Sexuality Help?

[crisscolferison]

Okay. Here I go...

I'm questioning, thinking maybe I'm pansexual. The problem is I'm not sure if it's my orientation or my mindset. It could just be me thinking I like the definition. I'd love to live by "You fall in love with a person, not a gender" [Darren Criss], but maybe it's just that. Maybe it's the way I think rather than my identity. I don't know.

As of now, I've just always defaulted to "straight". I haven't really had a crush. Every time someone asks I'll say "I've never really had a crush crush before...". I don't know that feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you talk to someone, as I've heard some describe. When my friends pushed for an answer I'd just be "I don't know..." and list some guys I guess I thought were cute, but I didn't really feel real attraction.

I have, um, a sort of addiction to masturbating--ever since two years ago. I have been trying to stop but it's difficult. The reason I want to stop is because when I first started I didn't realize, but I'm a Christian and you're not supposed to, um, do that. Yes, I know I'm awfully young for this sort of thing, but it was something stemmed from an innocent Google search, and...it all went downhill from there.

Anyway, I sometimes would think of people while I did it. But I don't know if the images actually did anything for me or if it was just the touch that did it. I don't usually think of girls this way--a few, and one is my best friend.

I'm extremely embarrassed about that last thing; I only included it to see if the info might help.

I wouldn't mind dating/marrying someone of the same sex, opposite sex, or any sex at all. The only thing stopping me would be my parents.

I'm in the GSA at my school (hopefully my parents will let me stay in it). I've been wanting to talk to the teachers (one lesbian, one gay) and/or a guy (he's gay) in the group.

I don't know. Part of it's even more confusing when my family believes it is a sin to be anything but straight. I strongly disagree and always will, so it's not a matter of morals for me. I just know I'll most likely end up marrying a man because of the way my family is. I have no plans to come out to my family. I just want to figure out what I am. If anyone, I'd be coming out to my best friend.

I know I don't have to label myself, but I really just want to put my finger on it and find a definition.

Thanks <3

[Miserabilia]

You say yourself you are still young, so two things;
1. You shouldn't feel like your not allowed to masterbate because of your religion, it's probably none of their buisnes

2. Your still young like most people here, so you can't be sure about anything yet, maybe you'll find out your true sexuality not untill you are 20+! It's different for everyone

[chargersfan]

Okay. Here I go...

I'm questioning, thinking maybe I'm pansexual. The problem is I'm not sure if it's my orientation or my mindset. It could just be me thinking I like the definition. I'd love to live by "You fall in love with a person, not a gender" [Darren Criss], but maybe it's just that. Maybe it's the way I think rather than my identity. I don't know.

As of now, I've just always defaulted to "straight". I haven't really had a crush. Every time someone asks I'll say "I've never really had a crush crush before...". I don't know that feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you talk to someone, as I've heard some describe. When my friends pushed for an answer I'd just be "I don't know..." and list some guys I guess I thought were cute, but I didn't really feel real attraction.

I have, um, a sort of addiction to masturbating--ever since two years ago. I have been trying to stop but it's difficult. The reason I want to stop is because when I first started I didn't realize, but I'm a Christian and you're not supposed to, um, do that. Yes, I know I'm awfully young for this sort of thing, but it was something stemmed from an innocent Google search, and...it all went downhill from there.

Anyway, I sometimes would think of people while I did it. But I don't know if the images actually did anything for me or if it was just the touch that did it. I don't usually think of girls this way--a few, and one is my best friend.

I'm extremely embarrassed about that last thing; I only included it to see if the info might help.

I wouldn't mind dating/marrying someone of the same sex, opposite sex, or any sex at all. The only thing stopping me would be my parents.

I'm in the GSA at my school (hopefully my parents will let me stay in it). I've been wanting to talk to the teachers (one lesbian, one gay) and/or a guy (he's gay) in the group.

I don't know. Part of it's even more confusing when my family believes it is a sin to be anything but straight. I strongly disagree and always will, so it's not a matter of morals for me. I just know I'll most likely end up marrying a man because of the way my family is. I have no plans to come out to my family. I just want to figure out what I am. If anyone, I'd be coming out to my best friend.

I know I don't have to label myself, but I really just want to put my finger on it and find a definition.

Thanks <3

Well don't let your religion keep you from doing what you want to do with your life, and even with your parents, it's not about making them happy, it's about making YOU happy. Never live your life trying to make other people happy, at least at your expense. As for determining your sexuality, It seems like you are pansexual or at least bisexual to some degree, but just remember that when you meet somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with, there gender should not be relevant, just live your life, maybe talk to some openly gay people you know and do whatever is going to make YOU happy in the short and long term.

