First Time Cutting

[katytruthteller]

the first time i started cutting was when i was about 13 when my dad left my family then i carried on all through college i managed to stop for about a year as i was arguin more and smoking weed alot but then my boyfriend left me and my best friend ditched me and the doctors decided to tell me i cannot have kids aswell it all got to much and i started up again it is true it is hard to stop once you have seen that first cut and felt how good it feels nothing else tops that.

[aLeX..]

The first time I cut myself was when I was 13. To be honest I didn't know, and still don't know, how to cope with my problems. I feel I need to punish myself.

[Miss Punk]

First time for me was when I was 13. I'd been depressed and suicidal since over a year earlier, but started to make a recovery, and then someone close to me died and I cut for a while - not very deep just enough to make me feel something. It only left faint scars. After that I only cut on single occasions whenever something was particulary stressing, so scars healed quite quickly and no one noticed. I'm 17. Now I cut every day.

[ashleighhxbby]

ONE OF MY BEST FRiENDS CUTS, OR HE TOLD ME HE DiD. THAT HURT ME SO BADLY. HE HAS NO iDEA. i LOVE THAT KiD TO DEATH AND HE DOESN'T REALiZE iT.
HE'S TOLD ME THAT THE FiRST TiME HE TOLD ME HE DiD, iT TURNED OUT THAT HE DiDNT CUT, HE JUST WANTED SYMPATHY.
ALOT OF PEOPLE JOKE ABOUT iT LiKE iTS NORMAL AND FUNNY. CUTTiNG iSN'T FUNNY AND TO THOSE WHO THiNK iT iS, THEY'LL HAVE TO DEAL WiTH ME.
HE TRUSTED ME AND TOLD ME THAT HE CUT HiMSELF OVER A GiRL [ALSO MY BEST FRiEND] AND i JUST COULDN'T HELP BUT WONDER.."WHY?"
i'VE NEVER CUT, i'VE DEFiNiTELY THOUGHT ABOUT iT THOUGH.
FOR ME AND ONE OF MY FRiENDS [NOT THE GUY] WE'VE OFTEN SHARED WiTH EACH OTHER ABOUT OUR CONTEMPLATiNG SUiCiDE AND iF iTS NORMAL..WE DECiDED iT PROBABLY iSN'T AND THAT WE WiLL HELP EACH OTHER COPE.
i DUNNO HOW THiS RELATED TO THiS THREAD, BUT i NEEDED TO TELL SOMEONE.

[ashleighhxbby]

The reason teens cut is not because there 'emo' its because they want attention. Thats my veiw of it. I mean, when im upset i want attention as well. But i dont go as far as cutting myself, i have a life to live. This is just my opinion and i know people have different thoughts. :confused:

So people that cut themselves want attention and that gives you the right to say that? You can express your opinion in any way that you choose, but if you're going to be negative and call every person on this forum that has cut an 'emo kid looking for attention' that is just cruel and wrong. Not everyone can help it, some look at it as a need for self control, but others - like yourself - view it as a plead for attention and that isnt always the case.
What I am asking, however, is that you will please rephrase and redirect some of your opinions and accusations. I know you probably didnt mean it the way it was read, but it came across as nasty and condescending.

yeah, so whatever.
Ashleigh

[triplethreat40]

I don't remember the first time i cut, or why. i "cut" 3 times in a way shape or form, then i didn't do it for a long time after. i guess it wasn't working. recently, i cut again. i was just so out of controll, and i became even more out of controll because being so scared the living daylights out of me. but when i cut came the sence of icy clarity.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

My first cut was today, I am 16. I just couldn't take the emotional pain I was feeling anymore. It overwhelmed me. Sure it felt good for a few minutes...but then the pain came back again...this time even worse than before. It hurt so bad...The first cut is always the deepest. It always hurts the most.

[ashleighhxbby]

ive thought about doing this. I know I probably never will... Theres something only 4 people in my life know of. I dont really wanna put tit on here.. but.. i have before.

[ashleighhxbby]

i did it last nitght

[Specter]

I’ve never cut my self I try to find more constructive ways to vent my anger, If anyone would like to talk with me in private I’m more then willing to help.

[ErykaInspire.]

I started cutting two years ago. I got put on medication for chronic depression (which of coarse, don't change the way you think. So physically, they don't do anything). It's the hardest thing to overcome but with over a year of counseling, I did it. Relapse is the worst part though. I've went into relapse about 7times. I've been cut-free for approx. 6months now. Granted, I had a razor in my hand two days ago. I got in a really REALLY bad fight with my mom and she almost divorced my dad just to get rid of me. BUT, anyways. Cutting is really hard, and i wouldn't recommend it. I'd suggest rubberbands if anything. Snap them against your wrist. The worst they'd do is bruise, but it's better than scars.

[gorgeousgrief]

I believe I was 12 when I first started. I was getting bullied, so I believe that what lead to it. It helped me cope in that distressing time. It's helped me cope in any distressing time. I've always self harmed in the same place, same way, except once, a cigarette burn on my left wrist when I was drunk in October/November time 2007.

I can cope for a good 6 months without cutting, with a few weak moments here and there (thinking about it and considering it but deciding against it), then sooner or later I'll relapse. It could be just a small trigger, but it happens and I can't help myself.

[closetcutter]

my first was in beginning of 8th grade when i wanted to not feel pain. Once i did i felt better about myself. less than a month later i was sent to a mental health hospital where they told me I was a happy individual and that there was nothing to worry about. I don't know how they came to that conclusion. I still cut today though not as frequently. my friends seem nicer and i don't feel the need to cut as much anymore. Some would say great I don't think so i just am not as happy as i use to be.

[Florion]

On the whole, at least since I came to high school and made friends for the first time, I am a fairly balanced, happy person.

But in the months leading up to a Classics Conference (think academic Olympics, focused on the ancient Roman/Greek world), I made myself stay up an extra hour each night and wake up an hour early each day to study for this thing, give up all my lunch periods to meetings and practices, and I started binge eating (after a binge and in the evenings, I would hate myself intensely, but in the mornings I felt happy). My friends were still my friends, but I still felt lonely because I didn't have time to see them except during class. Come March Break when there <i>were</i> no classes, I was desperately lonely and self-loathing, and by the end of it, I had three inch-and-a-half long scars on my inner forearm. I figured it came from stress, guilt about binges and loneliness put together, so I dropped a couple contests from my Conference workload and tried to make my sleep schedule a little more reasonable. That helped, and except for some stressful moments where I feel like cutting again and one morning where the urge was so strong that I was too frightened to get out of bed, I've managed pretty well. Generally, the fear of getting caught and the fear of getting hooked keeps me from doing it again. I feel a bit silly that I did something like that simply because of stress, though. And I don't know how to make peace with the scars—if I forget to wear a sweat band or make-up or long sleeves to cover my wrist, I can't concentrate in class and I have to grab a coat (which I won't be able to do much longer since it's almost summer).

[Flutterfly]

My first cut was when I was fourteen, right after school started, I don't even remember why. I was just bored and upset and finished with my work in that class. I started drawing on my wrist with a mechanical pencil, I guess I just decided "why not cut? What's really wrong with it?" Before I knew it I couldn't stop.
The first time I considered it, however, was right after I turned fourteen, I found a staple, and I was about to, but then it fell, I couldn't find it before my friend came over to me and noticed I was upset and she didn't know I wanted to cut, but she knew I was upset.

[NightFighter]

Before i cut i kept drawing lines over my wrists with red pen because i had heard that some people dealt with their emotions by cutting. Later on, my family kept rowing the whole time, i was under pressure at school and was losing my best friend. So i remembered how these people cut themself to make them feel better. Thats how i got my first cut. Then i couldnt stop.

[Mekipedia]

I don't know why you kids cut yourself.

Marijuana is so much better feeling and it doesn't physically SCAR you.

[piggy-wiggy]

i dont think i even remember why i started, but i was rly depressed bout my life, and i constantly cried, but for no reason. now wen i cut, i cry for a reason, but i cant seem to find the will to stop nemore, i think i rly on it to vent too much nemore. And although i wish a didnt start, sometimes i feel its too big a part of my life to wish away........x

[NightFighter]

In a way im glad i started selfharming. Im much more understanding and kinder to people now. Plus, i probably wouldnt have come on VT and met all the awesome people :D

[optimashprime]

i havent cut my self or self harmed (mainly because i cant hurt myself)

but i have been depressed and i know what you are going though is hell but i want you all to know im here for you and i have faith in you all

if you ever need anything pm me and ill help as much as i can

good luck to all of you

all my love
elliot

[kyle95]

I've never heard of this. it just proves that people are selfish and ought to be more considerate and helpful. Not everyone knows how to cry out for help. So we all should be watching for these signs so we can help out. It's sad, very sad indeed.

[MysticalBurrito]

Klye A lot of people dont have anyone to scream to
So please try to understand
Cutting is a release to pain in the inside we cant explain or talk about

[Project Delta]

Started about 6 months ago, maybe 5, after the 1 week half term (english school) and came back to extreme bullying all day, then i got home ran a bath and cut the back of my hand about 8 times with a 3 blade shaver so 24 cuts

[Becky]

My first time was about 2 years ago I feel so stupid about it now but it was all because of a guy I had just read about self harm a couple of times just that people did it didn't really realise what was wrong with it sounds really niave but I just scratched myself until about half a year ago I took a blade out of a sharpener and now I bleed everyday Wish I had known what I know now back then

[lucybear]

My first time was the best time. It gave me an insane rush :)

[Project Delta]

Yeah, but you dont get the same rush everytime after do you?

[kirsty]

I just cut myself for the first time yesterday. The release of tension and the adrenalin rush was like nothing i've ever felt before. I felt a lot better afterwards. I did it again today because it felt so good and i think i'm becoming almost addicted already. I'm 15 and I just kinda need some advice as to what to do...
Thanks.

[NightFighter]

I just cut myself for the first time yesterday. The release of tension and the adrenalin rush was like nothing i've ever felt before. I felt a lot better afterwards. I did it again today because it felt so good and i think i'm becoming almost addicted already. I'm 15 and I just kinda need some advice as to what to do...
Thanks.

