First Time Cutting

[Quahog]

On my thirteenth birthday. My dad passed away a year before my thirteenth birthday. I just lived with my Mom and my aunt and my Grandma.

My Grandma called the police on my mother, because she told her to go by a cake for my birthday, she then got into a fight my grandma, that whole situation, is what pressured me to cut. It just evolved from there.

Luckily I stopped cutting, and I found other safe ways to take my anger out on.

[beag_amhain]

first time i cut was wen i was goin through a really rough time, i was 13 n struggling wit my sexuality, i cudn talk ta any1 bou wat was goin on so i felt tthat if i cud feel pain n see my blood coming out of me that it wud b like letting it all out n i cud feel something other then crazyness, i got help and eventually stopped after 2 years, then a few months ago i started again, it jus felt like the only way to cope, the relief i felt was mesmerizing, i got such a rush, i felt so much better after it n now cant stop

[Hazel]

i first starting cutting at the end of year 7 because my dog died and i stopped for a little while because it was summer and our school wasnt alowwed long sleave shirts and i was dying wearing a jumper and in the summer you never wear much but after year 8 started it got cold and i could hide it better and i just got depressed again then i moved country which made it worse and there we dont have a school uniform so i can wear wrist bands and stuff to hide it i have tried counserlers and nothing i have been trying to stop for ages im in year 10 now but the longest i can go is about 2 weeks without doing it

[katieinwonderlandx]

i was eleven years old. i found out by mistake that by hurting myself when i was going through something traumatic, i could take my mind away from the horrible thing, and concentrate on the pain. it all just went from there.

[charlotte945]

i agree it's very hard to stop cutting once you've started. It's better to not even try

[Lost n not yet found]

I started to turn the emotional pain into something physical

[ashleighhxbby]

The first time I cut, I was thirteen. I stopped for a little while, and picked it up again before I turned 15. Ever since then it's been nonstop. I've currently gone 38 days cut free. I'm going to overcome this. Cutting will no longer have my mind.

[Mellohelen]

hi im helen.
iv been cutting for about 1and a half years..the first time was in the summer when i felt so alone
i hadnt done it for a while but i started again today.
theres just shit with my boyfriend
this way i feel like this is something i can control
like...its my secret and theres a release...
i dunno...i just wanted someone to talk to me

[canyon]

I don't know why I'm posting this, I've seen what cutting can do. After giving advice and everything in here and me being against it, I don't know why I'm thinking this.

I want to cut to know what it feels like. I want to know what the big deal is and why people get so addicted to cutting. I don't know why I want to do this, but I just want to like know what the big deal is with cutting, you know? Like, why is it so addicting? I can have people tell me, but I want to figure it out for myself..

[LozziRAWR]

I first cut halfway through year 7 /8th grade because i was having trouble dealing with my sexuality because i thought i was a lesbian and everyone found out. it escalated from there, i have countless scars. I've tried to stop for my boyfriend and managed 2 weeks without it before my best friend said something which made me relapse. its just too hard to stop. I've tried counselling but it never helps.

[icanbarelybreathe]

I started five years ago because I thought it was cool. Biggest fucking mistake of my life. Haven't been able to stop since.

[numbluman]

I started cutting about 5 months ago do to a very hard time with my closest friend. Its the biggest mistake i've ever made. everyday i wake up to see my scars and relive how they happened. i've tried stopping with the help of my friend but its so hard i keep going back to it...the best i've ever done was one week. i wish i had never even had the thought, cause now it feels like its too late

[anony]

I started 2 months ago. burning not cutting.
I can't stop. I can't hide it anymore.

[derkderpderp]

the first time i deliberately hurt myself to 'feel' was when i was around 6, i was used to being beaten at home, and i was always being told that i was in the wrong and when you do something wrong you have to be punished, so some stupid occasions arose where i felt i needed to punish myself, and i did, it was little things like closing the wardrobe door on my arm, i never did much because it always hurt? But from those few moments on, it became more real, more a part of my daily life, like a routine?
Im 17 and half now, and ive been self harming, on and off since then, so around 11 years, i can honestly say that its hard, there were huuuge stints where i wouldnt self harm at all because i saw how damaging it was? but then it helped me feel real, like i wasnt some automaton that just follows orders and gets a hiding when it isnt satisfactory to those too lazy to do it themselves?
Every self harm story has a different explanation behind it, which is why generally talking about it in terms of getting help doesnt always work, however, i can say, from past experience that talking about it to those who understand where youre coming from, i.e people who also self harm, like some of the members of this simply awesome site, helps.
It really does.
VT is where i learnt to find alternative methods of venting, rather than self harming, its hard, and requires will power, but hey people, it can be done?
Lol what im trying to say is, good luck to everyone who has tasted self harm and realised that it is damaging to us.
lol

now this next bit might be a bit bitchy?or emotionally stupid, idk but yeah:
the way i now see it, is that most of the time people self harm because they themselves are hurt?be it emotionally or physically or mentally, but its because of others, coupled with our own actions sometimes, that results in the feelings of wanting to just cut or whatever, of wanting to feel, of wanting to be punished in some occasions, but if they are hurting us, and we dont like it, why are we hurting ourselves?
lol i understand that its addictive, and its a way of asserting control over our own crazy lives, i mean its us harming ourselves, we are doing it, its not anybody telling us to (or i hope it isnt), but yeah, it isnt the best thing to do,but this site, honestly helps a lot.
i havent posted on here for a while, but ive been on to just look at the advice given by so many of the awesome posters on here, and guys it really helps!
good luck to all! <3

[Blackheart]

i remember my fist time cutting it was fun at the time but now that im 16 i look back and say wow and look at my arms and say never again will i cut but i almost always get close to it

[Gravemind]

i remember my fist time cutting it was fun at the time but now that im 16 i look back and say wow and look at my arms and say never again will i cut but i almost always get close to itHow long ago was that?

[Immortal Love]

I first started when I was in 7th Grade, sometime in February. I can't even recall why, but I wish I would of never done it. Because my skin is olive colored, Scars show horridly. I've bee doing it for 2 years now :p Horrid.

[purplehaze]

I first started in 7th grade, when I was dealing with problems with my sexuality and having bad flash backs of sexual abuse.. I stopped in 11th grade after a particularly bad night. So it had been two years but I just started up again yesterday... :(

[passport]

i cant stop cutting i just love it i like the way the blade takes away pain

[moon_lit_angel]

I need to stop. i cant i just keep cutting. i havent in 7 days

[char0906]

i've been cutting for about 2 years i think? but anyway.. im sorry to hear that you cut for the first time... i am a great listener and i never judge so if you want to talk... feel free to mail me :) <3

[IDon'tLikeUsernames]

First time cutting? Around last year. something about an abusive step father and living in one room. Won't go into too much detail. I've stopped now though :)

[NobodysCupOf Tea]

I remember my first time cutting vividly:

I board at school and it was another sleepless night. I had a particularly shite day and had been bringing myself down with some depressing music all evening. Then, i don't know why, but i dressed up. I put on a studded belt, put my hair in backcombed bunches and poured black makeup allover my eyes. I have no idea why but i just did it.

I then stood in front of the bathroom mirror and shook, i hated myself and my reflection made me feel sick. So in anger i dug my nails into my skin and loved it. I loved how it made me feel.

Cutting had crossed my mind before but i never thought that id actually do it. At that moment i took my razor off the side and broke it with a pair of blunt scissors. I picked up one of the blades and pressed it into my left wrist.

The cuts i made weren't deep or impressive but i made several of them... it just got worse. Nothing really deep so far but there are far more of them.

Sorry for the rant, but i had to get it off my chest.

[mylifeisadrama]

I dont cut myself but I am the reason that somebody cuts themselves (partially). I know that she is beaten at home and that her brother is a real pain in the butt, but I feel really bad about it and very guilty.... What should I do/tell/ask her? How do I tell her I know? (She doesnt know I know)
HELP?

[Grapefruitt]

First time cutting? Uhm, for about 2 years ago.. Just some scrats,. i dont know why i even started to do it. :( i just tried, and got addicted. -.-

[Blujay]

Mylifeisdrama, if you still need help, you'll probably get a better response if you ask for it in VT General Hospital under Help and Advice. =]

My first time cutting I was... well actually, a friend's locker scraped my hand and tore the skin open. I didn't think much of it... but later that day I was really upset with myself and began to dig into it with a paperclip. That didn't really make it open up any deeper, but it got the idea in my head.

When I went home I found myself cutting up some strawberries when I thought, why not place the knife against my wrist? Why not do it? So I looked around, no one was around, and had at it. Made two very shallow cuts which have long since healed and disappeared. Also cut over the scrape on my hand, but that's a barely visible scar now.

After that it just sort of escalated...

[TwilightFan]

I'm so sorry for you, guys, most of you have such a terrible background!

I was ten or eleven when I first did that. Sometimes I still cut myself. It kinda comes me down, I guess. I try to stop it, to control it, but when I'm really upset, I just let it go and do it. I am doing it for years now. I also have OCD, both of those things (OCD and cutting) started at the same time, when my uncle died and my dad and my grandparents got quite abusive. And I'm doing it ever since.

