to a person that isn't a cutter. It's a feeling of being in control. I have stress on my chest and then when I cut, it's all gone. Cutting is the only thing that stops me from committing suicide. When I don't cut, I get suicidal. So, it's an easy option to save myself.

[dem.re.cmd.exe]

My first cut was 10. It was awful. I never thought I'd do it again, but I did. It felt like a blade was cutting me... (obviously), but I couldn't stop it. It just kept cutting and cutting in different places some deep some shallow some long some short. My actual first cut was a shallow cut on my thigh. painful, but I didn't get much of a scar from it.

[Never_Forget]

I first cut when I was 10, too. I'd just ran upstairs because of the way someone said something to me and I was in the bathroom. I felt worthless, unwanted, I cried. Then I noticed a razor... I considered it for a moment, then I cut myself for the first time. Obviously not knowing how to use a razor to cut I made quite a mess. First I tried dragging it up my arm but al It did was redden my arm so I just slashed, hard. It was all puffy and red but it made me feel so much better. A few weeks after I stopped as my mom noticed the scars and I couldn't keep them covered during summer. I've recently started cutting again because... Because I missed my scars and the pain... Anyway, that's what was going through my head the first time I cut... So like, yeah cyaz.

~Sam

[ktkurbst0mp]

I cut myself for over 3 years.
I started when I was 9.

My mom has been disabled ever since I was little and I had always blamed myself. There was really no reason 'why' I blamed myself, I just did. And that's all I knew. I had some falling throughs with my friends. Two of them in particular would always make jokes about me, which at one point in time I would have probably laughed at. But not then, at the time, I was very depressed. I hated myself, and I thought I was trash.
The first time I cut it was on accident. I was doing the dishes one day when I was really angry with my parents, and I had accidentally slipped a knife, and it cut me. I had this wierd sensation for a minute. And my anger was gone.
Completely.

After that, I started doing it regularly.
Whenever I got mad, that's what I did.

Finally, I ended up telling someone. I went to therapy, and stuff but it didn't help much. I stopped cutting on my own about 6 months ago. I still have my slip ups every once and a while, but I'm okay.


At one point in my journey, I stopped even feeling depressed or "good" when I cut. I just did it to do it. Your brain gets addicted to the endorphins your body releases when it's trying to heal a wound. a "natural pain reliever" of some sort. Cutting, releases this. And your body gets a "high" off of it.


But I'm glad it's over.

[quagmire333]

first ask yourself why you cut yourself.
go to a frend and talk to them about it and try to figure out a way around it.
for those of religion, pray.

[zacharooo]

from what i hear cutting is just like smoking pot or and other drug or cig... its extremely hard

[Mad Mads]

Ugh this subject is hard. I was a cutter, my first cut was the deepest but it was an accadent. I was cutting up meat with a dirty fishing knife and then the microwave beeped and I went to open it with my other hand and slice. the worst part for me was the fact that i did not even cry or scream no emotion came out I am still shoked to this day.

[strongheart]

I cut because I want something visual to show the pain i'm feeling.

when i look at the scars i remember that i really am feeling bad and that this will prove that i'm not making the pain up.

i started 4 months ago. now it's like an addiction.

[ariana]

I recently started cutting. Most of it was brought on because I can no longer talk to the guy I'm in love with because of his parents. Plus, he has a new girlfriend now. It felt extremely good to cut and it helped a hell of a lot. I've done it twice so far on my legs and it's really bad looking. And big.

[electric7rocker]

ARIANA!!! cuttings bad you need to stop before it gets to late..... seriously.

[Camazotz]

Its alright Ariana. We're all here to help you. :hug:

[electric7rocker]

ariana im everywhere to help you :P

[ariana]

[POSSIBLE SPAM] This post contained links and was either posted by a guest, a restricted account, or a member with less than 10 posts. This may be an advertising spam message from a bot or an eager salesman. In short, please disregard this post :)

[jma94]

Well, Several months ago, I was rather aggravated. I was feeling sad for some reason, my aunt [ who i live with] was yelling at me for some stupid reason like she always does. So i picked up a knife and slid it across my wrist. Wasn't deep, but i did several moreon each arm.

[ariana]

I didn't cut my arm,that freaks me out for some reason.
I cut my legs.
eerghh=/

[electric7rocker]

i started on my arms, then went to my legs so no one could see it, then went to my arms cuz i liked it better.

now its nowhere :)

[scatman]

cutting doent benafit you in the least amount so i say dont do it ive done it trust me its not something you want to look back at when your older

[Mzor203]

I made my first cuts for no good reason at all today. Just small little lines on my hand. It didn't even feel that good. No blood.

[Gender-Unknown]

Why do people cut? Does it make them feel better but the pain would be severe wouldn't it?

Tell me please?

[ShatteredWings]

Why do people cut? Does it make them feel better but the pain would be severe wouldn't it?

Tell me please?

i honestly don't know why...why it hurts, but it doesn't...idk..i guess it justs gets your mind off it...not saying it's GOOD...but....
for the record, there are other ways people hurt themselves, i know cause my first choice doentn actualy envolve blood

[Crystal-Clear]

Go look at the Magicians Assistant thread, and listen to the song I put there.
If that can't put across the message, I don't know what can.

People can tell you to stop cutting before it's too late, but its up to you guys to take that advice and make it happen. Its lik quick sand, once your in, its tough to get back out.

(For those of you that are lazy thread is there -> http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=24024)

[DouggyO.o]

Why do people cut? Does it make them feel better but the pain would be severe wouldn't it?

Tell me please?
It can be hard to understand why people cut themselves on purpose. Cutting is a way some people try to cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship problems. They may be dealing with feelings that seem too difficult to bear, or bad situations they think can't change.

Some people cut because they feel desperate for relief from bad feelings. People who cut may not know better ways to get relief from emotional pain or pressure.


There are other ways to cope with difficulties, even big problems and terrible emotional pain. The help of a mental health professional might be needed for major life troubles. For other tough situations or strong emotions, it can help put things in perspective to talk problems over with parents, other adults, or friends. Believe it or not, getting plenty of exercise can also help put problems in perspective.