Heya fellow Scot! =]
I doubt you are addicted already. Self harm is incredibly addictive and its far easier to stop now than it will be if you continue. Its like any addiction - The people who have done it longer often find it harder to quit.
STOP NOW! Read the forums and the announcement and you will find reasons to quit now.Its really not worth it. Find a better, healthier way to deal with your emotions e.g sports, art,
Oh and throw away whatever you used. It will just be a reminder of what you did. Dont worry. Stop now and you wont get addicted.
pm me if you need any advice or a chat or just whatever really :]

[ThUnDeR]

this will sound very wierd lol

i didint really cut for depression
i cut cause it looked cool
i made a x on my wrist
idk waht my problem was but i stopped and im good now XD

[Deirdree.]

My friend does..
She doesn't hide it.
She walks around in t-shirts with the scars showing.

It worries me..
Is she proud of it?

[Project Delta]

She could be proud of getting over it? Or does she still do it?

[Deirdree.]

She could be proud of getting over it? Or does she still do it?

I think she still does it..

[GreyxRainbow]

I think she still does it..

Maybe she just doesn't care anymore.

[Project Delta]

Thats my attitude

[NightFighter]

Ooh i went into the city without covering my scars :D. Im not exactly proud of them but im not scared to show them anymore. They are mine whether i like them or not. If another person doesnt like them then im sorry but i wont hide. Its not their business. That might be your friends attitude. I hope thats the reason. Its a positive step toward recovery.

[Braden]

this will sound very wierd lol

i didint really cut for depression
i cut cause it looked cool
i made a x on my wrist
idk waht my problem was but i stopped and im good now XD

me 2 except it wasent a x lol

[Truth]

me 2 except it wasent a x lol Why do people think cutting is 'cool', cutting yourself open isn't cool, nor will it ever be. It's something no one should do, and if some one does, they should be helped with it. .__. I've never met a person who found it cool.

[kirsty]

me 2 except it wasent a x lol

My opinion is that's just sick. SH totally ruins some people's lives and influences everything they do. And you CHOOSE to do this when some people try and try but the addiction is just too strong to overcome.
The worst thing is yous think it's cool. What the fuck, seriously, what's cool about making a mark on your skin that could be there forever.
Get a grip, grow up and realise that SH is a serious issue that effects millions of people.

[Project Delta]

If you really want to go get your body marked get a damn tattoo guys. It isnt fucking cool and never was

[BlackenedSilver]

Agreed With Aaron and Kirsty

[NightFighter]

Nicely said Kirsty!

[Project Delta]

Ahem sarah >.<

[NightFighter]

You too Aaron xD

[GreyxRainbow]

I always thought I was 13 when I first cut, but I just realised that it was in August, almost a year ago and I was still 12, because my birthday is in September. o_o

[unspokensecrets]

I'm sorry to put in my two cent's. But, I know it's really hard. Believe me. I know. But, I've been cutting for 3 years now. I went 3 months without doing it. I'm looking for a reason to stop. There is one. Believe me, its out there. I did it to understand a friend at first. Then, I did it for attention. Now, I'm doing it because I need to help myself cope and that's the only way I know how...

[YesterdaysNews]

I started hurting myself in march of 2007, I didnt actually start cutting until probably november or december. I was 12 and my dad had just died in febuary. after things got back to normal, I felt like his death was my fault so I started to snap elastic bands on my wrist. I didnt notice that it helped calm me until it stopped hurting. then I needed to find a new way to let my guilt out... I started to dig my nails into my skin, and that helped for awhile until my body got used to the pain. I started taking a knife and making small cuts in my thigh. at first there wasnt any blood but then I started pressing harder and harder. eventually my body got used to that kind of pain aswell. then I started cutting my wrist.. Its been 2 years since I started and i havent felt the NEED to cut as much as I do now, I'm afraid its becoming and addiction. but it helps... I know how hard it is to stop too, the longest I went without cutting was 4 and a half months....


so uh thats my story... sorry for barging in on everyone
<3

[GreyxRainbow]

You're not barging in, darling. :hug3: Everyone is welcome to tell their story.

[MysticalBurrito]

*Hugs*
You're not barging in.
I'm so sorry for your loss :(
We're here to support each other through cutting/Eating disorders/Ect
Feel free to Pm me anytime :)

[wildeyed]

I started to snap elastic bands on my wrist. I didnt notice that it helped calm me until it stopped hurting. then I needed to find a new way to let my guilt out... I started to dig my nails into my skin, and that helped for awhile until my body got used to the pain. I started taking a knife and making small cuts in my thigh. at first there wasnt any blood but then I started pressing harder and harder. eventually my body got used to that kind of pain aswell. then I started cutting my wrist..

i was so suprised when i read this, our stories are almost the exact same..
though i started in march/april 2005, after the death of my best friend.
in a way, your story has helped me, i knew i wasnt alone with this burden.. but i would never have picked someone to go about it almost the exact same way as i did...

stay safe.

[kt2369]

i started cutting when my best friend was in the mental hostpital for a week.

[YesterdaysNews]

i was so suprised when i read this, our stories are almost the exact same..
though i started in march/april 2005, after the death of my best friend.
in a way, your story has helped me, i knew i wasnt alone with this burden.. but i would never have picked someone to go about it almost the exact same way as i did...

stay safe.

really?? wow neither would I. same to you, I hope things have gotten better for you
:]

[wildeyed]

same for you

[Syvelocin]

My first time was actually this year.

I didn't know what to do. Within that same week, I discovered that my father watches porn on his iPod and I found cigars in the house once again. He completely lost everything with me then. I couldn't imagine, him, of all people.

And then the emotional abuse from my mother was getting... a little too hard to handle. I didn't know the reason why people did self-harm, but it just seemed like the thing to do. The only thing I had access to was a pair of scissors, and I just took the blade, squeezed my eyes shut and let myself go.

[ylllek nivyer]

i started when i was 10. i didn't even know what i was doing. i would burn my self with fire, straighteners, and erasers and scratch myself. then when i was 12 i started actually cutting. with knifes and scissors first then i started using razors and they got deeper and deeper till i just passed out one night in the shower. i kept cutting and then i just realized that it was stupid for me, it wasn't fixing shit, it just made me feel worse the more i thought about it. so i decided to stop whining about shit, and just go out and fix it. sittin around feelin sorry for myself just wasn't working. now i'm in a much better place in life. i haven't cut in almost a year :)

[Bougainvillea]

When I was eleven, I witnessed my father being shot to death. He picked me up from school, and as we were on our way, he pulled a man over (he was a police officer) who was driving way under the speed limit. When he walked up to the car the man lowered the window, only to have me father realise he was smoking marijuana. When he asked him to step out of the car, the man shot him three times and sped off. I could only watch in terror as someone murdered my father. I ran out, but by the time I got to him he was already dead. Ambulances and other police cruisers arrived. They took me in for questioning. But they had already found the guy who did it. A year later I decided to cut, and for another year I found myself with an addiction to cutting and and with a binge disorder. My family went up in flames. I was forced to counseling. It helped. I stopped. And soon the binge disorder was gone too. I joined boxing, got into shape, my scars are basically completely gone as I didn't go too deep. Thats my story. :)

[GreyxRainbow]

My first time was actually this year.

I didn't know what to do. Within that same week, I discovered that my father watches porn on his iPod and I found cigars in the house once again. He completely lost everything with me then. I couldn't imagine, him, of all people.

And then the emotional abuse from my mother was getting... a little too hard to handle. I didn't know the reason why people did self-harm, but it just seemed like the thing to do. The only thing I had access to was a pair of scissors, and I just took the blade, squeezed my eyes shut and let myself go.

:hug3: Take care, hun. I hope you will recover. I offer you my help, if you want it.

i started when i was 10. i didn't even know what i was doing. i would burn my self with fire, straighteners, and erasers and scratch myself. then when i was 12 i started actually cutting. with knifes and scissors first then i started using razors and they got deeper and deeper till i just passed out one night in the shower. i kept cutting and then i just realized that it was stupid for me, it wasn't fixing shit, it just made me feel worse the more i thought about it. so i decided to stop whining about shit, and just go out and fix it. sittin around feelin sorry for myself just wasn't working. now i'm in a much better place in life. i haven't cut in almost a year :)

Well done on one year! Go on like this! :hug3:

When I was eleven, I witnessed my father being shot to death. He picked me up from school, and as we were on our way, he pulled a man over (he was a police officer) who was driving way under the speed limit. When he walked up to the car the man lowered the window, only to have me father realise he was smoking marijuana. When he asked him to step out of the car, the man shot him three times and sped off. I could only watch in terror as someone murdered my father. I ran out, but by the time I got to him he was already dead. Ambulances and other police cruisers arrived. They took me in for questioning. But they had already found the guy who did it. A year later I decided to cut, and for another year I found myself with an addiction to cutting and and with a binge disorder. My family went up in flames. I was forced to counseling. It helped. I stopped. And soon the binge disorder was gone too. I joined boxing, got into shape, my scars are basically completely gone as I didn't go too deep. Thats my story. :)
I'm so sorry to hear that. So hard to believe people like that excist. :/ :hug:

Awesome job on stopping. :hug3: Keep it up!

[Bougainvillea]

Thank ya, hun. :)

[Josh9961]

I started a few years ago just out of anger. then stopped for a year. then there was the cutting for attention. then i couldnt stop. now im falling apart,

[GreyxRainbow]

I just realised it's something like a year ago I started. D=

[NightFighter]

Its nearly been two years for me! I loved the first year. Thats when i could just do it and not care about anything. The cuts weren't too deep and the scars weren't too noticeable. I wasnt even trying to quit. Good old days.

[ackmedsgirl666]

i basicaly started cutting when my life went spiraling down
i had always had thoughts about harming myself
i eventually found out that a dear friend of mine was a serious cutter and i loved her and didn't want to either lose her or see her go
and thats when i started. and i did it so often and i nevere told anyone
finally she( my best friend found out) and said i was copying her and i simply had to explain to her that i haven't. but since my trip to the psyche ward i have stayed strong. seeing the way she still is. she is a serious self harmer and im scared of losing her for good. so instead if im having a downer day and feel like cutting i just write out stuff on how i'm feeling and focuz on getting everything down on the paper. i have some good scars ans everytime i look at them i think wow what was i thinking, theres gotta be another way around this. i feel so guilty i wear longer like capri pants and sweaters because i hate whenever people point them out. it will just take some time getting used to i guess.