[LifeisLife]

the only reason i dont cut is because the kitchen is very open and my parents are almost always home :S but i always have feelings and really big urges to cut myself

[RadiantBlood]

So, i just joined today originally for the Speaking disorder half, but then i found this and i was like... whoa! dude! haha anyways...

i started cutting about... i believe four to five years ago, been a battle ever since. it calmed me down when i needed it. then.. the calming sensation got worse, and yeah y'all can imagine what happened from there. My brother made me so mad the day i started. but the addiction is still happening. and i'm trying to quit. so far.. haven't relapsed since february! but distractions help. like drawing, or writing, or reading. playing an online game. or even talking to your closet friend about anything or nothing. hearing a voice you care about works for me. and the reading. man i love reading. but theres my two cents on the topic :)

~~RadiantBlood

[Grey Squirrel]

My first time cutting was my freshman year really. I had just come out of an abusive family relationship and was pretty bummed on life. I still am. So I still do...

[misskitten13]

I cut for the first time today. I went to the supermarket and bought some blades, and cut my finger when i was getting them open. The blood ran all over my hand, and I liked it. I cut both my ankles until they bled, then panicked because I was afraid my boyfriend would see them and judge me, and I'm scared enough that he's going to dump me already.

[DazzLe1997]

The first time i did it...was like 3 years ago.
i was about 10 years old.i cut like 2 or 3 times, and then i stopped.
1 year ago i started again.and since that day i can't stop anymore. <|3

[LifeisLife]

I tried to on monday but I promised myself I wouldnt until the end of the day because I really dont want to but I'm so depressed and confused that I feel like it's the only thing I can do seeing as that I've heard it is a kind of way to relieve of stress... Anyways I tried on Monday but only made some dents but from Monday onwards it's been getting worse and I want to every day more and more.... My facebook is down and that was my biggest distraction from it so now I'm really tempted to but cant because my family is always downstairs and the kitchen is open so they could see and I really dont want them to. The only thing that's keeping me from doing it is because I'm literally TOO busy with everything going on... (school, outside-of-school-activities, sports, homework, little bit of a job etc....)

[LifeisLife]

I cut wednesday for the first time. :(

[Zebra143]

I've contemplated cutting, but my dear friend said to me, that if I cut, so will she. She's been "cut free" for months. I don't want to be the cause of it. She is what makes me stronger.

[Infidelitas]

I just cut for the first time

[PessimisticPsycho]

I'm fourteen years old. Well, I don't really know what you would consider to be my first time, as I had...attempted self-harm before actually achieving it. Accurately proving that I'm not good at anything I do on any level in any activity. Anyhow, it was a few months ago and I was feeling so miserable, worthless, useless, ugly, fat, horrendously stupid, like an absolute dullard, obnoxious, spoiled, blemish to the face of the earth who was merely taking up space and, that being said, would never in her life amount to anything; at all. As though I had no future, no reason to live, no life, no friends, no family who give a damn; I was much closer to being a shell who somehow possessed the abilities to walk and talk and yet still make no difference whatsoever nor socialize in a proper manor to the extent that the "shell" might somehow be liked by someone, something. Yet, I knew that I was too awful and stupid to ever be liked much less loved by anyone; ever. I needed, more than anything, some form of .... corrective punishment. In a way that I had never received it, that no one would understand. Therefore I had to be the punishment's creator and I had to be the one to carry it out. But I obviously wasn't thinking as clearly as one might hope, and I, quite randomly, grabbed the nearest sharp object; a kitchen knife. I vigorously attempted to slice into my arms, into my veins, punish myself, get what I deserve, put me back into my proper place where I would finally realize I am meant to be seen and not heard, as my ideas and thoughts are of no importance. And while I was meant to be seen, it was only for the sake of others' amusement, to be laughed at; ridiculed. However, I failed. My weapon of choice proved to be too dull for its intended purposes. It merely imprinted a semi-deep line across my forearm. So, I walked to my room, and sank down on the floor in tears which I could not control despite my efforts to contain them ( this includes punching myself in the arm as hard as possible so I'll stop blubbering). I tried this several more times, and finally gave up on any of our knives they were all much too dull for this.
The next day I was sitting in gym, on the bleachers as I refused to play soccer. No wonder I had an F, even as my final grade. Anyhow, my bag was sitting on my lap (backpack) and I was listening to music on my i-pod (shuffle). I was rummaging through the bags pockets when I stumbled upon a paper clip; extra large. I unfolded it, I had no intentions of cutting myself. But, I began to think. The sort of depressed rage re-entered my being, and I found myself digging the paper clip into my skin, violently scratching and clawing in an insane attempt to see blood; lots of blood. I used my bag to hide my efforts from all unwelcome eyes. No one ever suspected a thing; job well done. It ended up quite deep, almost splicing into a vein (I could feel my pulse through the area which I had just cut). I had a strange smile on my face; I was like a child who had received a lolly-pop. I saw things more clearly, felt more in control, and above all had so much pain pulsating through my left arm that I felt well punished. I didn't disinfect the wound, or even try to stop the bleeding. I just pulled down my sleeve and put on my jacket. Later that day I rubbed salt in the wound. Made more. And tried my hand at burning my arm, which would appear to be my..."favorite".

[amyjane]

I started cutting at the age of 11, when i first cut myself i didn't even know that what I was doing was called self harm, it got progressively worse until I got to the age of 15, some how i managed to stop as i grew up, but not without mishaps, one of my friends ended her life 2nd march 2010, and on this day i felt the urge to cut more than i ever have done before, but i managed to convince myself that if i could get through this day without cutting i could stop, and i did. It's been 21 months since i hurt myself, and although it's hard I hope i won't do it again, the marks are just too much trouble!

[ReasonsForWeeping]

ive been cutting for 5 years ive been burning for 2 year ive tried to stop before but i cant bc i freak out and a panic attacks i want to stop and i need to stop but i cant its like a drug

[Kiiraa]

The first time I cut was because I felt so alone.. Freshman year. It was the only way I could subside some of the pain at the time and crying just didn't seem like enough anymore.. I regret doing it because now I seemingly cannot stop.

[Alex_16]

i just started cutting...im depressed because i broke up with my girlfriend...cuz she did something and it wasnt really that big...but it seemed like it at the time cuz i was stressed out...and so i broke up with her...and now i want to get back together with her...but...she is with another guy now.... i was with her for almost 2 and a half years... it was a good relationship and i miss her...i am depressed ...and actually just started cutting last night...i guess it made me feel better...cuz the little sting of the cut took my mind off of her for awhile...and i think im going to do it again... i mean ..ive thought about cutting myself a couple times before... because i was depressed about her...but...i never did.... it already kinda feels like an addiction :'( ...cut it atleast calms me down in a way... and i stop crying...and just focus on the cut for awhile instead....i have to do it on my leg though... so that my shorts cover it and my mom wont see

[Craig1995]

For peeps thinking about cutting plzz dnt start it only makes things worse and harder, never think it will help. Ive been free of cutting for 2 months but it took a counciler to stop me i couldnt even stop that on my own :/

[CyanideGoodnight]

First time, march 19 2009. 11 days before my 14th birthday. That was the first day I first actually cut with intention of doing so, before that was just accidental clawing myself when I was upset. I was so upset that I just ran to my room and just clawed my arms and wished to die, and after that it escelated and now I'm trieing to recover. Those who don't cut, don't. It's horribly addictive.

[bobby1273]

for quite a few years iv thought about cutting myself but would only get as far as putting a blade against my arm and i could never actually cut myself.

A little while back i was at school and don't know why but cut myself a few times with a compass on my hand and fingers. I did that a few more times but stopped because my parents saw the scabs and asked about them. Then fairly recently i started cutting with a blade because of feeling quite depressed and to take away other pains etc (and also other reasons that i can't properly describe)

so yeah like the other posts above this, if your thinking of starting to cut, don't. It quickly becomes addictive and spirals out of control (well it has for me)

[Maeria]

the first time I cut was a couple years ago.

I'll never forget.

And the last time I cut was months ago. I still want to, but I haven't. I still have some scarring, but I'll never forget how it felt.

[FullyAlive]

As I just did a similar thread I thought I'd finally answer this,

I don't remember exactly what happened or at least I've blocked it out. It was when I was 14, in February. I don't know how I got to that point I mean it's not exactly a natural reaction, at least not at first. But I dragged a compass down my arm, I only really intended to scratch it but I cut it, it scarred, I had the scar for over a year probably still would if I hadn't cut over it.

My self harm never really became a regular thing until that summer, then it got a whole lot worse in October. I'm finally starting to get things sorted, although I doubt I'll be free of this for a long while yet.