But people who cut may not have developed these skills. When emotions don't get expressed in a healthy way, tension can build up — sometimes to a point where it seems almost unbearable. Cutting may be an attempt to relieve that extreme tension. It's a confused way of feeling in control.

Younger teens are more likely to cut — perhaps because older teens know other ways to deal with problems.

Cutting is more common among girls, but guys sometimes self-injure, too.

The urge to cut might be triggered by strong feelings the person can't express — such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or depression. People who cut sometimes say they feel they don't fit in or that no one understands them. A person might cut because of losing someone close or to escape a sense of emptiness. Cutting might seem like the only way to find relief or express personal pain over relationships or rejection.

People who cut or self-injure sometimes have other mental health problems that contribute to their emotional tension. Cutting is sometimes (but not always) associated with depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, obsessive thinking, or compulsive behaviors. It can also be a sign of mental health problems that cause people to have trouble controlling their impulses or to take unnecessary risks. Some people who cut themselves have problems with drug or alcohol abuse.

Some people who cut have had a traumatic experience, such as living through abuse, violence, or a disaster. Self-injury may feel like a way of "waking up" from a sense of numbness after a traumatic experience. Or it may be a way of reinflicting the pain they went through, expressing anger over it, or trying to get control of it.

[pretty-mistake]

hello.
i'm new here.
about 2 weeks ago, i started cutting for the first time in a year.
i feel such a failure at times. i just sit there and look at the marks thinking what have i done =[

[ShatteredWings]

It can be hard to understand why people cut themselves on purpose. Cutting is a way some people try to cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship problems. They may be dealing with feelings that seem too difficult to bear, or bad situations they think can't change.

Some people cut because they feel desperate for relief from bad feelings. People who cut may not know better ways to get relief from emotional pain or pressure.


There are other ways to cope with difficulties, even big problems and terrible emotional pain. The help of a mental health professional might be needed for major life troubles. For other tough situations or strong emotions, it can help put things in perspective to talk problems over with parents, other adults, or friends. Believe it or not, getting plenty of exercise can also help put problems in perspective.

But people who cut may not have developed these skills. When emotions don't get expressed in a healthy way, tension can build up — sometimes to a point where it seems almost unbearable. Cutting may be an attempt to relieve that extreme tension. It's a confused way of feeling in control.

Younger teens are more likely to cut — perhaps because older teens know other ways to deal with problems.

Cutting is more common among girls, but guys sometimes self-injure, too.

The urge to cut might be triggered by strong feelings the person can't express — such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or depression. People who cut sometimes say they feel they don't fit in or that no one understands them. A person might cut because of losing someone close or to escape a sense of emptiness. Cutting might seem like the only way to find relief or express personal pain over relationships or rejection.

People who cut or self-injure sometimes have other mental health problems that contribute to their emotional tension. Cutting is sometimes (but not always) associated with depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, obsessive thinking, or compulsive behaviors. It can also be a sign of mental health problems that cause people to have trouble controlling their impulses or to take unnecessary risks. Some people who cut themselves have problems with drug or alcohol abuse.

Some people who cut have had a traumatic experience, such as living through abuse, violence, or a disaster. Self-injury may feel like a way of "waking up" from a sense of numbness after a traumatic experience. Or it may be a way of reinflicting the pain they went through, expressing anger over it, or trying to get control of it.

on the nose

[kerry]

i will haven't and will not cut myself in my life....

[Underground_Network]

Knives scare me. I prefer to burn myself or inflict pain in other ways. I haven't hurt myself intentionally in forever though. Last time I intentionally hurt myself was on our end of the year field trip last year in 8th grade when we had a "who could endure the most pain" contest... I would've won, but we never finished b/c we got in trouble for stealing all the ice and salt packets... But yeah, cutting is just a way of relieving stress, its not necessarily a good way of relieving stress, but its better than many alternatives. I for one admit that I will never cut myself, but if there was a gun in my house [which there isn't] and I had a bad day, I wouldn't hesitate at shooting myself.

[ShatteredWings]

Last time I intentionally hurt myself was on our end of the year field trip last year in 8th grade when we had a "who could endure the most pain" contest... I would've won, but we never finished b/c we got in trouble for stealing all the ice and salt packets... .

ice and salt??

[SirRawrsalot]

Dougy, that explanation was brilliant (rep).

My first time cutting was when I was 12 (I'm almost 16) and all I had was an aluminum pie tin that I ripped up... :( A lot was going through my mind at the time.

[Ceilidh]

Ehhh... this sounds pretty bad, but I used to self harm to let anger out when I was about 5-6 years old.

I used to bite/scratch myself, and sometimes I'd make myself bleed.

It's just an old habit sadly. I started cutting myself with razors and things when I was about 13-14 though.

[zackF.]

by no means am i trying to insult you
but what goes through your mind when you cut yourself? what do you think? do you think?

fight quotes removed

I cut myself for the first time yesterday and when I was doing it I wasn't really thinking about anything. It was like everything around me just stopped and all of my problems were gone. I wish I could have that feeling all of the time.

[miles44]

why do u do it anyway?

[zackF.]

it felt to me like a release for all of the problems I have with parents and school or whatever it was as if I was lost in my own world while I was doing it

[Malcolm Tucker]

Look, now is the time to stop. You have only cut once, once. Don't let it become addiction, it will consume you. Night and Day. Every day. If you keep going, and quit further down the line, it will be harder to stop. So stop now.

[Triceratops]

Personally, I see self-harming as a helpful way of dealing with stress, anxiety, anger, hatred, depression and whatnot. Once you start, the harder it is to quit.

I remember the first time I began self-harming. I was about 10 years old.

I remember I had a rough day at school, it wasn't anything drastic though. I used drawing pins and plastic knifes to scratch all up my arms. I become kinda addicted to it and a few people asked stuff like "What are all those marks on your arm?!"
As the years went on, objects I'd use to self-harm with got more and more lethal and painful. When I became 13 years old, that's when I started to use pen knives and hair straightening irons to scold and burn myself with. I had scars all up my wrists, but I did a hell of a good job of covering them up! I would always wear tons of bracelets and hoodies to hide my scars.
Then, during when I had just turned 14 years old, I didn't self-harm as frequent as I used to. So only about a few months ago I began to self-harm AGAIN. It became more and more often. I became stressed and anxious all the time and then one day I couldn't take it any more so I burst into tears, ran towards the cutlery drawer and picked out the biggest, sharpest kitchen knife in there. It was really dangerous looking so I didn't aim for my wrists, I just cut myself a few times on my upper arm. It hurt like mad!!!