[Wxxxx9]

Hi, I know i'm a newbie here, and ive never actually "cut" myself, but Ive helped one of my closest freinds through and if anyone else wants any help or just to talk feel free! :)

[Ross]

Hi I don't know what I'm doing or how this works I just got told to come on. I think I'm in trouble. I just feel alone all the time and feel heavy and tired, I eat but rarely and hve recently fainted in class coz of "lack of iron in the blood". I can't put into words how I feel. Turmoiled? I couldn't take it anymore an tried slitting my wrists but I could t even do that right! I just feel so angry at myself as now I'm on "watch" and have to see a psycologist as it's hospital policy. I don't know what the deal is with the people on here if they just throw around ideas or if I could actually talk to someone?
Ross

[Wxxxx9]

Hey, feel free to talk to people, as i said b4 i'm still new, but from what i gather most people are happy to talk here, PM is probably the best way to get intouch with someone, but if u want just have a look at other posts, or start ur own!

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Pm is the best way to get in touch with any member. Everyone on here is very welcoming and caring. We all try and do our best to help those that ask for it. We do everything in our power to help, but at the end of the day it is only advice and is up to you to follow. But I know for me personally, that I have been helped by many people here.

[Ross]

I hate this

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I know you do, and please remember I am always here for you. You can beat this. Trust me.

[Ross]

Morgan, I'm scared...

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I know. But you'll be fine. We can beat this together. Although I need to go for the moment, text me if you want. Keep strong. You can beat this.

[bizarre]

i tried it once i went to the hospital tip: do not cut wrist ok lol dont like it

[NeverLetGo]

I dunno... To me cutting seems like a way out? Seldom do we have sane thoughts while cutting but it's another way to cope. It's a sad thing with many troubles and hardships but at the same time it defines you (however good or bad that may be). The scars are a reminder of that specific hill we had to climb.

P.S. If anyone needs to talk you can PM me anytime.

[Vegancuppycake]

It was in seventh grade.I was constantly confused,and depressed. It made me feel so much better!I loved it,and I still do.

[surrealwaking]

I wish I could say that seriously fucked up things were what led me to justify cutting myself (well, no I don't, not really I guess), but I would at least feel less pathetic if it hadn't been over a boy.

Well, over a man, really, he was a bit older than I. We left on good terms, I don't hate the guy . . . much. He was a good man, but I was all but in love with him and he left and a few weeks later there he was scouting out another girl.

I was doing pretty well after he left, but then the thoughts of him spending time with the other girl. Being intimate with his other girl. Being happy with his other girl. Well, you can see how this would lead to less than pleasant thoughts.

I was 20 when I cut for the first time. 20 years old when I finally faced a challenge I simply could not handle. All because I'm to pathetic to handle being dumped. :(

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Cutting over a boy doesn't make you pathetic. You are never pathetic. Just a little confused. Unsure of how to cope. Being dumped is horrible, but it doesn't make you pathetic.

Be safe everyone.

[Weeping]

First time I cut myself was like two years ago, in 6th grade.

[Hanabanana]

I can't remember when I first started cutting but I know that my behavious wasn't really normal and it's taken me up until recently to actually realise that. I started like biting when I was a very small child and I guess that just progressed to more and eventually cutting....
Has anyone here tryed stopping?
x

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Most of us have tried/are trying :)

[Hanabanana]

:) all in it together lols how're peeps anyhoo? x

[indyhs2013]

I started cutting myself in 8th grade just for no reason. I just wanted to see what it felt like. To experiment it. It felt good, because i couldn't feel it. i cut myself with a razor in the shower. Then I got so depressed because I got in trouble for hanging out with a girl and then everyone shunned me. Then I started really cutting myself. I haven't done it in a while, but it feels weird not to. Maybe a few months I haven't.

[Hanabanana]

That's really good going well done x

[Darkness]

Today, an hour ago, in the bath, it was...nice in a weird way. I really only scratched, bloody knife was blunt I still did my damnest to draw blood, didn't happen though.

[NicNatNob]

I remember the first time i cut. I needed to feel more then just mental pain and i did not want it to conflict with anyone but myself. That is my reason for doing it. But i sense stopped because i use another alternative now. I never understood why at first but after my first time i understand. Its my definition to it from my point of view.

[Hanabanana]

I did it the other day and it felt so good I was trying to stop and now I'm not sure I know I should try to stop seeing my boyfriends face when he saw the cuts just tore me apart I feel so split between everything x

[clone]

i've had a bad day and will probebly do it tonight...
i know i should'nt tho but i have to try this not much else helps
hope it doesn't hurt too bad only got scissors looking for razer now

[Cloud]

i've had a bad day and will probebly do it tonight...
i know i should'nt tho but i have to try this not much else helps
hope it doesn't hurt too bad only got scissors looking for razer now

thats just stupid...
im sorry but planning fucking self harm????

your basicly walking into the cage there
givin up before its even started
wow

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

i've had a bad day and will probebly do it tonight...
i know i should'nt tho but i have to try this not much else helps
hope it doesn't hurt too bad only got scissors looking for razer now

Don't start. If you read any of the stories in this section, you'll realize it's a bad idea. I've been there, I know.
Don't let yourself start thinking that it's the only thing left to try, especially before you've even tried it.
You'll end up worse than when you started, trust me.

[clone]

ahhhh!!! what to do what to do...

im not gonna do it just because i had an OK afternoon cant take to much more though :(

[Project Delta]

Clone, Jessi is right, DONT START. I have only just got out of it after about 6 months of doing it. Its hard to get out of! Trust us, we all know

[YesterdaysNews]

they're all right, DO NOT START. Its a downward spiral thats hard to get out of.

[clone]

k i cant promise anything but i will try not to :)

[loz4]

My mate cut for the first time yesterday and i'm a bit worried about him because I don't ant to him to be cutting all the time, he said that he enjoyed it as well, I just want him to be safe, can someone help?

[confused240]

yeah, i just started cutting last saturday and now sadly i do it every day. i want to stop but it just feels so good

[Faithfull]

I have no idea when i started i just know that i was 13... i honestly have no idea what happened though, it's like when you wake up from a dream and you know it was weird but you dont remember it

[GreyxRainbow]

yeah, i just started cutting last saturday and now sadly i do it every day. i want to stop but it just feels so good

It feels good. But do you really want to struggle with this for the rest of your life? Do you want to have to hide things and lie more and more to the people who love you? Do you want to ruin your life? Then keep on cutting. If not, if you want to live a normal and nice life, try to stop now. It will be harder to stop when you go on for a while.

[meygan]

i've started cutting when I was 13 when bad stuff happened in my life and I'm now 15, and still doing it daily. The scars I have are probably the worst part of it , constantly having to hide it from everyone because if they do see it, they will judge you. Or just feel sorry for you, and I don't know what's worse. I see a counsellor, a physciatric nurse and a physciatrist doctor and have done for 8 months now. So if you haven't got help for self harm then DO. seriously, it can help so much to have someone to talk to. Although I haven't stopped cutting yet I've started feeling a hell of a lot better about myself so I know that soon I wont need to do it anymore :) SO TALK TO SOMEONE PEOPLE :D

[bacafe]

I have been a SH'er since a small child, I used to hit and scratch and what not, but the first time I cut was when I was 13. That was the day my life was ruined.

[pepi]

hi,
i found out recently that my gf has sh and i really dont know what to do, the relationship has deteriated and im not sure if i want to be in it anymore, but i still love her and dont want to make anything worse, i want to help her and make things better but i dont know what to do. i cant think about anything else and its tearing me up.
what can i do?
also a small part of me thinks what if its me that is upsetting her this much, i really dont know what to do or how to handle it. can anyone offer advice please?
thank you

[faucet]

i just started three days ago .. i'm fifteen.
just three small shallow cuts each day.

I'm not too sure why I'm continuing .. I just feel bad because the one person who was there for me now isn't .. and doesn't think much of it. it's stupid, but I want him to see them I guess .. see what his disappearing has done to me. what a stupid reason to cut, right ? but really, I have nobody else.

I see a counsellor and a psychologist already, since a couple months ago for stress and recurring sadness.

[munchausen]

I was eleven the first time was an accident but ironically it made me feel so horrible I did it again to punish myself. Kinda crappy way to start.

[Dan_UK]

yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me. :?


try holding ice cubes on your skin for a while, it causes the same pain, but wth no damage to your skin or body

+rep if this helps plz

[Dan_UK]

I remember the first time i cut. I needed to feel more then just mental pain and i did not want it to conflict with anyone but myself. That is my reason for doing it. But i sense stopped because i use another alternative now. I never understood why at first but after my first time i understand. Its my definition to it from my point of view.

just as I said to the other guy, try pushing ice cubes against your skin for a while, it cause the same pain but does no lasting damage to your skin or body

[BeautifulDisaster]

For everyone who is posting, & will post about cutting for the first time & it's been very recent:

You can stop before it gets out of control.

I started when I was 7, & I'm 17 now.

I'll always struggle with self harming, even if I stop, the urges & temptations will forever be inside me.

The scars will always be there, & a reminder of it, & at times, do trigger me to do it again.
& the memories will always be there too, same as above.

I could relapse at any stage in recovery from self harm.

It's something that has caused so much chaos in my life, & at times, has become life threatening.

Please stop.
You don't want to do this, & you certainly don't need this in your life.

It's awful.

See a counselor, or a therapist, they can help you too.

Whatever you do, DON'T fall into this dark, cold, lonely, extremely damaging & dangerous spiral.

[seansaurusrex]

I have never cut, nor do I plan on it. I know people that do it for fashion. Which is lame as shit.

[Ilovebrian007]

I cut from from my sixth year to last year. I was able to stop it was hard to but I did it in stead of cutting I would pop myself with rubber bands instill do occasionally. I can't say that in happier now but I do have the love of my life and knowing that I don't cut reminds me of why I stopped. I can five great advice after cutting for 5 years just message me if you have questionable anything of the sort I live to help others.

[bmxkid313]

It helps not to cut at all :)

Punch a pillow instead?

i punch pillows and its alot better

[Seeker94]

Hey people....I dont know if I'm buting in or anything.....but I have been cutting maybe not as long as most but maybe for a year or so....I started with eraser burns and just went down hill......I started for one reason......people always seemed to talk down to me as if I was nothing....as if I had nothing to live for...I cut as far as possible without causing a blood effect but the pain....it makes everything in my life seem real like I was meant for something and the weeks it takes to somewhat go away doesnt really effect me.....I am always hiding them so people dont know the hurt I feel inside.... The truth is that I still hurt but cuting is sooooo addictive....something occurs in the blood system to heal the cut which is something like a drug to most. It becomes something that gives you a high after feeling so low....I just dont know what to do.....My friends want me to stop....my grandparents who I live with made me promise I would stop....but really I just cant so I hide it.....can someone out there tell me something I should do to advert it....