[Chris25]

Ive been cutting for bout 2 years now.. I started out doing it for attention at first.. Parents found out in a week... I told em i would stop and they forgot.. I didnt for bout 2 weeks after that for 2 months after that.. I didnt tell any1 but my gf who i trusted with my life.. She broke up with me one night and i blew up... I started cutting madly... She got sooo worried cuz she knew i was cutting.. She asked me if idid cut the nxt morning.. I told her yes.. That night she felt sooo bad and she regreted breaking up with me.. She cried out to her mom and told her mom that i had cut lots.. Her mom didnt kno what to do so she called my mom and my mom eventually found out after 2 hours of yelling... The nxt night i went to a mental hospital... They asked if i felt suicidal.. I said no which was a complete lie.. After asjing me a shit load of questions they said i just needed theripy and let me go home.. I couldnt cut for a good 3 months.. My mom checked me down to my boxers ever night.. I was dying inside and bout 2 end it all... 2 weeksafter the mental hospital i started going to theripy.. I didnt trust the guy at all... I told him nothing.. 8 months l8er my parents thought i had stopped cutting so i quit theripy.. I had to start taking anti-depressants everday.. I found a spot that was hidden by my boxers where i could cut... For the nxt year i hav been cutting over those scars... My new gf is also a cutter who just recently got caught and had to go to the mental hospital.. So far she is following the same path i took... We pormised eachother that if 1 of us cut the other would get a chance to.... I can go 2 weeks at a time with out cutting b4 i expolde and almost comit suicide.. I am curretly on the highest dosage of anti-depressants that thedoctors can give me... Nothing seems to help... I am falling apart... I need help and i know it... But i cant go 2 my parents... The same path will happen again.. And i cant handle that and i know my parents cant....how do i control the urges?????? Plz can somebody help me.. I am losing hope......

[Cheri J]

The first time i cut was when i was 13 years old, I had cut initials into my leg. And really i thought nothing of it... until I got really mad one day. My first thought went to cutting, and i wasn't completely sure why but i did it again. Ever since then i have been cutting. Its been off and on but the urges are still there. It sucks.

My suggestion is to never start. If anyone ever has the urge to cut themselves for the first time, they should find a different escape. Whether its going to the gym or screaming in your pillow. It is a lot better than self harming.

[nnnnnnnnn9999]

im in treatment for cutting and an eating disorder. people let go of it before it controls you. believe me you don't want to end up in one of these, lifes hell. but truthfully im glad im here cause i made it 6 days without cutting or scratching.

[xdancing_for_rainx]

I've been cutting for about 3 years now. I remember the first time I cut was a night when only my sister was home, and I was able to get away long enough to try and "purge" my emotions. I got a sharp dental tool from the bathroom and started digging into my skin with it. Things just got worse from there. Since that first cut, I've been caught 5 or 6 times. I've been put in the hospital, seen two separate therapists, (outside the hospital,) put on meds, etc. I was sent to the emergency room this past school year after my mother found out and told my school counselor... who wanted me transported by ambulance >.< Anyway, all in all, cutting is something I wouldn't reccommend anyone to get themself into. At first you think you can stop whenever you want... but it doesn't work that way after a while. It can really mess up your life if you let it go too far. If you're thinking about harming yourself, please find another way to cope. Cutting isn't worth it.

[nikkirulez]

i cut myself if some1makes me really angry or upset i once cut myself approx 30 times on each arm i obviously hate doin tht cuzz peeps call me an emo but they dnt understand my condition i get depressed jus dnt cut urself :) x it doesnt benefit anythin and another it is not at all kwl to cut urself

[DoctorWho]

I try to cut my self when I get mad any advice?

[FullyAlive]

I try to cut my self when I get mad any advice?

You say try to, so you don't cut at the moment?

If you don't seriously no joke, just don't even try it, talk to someone, now. You need help to overcome the feelings behind whats causing you to feel like this.

[xDarkAngelx]

I started about a year ago and have been doing it on and offf since then. I can't really remember the situation that started it but I had a lot on my mind that built up saw the knife and it went from there. The urges are there a lot of the time when I get mad. I've kept it from everyone I know as I do with a lot of things.

[xXl0sth0peXx]

I started about 8 months ago, and I've been pretty nonstop since. I remember my first time, I had no idea what to do, and I was scared. They were light cuts, and small at first. I remember waking up the next morning, and feeling painful, yet relieved. For the first week or so, I always carried something tiny and sharp to cut with, and would make fresh cuts all the time. It's sort of calmed down a bit, but I still cut at least once each day..
I used to wear sweaters all the time, home and in public. I've grown to realize that my parents are to dumb to notice them, unless I make them totally obvious, so I wear sweaters in public, but that's about it.

[mcsmate]

I first started hurting myself, I guess when I was 15 or 16 (so 4-5 years ago). I would pinch or bite my skin just to leave a mark or use a needle to pick at scabs or dead skin. A while ago so much stuff was going on in my life that I cut for the first time. It is ironic as not too long before that I was telling my friend how I do not want to see that he cuts again because it is scary. At first I just wanted to see what it all about because I never got it (my sister used to cut and it always worried me). But it became a bit more. When I first started, I went to great lengths to get the razor blade out of my shaving razor and made a mark. It wasn't working as well and then an idea on where to find a razor popped into my head and I went there. There were some where I work. I made some marks, only enough to break the skin, as my pain tolerance is low. I did the stupid thing of taking the razor I had back to my dorm with me. Later on I did it a time or two more. Then I saw the severeness of my actions as there was a large band-aid on my wrist. I tried to stop and then did it one more time. I do not know what will happen next but for right now I am hopefully done with it.

[XxMurderedKissesxX]

I started self harming at 7,but it didnt progress to cutting until i was 13,my friend had a knife,i was high,and just got in a fight with my mom so i was pissed....and I just let myself have it.

[symbol4]

I'm 13 I started cutting a month ago. My first time was just to cope with my anger and depression, the next morning I woke up and said "I need to cut" now I'm hooked. Any advice, Pm me.

[beanybudd]

Cutting is stupid and pathetic. YOU deserve better than that. What you want is not always what's best. Obviously if you're going to the extent of causing physical pain to yourself, there is something seriously messed up going on with you or the chemicals in your body are messing with you. When you cut it releases endorphins. I feel for anyone who is coping with such strong emotional problems. Think of the other ways endorphins are released. EXERCISE! I hate to SO much, but I realized I felt so much together physically and mentally after I did. My emotions weren't so strung up. It's not a solution, but it's a start.

As I learned in CITS Psychology , after some brain trauma, can't remember which part, a person gets these impulses to self injure, that including cutting. The patient from that case was treated and better. There is so much help out there, FREE help. Especially for people our age. People who want the best in everyone waiting on the other line. Getting help is intimidating, but YOU DESERVE the best you can be, no matter how ill willed you think yourself to be.

Cutting is a cry for help, so damn it, GET THE HELP! It's harsh, yes, but think to yourselves. What is the logic in it? More scares that will always be there to the time you may have children who will ask about them, a cut a wee too deep that kills you, the potential staff infection, the medical bill, the worsening of your mental reasoning. If you have depression, oh my god, tell someone and get the help!!!!!

Are you sick of feeling this way? Do you wish you could stop feeling this way all the time, and not have to cut? Ask yourself. And really really think, what would be best for YOU. Cutting yourself is like crack. It's addicting, it feels good, the withdrawls tear at you endlessly. But what happens to a crack head? They keep digging that hole until it suffices as their grave. You don't want that. And not all crack heads die, they get help. One day at a time.

Now, crack is more addicting and hardcore, but people manage. Please, think what's best for you. Have the will. You CAN do it. It is definitely easier said than done, it will be hard, but life is precious and so are each and every one of you.

[the_chef_of_your_lif]

i started cutting in the fall of 2010. My bf and i were fighting a lot and one day i just grabbed a paper clip and scratched at my skin on my arm. I didn't stop until I saw blood, and even then I made it into my arm. I have about 4 indents in my arm from that. I stopped after I promised I would and my coaches and volleyball team asked me all the time what happened. My boyfriend still doesn't like me to be around the regular paper clips. Then toward thanksgiving I started really cutting. I cut on my upper arms by my shoulders to avoid people finding them. Then my boyfriend cheated on me so I started cutting even more. I was starting to get depressed and we broke up, so the cutting increased. I got with my one friend, all I did with him was kiss a couple times, i was still cutting, and i broke it off after my ex had told me he had broke up with his girlfriend. We got back together in feburary of this year and I was still cutting, he stopped saying the only time he'll cut again is to kill himself but he wont as long as i'm in his life. I stayed cutting until about end of march early april. I have urgers every other if not every day still. It's really hard and I want to do it still. But I promised him I wouldn't so I wont.

[bobbymoore12]

The first time i cut was when i was nine and i have been doing it for just over 5 years it was all coz off my mum and dad they have been abusing me since i remember i just got so deppressed i ran upstairs and locked the bathroom door and got out a razor and just slashed my wrists and i have been doing since it was very hard at school aa few weeks ago coz i had cut and i starded bleeding proper bad and i ran out off school and in to the local park and just cryed :'(

[RakshaMalayka]

Honestly, the first time i cut i was 10. There was alot of shit going on, and i grabbed the scissors off my desk. I cut a chunk out of my wrist. I didnt even think about it. I liked feeling something. I wasnt overcome by my emotions anymore. I let my wrist bleed until my pillow was stained red by the blood and threw the case into the neighbors trash can.

[Skyhawk]

First time i tried cutting was in March when I was really depressed over what seems like nothing to me, I am always depressed, can't figure out why. Couldn't make a decent cut, dull steak knives...... Broken glass works better.