I haven't really found a way of escaping my self-harming as I do it very often, but I rely on God to help me and I recieve counselling a lot too.

[The Batman]

My first cut was June 25, 2008. My birthday.

[-Silence]

Marshki, first, welcome to VT! ^_^
Thank you for sharing.
Do you write or draw or sing, or anything creative of the sort?
Maybe an activity like that can distract you from self harm?
When you were 14 what caused you to not harm yourself as frequent?

Thomas, what happened?
Do you plan on stopping?

[The Batman]

I'm sorry it was June 15, 2008. The day I came out to a friend and he didn't take it the way I was hoping.

[BlackenedSilver]

Hmmm.. My first time cutting.. Well I have always Banged my head on a wall really hard whenever I get pissed off because I did something wrong, or nothings just going right, when I was younger.
I didnt start cutting till, well june this year. Because the head banging just wasnt enough. I really liked this guy and he rejected me, then he later came out as gay, so then I had most people teasing me because I fancied him, and the stress of my exams on top of that, because I was distracted with everything else I wasnt focusing on my school work so in practise exams I got E's.. and this caused my parents to yell at me to do well. Then, I started to try harder but couldnt go out with my friends because of it so they had all these inside jokes and I just felt like I didnt fit in. So all this.. and a few others things I would rather not say lead to my cutting :(
Sorry its a bit long.

[Triceratops]

Marshki, first, welcome to VT! ^_^
Thank you for sharing.
Do you write or draw or sing, or anything creative of the sort?
Maybe an activity like that can distract you from self harm?
When you were 14 what caused you to not harm yourself as frequent?

Hey :] thank you very much ^__^
I do have a lot of hobbies such as drawing, photography, writing my own stories and songs and poems etc. Oh and considering learning the polish or japanese language :)

Well, I'm not really entirely sure myself. Since I was somewhat addicted to harming myself. I guess I spent a lot of time with my friends and family too much to be cutting myself. Though I would probably use hanging out with friends as a distraction from self-harming, but whenever I had the free time when I was in complete despair then I would hurt myself but only with things like safety pins or needles just stab myself slightly on my arms repeatedly, so it wasn't as dangerous as I usually would do.

But my major self-hurting returned as I got a bit older because I began to feel more stressed, anxious and under pressure so I now resort to the "much more harmful" ways of self-harming because it helps me to feel more relieved.

[rocknjams89]

DO NOT DO IT! Find another way to get attention.

[Triceratops]

DO NOT DO IT! Find another way to get attention.

Excuse me :| it's a lot more difficult than that.

And it's NOT for the attention either! It's a way of dealing with stress and emotions, hence why most true self-harmers do what they can to hide their scars. I'm not saying that people don't do it for attention at all because some of them do, those are the people who are lowlife, sad and pathetic to do such a small-minded thing. You shouldn't give them attention in the first place.

And how should you know if you've never been through it before? Or even if you have, you need to be more understanding.

[Callwaiting]

Rockn it really has nothing to do with attention, it's a very private thing, which is why, like Marshki said, most SIers try to hide their scars/burns from everybody, and never talk about it.

Again, there's no way you can just "stop" it. It's just as addictive and dangerous as a drug, which most people, apparently including you, don't realise.
Please take the time to try to learn and understand this, as we don't need somebody on this forum who speaks out of sterotypical views.

[BlackenedSilver]

Excuse me :| it's a lot more difficult than that.

And it's NOT for the attention either! It's a way of dealing with stress and emotions, hence why most true self-harmers do what they can to hide their scars. I'm not saying that people don't do it for attention at all because some of them do, those are the people who are lowlife, sad and pathetic to do such a small-minded thing. You shouldn't give them attention in the first place.

And how should you know if you've never been through it before? Or even if you have, you need to be more understanding.

You said it sista!! (Cheesy but the moment called for it)
I agree! People who S/h for attention must have a stupid way of thinking, if they think that they have to cause themselves pain for attention.
It is alot more difficult to stop than people think, but its hard to explain why. :confused:


And.. Hi! :groupwave: Welcome :D

[DarkWingedAngel]

me i cut for awhile for like the past 2 years i went to counseling to help me so i tricked my mom into believing me that i was fine so i did not have to go there anymore,
then when my parents got split up i started to cut even more
now i don't do it so much because im on VT for most of the time and don't have much spear time because of VT
but i still cut at least like 3 times a day
i do a pretty good job at hiding it from my mom to
oo and i started cutting when i was 11 or 12

[Triceratops]

Hehe thank you BlackenedSilver ^__^

I totally agree with Callwaiting and BlackenedSilver
It's incredibly addicitve, and telling a self-harmer to "STOP!" is like telling a heroin addict to quit.
Self-harming is really complicated and just like BlackendSilver said, it's really hard to explain why it's so complicated and only the self-harmer themselves will know how it feels.

[just-me]

the reason i started- emotional overload, alone and isolated. i was 13 and over the past 3 years i have periods of stoppin and starting, but ive just started collage and i think its wat has triggered it again, i have been worse, but i can see this spiralling out of control.

[ssgliberty]

it really hard to stop i`m addicted i like cant contreoll it wah.:(

[Michalalay]

well like... im not proud of it but i've been "cutting" for over a year. and like i didnt start because of like.. extenzive depression. i mean i was depressed but it seemed like we all were.

it was like.. it was cool for use to have slits on our wrists :( in our group.. like it was a social to go round someone's house and like.. cut ourselves.

it kinda seems like a cult now.. but really we were so normal otherwise.. i duno why it seemed cool. but like.. i feel. now.. just like my group does.. that we cant stop :S

[DoYouLikeCookies]

I cut not proud but i do. :( hard 2 stop. was good for 4 months then people start callin my names and stuff and i just started again. I think i got it more under control now.