[benja]

mmmm i dont understand people that do self harm! but well for my its difficult I put myself in your shoes...
In my opinion if u do that you have very serious problems.You should go to a psychologist.

another point is that God gave you your life, you cant do such things! you have to think in people that are worse than you and see what things you have (family, girlfriend, friends,a place to live,etc)not what you dont have.you will always find somebody that is in a worst situation that yours...Be happy and be grateful of what you have

see u

[Hatsune Miku]

If you started cutting. Stop


Take it from me. I attempted suicide twice. You don't want to get addicted
Its a never ending spiral. You'll feel depressed. Then you'll cut leaving you feeling worse then before. Then that'll make you cut again
It will change your life for the worse
You'll have scars their to remind you of what you've done. People will look at you as a different person. Most people will judge.

But it will also make you stronger. You'll be more understanding. A stronger person, inside and out

Just don't start this shit, please

[Obscene Eyedeas]

Dont start iv been cutting literaly over half my life it is your choice so choose not to. it makes me happy for a brief moment and it makes me hate myself to look at all those scars and to know i did that to myself. dont start it will haunt you if u do

[Xistrance]

I agree, Its addictive, and leaves you with more emotional and confidence problems than before. It's not a path you should take to deal with your problems, I foolishly followed the path of an ex-lover and regret it terribly.


I have never cut, nor do I plan on it. I know people that do it for fashion. Which is lame as shit.

People who SH make it fashionable, You can't blame them really.
It's cool to abuse, It's cool to have problems, It's cool not to do anything yet wallow in self pity.

I agree, Its addictive, and leaves you with more emotional and confidence problems than before.

[Project Delta]

If you started cutting. STOP

Take it from me. I attempted suicide twice. You don't want to get addicted
Its a never ending spiral. You'll feel depressed. Then you'll cut leaving you feeling worse then before. Then that'll make you cut again
It will greatly change your life for the worse
You'll have scars their to remind you of what you've done. People will look at you as a different person. Most people will judge. Just don't start this shit, please
Actually this isnt true... it doesnt always change your life for the worse. it will make you a lot more experienced and be able to take pain better in later life. But its still not an advisable thing to do. I deal with things better now that i've been through it.

[Hatsune Miku]

Actually this isnt true... it doesnt always change your life for the worse. it will make you a lot more experienced and be able to take pain better in later life. But its still not an advisable thing to do. I deal with things better now that i've been through it.

While that is true. In the future, I would rather not have to answer the question, "Daddy, why do you have marks on your arms?"

[XxshadxX]

Cutting just ain't worth it.... I never done it, by i've known some friends who have. It messes people up. If you ever feel the urge to cut, you should really talk to someone, or seek professional help.

[cezisnotdead]

I'm proud to say I've mostly beaten cutting... I've got hideous scars, and I do occasionally relapse.. but I cut for about a year and a half and I haven't cut regularly for about 6 months now! I cut because I just wanted to make everything better, and even though I knew self-harm was just making everything worse, it felt good to be doing something to alleviate my emotional pain even if I knew it wasn't particularly effective... then one day my best friend started coping with her problems using self harm because she knew it helped me... which is the same reason I started (I had a lot of friends who thought it was 'cool' and I used to get so pissed off at them, I was well known for being anti-cutting, but when one of my friends showed me she self harmed to cope and kept it hidden, well, it left an impression on me). So I told myself I HAD to stop or my new friends (I moved schools to get away from the 'Cutting Crowd' and had lots of 'normal' friends) might start to, and it would just break my heart if I got them stuck in something so socially unacceptable and addictive. So I took it a day at a time, went cold turkey for 3 months, and like I said I sometimes relapse but I never cut deep, frequently, or more than a few scratches at a time now, and I feel like I can control myself ^^

[HeroesAndCons]

i tried it in 7th grade and im trying to stop

[justafriend]

http://artofselfmutilation.weebly.com

[BeautifulDisaster]

"People who SH make it fashionable, You can't blame them really.
It's cool to abuse, It's cool to have problems, It's cool not to do anything yet wallow in self pity."

People who SH do not wallow in self pity, wow, arrogant much.

[Kaius]

I started self harming when I was 14. I stopped in the summer of 2007, when things started to calm down a bit but relapsed last September. I've been clean for nearly 3 months now with no plans to start again. Its been hard but being able to tell people I beat self harm is more of an achievement than scarring myself further. Self harming is not a fashion. Its a coping mechanism and for many people, a cry for help.

[ashleighhxbby]

I have never cut, nor do I plan on it. I know people that do it for fashion. Which is lame as shit.




Wow, kind of late, but seriously?
You're gonna say shit like that, especially to people who actually have cut? That's how you get your ass beat, kid.
Your stereotypical line of thought is just like everyone else's. The people that have never cut are the one's that say crap like that. ^^^^
Why don't you put yourself in my shoes, or anyone else on this thread that has cut before? It's not for 'attention' or anything like that.
Yeah, some kids do, but for others it really IS the only thing that they can do to relieve themselves.
Do you understand how IGNORANT and stupid you sound?
Why don't you actually get to know some of the people before you label them with your stereotypical shit.
I sure as hell don't do it for attention, and it's people like you that make people like this.
The people that try to 'understand' but really end up making it worse.
I don't go through this shit just to be told that I'm doing it as a freaking 'fad'.
That's why I was put in therapy for attempted suicide and shit like that.
Don't even try to pull that.
It pisses me off so bad, like you have no idea.
Learn before you judge and criticize.

Okay, sorry. I was reading these, and I saw this and saw red.
Sorry it's late.
_Ash<3

[GreyxRainbow]

Wow, kind of late, but seriously?
You're gonna say shit like that, especially to people who actually have cut? That's how you get your ass beat, kid.
Your stereotypical line of thought is just like everyone else's. The people that have never cut are the one's that say crap like that. ^^^^
Why don't you put yourself in my shoes, or anyone else on this thread that has cut before? It's not for 'attention' or anything like that.
Yeah, some kids do, but for others it really IS the only thing that they can do to relieve themselves.
Do you understand how IGNORANT and stupid you sound?
Why don't you actually get to know some of the people before you label them with your stereotypical shit.
I sure as hell don't do it for attention, and it's people like you that make people like this.
The people that try to 'understand' but really end up making it worse.
I don't go through this shit just to be told that I'm doing it as a freaking 'fad'.
That's why I was put in therapy for attempted suicide and shit like that.
Don't even try to pull that.
It pisses me off so bad, like you have no idea.
Learn before you judge and criticize.

Okay, sorry. I was reading these, and I saw this and saw red.
Sorry it's late.
_Ash<3

That post only says that the poster knows people that do it for fashion, not that he/she thinks all people who cut do it for fashion.

[Antonioc]

It seems like whenever I'm alone, I just feel like nobody else in the world cares about me... I really can never think of a good enough reason not to cut. Sure, I've got lots of friends, but no friends who love me like family. Sure, I'm really smart, but not smart enough to change the world. And sure, I'm athletic, but not athletic enough to play major league sports. I have no amazing talents to help better our world, I'm nothing but a pathetic human who isn't even smart enough to deal with his problems without cutting. Friends have tried to convinve me to stop, but I don't think I WANT to stop. It's the only thing I have that'll always help me, and people insult me because of marks on my arms... And now I'm unsure of what value life has for me.

[Aspiringanonymous]

Welcome to VT, Antonio. :hug3:

In the long run, almost all individual lives are insignificant, it is true. But that doesn't mean that you have no reason to continue living; you are not expected to change the world, only to find some form of meaning in your own life to make the experience seem worthwhile. It's okay to be uncertain and feel purposeless, many people go through this at some point - it is through confusion that we are motivated to think deeply and search for our inner truths.

If you don't feel yet ready to stop, that's okay as well, just remember that this cannot go on indefinitely. Whether or not you think it possible right now, self-harm is an addictive behaviour that does get progressively worse. In the larger scope of things, it can only perpetuate depression, never help one recover from it. Be aware of the consequences. You deserve better.

I would elaborate more, but I have to go now unfortunately; feel free to PM me if you wish to discuss this further.

I hope you will find the strength and guidance to seek better alternatives.

[Sith Lord 13]

In the long run, almost all individual lives are insignificant, it is true.

In some ways, you may be right Maya. But I have to wonder what makes one significant. I feel that every life is significant, because we all impact each other. I influence someone's life. They influence everyone they meet. Everyone they influence everyone they meet. It's like six degrees of separation. Sure, I may not have as much impact on current society as Albert Einstein, but what I've done may, eventually, influence the next person who will have a major impact on society.

[Paladino]

Your not some pathetic human, your only thinking that because you are down. Just dont cut because it could go wrong and you could kill your self, ignore all the people who insult you because of the marks, I bet all of them aernt perfect themselfs. You are probably smart enough to pass exams and get yourself qualifications, so you can better the world. Stop thinking of all the bad things and think of the good things.

[barbie.]

i just started cutting. yesterday.. it felt good.
i liked it.

[GreyxRainbow]

i just started cutting. yesterday.. it felt good.
i liked it.

Would you like it if you f*cked up your life?
I don't think so. And that is what you're doing now.

Think of the aftermath of it.. What would your parents, your friends, the people around you say would they find out? Would you like to have scars for the rest of your life? And you can say "What difference does just one little cut make?", but it's never "just one little cut". I always say just one little cut. And then suddenly one becomes five. And ten. And even more sometimes. And besides, a lot of single little cuts is still a lot when you see them together.

Thus, I am begging you - please listen, and please stop cutting now. Please, don't let yourself fall into the circle of self harm. It's awfully hard to get out again.

[delta]

i just started cutting. yesterday.. it felt good.
i liked it.If you go on doing it, you will end up hating it. And yourself. Is that really worth it?