[dontcare97]

I've been trying to cut myself for the last two years. Trying is the key word. I was scared it slit my wrist because I would bled to death. Now I just did it. i took a razor that I used from science club i a punctured my thigh. It was hard because I didn't know how to do it. i used to stab my self with safety pins an twist it in a vein. Not the same as cutting but it gives the same feeling.

[mundyjoyce]

I remember the first time I ever cut myself...I was 12 years old. From then till about 13 and a half I would hit myself with things around the house..It started back up when I was fourteen and for the past three years it has consumed me

[theUsualSuspecT]

well i started cutting early last year sometime...its consumed alot of me... i dont recommend anyone cutting... i have scars of which im ashamed...the damage is irreversible

[MyRedHeadWorld]

I started cutting about 6 months ago for 3-3 months, It was to get my rage out and cause I was in a very dark place at the time, I thought I desurved pain, but with my parents and some of my closest friends help, I stopped, and now instead of keeping in my anger and saddness, I just say how Im feeling so I never go back to that place, and wont have anymore scares on my body x

[Joshh97]

The first time I cut is when my mum went out at night and didn't get home till 11 and I burnt myself on a oven grill thing trying to cook my dinner and I just broke down in front of a knife I used to make dinner. First cut, first scar. Still doing it now

[moon_lit_angel]

I started to cut just over 4 years ago when i was attacked and abused. i did it for 2 years and stopped until last november. i am now self harm free for 76 days

[Briggsy]

I used to do it all the time but now I don't, the first cuti was bout 9 im 14 and I quit at bout early 13, the reason I quit was cause this girl that moved was "emo" and she cut herself and we became really good friends and I started to notice it on her and she noticed on me as well and I didn't want her to cut herself and she was the same to me, we helped each other, we didn't 100% stop till we started dating and still are, but now things are starting to get stessful not with her but with friends and I picked up the knife yesterday I didn't cut but I was about to, what can I do to resist cutting myself again?

[loveless420]

i hate the people that tell you to just stop & that you have no reason for what you're doing. since the first time i cut, i feel like my mentality has changed & the way i used to cope with things doesn't work anymore. when i get the urge, it's hard to control it & shake it off. i'm numb, & i don't even feel it when i cut. it's almost like a high, it makes me feel like everything will be okay. it's just my way of trying to feel something, because it hurts so much more to feel nothing.

i've tried quitting, but i just keep going back to it. it's my addiction.

[Heart of a lion]

i started about 3 months ago because I felt alone and I felt everyone was against me. I did it with a blade I found in my room...I did it on my arm to see who actually care about me

[lifeislikeamelody]

The first time I actually 'cut' was last winter with the point of a protractor, although truly i remember hitting myself as a young child probably in the fifth grade, i would have horrible anxiety and i'd hit myself in the head and up against walls. i never really considered that self injury though. i started to finally realize i was a self injurer the winter of my freshman year (two years ago) when i would scratch my torso and hit my body and head. just recently (around 3 or 4 months ago) i've turned to biting. I still have not told anyone about any of these behaviors or even my sadness.

[Megson]

I can't really remember the first time exactly. It was sometime in 7th grade, maybe 6th. I was really depressed throughout those years for too many reasons to name, and everything finally got to me. I didn't use a knife the first time, though. I used my fingernails, which are pretty long. I just scratched my arms over and over as hard as I could until there was blood caked under my fingernails.
I had to wear a baggy jacket like two weeks. I stopped cutting soon after that, too, since a friend saw the cuts one day. She kept threatening to go to the guidance counselor if I didn't stop. Now, I only cut in dire situations or if I'm extremely stressed/upset. (Which hasn't been in a long time)

[Alexis goes Rawr]

The first time i ever cut and actually made myself bleed was very recently, but i can remember as young as 11 wanting to, having the urge to press the kitchen knife i was holding into my arm just a little bit harder, but I never did simply because I knew I wouldnt be able to hide it and people would know, I may have been young but I knew people would be mad at me for doing something im sure they would call stupid, just like everything else I did. So i never pressed that knife any harder i would just press it into my skin leaving an indent. Then a couple months ago I went into a sewing kit we had laying around the house, i found a razor in it, I knew it wouldnt be as messy if i cut my self with it instead of a knife so i put it on top of my dresser my mom saw it but didnt comment she either never cares what i do or tells me im doing everything wrong so i didnt hav much to worry about. Then about two weeks ago my mom was doing what she always does screaming at me for reasons i dont know or care about, but some of the things she said this time, im not going to repeat them, really got to me and i teared up, which just made her angrier and by the time she was done with me, i just couldnt take it anymore i was so upset and i hurt so much. I just wanted to make it stop, just for a little while. I took the razor off my drawers and walked into the bathroom locking the door behind me. It didnt hurt, not a bit, i felt so numb wonderfully numb, i didnt feel anything at all. If my mom noticed the cuts on my arm ahe didnt say anything. I did try to hide them tho, for the sake of my lil sister. I know i shouldnt do it, i know the risks and how dangerous it is. But i dont want to stop i felt numb, nothing at all for the first time in my life i didnt feel any pain at all, im not sure if i can give that up....

Srry its so long, didnt realize til i was done...

[OptimusPrime]

The only ever time I cut was once. It wasn't much as a friend pulled me back from it but it was enough.

[corey5289]

i cut the head of my penis and there is now several slices on my penis and my semen like explodes out it hurts

[onedayforever]

I started cutting about a month ago because I was depressed and still kinda am and I was getting heavily bullied at school still am but not as much guess they got bored. Now I do it when I am sad or think I have caused pain to another person and to not feel weak.

[stories]

I started self-harming when I was about 15 or so, cutting this past summer. It doesn't happen often and I am trying to stop. My emotional stress just gets to be way too much sometimes.

[amor2429]

I had it as a nervous tic when i was younger. Whenever I was in the Principal's office at school for being bad, I'd scratch my palms until they were red, swollen and raw.
That was when I was 7 or so, then some really bad stuff happened and I'd scratch my entire body during the night, It made me feel so much better.
When I was 10, I got into using knives and blades. And since then it's been just...unstoppable. I'm 16 now.

[AvengedHorizon]

First time cutting was nearly a whole week ago actually, but it makes me feel so much better as my brain has to deal with the physical pain and push the emotions to one side, the cuts and scores override any emotion i'm feeling. Since i was little if i was upset or angry or any discomforting emotion is wring and scratch my wrists and palms until they were raw, this time it just got worse.

[Dark_Desires]

I first started self harming at like 5 years old maybe younger had major rage issues.I think the first time i was like 10 or 11 did it with a fork when i was eating and bored didnt even realise till there was a cut.And from there i had alot of shit happen so i scratched myself alot tryed to use my nails to make myself bleed.And then maybe 3-5 months back got so upset and deppressed and cut myself badly.And from there i cut when things have been bad but thanks to VT im trying to stop going longer and longer with out it.

[FJH guy]

yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me. :?

Don't stop cold turkey what i did was just stop cutting lil by lil unti; i was dow to about once a month know im dow to twice every year!;):yeah:

[RustyRockets]

I think I started self-harming for control. I'd been having psychiatric and chemical treatment for clinical depression for several years, but things kept piling up and in that situation you feel like you have very little control over your life. Looking back being able to exercise how I felt on something malleable, even if it was my own body, gave me a tremendous sense of power over how I felt. I'm sure many of you will have felt that rush. That dangerous rush.
Tonight was different though and tonight I joined you all here. I hadn't harmed myself for quite a while, maybe even a long time. Then all of a sudden I felt that terrible old urge and did it like I was reliving a memory. I used the knife I used the very very first time; its old now, dusty and blunt, you could barely break the skin with it. I traced it on my left arm where my oldest scars are and now they are throbbing, that terrible pink colour that people can spot a mile away in short sleeves. And all that is left is the stupidity of it.

It's a long-winded ramble I know, but I've got a little less steam built up now,
Night x

[princessjess]

the first time i cut i was 15 and stressed because of my parents going through a divvorce, constant bullying at school, bad relationship with someone who supposedly loved me, and i had just been raped by my so called bestfriend not a month ago. i was going through a tough time and no matter how many people tried to comfort me it was all i could do not to walk out infront of a car on the highway (which we lived right nextto). and i had almost done that before but my" bestfriend"(the one who raped me) had always been the only one who could ever stop me. but he was gone. so i resolved to just cut. and almost lost a few friends over it too. i regret itso much. yes it helps alot, but it is so adicting and unhealthy.

[Noxail]

The first time I cut I was 13 and very stressed. And it felt like flying. Just letting go. I felt so powerful, I thought it was funny how I could summon the one thing ment to to stay inside your body, outside of my body, with a simple metal object and a pinch of pain. And as screwy as it may seem, I still feel that way..

[everythingbelle]

If you feel that you need to hurt yourself, then I think the best thing to do is look at what is the cause of your sorrow and frustration. Is there some steps you can take to feel more respect and love towards yourself?

In my humble opinion, you must be a beautiful girl who is worthy of being cherished. You just need to know it yourself!

[dark_soul777]

My first time SHing was probably in year 7. I used to punch myself but nothing too bad. In yr 9 I tried cutting, at first with a blunt piece of plastic, but that left HUGE scars that still haven't healed, now I use a sharp craft knife.