[not-strong-enough]

i think i started cutting when i was 12/13. mainly because i had really bad exzema. it was a constant itch and pain and it had gotten so bad it covers my arms and legs. i got so stressed by it and by the sever itch that one night i grabbed a pair of sharp tweezers and started scrabbing my arms to take away from the itching. from then on it became the thing i did when i got stressed or upset or anything along those lines.
its an on and off thing, i did go for 7/8 months not doin it which was great but then i started again, worse than ever.

it took over me again last night/this mornin after a week or so without it. dont know how im ever going to get past it. it always comes back. always.

[zarri]

I've got exzema, too! It's quite depressing, because I'd love smooth skin. ;D

Cutting is terrible, really. I'm trying to stop, but you know how that goes...

[chelsay13]

Yea, same here, except I first started with metal compasses, and then dull scissors, and then staples...and yes it is hard to stop, I've tried 4 times...unsuccessfully. I tried just a few weeks ago, and now I have 14 cuts.

wow, i used a metal compass, and then dull scissors, but now i use these fasteners.

[Emoboi]

I am 16 and I started cutting when I was 12 in 7th grade I can never stop 1 time my sister got in a car accident coming to pick me up from hockey I felt like it was my fault and cut drum my wrist to my elbow and I nvr feel pain from cutting I am addicted I do it every day!!!!!!!!!!

What should I do I CANT stop

[Ruiner]

I started out subconsciously scratching myself at about 13, when I was angry or upset. I didn't realise what I was doing, what it could lead to. Soon it wasn't enough, so I used the clasp of my watch. I never really even saw it as properly cutting, so didn't think it counted. But it's a slippery slope - I'm now almost 16 and most definitely 'properly cutting'. Every day.

[ShatteredGlass]

My first time cutting was in the fifth grade, i stopped for a little but i could never get that feeling i had when i drew a blade across my wrists so i started again and my mom found out (my whole family likes to eavesdrop on my conversations) then she sent me to a therapist. I stopped for a little but I'm getting the urges again, some ppl dont understand that cutting is more than just a feeling it's like an addiction almost a way of life. It's so hard to turn away even tho i know that it's wrong. I HATE the scars i cant wear short sleeves ne more, my sister hates it, the ppl at skool talk about me like im some sort of freak. And maybe i am but all i want is acceptance...no, i more want someone to understand.

[ivejustbegun]

Shattered Glass is one of the best on Circus IMO

(I just had to say that I'm sorry what you guys are going through :()

[XamyX]

I dont think anyone who hasnt experienced self harming can imagine what it is like, my mum sat me down and asked why i do it and then done the 'attention seeking' on me. i feel totlally lost most of the time and think about it so much, iv done well latley not to cut but dont feel like i can ever stop!! Iv harmed myselfin so many differen ways, i remember being about 6-7 and taking an overodse, and its all down to the abuse iv suffered. I remember my firts time cutin and it just sort of hapened, i didnt intend to do it but i got so hysterical that i did, i wasnt thinking straight and felt worhtless and alone, i done it and the pain inside just stopped, and the sight of the blood gave me a feeling of control. Iv never spoke about my self harming but thought that maybe this site could help me alot as im getin back to my old self destrcuing state, which inlvoes alot of alchol and a mixture of any tablest i can get my hands on, which usally results in me bein in hosptal!!! id really like it if i found someone on here that i can talk to and understand me.

oh and sorry to go on and butt in but it just sort of come out .

[Ruiner]

I
oh and sorry to go on and butt in but it just sort of come out .

Don't think you're butting in at all. If you need to vent, then go ahead. That's what this place is for.
And it seems like you need to, I mean, your mum... that must've been awful. Cutting is not for attention and when it is, it should still be taken seriously.
Feel free to message me if you feel so inclined.

[Triceratops]

Personally, I see self-harming as a helpful way of dealing with stress, anxiety, anger, hatred, depression and whatnot. Once you start, the harder it is to quit.

I remember the first time I began self-harming. I was about 11 years old when I had a rough day at school, it wasn't anything drastic though. I used drawing pins and plastic knifes to scratch all up my arms. I become kinda addicted to it and a few people asked stuff like "What are all those marks on your arm?!"
As the years went on, objects I'd use to self-harm with got more and more lethal and painful. When I became 13 years old, that's when I started to use pen knives and hair straightening irons to scold and burn myself with. I had scars all up my wrists, but I did a hell of a good job of covering them up! I would always wear tons of bracelets and hoodies to hide my scars.
Then, during when I had just turned 14 years old, I didn't self-harm as frequent as I used to. So only about a few months ago I began to self-harm AGAIN. It became more and more often. I became stressed and anxious all the time and then one day I couldn't take it any more so I burst into tears, ran towards the cutlery drawer and picked out the biggest, sharpest kitchen knife in there. It was really dangerous looking so I didn't aim for my wrists, I just cut myself a few times on my upper arm. It hurt like mad!!!

I haven't really found a way of escaping my self-harming as I do it very often, but I rely on God to help me and I recieve counselling a lot too.

Omg I never really realised that I had posted my life story in this thread O__O lol. And what's with the colors? :S I think I had only first joined VT when I posted this.

This is just a brief description in to the years of my self harming. But all I can say is the hardest part of harming yourself is STOPPING. But, we can all conquer this, no matter how f*cking long this takes us !

[kittiegocrazy]

Hm. I really wasn't sure where to post to even introduce myself. (I didn't see a newbie section anywhere..) This area of the forum is an area I can relate to.. I suppose I could share a bit of my experiences in cutting myself.


Cutting has been an ongoing struggle for me on and off since I was a couple months shy of fourteen, I believe. If not my first time was thirteen. I'm not sure anymore because I've repressed a majority of my seventh and eighth grade school years except for select memories. I do remember it started then. I'd used a safety pin that I had bent straight to make it easier.. And I would scratch & scratch in the same spot on my wrists until they'd bleed. I never went too deep; I didn't want the scars to stay for too long. I valued wearing t-shirts and tank tops in the summer heat. I did this only a few times through out the course of those two school years, and one of my friends was aware I'd become depressed. I've only been able to link it back to having played on my middle school's basketball team, where I had been the reject/outcast of the team because of how I looked.