[Kellyx]

I am hoping some one on here can help me? Ive cut before but it was brief at a bad time in my life, and havent done it for many years now... Im writing a feature for my university paper about self harm and how it is increasing amoung young people, and was wondering if any one wanted to share there story? I am hoping to help non-cutters understand why people do it, and that it should not be a taboo subject, as it occuring more and more frequently. I also want to high light to people who do self harm that they are not alone.. If any one would like to share you opinions or stories or talk I would love to here, thank you :)

[Kaius]

I am hoping some one on here can help me? Ive cut before but it was brief at a bad time in my life, and havent done it for many years now... Im writing a feature for my university paper about self harm and how it is increasing amoung young people, and was wondering if any one wanted to share there story? I am hoping to help non-cutters understand why people do it, and that it should not be a taboo subject, as it occuring more and more frequently. I also want to high light to people who do self harm that they are not alone.. If any one would like to share you opinions or stories or talk I would love to here, thank you :)

I'd be happy to help, what kinda stuff do you need? :)

[Kellyx]

I'd be happy to help, what kinda stuff do you need? :)

Thank you so much,

If you would like to share your experiences with when you started, if you have recived any help, and if you have has it worked? do these forums help you at all...
The general idea ive got from the research ive done is that is mis-understood by professionals and so therefore the correct help isnt really avaliable and people are feeling isolated.. do you think this is correct? What im really trying to find out is why numbers of people self harming are still increasing? and whether its a subject which openly people try to avoid..

Thank you again:yummy:

[Kaius]

Well, I first started toying with the idea when i'd just turned 14, things had started to get tough at school and problems had started in other places. When my best friend was killed in a hit and run was when i first started badly cutting. It started with the odd cut every few days, then it progressively got worse over the next few months with a couple of suicide attempts. I managed to stop with the help of my best friend in June/July 2007, who became my girlfriend shortly after. So i stopped for two years, until September 2009 when i found out she was leaving me for someone else. As she was really the only person i could trust it was a very hard blow, my cutting began again with a vengeance. Though this time, i had access to other means of harming myself, Alcohol and Cannabis. Things got so bad, it led to another attempt at taking my life, this one nearly succeeded. It's left some permanent effects such as a heart problem. This was when i joined VirtualTeen. The help i received here from those people who I now class as my family has kept me going, kept me from trying to attempt it again. Although, my cutting didn't ease until December. I grew closer to a girl on this site, who many know. She gave me a shoulder to cry on, a friend to lean on and be there for me when i needed her, and in turn i gave the same. We both agreed to stop self harming, using each other as support. December 23rd 2009 was the last time i self harmed, 143 days ago. That girl, who became my girlfriend 4 months ago has been clean for 110 days, our technique worked. To this day, i never received any professional help besides a counsellor to help me deal with things in my past. The things that helped me most through the whole ordeal were on this site. The members, the support and the family I've gained.

Why did i do it? Many reasons. At first it was to feel when i couldn't, then it was to cover up whatever emotional/mental pain i was experiencing with physical pain. With alcohol/weed, it was to numb myself, to stop feeling at times i wanted to forget about my problems.

I would say that it depends on the professional to be honest. My counsellor has been helpful towards dealing with the things in my past, but not cutting, the first time i mentioned it she wouldn't leave the situation alone, it made me feel even worse about it. Guiltier, which made me feel as though i was a bad person, and needed punishment for it. I think to understand it, you need to look at the individual person you're dealing with, not as a whole group of people, because what might affect one person badly, may not affect another and so on. Everyone's experience of self harming, and their reasons for it vary and that must be thought about and ask the individual what exactly they feel they need to do about it.

I used to avoid the topic of self harm at all costs. I would lie about my scars when they were noticed, i'd wear a long sleeved shirt/hoodies as often as possible. Now however i don't see them as weaknesses, i see them as things i need to learn from, not hide in the back of a closet. My experiences has helped me help others. Sure im ashamed of the fact i resorted to that, but i grew stronger when i realised my mistakes, it was a lesson well learnt.

[arcticmunkii]

I'm probably going to get banned or some crazy sh*t along those lines and apart of me feels sorry for you people who read what I'm about to say...

I honestly think that people who 'self harm' are just plain stupid, I mean don't you have any respect for your parents, I understand that if you have lost your parent/parents you would obviously go through a really hard time, but they brought you up, put a roof over your head, protected you, and to self harm over having a fight with a friend or braking up with your partner, that's just not right, don't you ever think about the possibility of hitting an artery which will if not attended to with in a matter of minuets kill you.

Please think about what I am trying to say, it's not necessary to 'self harm' you really have to just stare into the blade of that f*cking knife and realise what your doing, it's not normal, it's affecting you and the people around you, if something has gone wrong like falling out with a friend for example, cutting your self isn't going to solve jack sh*t, however if you just go up to your friend and talk to them, just try to sort out what went wrong, that's what real friends, real people, that have the tiniest shred of self respect should do.

By all means delete this post or ban me, I am just trying to get people that post on this section of the forum to understand that cutting your self is no means of making things all work out the way you want them to.

I'm not a psychologist, I'm just a 13 year old boy with an opinion, please think about what I've said, feel free to e-mail me and feel free to judge on what I've said.

Think about your family, your friends, the people who love you.

[Kaius]

If you've never self harmed you wouldn't know how it affects certain people, or the relief it gives them. If you look around this forum, you'll see many people do it for different reasons. When you self harm, its an addiction that's extremely difficult to beat and some people never actually stop. Most know it will not solve our problems, it's merely a way to cope with them. Just because one person tells you that cutting yourself gives or does nothing for the self harmer, doesn't mean its going to sink in. I understand that's your opinion, but you need to understand from a self harmer's point of view before you begin to tell us that it's pointless.

[arcticmunkii]

I'm sorry but isn't there any other alternative?

[Kaius]

There are, but for some it doesn't give the same back. it's like being in a deep hole that you can't get out of, and it'll take so much strength just to get out of it, but even more to stay out. Look around the forum a little more, it'll give you some more information.

[arcticmunkii]

Ok, thank you for that, just one more thing though, when you started let say just by mistake you did hit an artery what would you have done?

[Kaius]

I'd have to be in the position really to answer that. But i never did it close enough to do that sort of damage, and when I did, I didn't go deep enough.

[arcticmunkii]

Ok well I obviously don't have deep rooted problems to make me want to cut my self but Ill bee ready a few more threads on this section of the forums, so thank you :)

[Harley Quinn]

I'm probably going to get banned or some crazy sh*t along those lines and apart of me feels sorry for you people who read what I'm about to say...

I feel sorry that for you that I have to do this, nonetheless..

I honestly think that people who 'self harm' are just plain stupid, I mean don't you have any respect for your parents, I understand that if you have lost your parent/parents you would obviously go through a really hard time, but they brought you up, put a roof over your head, protected you, and to self harm over having a fight with a friend or braking up with your partner, that's just not right, don't you ever think about the possibility of hitting an artery which will if not attended to with in a matter of minuets kill you.

well I think you're stupid for thinking that self harm is stupid. Unless you're a self harmer you wouldn't know what goes through people minds at that certain time and at the certain moment. How does self harm reflect whether or not we have "respect" for our parents? There, you have just made you're first error of many to come. Self harmers do "respect" they just don't exactly tell people how they feel. It's 'breaking' not 'braking', so what people cut themselves because they've had a hard time with their relationship, you are not one to judge them. Actually, most of us don't think about hitting an artery. You know why? Because that's not what goes through the mind of a self harmer. They learn how to deal with their own wounds, some even know their limits. Self harmers are clever people when it comes down to first aid.

Please think about what I am trying to say, it's not necessary to 'self harm' you really have to just stare into the blade of that f*cking knife and realise what your doing, it's not normal, it's affecting you and the people around you, if something has gone wrong like falling out with a friend for example, cutting your self isn't going to solve jack sh*t, however if you just go up to your friend and talk to them, just try to sort out what went wrong, that's what real friends, real people, that have the tiniest shred of self respect should do.

well, maybe it won't solve "jack shit" but to get rid of the pain, they use self harm - it's a coping mechanism that is very fucking hard to get out off. I know this because I am/was a self harmer. You know, staring at a blade doesn't help, it'll make things worse because the blade is there. Maybe you don't know this, but if self harmers have the equipment next to them they are more likely to cut. Yes we know it's not normal, and yes we would all
like to go back to that first moment we made that first cut, because I tell you, most, if not all would make sure they didn't make that first cut and they did find another coping mechanism. So you're saying we have no self respect? Well, to an extent you're right. But I know for a fact by self respect, we mean "hiding" and most people do hide to save themselves from people finding out. I know. Shocker.

By all means delete this post or ban me, I am just trying to get people that post on this section of the forum to understand that cutting your self is no means of making things all work out the way you want them to.

Ya know, if you find me evidence of this "the way you want them" then I will agree with your point but at the moment their really isn't any, therefore, you're not exactly making a point now, are you? People cut for different reasons, so I suggest you look around the forum and see that it's not about making things go the way we want them. But instead, a way to get rid of those emotions that hurt. Yes self harm isn't the ideal way, but for some, its all they've got.
You might want to read that, because I've covered what you're saying there too. (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=73510)

[arcticmunkii]

Dude chillax I didn't ask for you freaking life story I clearly stated that it was an opinion and yes I might have spelled Breaking wrong but we all make mistakes and self harming for one thing is a big mistake.

[Harley Quinn]

Um, where in my post is there my "freaking" life story? Whoops. Don't see one. Cutting is a mistake yeah, never said it wasn't. Doesn't mean that you're right about it, "dude" you chillax with you're "points" that, aren't exactly correct now are they? nope. Whoops, sorry, again. Oh, wait, you did say "feel free to judge on what I said" correct me if I'm wrong..but that's what I'm doing.

[arcticmunkii]

Well well, blow me if your 14...

[Kaius]

Siobhan, Calm down please. Both of you, Stop arguing. This is a thread for help, not fighting. Articmunkii has his answer, leave it at that please. First and final warning.

[Harley Quinn]

Well well, blow me if your 14...

Because my age has something to do with this topic, because?
Also, excuse me but I'm not a whore, therefore, can't blow you. Go cam someone or something. Ktnxbai.

[amyyyy]

i cant stop cutting it helps me throu pain that i have had in my life

[The Batman]

Anyone else caught arguing will be infracted so let's get back on the topic and remain there. This is a sensitive subject so for the people that do not understand it, I advise you to watch what you say.

[Bridgett]

the other night i took my razor and tried to cut myself but it wasnt sharp enough so i started to pinch until my arm was bleeding instead. It helped but now i cant stop. i like it more than cutting cus my arm goes numb and thts wht i was looking for it to do. but my friend found out cus my arms scared from all the pinch marks and ive been wearing jackets. shes gonna tell my parents if i dont stop. plus summers coming. do u think its jst as bad to pinch yourself as cutting? how do i stop?