[Jonni]

June 22nd 2011
Started slashing the fuck out of my thighs
Dad's dead, mom's too busy shooting up heroin,
couldn't take it anymore.

[AerialsInTheSky]

I started cutting to numb myself from everyone 3 years ago. Stopped for the longest time, but it's back.

I wish i had never started. It's the worst addiction there is.

[foreverfree]

I started cutting myself in fifth grade.
I took the end of a pencil that was without an eraser , bent the metal together and just scratched up my arms. No cuts yet.
In sixth grade, I took a razor blade straight to my arms & wrists. i still have the scars. I remember wanting to show everyone what i did. like i was proud of it. In seventh grade it got worse. suicide attempts took place. now im almost in highschool. it does get better. i still have urges but i havent cut in about 5 days when i relapsed.
xoxo

[Ace007]

These story are quiet upset for me..I got my mom to have a looked at the comments here... Gosh I did know so many young ppl here want to do this stuff to them self ..if i was doing this stuff I would need some type of counciling or some kind of help my mom or dad.. Take care ...be safe...

[Cmarie]

I started cutting about 6 years ago, As of today I have been clean and sober for a total of 6 weeks and 2 days. I almost had a relapse last night but stayed strong and did not go through with my urges. I have a lot of reasons too cut but found one main reason too stop. I have been too counseling since 1st grade and still in therapy too this day. I have been hospitalized once for cutting but haven't since 8th grade.

Stopping didn't seem like an option too me and some days it still doesn't but I have found a strength in myself I didn't know I had. People who cut are addicts just like anyone else and its hard too stop i'm still in the process.

If you ever need anyone too talk too about anything urges, problems, anything at all just message me, cause I have most likely been there and will help in anyway possible. :D

[alwaysalone]

so true, im new to this and all i want to do is find somthing sharper...

[Mutibann]

The first time I actually cut myself was two months ago(unless you count paper cuts when I was 5). Before that, I had tried a lot of other forms of SH, just never cutting.

[maramara]

I started cutting when I was around 12. We moved to a new town, I had no friends, dad was dead, mom was always drunk. I had nothing else to make me feel better.

[Snowytoshi-chan]

I cut when I was 13 and I was bored and frustrated so I dug the blade of a pair of nail scissors into my arm. It didn't even cut the skin; it just left little white lines. Since then it's been a struggle to not to do it again, but I'm lucky because I have really supportive best friends.

[jayy]

It started in about 9th grade idrk y but i did. Since then it got worse to the point i carved "dead inside" in mu left arm. Then it went to eraser burns on my left hand. I still have.most my scars but its hard to see unless its cold outside. Its been a wile since i last did but with the stuff that gone down n the last mounth its ele hard not to. I visualize cutting. Im trying hard not to relapse.

Srri bout the terrible spelling my phone is.lagginging.

[fire and water]

I think the first time i realised i was doing it i was 11... but before that i pulled my hair out and bit myself... from the age of maybe 7 or 8. I rarely do it though.

[MarkySkatesDeathwish]

i started cutting like last september. i met a girl and she just made my life so much better, until i found out she was cutting. it made me sooo depressed so i had to too. ive just been addicted to it mentally. i dont do it physically because my parents threaten to send me to military school. i still always think of doing it...

[Jupiter]

54 days ago, to see how it felt.

[kanade]

I cut first time.. hmm.. Maybe 1 week again, then the day after, then 2 days after that again.

[kanade]

And there goes the person i thought I could tell anything to.

Good j

[Princess Ariel]

I started around 5 years ago.

[BluSapphireEyes]

Oh God...sometime in 2007 or 2008.

[Mortal Coil]

My first time was probably earlier, but I first remember it when I was nine or ten and I picked up a razor and made little nicks on the skin of my ankles and knees, figuring I would just tell anyone who cared enough to ask that they were shaving cuts. Nobody did ask. It's gotten worse, I now need to cut deeper and more often in order to get the same relief as I experienced then.

[Ravenous1]

The first time i cut was 10 days ago, i had done it because the voices told me to and they went away for awhile they came back so its not getting any better im having to cut more and go deeper. :(

[Rage of the Menace]

I started cutting myself a few weeks ago, i've always been curious with self-harm, it's not a "i want to cut myself" sceniaro as much as, "i have this urge to cut myself".

[muffin with a knife]

I started cutting myself 5 years ago. It started with an urge to do it , now it's an addiction. I tried to stop but the longest period of not cutting was of 3 months. I don't know how to stop.

[nicnicolas1]

NOOOOOO please dont do that to yourself, your better than that!! talk to a friend or an adult if your sad!!

[TeddyBearRock]

today

[Proudmummy2]

I have been cutting myself on and of for 7 years now :( im not proud of it. I'd do anything to stop it..I just dont know who to talk to as i have tried to speak to m y friends in the past but they don't seem to unstandard. And that makes me 10 time worse. I am hoping now that i am a part of this fourm i can find people to talk to and hopefully people to not just help me but for me to help other to...if you would like to talk then please dont hesitate to message me or even add me on facebook name removed - Val
Hope i get some responce xxx

[FranticMind]

Nearly 6 years now since I first self harmed. hmmm, I wont let it get to 7.

[Black.Veil.Brides]

i was 12 my first time and i have don it since its my way of relieving stress

[momo....]

when iam prostrated im thinking about cutting myself :eek:
but never done it cus i know its wrong i could get killed or worst
i could leave a scar on my skin :eek:

[BassSwagg]

Well, cutting is a very, complex topic, because the feelings/reasons/lack of feelings that come from and or cause the wanting to cut are different for everyone. Personaly, I used to do a lot of drugs (65 days clean today!) and honestly cutting has been the hardest "drug" habbit to overcome. I think that everyone has it in them to quit cutting, but I feel like "why the hell would I want to?" it makes me feel good and alive but if you feel like it's in your best interest to stop, make it worth it, reward yourself with something after a week or even a day without cutting. Progress not perfection my friends. :) and PS By the Way if any of you feel like commenting on my grammar, please don't, I know I have poor grammar and I'm stupid, I really don't need you to point it out, thanks (//_^)

[Wolverine.]

I stared when I was 12, I'm 17 now. 5 years! :(

[son1c]

Today. I feel like this is an accomplishment. Very shallow cuts.

[Amlykax3]

I stared when I was 12, I'm 17 now. 5 years! :(

Me too! Its a scary thought...:(

[Wolverine.]

Me too! Its a scary thought...:(


Yeah, I didn't really realise how long I have been doing it for until I read this thread. It is scary...

[Amlykax3]

Yeah, I didn't really realise how long I have been doing it for until I read this thread. It is scary...

Yea...same here..:(

[Bluerhino666]

yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me. :?

Its like an addiction, you accept it as who you are mentally so your brain makes you do it more. Imagine slicing an artery and passing out on the floor in a pool of your own blood:whoops:

[Amlykax3]

The other night i had a terrible dream about the first time i began cutting. It was scary because for the longest time i couldnt even remember the little things about what triggered it or anything i just remember how old i was when i started. Its just one night everything came to me. It almost felt good to remember what started it and where i was..but at the same time it was pretty scary to wake up and think about all that all over again...just thought id share!

[kai99]

I bite myself, punch pillows but never cut myself

[maisielea]

i was 10, the first time i cut. i was getting bullied at school and cutting myself seemed like a 'stress relief'.

i used a pair of scissors and cut my arm, once i realised what i had done, it was too late for me to stop. after that, i did it probably 3 times during the next month. then i stopped, until recently..

i got given alot of abuse by a girl. 'if i was you, i would have committed suicide by now' is what she said. i wanted to die at that point, i didnt want to be me anymore, this was getting way too much for me, so i cut again.

as much as i tried to cover it up, my mum saw. she asked what it was from, i obviously lied and said id fallen over or something stupid.

but things got better, and they will get better. ive stopped selfharming now, and im determined to help other sufferers get through this

[Metalbear]

Well the first time was late 2010 around october and it was because I got in a fight with me friend/former crush she was so pissed at me for doing it cuz to be honest the month before I helped her stop cutting and that moment I realized why she did it be after that I didn't cut for about 9 months and then we fought again and I hid it from everyone I've been cutting on and off since then most recently I had been good for 3 month but the other day I burned 2 holes in my arm with my zippo then found this site and joined quiting harming yourself is hard but whoever wants to stop can do it its hard but possible and I have faith in everyone trying to stop well I guess this is also an intro for me so yeah

[project_icarus]

I started about five, six years ago, now that I think about it, sort of. I need it to get me through. Today. I feel like this is an accomplishment. Very shallow cuts. Self harm is definitely NOT an accomplishment, nothing to be proud of, and certainly nothing to celebrate.

[scenequeen808]

listen,
i know ur probably sick of ppl telling u to stop but STOP.
i started cutting in grade 6 and it was the worst decision of my life. you will have ugly scars FOREVER on your arms and when people ask you why u cant just say i used to cut because, ppl are judgemental.:yeah:

[efffaaan]

I've cut 4930483720249483 times, the scars are still there, I've tried suicide, it's not the answer, it's the easy way out.