My freshman year, I promised to have a new start. I was in high school now. Things would be different, and they were. My Pop-Pop (dad's dad) came down with a nasty cancer, and passed away only two weeks after it being discovered.. and the morning after a nice Thanksgiving. A month later, and two days after Christmas, my dog had to be put down because of a severe leukemia. Then, when on 'vacation' in North Carolina, on Psalm Sunday we returned to my grandmother's down there to find her & my Pop-Pop's sweet dog had been hit and killed - her neighbor had brought her body up into the driveway so she didn't turn into a flat "road pancake." Within just a few months, I had become emotionally numb to feeling anything. The only thing that brought back some of my feeling anything had been getting a puppy for my fifteenth birthday at a flea market in South Carolina. It's amazing what puppy breath and puppy kisses can do to a person. The puppy became something I could put my mind to when I needed to avoid thinking about hurting myself in any way. Before getting him, I'd started hitting my head on walls when I'd get mad or depressed. Having him around kept me from that, and when I had to watch him (which was basically all the time), he'd get put on his leash and go for walks with me... Though I often carried him around because he was too small to take mile walks around town w/ me and my friends.

But my father became abusive to him when he started to show 'spiteful' signs... and misbehave. It caused countless fights between me and him... as well as my brother and mother. While that has since stopped for the most part, my father remains to be really aggressive to the dog when he acts up.

My sophomore year, things began to change again. Friendship problems and such, to keep it as short as possible. Again, the classmates calling me a cutter and a goth (because I wore a lot of dark colors; when the year before it had been because i wore a lot of cammo and skulls, which became the hip thing of 10th grade when i'd stopped wearing it)... The cutter remarks were the most harsh. They were right, I had cut myself before. I'd fight back, not confirming or denying the comment. I just couldn't sit and take it. The teasing and taunting was the worst that year. And because of all the things going on with one of my friends on top of my dad's aggressiveness to my dog & the teasing at school, I caved in. Once again, I'd called on the safety pins. This time, the scars stayed longer but would fade.

But I stopped myself again. I was so close to feeling safe from the habit and addiction... When I fell into it again. This time because of a different friend and a boy that had come between us. It was stupid, and I knew it.. But I couldn't help but be hostile. Just once and I was done.

But... Junior year... Would prove the most difficult of them all. I faught to avoid hurting myself in the form of cutting. I didn't want to turn to it. But nothing seemed to ease the pain inside like the sting of the cuts. The safety pins returned, but it was soon no longer enough. It wasn't cutting it anymore.

So I brought home a pair of sewing scissors from school. At first, I let them sit. I didn't want it to come to that, but it did. I made sure to clean them before even daring to use them to hurt myself. I faught to put off doing it. I knew the cost. I knew the scars wouldn't fade anymore. I was very aware of what it would do to my skin, but I did it anyway. It became a combination of safety pins and scissors. I would only use the scissors when I was completely overwhelmed.

I struggled to stop. It eventually got to the point that I caved in and spoke to my guidance counselor at school. My parents had spoken to him twice before and asked him to try to talk to me... But I was completely distanced from people trying to ask me what was wrong. But I felt I could trust him. I never told him I was hurting myself in any way. I went to him and said, "I've been putting this off for too long... I think I may be depressed and I don't know what to do."

The result was my parents being told to get a family counselor & to get me my own therapist. They never acted on it until they came into the school again, expecting some kind of sympathy when I still was borderline refusing to go to school or even wake up anymore. The nurse (she'd been in on the meeting that took place a week after my going to my guidance counselor) asked if they'd found a family counselor at least, and they said no & my dad went on to make some kind of excuse. She picked out a few names under our coverage for them to start with. She said if they needed help finding a therapist for me, that she could help out.

They never found a therapist for me. They never even attempted to. They thought the problems would stop at family counseling.

When I got a job working at a boardwalk, I had something to put my mind to. I was terrified of being judged by the scars on my arms, and was going to work in hoodies and long sleeves.. even during the heat wave we got. I got a nasty rash from the combination of sweat and heat and the material of the hoodies mixed with the two... One of my bosses approached me one day and said, "You can't be dressing like that out here. It's not healthy. You're going to make yourself really sick." So I stopped wearing the hoodies. No one I worked with judged me, which was a relief.

But since the boardwalk closed for the winter, I have nothing to really put my mind on or to look forward to. Just school. And I hate it there because of some of the changes made. I'm at risk of failing off of my school bowling team because I may fail two classes this marking period. Some issues have come up that have me tempted to start up again when I'm a couple months shy of having not cut in a year.

I know my post is long and I feel like I've rambled... But... There it is... My not so little introduction. Right now, I'm struggling to fight the urge to start an old habit back up with all of the added stress of being a senior in high school, having to save my grades from failure in two classes in just five days, and a few other things.

please forgive me for having such an insanely long post. x]

[MysticalBurrito]

its ok

i wsih people wouldnt judge me for my scars
i started cutting at age 11 stopped for a while then went back to it razors stolen from my aunts boyfriends :(

[kittiegocrazy]

I was scared as anything when it came to baring my arms for my job. The people I worked with, my managers, and bosses didn't judge me, which was a relief like no other. They'd already gotten to know me enough by the time it came to that, which may have been why.

But the people who visited the place, that I had to 'serve' or whatever.. You could tell they were judging just by how they would look at me. It was unpleasant, but I just dealt with it. I wasn't going to let it get to me.

I've faught with it on and off since I started some time ago. This can be the first time I've gone this long without doing it. Not to say I don't think about it. Fighting the urge is the hardest part, and right now, the urge is burning because of all the pressure and stress I'm under right now.

[MysticalBurrito]

:hug3: stay strong you can do it!

[LonelyAppleTree]

Hey, sorry to introud..
I would like to ask a question , do you ever feel that if there's a bad thought going through you're mind that or you had a bad day the only thing you can so to get away from that you have to just cut yourself? I have only being feeling the need to do this for a couple of months but it just helps me to get away from reality for a short time, to not focus on life.. Does anyone feel like this?

Sorry.

