I make myself sad.

[Extreme586]

I don't know why but whenever there are school events or stuff like that I try so hard not to be apart of any of it unless i am FORCED to. I know I would have so much fun if I participated with everyone else but at the same time I purposely don't do any of it even though I know how bad it will make me feel. It's like I do it just so I have ammunition to make myself feel bad about myself when I think of it later. Ug, help!

[Ozymandias]

What do you think is stopping you? It's your own life, right?

I don't know why but whenever there are school events or stuff like that I try so hard not to be apart of any of it unless i am FORCED to. I know I would have so much fun if I participated with everyone else but at the same time I purposely don't do any of it even though I know how bad it will make me feel. It's like I do it just so I have ammunition to make myself feel bad about myself when I think of it later. Ug, help!

[EpicTaco]

I used to be just like you, never going to any school events or participating in extra-curricular activities. Eventually, I just started to look at life in another perspective. It started when I was about 12. I was a very, very sad and angry child. I was sick of feeling depressed all the time. I even has suicidal thoughts. At this point, my self-survival mental instinct kicked in and I decided to handle things a lot differently. I know not everyone has this instinct, but you can still do the same as me. It starts by saying to yourself "Life sucks, but I can't do anything about the past. I need to only worry about what I can control myself and let everyone else handle themselves for awhile." I just thought about this and slowly became more self-centered, but at least I was happier. After this can I truly start to think about others. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. Just act like what you want to (within reason, of course, don't start hurting others or things like that).

[ksdnfkfr]

I think you are practicing a psychological
form of self harm. You should talk to a
school counselor about it so that he/she
can help you understand why you do this
to yourself.