[razorblade-wolfveins]

I remember my first time. *shiver*
I was only ten. I was at school, during recess. In the girl's bathroom. I took a paper clip off of my homework and bent it, then dug it into my heel. I had blood running down my converse shoe. I was so scared. No one cared. Since then, I've basically ruined my life. Can't stop, either.

[Carly011]

I started self harming about 2 or 3 years ago... I can't quite remember when it started but i remember what i was feeling. I had a fight with my parents(probably my dad) and i was crying and the emotional pain became unbearable. I just had to do SOMETHING anything, i wanted to hurt as bad as my heart was hurting. So i started scratching(i know this sounds lame!) but i did it enough that i was bleeding and it would then scab over and scar. Then people started noticing the scars on my wrist so switched to a razor blade and my upper thigh. I hate that i cut, im ashamed of it, but i just can't stop. Its the only thing that gives me a relief from my emotional pain. Most times i think i deserve it because it serves as a reminder of how ugly and stupid i am and how much of a loser i am :/ I am in therapy and see a pyschiatrist for about 6 months now, so hopefully things get better. The therapist just recently(in the last month) found out about my cutting....i just can't bring myself to talk to it to her. Here it is easy because no one really knows me and everyone here knows what i am going through.

[this_kids_a_DJ]

Please don't do that. There are many ways of dealing with stress and other issues that do not involve harming yourself. They vary from a stress ball all the way to therapy. I have seen a few people post about punching a pillow, screaming into one helps as well.

[Carly011]

It doesn't release the pain as effectively as cutting though....with cutting its like a flood of relief and a calm comes over me. I can deal with the hate of myself afterwards, its the intense emotional pain i cant deal with so i cut. I am really trying to work on it though with my therapist and pyschiatrist. I just don't think i can stop right now...

[CodyCupcake]

I honestly don't know why I started to cut in the first place. I think I was 16, it was almost 4 years ago. The worst time of my life. I had a little pen knife in my room and I remember just cutting into my skin on my arm and somehow seeing the blood and feeling the pain made me feel a little better. It sounds crazy but at that time of my life it was one of the only things that I looked forward to do. Then when I was around 17 I was like a completely different person and I didn't self harm for ages and didn't even think about it. Lately I have been doing it again for the past few months and esp the last few weeks a lot more. I'm trying to stop but it's almost like an everyday thing for me now. Today seems like a good day though. The sun is shining and I can see lots of beautiful bright colourful flowers outside. This morning I was alone and heard birds singing outside and it was so beautiful, as if they were singing a song to me. I know it sounds weird but things like that seem to help me a lot. Sometimes I feel as if I can relate to animals and nature more than people.

[flashstep96]

Well, The first time I "cut" was in 8th grade. I wasen't depressed, But I was a little unstable at the time. I was trying to find my identity. But anyways,. It was ACAD (whatever the hell that is?) and we were making models of aircrafts and stuff. I was in a certain mood in class, Like for some reason, I felt... kinda adventourous. I dunno, hormones? So My classmate and I were talking about stuff, and she took the knife like she was going to cut my arm. I shrugged and smiled, telling her "Go ahead."
And she cut a thin line about 2 inches long on the skn about 6 inches up my arm on te outer side. I shivered a little, It hurt, but it was crazy. It felt great! Like a perfect 50/50 of pain and pleasure. But I liked it, and almost wanted to do it again.
I don't know if she saw, but that was it: Never "Cut" again. I have scar from it, but I don't mind. It's hard to see and I have to REALLY look to find it. But it's okay, Cuz now I can remember that first, and hopefully last time.
*shruggs* :3

[Maiden]

first time for me was about 1½ years ago. During that time i strugled allot with selfhatred, but what trigerd it was that i dreamt about it everyday for about 2 weeks or so before i finally did it. I've kept doing it ever since, and i still dream

[KarkatLuv]

I just recently was looking at my compass thinking about doing it, still don't know why I wanted to do it but I took the compass and scratched at my thigh 3-4 times

[Zammeer]

I don't have friends and I keep cutting my myself each day I need friends

[Zeh Crazy]

I started cutting when I was 12 and in the 6th grade. I don't remember what initially made me start cutting, but I began to like the feeling over time. I have to punish myself for the bad things I do. I also cut because sometimes I feel numb and it helps me feel alive. I don't know. But when I see my own blood, it makes me feel like I'm still alive when I feel dead. It's sorta out of habit, too. I always did it to punish myself when I got too angry or to hurt myself so I wouldn't hurt others. It's the first thought I have whenever I'm upset.

[zicamir]

I did it for the first time today and It did not make me numb out. how many times do you have to do it before it works ? :(

[Desuetude]

I did it for the first time today and It did not make me numb out. how many times do you have to do it before it works ? :(
It doesn't just magically work after a certain number of times you cut, hell it doesn't "work" anyway.
If you're not getting anything from it and even if you are then you should stop. There are other less harmful ways of dealing with things. Talk to someone about what you're feeling, write it down, snap an elastic band on your wrist if you think that will help but let me tell you that cutting isn't something that you should use because you think if you cut enough you'll feel numb.

[Destructive Impulse]

Ya it doesn't help but only makes you feel like shit. Don't cut. You don't want to.

[Carly011]

Don't do it. It only makes things worse. Being numb for a little bit is not worth all the pain, both emotional and physical, that comes with it. I am trying to stop so bad! Please dont start. Its not fun and its so hard to quit

[xXoblivionXx]

The worst decision I ever made in my life.

[Mortal Coil]

One of the worst things I ever did. Right next to going out on January 28th...

[Samh]

I want to cut myself every time I hear my parents fighting.

[LyaJen]

It was around November this past year. I'm just getting out of seventh grade.
my parents had just got a divorce, my dad left, i was getting blamed and yelled at. my depression was bad then, so i did it once.
It was one of the biggest mistakes i have ever made. because i have not been able to stop.

[VictoriaGotaSecret]

i started and can't stop. everyone I know who knows I do tells me to stop but I can't and every time I'm told to stop I end up doing it more.

[Narnia]

Try doing other stuff like punching a pillow. It wont hurt you. Tell someone if you continue. It can hurt you.

[VictoriaGotaSecret]

Try doing other stuff like punching a pillow. It wont hurt you. Tell someone if you continue. It can hurt you.

NO. I will not try punching a pillow. The more try to clear my mind of cutting the more i think about it and do it.

[brndurham]

About November last year for me. I've cut until about... now, since then, with weeks and occaisionally a month in between when I'd cut. My reasons? I'd prefer to keep them to myself. And to comment on the post above; no, I'm not likely to punch a pillow either- I doubt it helps with chronic self-pity. Might work for those cutting from stress or anger, though.

[EvanShaw]

I never cut myself... but I burnt my neck with a car cigarette lighter. It hurt.. but I couldn't feel the pain. All I could feel was the satisfaction from everyone who wanted me to feel the pain.

[VictoriaGotaSecret]

if God wanted us to cut ourselves, we would have a place to cut made specially for it!

maybe he doesnt but there are easy to hide areas

[AaronRedwineLoZFan1]

I've started cutting recently, and I can't tell why, I don't know, but I do know that it makes me feel like im floating in space, if i cut myself deep enough. any other relatable people?

[XxAssasiNxX]

i was gonna start cutting.....back whrn i was.getting bullied. i just hated myself and i didint k ow wat to do. i was gonna cut but i got help. but sometimes i feel like it

[Electra Heart]

Hmmm... What was it... 5 years ago? I started sobbing in my room, has a very bad day. A kid threw sand in my eyes on the playground, people were chanting FAGGOT. I didn't even know cutting was a thing. I just sorta make this deep-ass cut, right down my left wrist, straight down. I wasn't trying to kill myself, yet. Just coincidental.

[FighterForLife-Cassi]

I have cut for four years, I'm currently trying to stop although it's very hard. I have a eating disorder and sleeping disorder and have bipolar depression. I do not advise anyone to cut if they have not first started its not good, please dont

[Klaudiax]

I first time started cutting when I was 8, I'm 16 now. This was my coping mechanism. It's like I'm in control of my body. No one can ever hurt me as much as I hurt myself. It started being more innocent, small scratches then to deep wounds. That will never disappear unless I will have steroids injections to get rid of them not for 100% though. I have got help when I was diagnosed with depression and bpd which is irrelevant now. I realized that cutting is not good enough anymore and I thought maybe If I'd kill myself I will do myself a favor. That's when I had my first attempt. Let me tell you I was happy that I did survive. To be honest cutting is a relief, no one will understand who doesn't do it. But, just the thought about people giving you those weird looks when they see your scars, how much it hurts people that love you. Some scars might disappear but you might end up like me & they wont. They'd be reminding you of everything that happened. In reality self-harming is something damn stupid and people don't realize that it's been happening over 50 years. Either way, it's not worth to cut. Just fck everything and enjoy life. We all go through sh!t w.e it's abuse, parents, friends but it's not worth it.

[Lovebird441]

HI! I just started cutting about a few days ago. I can't tell anyone because they'll think that I am following my favorite: Demi Lovato. But, I'm not. I want to stop because I know it's wrong. But I just can't. I need help stoping and covering up the scars. Help?

[Kingbodz]

I want to cut myself every time I hear my parents fighting.

