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View Full Version : My entire life is a dilemna. I don't understand.


SarahSoprano
October 22nd, 2013, 11:16 PM
I just need support.

As a little kid, my dad would hit me, pull me by my hair, and slap me with a belt as form of punishment. That's what I learned.

Over the years, I feared him coming home from work. Some days he would be laughing and telling jokes, but other days he'd lash out on me, my mom, and my sister. He's the head of the house.

I have severe ADHD, and struggle in school. My dad is serious about grades. I fail, and I get hit, shouted at, called a failure, an idiot...I didn't know that stress like that could impact my concentration as well.

I'm a senior in high school. Grades are coming in soon. I know I'm failing Economics. I can't focus enough to even understand what we're doing in there. I know hell is coming for me. I want to just freeze everything and have a moment to be calm.

Everything I tell my mom, she tells my dad. Everything I tell my sister, she tells my mom. I can't tell anyone anything.

While experimenting ways to cope, I gave cutting a try. It was supposed to just be a one time experiment. Now every time I go to the bathroom, I have to grab those scissors and feel the sting and watch it redden. I wouldn't dare go too far to a vein, but I'm afraid that my mom will ask and she won't believe it was all just my cat.

I'm sick of being told I'm a failure and I'm an embarassment and getting bruises and him simply denying everything. He says that it's only abuse if he leaves be beaten up in the corner of a room, bleeding. That's what I always thought until I did my research.

I remember once when we had to do a 5k (which I am physically impaired which makes any physical activity very painful but he simply says I'm just weak), I was dehydrated and couldn't catch up, so he grabbed me by the neck and shoved me forward. He proceeded to shout profanity at me. Someone saw it. I saw them look over. They simply looked forward, smiled, and kept walking. I couldn't believe that somebody would just ignore it.

I had no idea bullying was abuse, either. I feel that I am mentally ten years old because of being bullied and my dad and everything. I had no idea that this could all play a part in my grades, leading up to even more pain from my dad.

My mom knows what he does but tries to brush it off. When she mentions grades, she tells me that my dad is going to hurt me as if nothing can be done. She doesn't want anything to happen to him. I don't want anything to happen to him. He does have a kind heart, I'm sure. He doesn't drink, but he is bipolar, and he came from a very crude family that probably taught him that all of this is okay. And he's the one in the family that makes the money.

I can't report it, but I just want help. I need help. I need the help to be a secret. Please, somebody help me. I'm afraid of him. I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of my life.

Morg
October 23rd, 2013, 08:53 AM
Are you able to move in with your grandparents? that way you're able to stay away from him as much as possible.

Katiya
October 23rd, 2013, 07:45 PM
Well I can't say anything that will help because I've been going through this same thing in my life. My dad islike that, one day hhe's happy and buys me something at the store, next hes screaming profanity at me and kicking me out of the house at 2 am in the snow with only my PJs on. Or we be fighting and he dominates me. I got brushes, injuries, people saw people knew. No one did anything. I never want my dad to be in trouble. My mom does the same yours does. Tells me "you know what's going to happen now right" and she and my dad deny that it is abusive. If I mention any family problems to anyone. I get it worse and then I'm out on the street for x amount of weeks.

All I can say is your not alone. I deal with it the same way, cutting. I've been bullied in school. I've no other place to stay. I just live with it. Im probably the same age as you or possibly a year older. But close enough. My dad came from a bad family, his dad was abusive and he suffers from I think manic depression. I'm not sure. But that's probably where his problems come from.

Idk what to do either. This is all I've ever known, I can't imagine a world without much pain and suffering. All I know is pain and suffering. Im stuck in my same 8year old emotional state. I feel like I never advanced past that age other than intellect wise.

All I can say is you are not alone and perhaps someday we will be happy with our lives. I try to lok for the future and what I would like to do, go to another country, ride my horse, buy something for my self. What ever. Idk if I'll ever feel any different. I don't ever see my self on a relationship. I think I'd probably ruin it.

Just hang in there with me, and all the other people in our situation.

SarahSoprano
October 25th, 2013, 09:43 PM
All of my grandparents are dead.

Thank you so much for your post, Katiya. I'm so sorry that you went through this as well, but it makes me feel warm to know that I am not alone.

Derryck
October 25th, 2013, 09:46 PM
All of my grandparents are dead.

Thank you so much for your post, Katiya. I'm so sorry that you went through this as well, but it makes me feel warm to know that I am not alone.

Sarah, I want to talk to you about this. Get back to me asap. :(

Derryck
October 25th, 2013, 09:53 PM
I just need support.

As a little kid, my dad would hit me, pull me by my hair, and slap me with a belt as form of punishment. That's what I learned.

Over the years, I feared him coming home from work. Some days he would be laughing and telling jokes, but other days he'd lash out on me, my mom, and my sister. He's the head of the house.

I have severe ADHD, and struggle in school. My dad is serious about grades. I fail, and I get hit, shouted at, called a failure, an idiot...I didn't know that stress like that could impact my concentration as well.

I'm a senior in high school. Grades are coming in soon. I know I'm failing Economics. I can't focus enough to even understand what we're doing in there. I know hell is coming for me. I want to just freeze everything and have a moment to be calm.

Everything I tell my mom, she tells my dad. Everything I tell my sister, she tells my mom. I can't tell anyone anything.

While experimenting ways to cope, I gave cutting a try. It was supposed to just be a one time experiment. Now every time I go to the bathroom, I have to grab those scissors and feel the sting and watch it redden. I wouldn't dare go too far to a vein, but I'm afraid that my mom will ask and she won't believe it was all just my cat.

I'm sick of being told I'm a failure and I'm an embarassment and getting bruises and him simply denying everything. He says that it's only abuse if he leaves be beaten up in the corner of a room, bleeding. That's what I always thought until I did my research.

I remember once when we had to do a 5k (which I am physically impaired which makes any physical activity very painful but he simply says I'm just weak), I was dehydrated and couldn't catch up, so he grabbed me by the neck and shoved me forward. He proceeded to shout profanity at me. Someone saw it. I saw them look over. They simply looked forward, smiled, and kept walking. I couldn't believe that somebody would just ignore it.

I had no idea bullying was abuse, either. I feel that I am mentally ten years old because of being bullied and my dad and everything. I had no idea that this could all play a part in my grades, leading up to even more pain from my dad.

My mom knows what he does but tries to brush it off. When she mentions grades, she tells me that my dad is going to hurt me as if nothing can be done. She doesn't want anything to happen to him. I don't want anything to happen to him. He does have a kind heart, I'm sure. He doesn't drink, but he is bipolar, and he came from a very crude family that probably taught him that all of this is okay. And he's the one in the family that makes the money.

I can't report it, but I just want help. I need help. I need the help to be a secret. Please, somebody help me. I'm afraid of him. I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of my life.

Sarah please. Get back to me. It's killing me to wait for you.

Moth
October 25th, 2013, 10:09 PM
Sounds a bit like my upbringing, it was more emotional and mental abuse instead of physical abuse, sure I got pushed about a bit when I was younger but that was because my Mum was young when she had me and didn't really know better but the consequences of how I was treated are still present, I'm not going to go into it but I feel pretty shitty about myself because of it all. And the mental abuse is definitely still lingering. From my experience the best thing you can do is grit your teeth and be strong through it until you find something/someone to confide in and who can make you feel better about your situation. You will find that's the case for many things in life.