[kittiegocrazy]

I'm not sure if this answers your question entirely... But I would do it for a number of reasons. One of the most common ones being as punishment for messing up or doing something wrong... I'd even punish myself for caring about one of my friends who was going through a tough time & dropped out of school when I needed to care about myself more... It'd be me punishing myself for being selfish for not wanting to care about anyone but myself when I needed it.

Right now, I have bad thoughts going through my mind. One of my reasons for joining this message board is because it's somewhere I can talk to people who share common ground with me... Who understand why people cut.. etc. All I've been thinking about is hurting myself or cutting myself again... Because I remember what it felt like, the good and bad feelings. I remember the release. It's really hard for me to avoid doing it right now, but so far, I'm hanging as strong as I can.

[sawman]

hey,
Sorry I seem to be butting in but i would like to put in my "two-cents".

The first time i ever cut I was in the 7th grade. (about 3 years ago) It was dumb I was depressed and I didn't know what to do, I wanted to be 'happy' again. I don't know why but i grabbed the knife that was on the counter and made a line. There wasn't any blood and I don't know why I did it but I could feel something again. I wasn't so numb. But then everything just went down from there, a downward spiral, people call it. Cutting became an addiction, where it felt like i needed it to feel somewhat normal. I'm supposed to try stopping it, but I don't know if I can anymore..I've used it for two long.

Yeah I agree, after doing it for a while it's really hard when you get the urge to just do something else. Its weird, it kinda changes your thoughts on coping.

Well sorry that is my "two-cents". I don't mean to butt in. :?

i started last year and i cant stop my parents even put me in a mental hospital.

[The Enigma]

I've been cutting since last year and I'm 16. I'm not sure exactly why I started - I was just angry and upset about something and I took a penknife and cut my wrist, not deep enough to bleed, just scratches but then the pain felt like a sort of release and it calmed me down.

After that, every time I was upset, I would start cutting. The cuts then got deeper. Recently, I cut myself quite deep and it bled a lot, and my arm went numb, pins and needles because the blood soaked through my sleeve.

The worst thing is I can't stop. I wish I'd never cut my wrists, somewhere else at least, because now I never wear short-sleeves anymore and I'm afraid that if people see the scars along with the fresh cuts they'd think I'm a freak.

My parents and friends would never suspect, because I'm developing a sort of split personality. Around people I'm a cheerful person but when I'm on my own, I'm just...like this. At first, I used to blame it on the hormones but now I'm feeling down all the time.

I just don't know what to do.

[ZeroHour]

I first cut myself around three and a half years ago. To be Honest I'm not sure why I did it, may have been curiosity. I made five cuts on the top of my arm with a pair of scissors.
For I while I did quit, I felt guilty for what I'd been doing, I didn't want to hurt anyone by my actions. Later when my life started to get more complicated and I didn't know how to react to it, cutting became a ready response. My self harming escalated, I started burning as well.
Now I'm trying to quit. part of me doesn't want to but I know this isn't right and can't be given the chance to turn dangerous. I've been doing it for so long and covering up what I've been doing so much that's it's a big part of my life but I want to feel normal again.

[Krylon]

I think I started about two years ago. I was in grade 8, school really sucked. I had one good friend, my best friend had stopped being friends with me because I was too nerdy or something. We had been friends since way before we had to start going to school. My grades had started slipping two years before, the year before that I had straight A's.

Home life wasn't good either, every 3 or 4 days I was going back and forth between my mom's house and my dad's house. This wouldn't be so bad if my step dad didn't have such messed up children. He had two sons, sterotypical males I guess. Neither of them has really grown up, the older one wasn't so bad though. We shared some common interests and was usually nice. Usually. The younger one is my age. Hes a complete asshole, ruined my chance at getting a girlfriend, he goes out of his way to make you feel bad.

I started missing a lot of school the year before, in grade 7. I just couldn't handle my life and I kept getting sick. My mom had always wondered why I didn't have any energy or why I was always so emotionally sesitive. I she had me visit several doctors, get blood tests, the doctors would always say something like low iron yet the blood tests came back fine. I realize now that it was obviously signs of depression.

Around Christmas I told my mom that I wanted to move out. She said she wasn't ready to let me go. I hated living in that house, living with the very people I went home to avoid. I decided I had to do something, I wanted to kill myself but I knew that wasn't smart. On the last forum I belonged to I saw a post by a guy that had started cutting himself and said it helped, I of course ignored the part about him wanting to quit. I took my pocket knife out and ran it across the palm of my hand a few times. They didn't bleed but it helped.

About 5 months later, when I was at my dad's and it was time to go back to my moms I just said I wasn't going. It took me a good two weeks to get the courage up to do it but it paid off and stayed. I had to start seeing the school counceller, I just lied to her. I told her my life was fine and I just wanted to have a constant in my life.

I was still extremely depressed for the rest of the year, I wore dark clothing and surprisingly no one teased me for being depressed. I stopped cutting when school got out and spent every night in our boat that was parked out my window, looking up at the stars and listening to "Emo Music" like 'Brand New'.

Grade 9 started, I thought I was over it all. I had a good sized group of friends, my closest friend knew that I had cut my hands. During winter break I asked a girl out, I had a crush on her since the beginning of grade 8. She said yes, which thrilled me, this hadn't ever happened. After two dates, one to the movies seeing twilight and another skiing, I was the happiest I'd ever been. Then that night on msn she told me we should just been friends. That, I couldn't take. I took the blade from my pencil sharpener and started slicing up my arms. I proceeded to carve words in like "Alone" or "love" which I put a large straight horizontal line through. I kept that up for a few days and with the help of friends I got over it and manged my emotions.

About 2 weeks ago I started again, just a few cuts on the underside of my forearm. The cuts from before had scarred, not bad but I still couldn't wear a t-shirt. The few cuts were really just a test to see if scars would be noticeable on that part of my arm, the skin is much more pale and didn't seem to scar. Two nights ago I give in to the urge, I had been wanting to cut so bad, school isn't going great.

I'm not sure that I'll be able to quit or even that I want to.

I hope its ok that I posted so much more than just the first event.

[ShatteredWings]

Ya know

I've been really thinking about all this. and this mess

i've been somehow hurting myself since i was 8 or 9... biting, picking open scratches (oh boy.. were there a lot. clumbsy kid). biting mostly.

i was almost 13 when i first cut.

