Awful predicament I'm in.....

[Mob Boss]

One of my best friends has a thing for me. More than a thing, I've come to realize today. We tell each other everything, with the exception of me being a lesbian. He didn't know. No one, in fact, knows. I live in the south where people aren't exactly always accepting of homosexuality.

He had been getting really, really forceful and emotional lately. He keeps saying romantic things that I guess he thinks I'd like except, like I said, he doesn't know I bat for the other team. I haven't been ready to come out exactly so instead of leading him on or having to force myself to come out when I'm not ready, I've been seriously distancing myself. He was even talking about how I'd have tall, clumsy babies and how the dad would be lucky and then how he could picture me in a white dress..... How does anyone on the face of the Earth's face ever respond to that?! That was the most awkward conversation ever and I think I even went cross-eyed at one point and started speaking Spanish.


Since then I've been somewhat avoiding him, which he finally got the hint and called me this evening. He professed his love for me (by that I mean he told me he had "immense feelings" for me) and asked me if I was angry with him. I decided it was wrong to not tell him and came out to him via text because I couldn't actually say it.

I thought he'd be extremely supportive, but he's been making me feel really awful about everything. He was saying how horrible and selfish I was then had the balls to tell me did I know what I did to him and was there a slight chance I was just confused or bisexual. I think he's convinced it's a phase because he was saying there is still hope. That was the worst thing -- it even made me cry, which I never do because I'm typically emotionless and probably don't even have tear ducts. We ended our conversation on really bad terms. I'm not even sure how to handle this situation any further.


Should I apologize for coming out of the closet? Seems a bit awful to have to do, but he's extremely sensitive and keeps blaming me for....hurting him.

One of his messages:
I guess it's just hard for me to accept that the person I love can never love me :( and I'm sorry for sounding selfish.

[Kid0809]

I think you did the right thing. Right now he's probably hurting and trying to comprehend what you told him. Hopefully he will get past that and accept you for who you are. Hope this helps

[Living For Love]

It was better that you actually came out to him and stopped giving him fake hopes. Don't be stressed about it, give him some time to assimilate things, apologize for not having told him sooner and say that perhaps you could still be friends...

[sqishy]

It was better that you actually came out to him and stopped giving him fake hopes. Don't be stressed about it, give him some time to assimilate things, apologize for not having told him sooner and say that perhaps you could still be friends...

This ^ .

[Blood]

One of my best friends has a thing for me. More than a thing, I've come to realize today. We tell each other everything, with the exception of me being a lesbian. He didn't know. No one, in fact, knows. I live in the south where people aren't exactly always accepting of homosexuality.

He had been getting really, really forceful and emotional lately. He keeps saying romantic things that I guess he thinks I'd like except, like I said, he doesn't know I bat for the other team. I haven't been ready to come out exactly so instead of leading him on or having to force myself to come out when I'm not ready, I've been seriously distancing myself. He was even talking about how I'd have tall, clumsy babies and how the dad would be lucky and then how he could picture me in a white dress..... How does anyone on the face of the Earth's face ever respond to that?! That was the most awkward conversation ever and I think I even went cross-eyed at one point and started speaking Spanish.


Since then I've been somewhat avoiding him, which he finally got the hint and called me this evening. He professed his love for me (by that I mean he told me he had "immense feelings" for me) and asked me if I was angry with him. I decided it was wrong to not tell him and came out to him via text because I couldn't actually say it.

I thought he'd be extremely supportive, but he's been making me feel really awful about everything. He was saying how horrible and selfish I was then had the balls to tell me did I know what I did to him and was there a slight chance I was just confused or bisexual. I think he's convinced it's a phase because he was saying there is still hope. That was the worst thing -- it even made me cry, which I never do because I'm typically emotionless and probably don't even have tear ducts. We ended our conversation on really bad terms. I'm not even sure how to handle this situation any further.


Should I apologize for coming out of the closet? Seems a bit awful to have to do, but he's extremely sensitive and keeps blaming me for....hurting him.

One of his messages:


No, you most definitely SHOULD NOT apologize for coming out of the closet. That's like apologizing for being black, or Asian. You don't apologize for being what you are because someone doesn't like it or because they're mad that you're that way. I'm not trying to be rude or anything...but the way this young man is acting is very immature, and if I were you I would wonder how good of friends you two really are.

I dealt with a situation really similar to this one last summer. The guy was obsessive and constantly confessed his love for me through phone calls, texts, and basically just popping up wherever I was all the time. And telling me that it was "fate" and we were meant to be together. The only really way you can deal with him is by being straightforward and telling him you don't feel the same way (which you've already seem to have done).

This is one of those things that time is going to have to heal. Give him a few weeks, or maybe even months, to get his head straight. Sensitive people usually need a longer time to accept certain things. Hopefully he'll come to the realization that his actions were childish, and that he's the one being selfish by blaming you for liking what you do.

[Tarannosaurus]

No way should you apologise for being yourself. You did the right thing. Right now he is probably disappointed and upset that things didn't go his way, but you were right to be honest, leading him on would be worse. You're not to blame for anything. If he's your friend he'll come round in the end.

[Mynick]

Don't apologise, you were very brave to come out to him.
As Jess other users said, give him time, let him think. Try not giving fake hopes not even by accident. You did all you could, let's see how he reacts.

[Shannon.]

You did the right thing by telling him the truth, doing anything else would just mean giving him false hope. I get why he'd be upset, but he needs to understand that you took a pretty big risk telling him something about yourself that no one else knows - that means you trust him. You've got nothing to apologize for.

[conniption]

God, what a jerk. You told him something very private and he threw it back in your face. I get that he's hurt and possibly embarrassed, but he's not the only one that's put their secret out in the open. You should not apologize because none of this is your fault. I think you should give him his space, as he's obviously not ready to deal with this like he should have.

[Sandra Main]

Don't apologize for who you are.
You are who you are. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Stand up and be proud.

[Katiya]

No do not apologize for the truth! He will have to get over it. It hurts but its not ment to be. Just give it time.

[Mob Boss]

Thank all of you guys for your advice. We were back to our friendly, joking, texting ways again today and we're going to hang out tomorrow. I only worry about the awkwardness of it all, actually hanging out for the first time after our discussion and my little reveal. He's still saying things that are uncomfortable, but I'm hoping it's just a matter of him expressing his feelings and still unaccustomed to the fact that I can't reciprocate them. I did suggest space but he insisted it would only hurt him worse. So here's to hoping all goes accordingly.

[badthoughts]

The guy was basically just popping up wherever I was

LIKE THIS?


http://i44.tinypic.com/33jn1j4.jpg


Ms. Salt already received via candygram a company-wide memo concerning my thoughts on this, so good day to all.

[Blood]

like this?


image (http://i44.tinypic.com/33jn1j4.jpg)


ms. Salt already received via candygram a company-wide memo concerning my thoughts on this, so good day to all.


just like that.

[kitten13]

you did the right thing.

kim

[NeuroTiger]

I don't know what to say...