[ortmann123]

i cant stop cutting it helps me throu pain that i have had in my life

i got the same feeling, sometimes its better but when i feel down i cut

[Kaya]

PM me anytime.

[smile]

Hey sorry im not sure if we are still supposed to say this and are talking about this but i thought i would anyway.

I started self harming when i was 14 and have been doing it for about 2 yeasr. I think it was for a lot of different reasons. I hadn't been getting along with my mum, well im still not, my father just had another child with his wife and no longer seemed to be talking to me, he forgot my birthday and didnt even send me a card (this sounds pathetic but it upset me greatly and i had a sh*t birthday and ended up crying for most of it), i also had been having many arguments with my friends, who were the few people i was supposed to trust. I realise how pathetic this sounds but i just felt so much pain that i had kept inside for these reasons and more and i didnt know what to do anymore, so i cut myself. At the time it seemed the only way out and well frankly i felt the best i had felt in a long time and it escalated. The physical pain took away the mental pain and it felt good.

Shortly after i had started my friend found out, she was very supportive and seemed understandind. Until she told another friend what i had done, and said she thought i was being stupid. The friend who had found out from my other friend had told me she said i was being stupid. Sorry i know no one wants to know this, but i have never told anyone this before and it feels good to for once let it all out to people who dont know you and are going through the same thing. Sorry i also know i have had a massive rant now!

Also btw when i was called stupid for what i was doing, it hit me hard and hurt me a lot, especially as a 'friend' had said it, this sounds even more 'stupid' but after this my slef harm got worse, and i tried to kill myself. Basically i have read the other recent posts, and id like to say that by calling self harm 'stupid' you can make everyone here worse, i dont see how you can judge people for what we do when you have never done it yourrself. People who dont self harm should be very grateful they havent, once you have started it seems impossible to stop.

Sorry again for the ramble, and i know no one realy cares! But i wish i had the guts to say all this before. Anyway im going now, thankyou, feel free to ignore this. Take care. Sorry.

[starrburst]

The first time i cut myself was last year, i knew my friend had being cutting...now i cannot stop...and i'm much worse than her....seriously why did i do 27 cuts in one day, yesterday!.....i hate myself.

[Secret_Keiko]

The first time I cut, was when I was 12 years old.
I had watched a film about it, and I thought it was the right way to go.
It was the biggest mistake of my life.

[ForgetMeNot]

The first time I cut was in grade 7, that was 7 years ago. Right now I'm trying to stop cutting, but everytime I take steps forward I always step backwards. I have control over my urges, the other day when I was upset, I waited until I was calmed down enough to cut soit wouldn't be too bad. As weird as it sounds, I can controll when I need to cut (90% of the time)

[Schizophrenia]

The first time I cut, was when I was 12 years old.
I had watched a film about it, and I thought it was the right way to go.
It was the biggest mistake of my life.

What's the name of that film?

First time when i cut myself was 1 and half year ago

[Kaius]

If anyone needs to talk about anything feel free to pm or email me at the address in my sig. I'm happy to help

[Chris_Likes_Drums]

My 1st time was in Year 8, (two years ago) just two deap ones over wrists (vein bits ?) as a "suicide" attempt.. cause I was rather thinck about it all back then... But since has been a ay of reliecing my emotions...

[crims0nbl00d]

yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me. :?

I know how you feel, you cant do it alone ive been cutting for 4 years and im one year into stopping, you need support and help to stop, feel free to come talk to me at anytime :]
things i found to not cut grab a marker and draw on your arm. it works I promise, or it did for me. its not that hard if you REALLY try :]
get everything you use away from you dont have it in your room or anything, its a big step that has to be taken to stop. but its also hard, my needles were like my babies. cutting is addictive, and really hard to stop but it is possible if you have the will power to do it.

[Filipe]

I "found" a sledge-hammer some time ago... Man that things kill the stress by tottally wearing me out... Anyways.. My point is... Try something else... Something that doesn't leave a mark or endanger your life... Take Care ;)

-First Post

[wingman3434]

Im not sure if i can ask this but im going to any way
Why do you cut your selves??
i have never done it my self i realy dont see the point

[georgiamay]

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=80359 <<---- here's a recent thread asking basically the same question, it should answer you're question. PM me if you have any other question :)

[brokenwing]

hey.. everyone cuts for a different reason. some for temporary physical pain to suppress the terrible emotional pain. some for attention. some because they are scared and feels it will distract them from the fear or problem. others cut to get rid of evidence. i was molested when i was 7 years old by my father. it happened for years and finally.. when i was 12 my daddy didn't stop. he raped me in my sisters bed and when he finally left me there alone.. i couldn't breathe. i couldn't hardly blink. i took a shower to try to wash it away.. but i could still smell him. and feel his skin on mine. that's the first time i cut myself. i cut away at every part of my body he touched. i was so terrified but after a few cuts i couldn't feel that sting. i understand what yall are going through. you just want that familiar sting back. but iv quit for9 months now. i am 19 years old. i want each of you to know that this does feel good at first.. then its scary. you want to stop. but you can't. you need it. its embarrassing too. but i'm telling you that you can stop. a knife or scissors does not own you. you do. you can choose what your body needs. i have faith in your strength... "strength is defeating something stronger than yourself."

[TheFountainGoddess]

the first time i cut i was walking home from school after musical practice in the spring and i had a fight with my bff and my parents and i was very upset i had a pen in my back pocket that was out of ink...(like completely, i even rinsed it out w/ a waterbottle) and just started dragging it hard against my skin on the inner of my upper arm so people wouldnt notice a lot of times, there was a few drops of blood and it hurt so bad, but i was thinking that if everyone was mad at me then i would b doing them a favor if i hurt myself too bcuz everyone else was doing that to me...wen i got home i was so ashamed...i only did that 5 or 6 more but instead of a pen cuz it wasnt sanitary i one time used my nail, it hurts the same, but there's no blood, and sometimes it doesn't leave a scar...but yesterday me and some friends were at the movies and they mentioned something about cutting...and i told my friend sitting next to me...then i told my friend later in a txt...they told me i needed to stop so i told them that i will try...the most painful cut was the one with the edge of a tape cutter thingy..it was ragged and horribly painful...and there was a little blood..i don't think that scar's going away.... but im glad my two friends are going to help me to stop...sorry i just typed a lot..i tend to do that :P

[Mutantslayr]

It's very hard to quit my sis did it for 4 months straight And not only did it hurt her but it hurt everyone around her

[doramider7]

hey,
Sorry I seem to be butting in but i would like to put in my "two-cents".

The first time i ever cut I was in the 7th grade. (about 3 years ago) It was dumb I was depressed and I didn't know what to do, I wanted to be 'happy' again. I don't know why but i grabbed the knife that was on the counter and made a line. There wasn't any blood and I don't know why I did it but I could feel something again. I wasn't so numb. But then everything just went down from there, a downward spiral, people call it. Cutting became an addiction, where it felt like i needed it to feel somewhat normal. I'm supposed to try stopping it, but I don't know if I can anymore..I've used it for two long.

Yeah I agree, after doing it for a while it's really hard when you get the urge to just do something else. Its weird, it kinda changes your thoughts on coping.

Well sorry that is my "two-cents". I don't mean to butt in. :?

it's truly not that easy to stop... i've been doing it on and off for 2 to 3 years now (i don't remember exactly but i think the first time i did it was summer before 10th grade, so i guess it's been like 2.75 years) and the longest i've ever gone without doing it was 8 months. i stopped because of a pact i made with my boyfriend at the time... that was last feb and then in dec things got really ugly between us but he didn't seem to realize it and i started doing it again because i was afraid to talk to him... i stopped at the end of january, after breaking up with him, with the help of my best friend and then a month later i did it again, and with his help again i stopped and then i just did it last night and he doesn't know yet because i haven't had the chance to talk to him... he says we're gonna go for a year this time but it's so hard.
cutting really makes me feel... better, yanno? it calms me down. it hurts, so in order to make it not hurt my brain slows down and doesn't receive the physical pain, which means that it's also not receiving the mental pain and it's really relaxing. i realize that 'in the long run' it doesn't help... but i know how to do this and not hurt myself. i may be obscenely morbid, but even so, i don't want to die and i won't let myself get seriously wounded.
i know this may not be true for everybody, but cutting does help me because it's the only way i can release tensions and feel better afterward. i don't want to hurt anything else to feel better, i want to hurt myself. punching a pillow would do absolutely nothing for me. but when i am hurt, i calm down. i don't know how to explain it any better than that.
as for scars, i don't mind. i deserve them. i don't ever regret cutting, so why should i be ashamed of these scars? each cut means something different, has a different emotion and situation behind it. each one holds a memory. as awful as the memory may be, it's a part of who i am and the scar just accentuates the memory.

[Sora131500]

I was 13 the first time I started. The teasing was dying down(I was teased horribly as a child) My mom just broke her leg in a car accident. I just wanted an escape. To "feel" normal again. I've been on and off since then. Right now Im going through something... Been feeling the "Itch" to cut for a long long time. I've ignored it... But It feels like when I cut now Im marking that it's alright. That everything will be fine. I can't tell my mom about this... Im not sure she'd understand and I don't want her thinking Im a freak or that she's a bad mom. She's the best mom I could ever have...