All the details are fuzzy... so much happened in such a short period of time

[kittiegocrazy]

I've been cutting since last year and I'm 16. I'm not sure exactly why I started - I was just angry and upset about something and I took a penknife and cut my wrist, not deep enough to bleed, just scratches but then the pain felt like a sort of release and it calmed me down.

After that, every time I was upset, I would start cutting. The cuts then got deeper. Recently, I cut myself quite deep and it bled a lot, and my arm went numb, pins and needles because the blood soaked through my sleeve.

The worst thing is I can't stop. I wish I'd never cut my wrists, somewhere else at least, because now I never wear short-sleeves anymore and I'm afraid that if people see the scars along with the fresh cuts they'd think I'm a freak.

My parents and friends would never suspect, because I'm developing a sort of split personality. Around people I'm a cheerful person but when I'm on my own, I'm just...like this. At first, I used to blame it on the hormones but now I'm feeling down all the time.

I just don't know what to do.


I thought I was developing a sort of split personality kinda thing when I first started falling apart - especially in eighth grade. I wouldn't say around friends I acted happy, but I sure as hell made it a point to behave and act the complete opposite of how I was feeling. Rather than being quiet and only chiming into conversation every here and there, I would be an explosion of energy. It only made it worse for me because I was acting so fake around the people who could have helped me. So I can kind of understand the split personality thing you mentioned.

And not wearing short sleeves anymore... I wear short sleeves all the time. I wouldn't say my arms are covered in scars from when I cut (I'm still managing to go strong), but I do have scars bad enough to draw attention to myself and have people pass judgment. Facing being unable to wear hoodies and long sleeves out in public was something I had to face head on because of the job I had this past summer. I was terrified of being treated like dirt because of the scars that were obviously inflicted by myself, but it ended up not being bad. By the time I'd started to just show my arms bare, the people there had already gotten to know me. There was nothing to judge.

With school and things like that, it'd harder. I won't dare show my bare arms at school. My high school it brutal when it comes to drama and talking crap about people. So I wouldn't dare show my bare arms. When it was still hot out, I just wore arm warmers that matched what I wore.

[messed up]

ok err hi im not quite sure how these forum things work so soz if i get it wrong.
I just need help thats all. i just need to tell someone, anyone about my problem. So anyway, my first time cutting? It was about 2 yrs ago and i was curious so i tried it on the back of my hand. It hurt like hell! People would ask how it had happend and i'd blame it on my cat.
So yeah fast forward about a month and i tried to kill myself, crazy I no! It didn't work (obsv!) and no one ever found out. I still don't no why i tried.
But after that... I don't no ... my life seemed different, I started noticing how little attention I was paid by everyone in my life, how worthless my friends and family made me feel. So I started cutting, to make them notice and care.
Then this year started and I noticed how pointless self-harming was, I mean I was still being ignored so how had it helped. So i stopped for about two months and began a diary to sort out my emotions. I was clean.
But a book only lasts for the amount of pages its published with yet my thoughts keep going (reason why this is sooo long soz) So eventually the diary stopped. And i started cutting deeper than ever. And I'm still blaming it on my cat, people are starting to think I have a pet tiger or something! And yet they don't talk to me or ask me if im ok, they don't even consider I'm self-harming because I'm "such a happy person"! i just need someone to notice but I'm worried about how it'll affect them, I don't want my parents to hurt because of what I'm doing!
Thats my story! Doubt anyone will actually read this but worth a go eh! Just needed to get it off my chest.
xxx

[GreyxRainbow]

My first time cutting.. I don't really know, somewhere in August 2008.

[Yes, there was a whole story here first, but all the details are wrong.. I just don't remember anymore.]

[cyberhelper]

The reason teens cut is not because there 'emo' its because they want attention. Thats my veiw of it. I mean, when im upset i want attention as well. But i dont go as far as cutting myself, i have a life to live. This is just my opinion and i know people have different thoughts. :confused:

[Triceratops]

The reason teens cut is not because there 'emo' its because they want attention. Thats my veiw of it. I mean, when im upset i want attention as well. But i dont go as far as cutting myself, i have a life to live. This is just my opinion and i know people have different thoughts. :confused:

How fucking dare you.

Seriously, you have no IDEA what it is like since you don't cut, so don't be so fucking ignorant. Barely any of us here self-harm to seek attention. Many of us are going through tough times and a mental crisis and can't help but to use cutting to deal with it.

You're so deluded, get a reality check.

[Cloud]

The reason teens cut is not because there 'emo' its because they want attention. Thats my veiw of it. I mean, when im upset i want attention as well. But i dont go as far as cutting myself, i have a life to live. This is just my opinion and i know people have different thoughts. :confused:

how very dare you i dont cut but i still find that offensive that youd even think that about my friends. i kno people who cut and ive been very close myself and no its not for attention so get your facts right before saying crap about a subject you have no experience with

[MysticalBurrito]

The reason teens cut is not because there 'emo' its because they want attention. Thats my veiw of it. I mean, when im upset i want attention as well. But i dont go as far as cutting myself, i have a life to live. This is just my opinion and i know people have different thoughts. :confused:

How fucking dare you.

Seriously, you have no IDEA what it is like since you don't cut, so don't be so fucking ignorant. Barely any of us here self-harm to seek attention. Many of us are going through tough times and a mental crisis and can't help but to use cutting to deal with it.

You're so deluded, get a reality check.



I completly agree with Marcie

People like you dont know why we cut
I used/still struggling cut because i was sad and mad at the world.
People who dont cut will NEVER know how hard it is to stop or hide scars
:mad: Im going to shut up now so i dont get banned because if i dont im going to blow a haystack

[GreyxRainbow]

The reason teens cut is not because there 'emo' its because they want attention. Thats my veiw of it. I mean, when im upset i want attention as well. But i dont go as far as cutting myself, i have a life to live. This is just my opinion and i know people have different thoughts. :confused:


How dare you say something like that.. You don't understand us, and you're completely wrong. I don't want attention. I just don't want to cry, and when I cut I don't cry. I feel like the pain that's tearing my soul up, is tearing my body up instead. There's more behind it, but I think you wouldn't understand anyway, so I won't say it. If I wanted attention, I would show my scars and cuts to the world, instead of hiding them. Ever thought of that? Now just shut the fuck up. Read some threads first, so you know what we feel and think. By the way, it looks like you want attention by saying such a thing. And also, no one here says 'teens cut cause they're 'emo''.