[Tarannosaurus]

Hi, first of all try not to worry. During puberty your horomones are all over the place. Some people don't figure out their sexuality until they're practically middle aged. If you don't feel attracted to anyone there's the possibility that you could be asexual. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion straight away, I went through a phase of thinking I was asexual a couple of years ago. Your confusion is perfectly normal, I think I considered just about every sexuality and even question my gender in the last 4ish years. It might seem hard but the best thing to do is just go with the flow, you'll figure it out eventually. Also don't be embarassed over thinking about your friend, everyone gets curious at some point. You said you would come out to your best friend, it might help to tell her about your confusion. After all, she probably knows you best, she might be able to help you.

[Seth Green]

Don't let RELIGION stop you from doing anything whether it's getting married to a certain person, or masturbating. And Sexuality is a flicky thing, and at the end of the day only you can really discover what your sexuality is.

[Alex_3869]

Religion should definitely not stop you from doing anything, especially if you are do not necessarily agree with the religion that your family is. So masturbate away. And I would call you pansexual, but that is completely your call. Only you know deep down. Also, you may think you are pan now, but you could discover yourself to be gay, bi, straight, or any other sexuality down the road. So don't worry about everything now.

[sqishy]

Well don't let your religion keep you from doing what you want to do with your life, and even with your parents, it's not about making them happy, it's about making YOU happy. Never live your life trying to make other people happy, at least at your expense. As for determining your sexuality, It seems like you are pansexual or at least bisexual to some degree, but just remember that when you meet somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with, there gender should not be relevant, just live your life, maybe talk to some openly gay people you know and do whatever is going to make YOU happy in the short and long term.

YES. This ^.

[crisscolferison]

You say yourself you are still young, so two things;
1. You shouldn't feel like your not allowed to masterbate because of your religion, it's probably none of their buisnes

2. Your still young like most people here, so you can't be sure about anything yet, maybe you'll find out your true sexuality not untill you are 20+! It's different for everyone
Thanks for answering!
1) I really am making a personal choice to stop, and while I appreciate your input, nothing will change my mind :)
2) Thank you. I guess I don't have to figure it out right now. I am what am haha.

[crisscolferison]

Well don't let your religion keep you from doing what you want to do with your life, and even with your parents, it's not about making them happy, it's about making YOU happy. Never live your life trying to make other people happy, at least at your expense. As for determining your sexuality, It seems like you are pansexual or at least bisexual to some degree, but just remember that when you meet somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with, there gender should not be relevant, just live your life, maybe talk to some openly gay people you know and do whatever is going to make YOU happy in the short and long term.
Mm. Yes. I actually, very recently, said "I just realized that sometime in the future, I might end up dating someone who's trans* and...I'm fine with that. It doesn't really matter to me." It was a random (or not so random) thought that I developed from reading fanfiction actually lol.

I like the way you think. :)
The religion thing--my relationship with God is a very important part of my life, and "Jesus freak" is a big part of my identity. So I will live by my religion (or at least try), although I do appreciate what you're saying.

I agree fully with what you said about how gender is irrelevant, whoever I fall in love with. Maybe I will talk to my one teacher...

[crisscolferison]

Hi, first of all try not to worry. During puberty your horomones are all over the place. Some people don't figure out their sexuality until they're practically middle aged. If you don't feel attracted to anyone there's the possibility that you could be asexual. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion straight away, I went through a phase of thinking I was asexual a couple of years ago. Your confusion is perfectly normal, I think I considered just about every sexuality and even question my gender in the last 4ish years. It might seem hard but the best thing to do is just go with the flow, you'll figure it out eventually. Also don't be embarassed over thinking about your friend, everyone gets curious at some point. You said you would come out to your best friend, it might help to tell her about your confusion. After all, she probably knows you best, she might be able to help you.

This was actually one of the most helpful responses, in my opinion!
Thanks for answering me.

Thank you for talking about your own experiences; it helps me realize that everything's not all black and white. I actually did consider the asexual thing, but I don't know. Just...I don't have much else to say but "thank you". :)

[crisscolferison]

Don't let RELIGION stop you from doing anything whether it's getting married to a certain person, or masturbating. And Sexuality is a flicky thing, and at the end of the day only you can really discover what your sexuality is.
Thanks for answering. As I said to the other person, Christianity is a big part of me. :)

Yeah, I guess that's true.

[crisscolferison]

Yeah, I honestly do, personally, want to stop. I am and always will be a strong Christian; I just hate the fact that people say being gay is wrong but at the same time God made you the way you are -_-. I think Christians who hate on people at all are hypocritical. What about loving others?! Lol sorry. I tend to ramble. Thank you for answering!

[Living For Love]

Yeah, I honestly do, personally, want to stop. I am and always will be a strong Christian; I just hate the fact that people say being gay is wrong but at the same time God made you the way you are -_-. I think Christians who hate on people at all are hypocritical. What about loving others?! Lol sorry. I tend to ramble. Thank you for answering!