I actually cut myself each time mine do. i I hate doing tho. :(

[sweetsaraann]

i started when i was 11.... i had someone supportin gme then they left. i they came back but i dont think ill ever truust them again.... any help

[VictoriaGotaSecret]

people say its the worst decision they ever made but i like what cutting leaves on my body. i have no regrets.

[Jack the ripper]

Everyone who cuts it isn't ur fault but u need to talk to someon about ur problem

[TheMatrix]

Everyone who cuts it isn't ur fault but u need to talk to someon about ur problem

Please stay on-topic. This is a thread for people to share their thoughts, not to tell people that they need to "get help".

[momo....]

first cut my self feels great

but i hate scars so i stop it

[bus730]

Ive did it twice before it was horrible I hated it. I'm gothic people automatically assume we do cut ourselves no matter what we say. I'm here I've been through alot of self harming stuff and I've always came out on top of it no matter what. When I did it I told my mom about it and she talked me through never doing it again befor I had seriously hurt myself

[LunaHermione]

I don't really remember why I made those first cuts. All I can remember is that it was sometime in November 2010. I did it on my right arm with a compass, it was the first thing I saw and it was a spur of the moment thing. I don't even remember why I thought hurting myself would make the pain go away, but it did, only for a few minutes but for those few minutes I was okay, all the pain dissapeared and everything in my life was fine. I wasn't a lesbian, I wasn't depressed, I wasn't in love with one of my best friends, I was actually okay. That feeling was great, I felt 'normal', for lack of a better word. I felt like I belonged in this world and that everything would be okay. Then that moment went away and I can remember crying, just out of the blue I started crying. I didn't feel it coming or anything, I just started crying. I cried for quite a while before I went to bed and I guess from there on it just spiraled out of control. The cuts became more regular and I started using blades and burning myself and I cried much more often and for longer periods of time. Last night was the first night in a while I had cried so much. I had the song 'Until We Wake' by Jenna Anne on repeat and the song just made me cry so much, I was crying for at least an hour before I decided to go to bed yet I still cried, I can't remember stopping crying, I guess I literally cried myself to sleep. I still have that song on repeat now and I'm listening to it, I've put up this wall to stop me from crying until my family goes to bed. I just can't bring myself to change the song, I don't know why. I know I'll self harm again tonight, nothing will be able to stop me. I often wondered when my life became so fucked up and I guess it started on that day in November 2010.

[RyanEdwards]

I do it with razors when I am so angry. I love that sense of relief I get...

[Narnia]

My ex cuts :/ i tell her not to. But i try stopping her

[jessygurl09]

the first time i cut i didnt realize what i was doing untill i had the knife ti my wrist.. and it felt good. it made me feel better. made me stop crying as much. made me feel like everything could be okay again. i did it because it helped me deal with everything.

[SadisticAngels]

first time i cut 3 years ago it was bearly a scrape and i thought i could leave it at that and only have 2 or three now my entire forearm and bicep are coved with old and new scars and cuts im not proud of it but they make me who i am

[myllc]

Only you can help your self, better yet consult to a psychologist.

[Lyra Heartstrings]

I first cut a couple days ago. Stress was getting to me..I just..had to do it.

[imsoalone]

Hey guys... So I've been cutting for a few weeks now. It's probably the best coping system I've been able to find, really, but my parents found out and want me to stop, but I don't want to. I tried, but I couldn't do it. It's just to hard. So anyway, here I am, cutting and upset, and I just need some people to talk to. So yeah.

[HelloFascination]

I started back in December....I don't even know why, maybe because I got in a fight with my dad for shattering a glass ornament a close, now-gone friend had made for me. We went at it for hours, until I could barely breathe because my throat was so tight from screaming. I was physically sick afterward, so my parents and sister left me home while they went out to dinner. The last foot wasn't out the door before I jumped into the shower, wielding some kind of sick blade I managed to finagle out of a disposable razor with a pair of fingernail clippers. I chose my forearm, near my elbow. I cut again and again, over and over the same spot so I could put it off as my cat scratching me as he jumped off my lap.
They believed the story, though I think only barely. Over the next few months I made minor cuts on my hands and carved out a heart on my foot once, just for shits and giggles. Wasn't an addiction until my uncle gave me his old Vietnam-era calligraphy set for a coming home present (I'd been staying as an exchange student in Germany for a month). I was going through the pens and stuff when I opened one and immediately felt pain in my thumb- it was an exacto knife. Suddenly my whole non-cutting life disappeared, and I was swallowed up by the world I visited when I was bored, when I needed a quick trip.
This is the first time I've ever admitted a word.

[imsoalone]

So, my parents have now decided I have mental issues because I cut myself. I asked them if I could just move out, and they were like 'fine', so now I need to find a friend or family member to stay with for a while. I honestly don't know what the he'll I'm going to do.

[Clare_bear]

i just started i scratch aimlessly :/ i zone out in it and i have cuts all over my arms im scared someones going to notice but i cant stop :(

[West Coast Sheriff]

Just cut tonight. It feels good.

[Jalinta]

The first time I cut wasn't too long ago, about 2 weeks ago, though I'd been contemplating it a few years earlier, but my fear of blood kept me from doing it. I've done it twice since my first time, when I get angry and upset, and I feel guilty about some things I've done a lot and so it's also a way of punishing myself. It gives me some relief whilst also making me feel like I'm getting everything I deserve.

[xXJamXx]

I've been off and on with cutting for about a year. I relapsed in August, but now that I am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist regularly, I am in the process of stopping. I'm sorta addicted. I do it every few days once or twice. I used to do it multiple times a day. I'm starting the road to recovery!

[Fionna]

Today was the first time I cut...for awhile, I've been curious. I've burnt myself, put candles out with my skin, dripped hot wax on myself, and hit myself. I've always been wondering about cutting, because of the blood, but I've never really been able to chalk up the courage until today.

Today I ate too much, and felt awful about it. I broke a razor, took out three blades, and then took a shower. While I was in there, I grabbed one of the blades, put it to my calf, and pulled. It hurt, not a lot, but still. When I pulled away there was blood running down my leg. I started to feel light headed because of how hot I'd put the shower, and sat on the shower floor. Then I put the blade to my thigh and pulled two more times.

I want to do it again. I like the mark, how inflamed and red it is, and the blood.

[lolinggirl]

It was in August this year. I've been suicidal for nearly three years (i've attempted suicide twice and i'm only 13) and i cut my wrist for first time. it felt good/bad/exciting/sore and i did it again and again. i had told my parents in july that i was suicidal in july and i went to four therapy sessions then stopped. I cut because my parents dont care enough to bring me to more sessions and i had been curious. I did it again when the cuts healed and I've been doing it until my friend saw the cuts (she was suicidal too but she's better now) and told me to stop. I did...for a while. i stopped for nearly two weeks then i broke a razor and took out three then i cut both my wrists over and over. last week i cut the inside of my legs and my thighs.

[liz9591]

Must have been at least a year since I started... I had a cheap pocketknife for messing around in the woods. A guy that's like an older brother made me stop and threw my knives down the storm drain. I really did try, but I was still suicidal, so he gave up trying to fix me, and now he won't even talk to me. I've finally got my hands on a razor, and it goes downhill from here...

[Fallen Angels]

Somewhere around 1-2 and a half months ago.

[Aris]

Well i never cut my self with a knife and i am really happy for that even though i have though about suiciding ! But a voice inside me always reminds me that i MUST continue living and some day i WILL find that special HER that will lantch me to the skies :wub::wub::wub::wub:... When i feel akward instead of cutting my self with a knife i usually self-scratch or eat my finger ... At least i dont lose blood :cool:

[remainnameless]

Okay, first of all I'm really sorry if I'm posting this out of place, but I'm new here :)

I'm a seventeen-year-old girl, and lately I've been struggling through some really horrible emotions. I can't make sense of them cos nothing bad has ever happened to me in my life - I've never really been bullied, never been abused, my parents aren't divorced, etc. But lately, I've found school really hard going, and now home life is getting more strained as well. My 'friends' make plans without me in front of me which is painful enough as it is, and I just feel like they'd be so much happier if I wasn't anywhere near them. I've started getting really sarcastic and bitchy to them and I can tell it's really pissing them off. Because of this my mum is always asking me why I never go out with my friends and I've almost come to dread the weekends - all I want to do is wall myself away from everyone, and now my mind has turned to cutting. I've never done it, but I've accidentally hurt myself and just felt like it was such a release. I am fully aware there are so many other people out there with much more serious issues, but I just feel so isolated and alone. It's reached the stage where I feel like I hate everyone I know and all I want to do is move away somewhere where I can start afresh.

Thanks to anyone who read through this. Advice is more than welcome :)

[gaitor]

Im 13, i am thinking about cutting, i have tried but my parents notice it. i have actually been so upset that (because my parents now know and lock the knife draw) tried to cut with my locker key and it worked. Im scares and confused :(

[Person_Of_Interest]

My first time was when I was eleven. I cut then because I was being beat up daily and one day I just broke down and started. I'm still being beat up by the same person and am cutting like 3 times a week. Oh, also sorry about my posts being so neat and perfect, my blackberry auto corrects everything

[Danny_boi 16]

Is there another way to deal with problems? I want to cut, i do not want punch a pillow that does not help. What do i do now?

