TheRedViper
October 27th, 2013, 09:35 AM
So I have this friend; she is 15 (16 in a couple of months) and I really, really like her, except our 'relationship' of sorts is a bit complicated, or is for me at least. I'm not sure about her.
We met a bit over a year ago when she moved to my school and came into my class. We didn't become friends at first, but slowly over time, as we had several classes together. So for year 9 not much happened. We became friends of a sort, and then kind of stopped talking to each other for a while. This year, however, we've become very good friends. We are pretty much always together at school; she tells me A LOT of personal and private things about her life; she asks me to come shopping with her; we go over to each others' houses sometimes. We have become quite close, as much as friends can I guess, and her friendship I have come to value more than my friendship with people I have been friends with for years.
The thing is, we are completely different people. On a very regular basis she goes to parties, gets drunk, does drugs (sometimes, but she tells me she quit) and has sex with her boyfriend a lot. I do none of these things. At first it bothered me, when she told me all of this last year. She seemed like just another stupid slut. But over time I've realised that deep down she is a truly intelligent and mature person. She suffers from depression, and has tried to kill herself on several occasions. Just recently she came very close to actually dying. This upset me, and since she hasn't been at school for a couple of weeks, she's asked me to come over to her house a few times. She insists she is fine and won't try it again. She told me that only me, her boyfriend and her family know she did this. I honestly didn't know how to feel when she told me I was one of the few who knew.
A couple of months ago she said she broke up with her boyfriend, so taking this chance, I asked her out. She didn't reply, and I felt horrible for the rest of the day, as I thought I'd ruined our friendship and she would hate me for this. She reassured me everything was fine, and apologised that she hadn't really broken up with him, only slightly. I thought our friendship would be worse off from here, but it was actually the opposite. We became quite close, and she now confides in me with nearly everything. We are good friends, and I like this, and it seems to be enough for her, but it just isn't for me.
One night she went to a party and got very drunk and high, and texted me, saying that the only reason she didn't go out with me was because she thought I was too good for her, and she was too damaged, and she wouldn't want us fighting all the time. I felt incredibly disappointed at this, realising I'd come so close to being with her. Despite what most guys see in her, I'm not interested in her or being her boyfriend just for the sex. I acknowledge this would be a benefit I'd greatly enjoy, but it's not about that. I like her on a level above that, that very few see in her.
She has had a massive impact on my life, so much so that I honestly can't think about anything related to sex without thinking about her and becoming very jealous of her boyfriend. She tells me a lot of stories about them, and sometimes those stories are very detailed accounts of what they've done, like "we had anal once, but it hurt," and "so I was trying to sleep when he suddenly goes down on me." These kind of stories infuriate me, mostly just due to me jealousy of her boyfriend for having all of these experiences. Ever since I've started desiring her, no other girl is appealing to me, on both a physical and social level.
Sorry for the really long post, it just took me longer to explain this than I'd planned. So I don't really know what to ask you guys. I guess some words of wisdom or something? Your opinion on all of this? Thanks in advance.
We met a bit over a year ago when she moved to my school and came into my class. We didn't become friends at first, but slowly over time, as we had several classes together. So for year 9 not much happened. We became friends of a sort, and then kind of stopped talking to each other for a while. This year, however, we've become very good friends. We are pretty much always together at school; she tells me A LOT of personal and private things about her life; she asks me to come shopping with her; we go over to each others' houses sometimes. We have become quite close, as much as friends can I guess, and her friendship I have come to value more than my friendship with people I have been friends with for years.
The thing is, we are completely different people. On a very regular basis she goes to parties, gets drunk, does drugs (sometimes, but she tells me she quit) and has sex with her boyfriend a lot. I do none of these things. At first it bothered me, when she told me all of this last year. She seemed like just another stupid slut. But over time I've realised that deep down she is a truly intelligent and mature person. She suffers from depression, and has tried to kill herself on several occasions. Just recently she came very close to actually dying. This upset me, and since she hasn't been at school for a couple of weeks, she's asked me to come over to her house a few times. She insists she is fine and won't try it again. She told me that only me, her boyfriend and her family know she did this. I honestly didn't know how to feel when she told me I was one of the few who knew.
A couple of months ago she said she broke up with her boyfriend, so taking this chance, I asked her out. She didn't reply, and I felt horrible for the rest of the day, as I thought I'd ruined our friendship and she would hate me for this. She reassured me everything was fine, and apologised that she hadn't really broken up with him, only slightly. I thought our friendship would be worse off from here, but it was actually the opposite. We became quite close, and she now confides in me with nearly everything. We are good friends, and I like this, and it seems to be enough for her, but it just isn't for me.
One night she went to a party and got very drunk and high, and texted me, saying that the only reason she didn't go out with me was because she thought I was too good for her, and she was too damaged, and she wouldn't want us fighting all the time. I felt incredibly disappointed at this, realising I'd come so close to being with her. Despite what most guys see in her, I'm not interested in her or being her boyfriend just for the sex. I acknowledge this would be a benefit I'd greatly enjoy, but it's not about that. I like her on a level above that, that very few see in her.
She has had a massive impact on my life, so much so that I honestly can't think about anything related to sex without thinking about her and becoming very jealous of her boyfriend. She tells me a lot of stories about them, and sometimes those stories are very detailed accounts of what they've done, like "we had anal once, but it hurt," and "so I was trying to sleep when he suddenly goes down on me." These kind of stories infuriate me, mostly just due to me jealousy of her boyfriend for having all of these experiences. Ever since I've started desiring her, no other girl is appealing to me, on both a physical and social level.
Sorry for the really long post, it just took me longer to explain this than I'd planned. So I don't really know what to ask you guys. I guess some words of wisdom or something? Your opinion on all of this? Thanks in advance.