[Nobody]

Hey...
I got to this forum just by accident, but I've read some of your stories and thought I could share mine too. I don't even know if I've ever said it before to anyone, cos... you know, I don't feel very comfortable talking about this to people who haven't been through this. And luckily for the people around me no one of them is a cutter. Just me. The first time I've done it was six years ago (wow, is it really that long?!). I've been suffering from depression ever since I remember, so... yeah, I guess I could've seen it coming. BUT I remember I once saw a girl that had scars on her legs obviously made by her and I was like "how can she do it? I would never ever hurt myself, I wouldn't be able to". Ironically enough a few months later it was me, who was trying to hide the scars. There was just a lot of stuff going on and I couldn't handle it and I fucked up (can't remember what exactly) and I hated myself for that, so I just wanted to punish me somehow. And that was the way. And that's where my downward spiral began. I became addicted pretty soon. And a lot. Couldn't make a single day without it. And a few scratches wouldn't be enough. I was doing it for 5 years straight. To be honest when I look back at those times I ask myself how the hell am I still alive. I didn't intend to die, but with the amout of cutting I used to do... Yeah. And then I got to know a girl who became my best friend and she found out what I was doing and... she made me stop =) Words can't tell how grateful I am. The point was that when I hurt myself, I hurt her too. She even cut herself a few times because of me doing it and I know I was making her cry and stuff. She's the most precious person in all the world for me. I couldn't bear causing her so much pain. So I stopped because I didn't want to hurt her. And it worked. Everytime I had the craving I remembered what it would cause and that stopped me. Now it's been 351 days that I'm "clean" =] It hasn't been easy, but I'm hopeful.
So perhaps this could bring some hope to you too. Believe me, if I could do it, everyone can. Good luck to everyone trying! :)
(btw sorry if my english sucks too bad, not a native speaker... obviously x))

[Sora131500]

Hey...
I got to this forum just by accident, but I've read some of your stories and thought I could share mine too. I don't even know if I've ever said it before to anyone, cos... you know, I don't feel very comfortable talking about this to people who haven't been through this. And luckily for the people around me no one of them is a cutter. Just me. The first time I've done it was six years ago (wow, is it really that long?!). I've been suffering from depression ever since I remember, so... yeah, I guess I could've seen it coming. BUT I remember I once saw a girl that had scars on her legs obviously made by her and I was like "how can she do it? I would never ever hurt myself, I wouldn't be able to". Ironically enough a few months later it was me, who was trying to hide the scars. There was just a lot of stuff going on and I couldn't handle it and I fucked up (can't remember what exactly) and I hated myself for that, so I just wanted to punish me somehow. And that was the way. And that's where my downward spiral began. I became addicted pretty soon. And a lot. Couldn't make a single day without it. And a few scratches wouldn't be enough. I was doing it for 5 years straight. To be honest when I look back at those times I ask myself how the hell am I still alive. I didn't intend to die, but with the amout of cutting I used to do... Yeah. And then I got to know a girl who became my best friend and she found out what I was doing and... she made me stop =) Words can't tell how grateful I am. The point was that when I hurt myself, I hurt her too. She even cut herself a few times because of me doing it and I know I was making her cry and stuff. She's the most precious person in all the world for me. I couldn't bear causing her so much pain. So I stopped because I didn't want to hurt her. And it worked. Everytime I had the craving I remembered what it would cause and that stopped me. Now it's been 351 days that I'm "clean" =] It hasn't been easy, but I'm hopeful.
So perhaps this could bring some hope to you too. Believe me, if I could do it, everyone can. Good luck to everyone trying! :)
(btw sorry if my english sucks too bad, not a native speaker... obviously x))

Thank you for sharing also your english is perfectly understandable. :)

[ArtistInNeed]

My first time cutting was in 4th grade, im 19 years old now. I stopped for a while but lately its all i think about. I never realized it would be this hard to stop. I began cutting because for years I was bullied and picked on, i would go home crying every day because of kids at school. I got the idea of cutting from a book called "Cut" obviously its about cutting. I remember I came home one day from school and i was thinking about cutting all day, what it would feel like and things like that. I stole a boxcutter from my mom and trying to be discreet i cut on my shoulder. it was weird, a tingly feeling, but it didnt hurt. after that i didnt do it for a few weeks and for some reason i missed the sensation so i just kept doing it and doing it. eventually it got to the point where i wasnt even doing it when i was upset, i would cut cause i was bored. Im hoping it doesnt get to that point again :/

[Sarah9]

I would strongly advise anyone wanting or just starting to cut to stop...I thought I would be in control and didnt understand how people could become addicted...but I have and it is the worst feeling! please dont do it.

[yeahitsbrandon]

Yeah i think it is great that you are getting help lexihorse. it will really help to get through it if you have someone on your side willing to help you through the ups and downs :)

[SingASong]

The first time I cut was last year...it was the end of second term and I was already having issues with myself (hated...and still hate my body) what finally made me snap was in math I was off of an A by less than 1% and my teacher hinted that she wouldn't bump it up for me because it would "take the pressure off of trying to maintain a 4.0" i pretty much had a mental breakdown on my way back home...and when I finally got home I took the sharpest kitchen knife we had and started slicing open my leg. Honestly none of them were very deep at all, but it made me feel better...a punishment for being stupid and not having an A to begin with. That week was probably the worst week of my life...i went to sleep crying almost every night...then the Sunday before school started I finally snapped. I dunno what happened but I just couldn't stop crying, I texted a friend about how depressed I was feeling and immediately regretted it...my brain started doing that really annoying "oh no...look what you've done" type montage. I started freaking out even more. Eventually I went up to the kitchen planning on simply cutting my leg again...but then the thought hit me that if I slit my wrists...I could get away from this all...I didn't really want to kill myself, I just didn't know how to ask for help. I stood in the kitchen for about 20 minutes, jus standing there with the knife over my wrist...just contemplating. Once I made the first slice I couldn't stop. I kept thinking, "how are you going to hide this?" "everyone will see tomorrow at school!" "the only way to get out of this is to keep cutting!"

So I did...wishing with each cut that my mom would walk through the door and stop me. She didn't. I was practically hysterical...eventually my crying must of woken her up because she finally came into the kitchen. I realize now she had no idea what was going on because she started screaming and me...we ended up sitting on the kitchen floor together for about 2 hours with me just crying. I really didn't cut that deeply...she just put a gauze type bandage on it and eventually went to sleep. The next morning i went to school and acted as thought everything was normal. I kept expecting to be whisked away to a hospital or something but it never happened. I kept cutting for about a month after that, nobody knew....but my mom almost caught me once so I stopped.

I started again about a month ago...i thinks it's because I feel so stupid and incompetent compares to my other classmates. And the one thing I had planned one keeping me going through this year didn't end up happening. And my "friends" are such flakes I hardly even bother asking if they want to hang out anymore....because I known that their answer will always be no.

[Magenta]

My first time was last year, shortly after running away from home. I don't know why I had tried... I think it was after reading a book where a girl cut herself. I was so upset but didn't have the guts to use a knife, I started scratching instead. Now I use a razor. I thought I'd be in control. I'm going to get help.

[lencoo12]

Welcome to VT :) Feel free to 'Butt in' whenever you feel like it! :lol:

I see how you are stuck, many people get like that, feeling like cutting is a part of you, makes you normal among other things.
But you need tyo get past that stage. Know that cutting yourself is because you have thoughts in your head that are not normal, and cutting is the only way to get out of it. The one way that stopped me doing it was people finding out and I felt embarrassed, stupid, abnormal - quite the opposite of how I felt immediately after cutting. Not only does this have an effect on you, but on the people around you who care. If you won't stop cutting for you, then at least try for the other people.

Though saying that I am not here to tell you what to do, only to offer you advice. If you feel like cutting, log online and see if I am online, I will be happy to talk to you about anything you chose...that goes for everyone and anyone! :)

Interesting...you seem to do it for jointly problems but I suspect a bit for the adrenaline rush you get in cutting. It is good in some aspects you aren't bothered about people knowing or seeing your cuts, but I cannot stress how "unhealthy" cutting is...just think of it like this...if God wanted us to cut ourselves, we would have a place to cut made specially for it!

[jammydoug]

Hi
My friend said that I need help because I self harm, but I have only cut a few times and they were minor plus she didn't know that, but she knows I punch myself and hit myself when I get mad at myself or others which is a lot. I have a bunch of bruises on my arms and legs from this. I have also punched my ribs and I think they bruised, is this self harm?

[Love.Hate]

I was 13 when i first cut myself after family problems..
I stopped for ages because i never felt the need to do it, he was out of my life,
so i wanted to prove to myself that i could cope without him.

Now i have started again, im 15 and started for lots of reasons, i have been doing it for three months now and i cant seem to stop. its hard :( my advice is please dont start in the first place.

edit- nearly a year on and im still stuck in this cycle. Looking back my life was so much better then than it is now, i realise turning to self harm didnt solve anything.. created more problems than it solved.

[spfreak]

^ aw im sorry to hear that. I hope you can stop in the near future :)

I started cutting at 14 and did up until june, that was my last time with drugs and cutting after a drug overdose. I realised that people are not worth it and if they are going to be abusive or rude to me, I'll just ignore them the best i can

[snj3403]

i was in the 7th grade when i cut for the first time and i did it over a boy also.
i stopped and started again in the 8th grade when i was having problems with my parents..it seemed like i was always in trouble and that i couldnt ever do anything right, so i tried to take my mind off it by cutting.
i quit after i got in trouble for it by my parents, but started soon after when my sister died.

i have found it much easier to cope with everything that i go through just by raeding my bible and staying faithful in my relationship with God. my youth group really helped me out a lot. we all go through things, but there comes a time when you have to realize that we arent given obstacles that we cant overcome.

overcome your addiction to cutting. be strong. i know it can be hard, i promise. but its well worth it down the line when you can be proud of yourself for handling situations in better ways. find someone you trust to talk to, get a journal, or listen to music. those things helped me.

you cant have a testimony without a test. once you overcome your cutting, then you can help others. and that is the best feeling in the world.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

[jbraud]

i started cutting in 8th grade. i'm a junior now and am finally trying to quit

[RandomPersonInUrTree]

I really dont know if im doing this right, I like, JUST got an account...sooo ima just post this...

I just started cutting two weeks ago. Im actually surprised i had the guts to do it, Im not fond of pain...My friends dont know. But i think they suspect. if they found out...hell would break loose. I want to tell them, i really do! but...i just...cant.

[michel513]

Don't cut,. please its horrible.

[AppealToReason]

My first time was...awhile back. I just remember being frustrated. I talked myself out of it for quite some time, but eventually I gave in.
Wish I didn't.

[Syvelocin]

Five years ago, March 2005, at the tender age of 13. The night my aunt's boyfriend first touched me. My parents noticed the first time I cut myself, it was never something I had the liberty to tell or not to tell. My friends noticed the first day I went to school with arm warmers on, and my parents somehow noticed the arm warmers too, even though they were a common part of my wardrobe. *shrug*

Again, anyone just starting, stop as soon as possible. The earlier you stop, the easier it will be. It only gets worse and more addictive, till you find yourself at the hospital getting sewn up on a regular basis.

[Punk_Kid]

This year, in July, a few weeks before my birthday.

And I agree, the sooner you stop and get help from a friend, doctor, parent, etc. the easier it is to quit. And you'll have much less scars as compared to the couple hundred many of us have.