[AkuRokuStalker]

The first time I cut was November/October of 2010 I think. I had been bullied by the people I had called my friends all my life. Mainly things about how ugly and unatractive I was. Well, after a while I slowly began to hate myself more and more untill I just could not take it anymore. I started getting really depressed at night. I would cry for hours and hours on end untill I could barely see. Then one day I saw my friend who cut her wrist and it was not long before I got the idea to cut mine. It ws so nice and it helped distact me from the emotional pain I felt... eventually it got to the point of where I would cut for about thirty minutes before I got in the shower, before I went to bed, sometimes before I went to school, and sometimes at school. Then I stopped and started back up again not long after. Cutting is my bliss, it always without fail makes the pain go away...

[Jupiter]

Im 13, i am thinking about cutting, i have tried but my parents notice it. i have actually been so upset that (because my parents now know and lock the knife draw) tried to cut with my locker key and it worked. Im scares and confused :(

Please don't do it. it's very addicting and can take over your life.

Is there another way to deal with problems? I want to cut, i do not want punch a pillow that does not help. What do i do now?

Yes. There are other options. You need to find a hobby, buddy. Dealing with your issues sometimes is just by crying or actually thinking about them. Do not cut. i don't mean to sound demanding but it is extremely addicting and ultimately dangerous if not done properly. this post is not condoning proper OR inproper self harm.

my one year anniversary of self harm is coming up. woo :(

[laurazoom]

There was a time in my high school where cutting was the trend and everyone started cutting themselves during classes. A minority of them actually had depression problems, but the others were just following the trend just to fit in....

[Conqueror of Hearts]

So i cut myself for 4 years now...i've never thought it was that long till this very moment..i am too ashamed to say why i cut myself that firsrt time...but what the hell we are all here in the same mess. I cut myself when my first boyfriend broke up with me...i was 14 then and i still remember that feeling that i couldnt express and i didnt even thought about it i just grabbed a knife and did it. At that moment i felt. better.it wasnt a deep cut but it was a cut and it was painful for few days later. Two of my friend knew about that but i think they never thought it was something serious and we never talked about that later. And it passed a year until i si for the second time.

It is so strange to write about this because i have never talked to anyone aboutSI.

Is there another way to deal with problems? I want to cut, i do not want punch a pillow that does not help. What do i do now?

Cutting is not a way to deal with your problems...they will still be there plus you'll have the stupid cuts to hide. I would like that someone told me not to do it, or how hard it would be to stop doing it or even how ashamed would i be with all those cuts.
You should talk about things that bother you with your friends and family because it is the only way to deal with your problems healthy.

[Shade]

Okay, first of all I'm really sorry if I'm posting this out of place, but I'm new here :)

I'm a seventeen-year-old girl, and lately I've been struggling through some really horrible emotions. I can't make sense of them cos nothing bad has ever happened to me in my life - I've never really been bullied, never been abused, my parents aren't divorced, etc. But lately, I've found school really hard going, and now home life is getting more strained as well. My 'friends' make plans without me in front of me which is painful enough as it is, and I just feel like they'd be so much happier if I wasn't anywhere near them. I've started getting really sarcastic and bitchy to them and I can tell it's really pissing them off. Because of this my mum is always asking me why I never go out with my friends and I've almost come to dread the weekends - all I want to do is wall myself away from everyone, and now my mind has turned to cutting. I've never done it, but I've accidentally hurt myself and just felt like it was such a release. I am fully aware there are so many other people out there with much more serious issues, but I just feel so isolated and alone. It's reached the stage where I feel like I hate everyone I know and all I want to do is move away somewhere where I can start afresh.

Thanks to anyone who read through this. Advice is more than welcome :)

I know what you mean when you say you feel isolated and alone. That's the reason I came here. Truly, you are never alone and taking a step like this (finding people to talk with about it) is a good one. As for other people and their 'more serious issues', I used to feel like failure because my issues weren't as bad as their's. However, a counselor I went to see has helped me realize that we all deal with our problems differently, and they all affect us on different levels. In your relationships at home and at school, it's obviously difficult for you. If moving away isn't an option, then maybe just trying to make a fresh start where you are is needed. People can be a lot more understanding than we give them credit for, and maybe explaining how you feel to those you want as friends will help. I strongly advise against self-harm. If you haven't started already, then don't. At first, it is a release, but then it becomes a quick addiction that can consume you. Every time I do dishes, every time I see scissors, every time someone says 'cut' or 'blood'.. that urge is there. There are a lot more productive ways of dealing with things that won't leave lasting marks that prevent you from moving on. Breathing exercises can be found online, and I've found drawing, poetry, and dancing to be of help. If none of my words have made a difference, then please write a reply about how you feel and know I'm here to listen.

[xarvon1412]

My first time cutting? About a three years ago in seventh grade. I remember I started with a thumbtack, it's been so long. So many marks...

[theogpickle]

Well im new and im about a month from being 18. Im a guy a senior in HS and ive been cutting on and off since 7th grade. i actually started as a way to "fit in" with people i was hanging out with... Now i know this sound absolutely absurd but its true.. Anyway i cut everyday. Its bad too not just scratches im talking deep gashes all over my arms and chest. I started smoking weed around 16 and that made me stop cutting for a while. But soon enough i was back to my old habits.. Things weren't going so great i just lost my gf and i was feelin like shit. So i cut and i made me feel better. then i was depressed again.. so i smoked a couple hitters (i was just starting then it didnt take much at all) i felt great for a couple hours then (you guessed it) i cut again this time much worse than before. I've tried to kill myself more than once that nobody really knows about. If my parents ever found out id be locked in a padded room for the rest of my life T.T it didnt work obviously and im still cutting like i used to. my parents have yet to notice anything. they know i get high all the time but they dont know im trying to forget all the anguish inside me... god why did i ever start this! ITS ABSOLUTE TORTURE!!!! I wish i could stop but everytime i try i feel like all my rage and depression starts eating away at me from the inside its a physical pain inside me when i quit... Im totally lost about what to do. im constantly smoking nowadays. like ill smoke a blunt in the morning amd finish the day with 5 or 6 in me (this is in like 4 or 5 hours) i try to sleep alot but that isnt working out to well... I need help which is why im here. so if you could give me some advice. anything to make the pain go away... please just make it go away....... oh and i should probably mention im bi. and if my parents found out about that they would disown me and kick me out of the house.. soo im dealing with that as well....

[Shade]

Well im new and im about a month from being 18. Im a guy a senior in HS and ive been cutting on and off since 7th grade. i actually started as a way to "fit in" with people i was hanging out with... Now i know this sound absolutely absurd but its true.. Anyway i cut everyday. Its bad too not just scratches im talking deep gashes all over my arms and chest. I started smoking weed around 16 and that made me stop cutting for a while. But soon enough i was back to my old habits.. Things weren't going so great i just lost my gf and i was feelin like shit. So i cut and i made me feel better. then i was depressed again.. so i smoked a couple hitters (i was just starting then it didnt take much at all) i felt great for a couple hours then (you guessed it) i cut again this time much worse than before. I've tried to kill myself more than once that nobody really knows about. If my parents ever found out id be locked in a padded room for the rest of my life T.T it didnt work obviously and im still cutting like i used to. my parents have yet to notice anything. they know i get high all the time but they dont know im trying to forget all the anguish inside me... god why did i ever start this! ITS ABSOLUTE TORTURE!!!! I wish i could stop but everytime i try i feel like all my rage and depression starts eating away at me from the inside its a physical pain inside me when i quit... Im totally lost about what to do. im constantly smoking nowadays. like ill smoke a blunt in the morning amd finish the day with 5 or 6 in me (this is in like 4 or 5 hours) i try to sleep alot but that isnt working out to well... I need help which is why im here. so if you could give me some advice. anything to make the pain go away... please just make it go away....... oh and i should probably mention im bi. and if my parents found out about that they would disown me and kick me out of the house.. soo im dealing with that as well....

Is it possible for you to see a counselor? Or perhaps just talk to a trusted adult with experience? It sounds like you're in way too deep for a simple 'everything is going to be okay' speech, but I'm not sure what help I can personally give you...Here's what I can think of: Lately I've been feeling the need to cut, but I found that I can reduce the damage done by making less cuts than the night before and just focusing on the ones I already made. I hope that makes sense...Oh, and one thing my counselor told me is to forget about just stopping. Rather that aiming to quit cutting all at once, he told me to make a set date for when I can cut next. For example, I could say 'I'm not going to cut for two days'. Then, move it up to four days, then a week, and so on. Then, think about the methods you used to make it that long without cutting. Breathing exercises, poetry, art, music, writing, and talking to others are simple ways to do this.

[Kyle9000]

The first time i ever cut was about 6 months ago. I never hurt my self in any way before but i started because i decided to release all of my emotion on myself and didn't know anything else to do. the longest I've been clean is 2 weeks and 3 days.

[PrincessMcleod]

The first time I cut I was 12. Maybe you can't even call it cutting...probably more scratching. It's worse than that now though.

[Lost in the Echo]

I think I was 11 the first time I cut.
It was a very depressing time in my life, but things have gotten better since then. :)