And Marcie, I totaly agree with you.

[The Batman]

The reason teens cut is not because there 'emo' its because they want attention. Thats my veiw of it. I mean, when im upset i want attention as well. But i dont go as far as cutting myself, i have a life to live. This is just my opinion and i know people have different thoughts. :confused:

Some people do cut for attention but the majority of them don't. No one in my family knows I cut and that goes for the majority of vt also. But really you can't judge someone if you have never taken a walk in their shoes.

[BuryYourFlame]

i was about to turn 15...
as i have said many time before, if you haven't ever cut, then you can not imagine the amount of emotional pain that makes a person do something as illogical as cutting. To too many people cutting is just a big joke...
btw, the only person who i know that cut for attention also lied about being pregnant...go figure

[messed up]

The reason teens cut is not because there 'emo' its because they want attention. Thats my veiw of it. I mean, when im upset i want attention as well. But i dont go as far as cutting myself, i have a life to live. This is just my opinion and i know people have different thoughts. :confused:

Did you put this because of my post on March 8th because in that case can i just clarify that yes i started to self-harm to stupidly gain attention but my life went one hell of a lot worse later and i went back to SH as it was my only way of coping.

[RaeNose]

Wow, I've never seen people get so upset over one person's opinion. Especially the opinion of one who can't spell or use correct grammar. Anyway, March, 21st:
6 on left arm
3 on right
I feel like a complete failure.

[Cinatas]

I'd self harmed previously, but non-cutting, like punching myself, scatching etc.

I was at a friends a couple of days ago and we were all quite drunk. I had got to the stage where my body had sort of gone numb. I went tinto his kitchen and started feeling extremely pissed off. I started biting/punching myself but couldn't feel anything, so I used a knife :|

I made about 10 cuts on my left arm. about 6 or 7 only bled when you squeezed them, but 3 or 4 just seeped blood.

When I went back into where my friends were, after a while one of them saw and called me into the kitchen. Basically I told him about me self harming and he was asking me why etc. The only answer I could come up with was 'I don't know' and I genuinely didn't. I was extremely happy that night, we were having fun, listneing to music etc.

Last time I told this guy a secret, a load of people knew after about a month. I was expecting him to ask me something about it on MSN, but he hasn't mentioned it. So I'm hoping that he was very drunk and doesn't remember me tleling him.

[RaeNose]

OH! Here's the thread that I posted on accidentally. My last comment was to the self harm calendar.
My first time, if I'm going to post something beneficial, was at the end of 8th grade/ starting freshman year. That's when everything that was in my life caught up with me.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I almost started...and I am so glad I didn't because it isn't an easy thing to get out of but it's an easy thing to get into. I'm glad to hear that some of your are receiving help with this. I know it isn't easy to quit and it may seem like it can take away the other pain in your life...but it doesn't...it only builds upon it. I know that when you do cut everything just kind of escapes your mind and nothing else seems to matter. You can't think straight at all...it truely is an addiction.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

ok err hi im not quite sure how these forum things work so soz if i get it wrong.
I just need help thats all. i just need to tell someone, anyone about my problem. So anyway, my first time cutting? It was about 2 yrs ago and i was curious so i tried it on the back of my hand. It hurt like hell! People would ask how it had happend and i'd blame it on my cat.
So yeah fast forward about a month and i tried to kill myself, crazy I no! It didn't work (obsv!) and no one ever found out. I still don't no why i tried.
But after that... I don't no ... my life seemed different, I started noticing how little attention I was paid by everyone in my life, how worthless my friends and family made me feel. So I started cutting, to make them notice and care.
Then this year started and I noticed how pointless self-harming was, I mean I was still being ignored so how had it helped. So i stopped for about two months and began a diary to sort out my emotions. I was clean.
But a book only lasts for the amount of pages its published with yet my thoughts keep going (reason why this is sooo long soz) So eventually the diary stopped. And i started cutting deeper than ever. And I'm still blaming it on my cat, people are starting to think I have a pet tiger or something! And yet they don't talk to me or ask me if im ok, they don't even consider I'm self-harming because I'm "such a happy person"! i just need someone to notice but I'm worried about how it'll affect them, I don't want my parents to hurt because of what I'm doing!
Thats my story! Doubt anyone will actually read this but worth a go eh! Just needed to get it off my chest.
xxx

I want to tell you that I do care. I have seen the pain that cutting causes people..I have felt the same way you have just dealt with it in a different way...I almost cut myself for the same reasons...I'm always here for you to talk to....feel free to PM me anytime...I know I am still quite new on this site yet but already I have met so many people who do care and I would like to offer that too...

[MadManWithaBox]

my first time was when i was 13, and i did it with a ridged kitchen knife, no scars. i stopped for a bit then, then my life did a complete u turn, and i got a razor and cut myself, and i felt like i was releasing the pain. ive also used a craft, which gives scars. ive tried to give up, but i cant, if i dont i just curl up and cry. ive never more alone and unhappy, and doing it makes me feel better. people say stop, but they don't know how hard it is. thats my 2 cents

[Reality]

The first time I cut myself was when I was 12 or 13 and just got bored and felt like cutting my leg with some random knife I found. I wasn't depressed or stressed back then, so it hardly counts.

However, the first time I cut out of depression was when I was 15 in April '08 when I was shaving.. I just gashed my left arm, and my left hand once.

But after that, I never cut again.. not until the 26th March this year.. which I found a blade and just cut my arm again.. and I started carrying this blade around... using it at school when I got anxious or depressed. (Not in front of people) but I threw it away, because it was bringing me unwanted attention.. first from a teacher, then from other students.

Now, I'm addicted. It's one of the strangest things one can get addicted to.. I can't even trust myself around razors. I'm getting worse. I seem to cut everytime I get the chance.

Other self-harm I've did was take random pills, and choke myself so I can "pass out", and I've drank alcohol out of being pissed off.