[Bath]

For me, it grew. Around March 2010, it started as scratching with my fingernails, which turned into scraping my skin with a mechanical pencil, and then I found my mom's pocket knife. I made one slow, painful deep scrape and saw the blood and immediately felt better. I made more marks, and now my whole arm looks gory. The cutting with blood only started around a week ago. It numbs me, and I always say to myself.. "the pain is only temporary. the pain is only temporary" and honestly I have no idea why that phrase is so significant and personal to me but it is. And then more cuts, and more cuts, and there's tracks on my arm and my emotions are gone.

But I love that feeling.
& I know I need help, but it's hard. I'm just weak.

[Clairvoyant Disease]

The first time I ever cut myself was when I was 12, my aunt had just passed away and I felt like my whole world was crumbling down, and I just remember feeling so shattered and defeated that at that time cutting seemed like the perfect outlet to release the internal battle that I was going through within. All my life I had always kept to myself, I've never been very good at expressing my emotions or thoughts out loud because I constantly feel that people will judge me and I guess that just comes down to my insecurities and believing that cutting was the idealistic way to cope. Anyway, it started with just one shallow cut with a kitchen knife one night and the next thing I knew...there were a lot, deeper, uglier, and definitely more painful than the one before. It only escalated and worsen from there on because now it just wasn't me trying to cope with her death-it was EVERYTHING! IT STILL IS EVERYTHING! I thought I could stop at any time, when I was sure that I could be healed again on the inside, but I was wrong...my thoughts are always haunting me, lurking in the shadows of my mind, and I've come to terms that that is how it will always be, I'm only strong on the surface not all the way through.

[Fiction]

When I started cutting is kind of complicated. When I was about 12 I remember trying to burn myself and cut myself but they where hardly anything.
Then when in August 2009, I started scratching myself with scissors and in October that year, i overdosed. I'd drunk lots of alcohol aswell so I was throwing myself against things and ended up bruised all over. This kind of put me off ever self harming again.
However, in January 2010 I accidentally burnt myself with my straightners and then got really curious how much it would hurt and mark to do it on my arm. It felt strangly nice but i didn't even realise what I had done until afterwards. Then i just kept on using it. I haven't gone more than 18 days since.
So I don't know which one actually counts as when I started self harming. :/

[hotandgay]

a trick that im trying to get out is the rubber band just place a rubber band in the areas you like to cut...and when you think about cutting snap the rubber band...it gives a little satisfying sting but its a lot healthier than cutting

[poindexter]

there are other ways to deal with issues other than cutting.

[Aelfwyn]

I haven't cut myself...yet, but I fear that the day is coming. Still, I have self-harmed in other ways.

I started biting myself last year because I cried a lot, and pain took away the lump in my throat. I was so tired of crying and being weak, so I used the pain of biting and nails digging into my skin to overcome the sadness.

My self-harm become worse once my junior year in band started. For some 5 years before, I had always wanted to be a section leader in my band, but another boy got it (the choice was only him or me). Every day that I went to band, I was mad at myself for not being better at it. Every time that my director praised the boy over me, I would bite myself, leaving small, but visible bruises. I always blamed them on me being a klutz, ruining into things and all that.

But by senior year, I started punishing myself every time that I messed up. I'm a squad leader and band officer, but I still could never forgive myself for not becoming the lead player. I would scratch my arm, and as the season progressed, the little lines turned into vicious, red marks that welled with with dotty spots of blood beneath my skin, not healing for days on end. I remember killing my arm one day in physics because I thought that I had ruined our lab, but I turned out great, the best in the class actually.

Then came paper clips. I was reading a book, I think it was called Pulse? It's by the person who wrote Crank. Anyway, one of the main character cut herself and at one point, she was so desperate (they were in a mental hospital) that she used a paper clip to cut herself. I wondered if it really hurt or left a mark. I used it on my calf and liked the pain. I'm more into self-harming for the pain, not the endorphins or blood. Anyway, I stopped using my calf and moved onto my stomach. Whenever I've been getting stressed in school, I pull out a paper clip and SI right there on my stomach (assuming no one is like talking to me or anything).

And now I think of cutting all the time. I haven't yet, but I fear that I may. That's one of the reasons that I joined VT, to stop before it starts.

The funny thing is that the only person to approach me about my scratching (which I did right in the open in band), is the boy who became the section leader. Hate to tell you this buddy, but you caused most of these feelings... :( Not hat that I blame you; it's the demon of perfectionism that caused this, not you.

I know that a lot, lot, lot more people in this world are worse off then me, and I pray for these people everyday. But perfectionism is a worse monster then people who don't have it realize.

[Zephyr]

^^ We've all got out downfalls. No matter how good or bad anybody has had it, any sort of turn of events in our lives can drive us to coping mechanisms that arn't healthy.

Hm... how is it that I've missed this thread completely and I've been on here for near 3 years? Anywho...

The precursors to self-harming started in early 5th grade, the year 2000 I believe, during this time, I would bite myself, mostly my hands, when I would get frustrated or irritated.

The cutting and burning began more in 6th grade, March of 2002. Between the combination of shitty parenting, neglect, various forms of abuse from various step family members of the past and being unmedicated for Bipolar Disorder, I'm surprised I'm not dead, I tried suicide a few times until I finally got diagnosed and medicated in July/August of 2005. From then until October of 2008, I was perfectly fine, everything had changed for the better. Things went downhill again, my medication wasn't helping anymore, my then roommates sucked, I lost my job and college & money pressures didn't help, so I started again. This was the shortest period of my self harm, but the worst, I had to move back in with my mum right after I lost my job. I was flunking out of college for the remainder of the school year. At times, my mum thought of hospitalizing me, my self harm was so bad. A few times, I almost had to go and get stitches. Some nights, I'd cut in the bathtub until the water was crimson, I'd be so lightheaded I thought I'd pass out; And some nights I'd go upwards of over 100 different cuts/burns. I have scars on my upper arms and thighs that arn't ever going to go away. It lasted until August of 2009, and I've been clean ever since then.

[rockrooster11]

I started around March 2007 in year 7(I think grade 8, not sure) I was 11 and I'd been emotionally abused for a while by people at school. I got some sharp scissors, and without thinking, I just made a line across my wrist. It didn't make any blood, as they were just scissors, but I needed to do it again, it took a weight off my shoulders. I unscrewed the blade off of a sharpener, and I burn myself purposely with straighteners.
I've been doing it at least twice a week since around September 2007, and I've not stopped since.

[Cutting-Me]

My first time was the summer right before 7th grade began. Ive had issues my whole life and cutting made me feel like everything painful was gone. It became such a habit that i started cutting myself on the school bus with my friend, went home and cut some more and never really stopped. My parents found out about two weeks ago and have kept their eye on me...i keep cutting, just cant do it often and cant do it deep. Im going pretty light now so my parents think theyre paper cuts, dont know how long itll be before the realize its too many paper cuts and maybe decide to send me somewhere. I cant quit, and i dont know how to, im already afraid ill lose control and cut myself right in front of my parents.

[UnknownError]

LOL I have never been able to understand the OP in this thread. :P

[Charleigh]

First time I ever cut, was when I was 7. My mum pinned me up against the wall by my neck, I remember everything. She was clenching her teeth,her face was pale. Her hand's were really cold. Every word she repeated, she spat. I remember crying and feeling hopeless. She then dragged me through the dining room, into the lounge, and threw me up the stiars. Then, I picked myself up and went to my room. I started punching the wall's and I hit my head off of the side of the door. That was my first time.

[Taithleach]

I use a Stanley knife, a box cutter for you guys...I'm guessing most of you are American. I started a week ago and I don't have a clue why - I'll sterilize the knife in boiling water then put in my headphones and listen to--slipknot - skin ticket-- its ike I turn into someone I'm not, I'll slice a 5 inch gash (I cut on my shins because I can cut deep without hitting any veins as their situated at the back of the legs) into my leg and then proced to strike the same spot to make it deeper (so deep can see fat tissue!) and I watch it bleed....it doesn' hurt....and I'm not sad....I just like it. I have 30 of these now, just on my right shin while they heal I'l start on the left. Although today I cut open my knuckle and repeatedly punched the wall in a blinding rage.....for...apparently no reason. My sleeps not consistent and I'm dabbling with the wrong people and drugs, I feel like the grey man......no emotion

[Socke]

I started about 2 and a half year ago. My first cut was the first letter of my boyfriends name. I didn't even know that there were more people than me doing this. I didn't know that it was a symptom for mental illnesses. I just knew that I felt much better after cutting my arm. So I did it again. My friends noticed it half a year after I started and wanted me to stop, but I couldn't. I didn't even want to stop... And now I want to stop it's much harder. I hope you'll all accomplish to stop self-injuring!

[ashleighhxbby]

yea. It's not easy to stop. I have been cutting for about 2 years and I want to stop and I have tried so hard but its hard to stop. It has become a part of me. :?



I understand what you mean. I've been cut free for about 2 weeks. It's been the hardest 2 weeks of my life. Everything has gone wrong, but I will not cut myself. I just can't. I've promised everyone and myself.
So help me, I won't break that promise.

[Bobthebeast666]

I cut, mainly because I get a blood lust sometimes, that's not weird is it? But I havent done it in a while it's really hard to control though.

[Davidb]

I have been cutting before and then i saw that it was just stupid and only stupid.
I was doing it because i couldn't get the pain away from the inside so i just put it on my arm. But was it smart? No! Now i look at my arm and just see scars. I feel sad because i always wear hoodies and i try and hide my scars but then i hide them to much that they can see. And remember, you ain't "emo" because you cut. You cut when you feel sad but you have too let you anger og sadness go on something else. Go outside somewhere (sometimes close to the sea) and just think and if you see nobody's around, then scream if you want to. Trust me. Everybody's been there that they just wanna scream.

[Bananaa]

It was a couple of days ago actually the first time i cut. I came home from school to an empty house (mum and dad where at hospital mum had cancer and is getting radiotherapy shes fine though :) ) brothers were at friends houses. I'd had a really stressful day and everything just got to me there was noone to talk too and i just broke down and cried. There was a knife on the side and i grabbed it and just slashed away at my arm and it felt better. Once i'd calmed down though i regretted it. I've done it again twice now but not as severe as the first time and in less noticable places. I want to stop before it gets bad but i keep thinking about it..urgh i dont know :( x