I agree with you. Glad you made that decision.

[Throwaway24]

If u like:
Same sex=gay/lez
Other sex=str8
both=bi
unsure=curious
don't care= pansexual
Neither=Asexuality

Hope that helps

[crisscolferison]

If u like:
Same sex=gay/lez
Other sex=str8
both=bi
unsure=curious
don't care= pansexual
Neither=Asexuality

Hope that helps

Hi! Thanks for replying. I already knew all of this, and I know I'm unsure/curious. That's why I was asking. (And psst, what about polysexual?!)

[Throwaway24]

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Isn't poly sexual basically the same as bi or pansexual?

[donk]

religion is an adjunct of your life. a sort of guide to become a 'better' person. I placed dog-ears around the word better because not every Christian is a better person, as I'm sure you know if you've looked at the local rags of priests doing nasty things to kids much younger than themselves.

Set your own goals and work towards them. Don't over-reach and don't be too precise about being good. First off, Masturbation is a natural proclivity (or habit) not prone to just humans. Sex, whether it is self-expression like masturbation, or with another willing person can be a 'fun' thing or if you want children eventually, a form of exercise where you both learn how to express yourselves whether you are the same sex or hetero-sexual.

Three don'ts though. Never force yourself onto another person - whatever the reason. This is a no-no! Don't feel you are being forced into a situation or being bullied into doing something you don't want to do. And thirdly, don't overdo the sex thing. It is one thing having a 'wank' three times one after the other, but remember it can and does affect your heart - moderation in all things. Be kind to yourself - you are unique and very special to someone in the world - until you meet that person, make sure that your body is the best it can be when you eventually meet up. Ok! That's my rant over - well not really a rant more some advice that I've learn't along the way.

[crisscolferison]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Isn't poly sexual basically the same as bi or pansexual?

No. Not always, at least--if you're bisexual that falls under polysexual.

Bisexual means you're attracted to both boys and girls, whereas polysexual means you're attracted to many but not necessarily all sexes/gender identities (which may or may not include genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, etc.)

Then again I'm only 13; what do I know. Haha. :P

[crisscolferison]

religion is an adjunct of your life. a sort of guide to become a 'better' person. I placed dog-ears around the word better because not every Christian is a better person, as I'm sure you know if you've looked at the local rags of priests doing nasty things to kids much younger than themselves.

Set your own goals and work towards them. Don't over-reach and don't be too precise about being good. First off, Masturbation is a natural proclivity (or habit) not prone to just humans. Sex, whether it is self-expression like masturbation, or with another willing person can be a 'fun' thing or if you want children eventually, a form of exercise where you both learn how to express yourselves whether you are the same sex or hetero-sexual.

Three don'ts though. Never force yourself onto another person - whatever the reason. This is a no-no! Don't feel you are being forced into a situation or being bullied into doing something you don't want to do. And thirdly, don't overdo the sex thing. It is one thing having a 'wank' three times one after the other, but remember it can and does affect your heart - moderation in all things. Be kind to yourself - you are unique and very special to someone in the world - until you meet that person, make sure that your body is the best it can be when you eventually meet up. Ok! That's my rant over - well not really a rant more some advice that I've learn't along the way.


Thanks for replying. I do agree that there are hypocrites and so-called "Christians" who do really bad things. I know just because you consider yourself religious doesn't mean you're a good person.

Yes, I am aware of these things and I can see that this makes sense and is how atheists may think. However it's a lot...different in some things when you're specifically a Christian. When some people think "you shouldn't try to force religion on someone", most Christians aren't trying to cause harm at all--mostly we're trying to "convert" or help bring someone closer to God because we believe it will, well, save you (I think what best describes it is the song "Save Your Life" by Newsboys). Of course, I do agree that you shouldn't force beliefs on someone--if they don't believe in God, we should respect that, at least after a point if we are trying to change someone's mind. I want to live my life to the fullest I can, share God's love with people, and all that cheesy stuff. My relationship with Him is very important and I'm struggling to keep my heart clean and be as close to Him as I can every day. Debating over my personal beliefs won't do anything, however.

My personal goals do have a lot (though not all) to do with religion, and I plan to stay a virgin until marriage.

I do not believe it's wrong to marry someone of the same sex. I respect peoples' personal choices in (almost) all things--of course there are always going to be things like, say, murder, but you know what I mean--including the choice to have sex before marriage, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with it or do it myself.

I agree with everything in your last paragraph, and this is great advice for everyone to hear. Thanks, even though I already believed in these things!

In short, thank you for talking to me; I agree with what you're saying but you won't change my religious views or decisions. (Sorry this was so lengthy!)

I hope you have a lovely life!