Off Of My Chest...

[Zephyr]

I need somewhere to put it, so here it is.

It isn't quite abuse, but more like neglect.
I was in grades 6-10 when this went on.

Mom and dad had gotten divored when I was in 6th grade. I decided to move into a new house that mom had bought in the nicest part of town, and I absolutely adored the place. Everything was peaches and cream, just the two of us, The Wodtli Girls, like The Gilmore Girls, until mom started dating. She moved in with her boyfriend of the time and decided to rent the house out. Well, her boyfriend started abusing me verbally and physically, so she let me stay in the rental, allowing her to feel guilt free so that she could be with Darrell and I didn't ahve to be around somebody who was hurting me. Sounds like a win-win situation, right? Wrong.

Sure, the liberty was great being able to do what I wanted when I wanted, but Mom never came around except to pay the bills and give me cash for food and necessities for the month. I was so lonely, she literally was cutting me out of her life just to be with Darrell, so that's when I started cutting as a way to justify all of the hurt that was bottling up. Keep in mind that in junior high I was the nominee for the local freak and didn't have any real friends. It didn't help that I was unmedicated for Bipolar and Schiz tendencies at the time either

I tried to live at dad's, but when I was there I was blamed and punished for my stepsister's cigarette butts and beer bottles as well as the stepsister always torching my hair while I was asleep. My stepmother would blame me for everything that went wrong. When it got unbearable, I'd move back to the neglect.

When the neglect became too much, I'd go back to the mental trap at dad's house. For 6ish years I lived like that... negelct, mental trap, negelct, mental trap, negelct, mental trap.

Mom is married to a much better man now and the stepsister and stepmother are now history. Looking back on it all, I miss it in a way, but I'm glad that it's all over.

[thesphinx]

Sound's like you've been through a lot, have you ever talked to anyone about this (besides us)? Because although it may be over now, but if you don't fully deal with the mental trauma of it it can come back to haunt you.

[sophies_justice]

like michael said, you should definitly talk to someone about it if you haven't already. sometime things like this come back to haunt us and cause us problems later on. (believe me, i know). if you ever need to talk or something, feel free to emial me or somehting.

...

[Zephyr]

I've tried to talk to my sister, but she doesn't want to believe me,
Either that or she just doesn't see it as that big of a problem.
Everybody else that I try talking to just try saying that they've been through a lot worse and go off onto their tangent and I'm the one who ends up playing shrink over their incomparable problems.
So I've never really had the chance to get it out of my system properly.

[thesphinx]

Well it seems like you've tried your best and now its time to put this into someone else's hands, Tell a parent or someone whats going on your sister may not like you but its for her own good.

[Zephyr]

Haha. Funny you mention that actually. Tried the parents.

Mom- Just goes silent and changes the subject.

Dad- Just says that he should have married hsi second wife after I was out of high school.

[sophies_justice]

do you have a close/best friend that you trust enough to talk to? or could you talk with your school counselor? maybe the school counselor could persuade them that you need to talk about all of this with somebody.

[thesphinx]

Ok maybe to get your parents attention say that you are going to go to the school counselor if they don't do something or you could just go to the school counselor.
Your sister is at stake here though so something needs to happen.

[byee]

Well, the best thing about that awful story is that it's all in the past tense!

Your family sounds pretty selfish and unable to put your needs as their child ahead of their own child like needs. I can understand why you'd be miserable, I'm just amazed that you got thru that as (relatively) unscathed as you did! You are very strong and very courageous.

Forget about talking with them about it. People who do things like that in the first place cannot reflect on it later. Bad judgement is terminal, you know, it doesn't get better with the passage of time (or relationships). I doubt they'd be able to show much compassion, nor offer up anything that would make you feel more secure that this might not happen in the future. The best thing is that it's OVER. And that might be good enough.

Bravo for you for being a survivor, at 17 your almost ready to leave home permanently. Make good plans, learn the skills you need to be successful as an adult. And move on.

[Zephyr]

Yeah, I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts down, so here it was = )