Opening Up

[SawyerSauce]

Trying to let myself be vulnerable is hard.
I don't understand what the point of it is!
Sure, I'm hurting inside but I don't understand that either.
Why can't I just get over it? Why do I even care?

I'm confused. I don't understand these emotions.
I am in intensive therapy and I'm afraid I won't be able to get through it.
The first session alone made me lock up and cry. If I didn't have another appointment afterwards I would have cut.
I'm probably going to cut tomorrow.

I'm having anxiety. WTH.

[Dark Unicorn]

Trying to let myself be vulnerable is hard.
I don't understand what the point of it is!
Sure, I'm hurting inside but I don't understand that either.
Why can't I just get over it? Why do I even care?

I'm confused. I don't understand these emotions.
I am in intensive therapy and I'm afraid I won't be able to get through it.
The first session alone made me lock up and cry. If I didn't have another appointment afterwards I would have cut.
I'm probably going to cut tomorrow.

I'm having anxiety. WTH.

Hey there Scar.I know you posted this a while ago but I just wanted to say I hope things are better now.I'm sure with more sessions you'll continue to get better.It sucks that you are going through hell but hang in there,soon things will get better for you.I am in pretty much the same boat as you so if feel it might do you good to talk to someone who can relate to you,I am here.All the best.

[Mynick]

First time is always scary, i think you'll learn how to deal with your emotions over time. It's hard but with some help you can do it, i belive in you.

[Katiya]

I've never understood the being vulnerable thing either. :/ I've only found that incites more people to torture you but that's just how it is where I live.

For me my greatest strength has come from not being vulnerable. Being able to hold it all together even when it feels like the worlds going to come totally unglued at any second. Because for me when I need something most is when no one is there. I saved vulnerability for the closest of people until each and every one betrayed me greatly. So now I don't trust and I don't become vulnerable.
Instead I've focused on greater control of my emotions. I now can turn them off at the drop of a hat.
I often wish I could be vulnerable or that I missed out on caring people but that is just an idealization as I do know nothing ever turns out like that for me.

I do truly hope your therapy works! I'm kind of curious what kind you have and how often if you don't mind my asking? I go back and forth on if I should attempt to talk to someone or not. I personally get more therapy from doing things I like and succeeding than anything else. And for the rest I just shut it off now.