Help me be less of a "douchebag"...

[Britanian11]

Before reading this, you should at least glance at my previous thread (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=193939http://)

Now that you how an idea of how I think, let me explain why I think it. As an amateur psychologist, I think I now at least a little bit about what I am talking about.

First of all, in short, I was bullied intensely for the first thirteen years of my life. I was bullied by both boys and girls, and my teachers never helped me. Most of them were female (I don't believe I had a male teacher until 7th grade). By the time I became interested in the strange creatures known as "girls" I was basically the most unpopular kid in school, and none of the girls wanted anything to do with me. I was also depressed and not very confident (I'm still not very confident). I also had an abusive and distressing home life, so I was never really happy or safe. I never had a father figure either, and I hardly had a mother. I had no one.

As a result, I developed a "dark side" a personality devoid of human emotion. At first, it simply was who I was. However, I became able to control it and kept it up because it kept people from being mean to me (you don't fuck with someone who doesn't smile). The next year, I was beginning to cast it off as my emotions resurfaced and I made good friends and began to connect to my teachers. However, all of that was thrown away by a twist of fate and I went back to having a hallow heart.

Now in college, I am able to care about some people (my friends and professors) but because I have no experience with women, I am not able to attract them. They scare me. I would rather stick to my guy friends, who can give me everything I require as a human emotionally. I don't hate women (sometimes I feel hatred toward them, but I don't normally hate them). My presence seems to ward off women. All of my friends have girlfriends and are good with women, and women like them. But women don't like me, seem to ignore me and try to avoid me.

How am I supposed to develop romantic feelings for people who want nothing to do with me, and who I have never had any form of relationship with? Am I bad person because I see them as objects of desire (which, let's be fair, they were deigned to be. Men would not want to reproducing with them if they were unappealing.)

I am, as I recently learned, an aromantic. I don't form romantic feelings. Possibly not because I am incapable of, but because of I have never been given the chance to. I have only ever "loved" one girl, which you can read about here. (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=171840)

How am I supposed to not be a "douchebag"? I asked if I was because I don't want to be, and I don't think I am but apparently not being able to connect to women is a crime and I should burn in hell.

[EpicTaco]

Lack of self-confidence shows well if you are good at reading facial expressions and reading personality. Start by doing something else that makes you happy, just act like a generally happy person around everyone, and more people will start to like you. It starts by you liking yourself. I'd start by not analyzing yourself (I've been down this road many times with myself). Don't look at what's happened to you, just try to turn a blind eye to that and simply think of one thing when you're down: What can I do now that will make me happy?

[TheBigUnit]

try to attain some self confidence and work on your social skills, you need a hobby

[Camazotz]

I agree with what the other guys said. It sounds like you don't present yourself well. You just have to get better at caring what other people have to say, and be willing to listen to girls. You're trying to overanalyze everything, trying to give everything a reason for a dislike for someone, etc. In your other thread, you come off as sexist, viewing women as useful for your sexual desires only, that you don't want/need them for anything else. Some people are physically incapable of these social feelings, such as people with Antisocial Personality Disorder, but it could just be that you voluntarily act this way.

[Living For Love]

I've went through the other "Am I a douchebag?" thread and I understand you.

Many people have already harmed me in many ways, and many people also hate me, and 90% of all those people are girls. My problem is that, when I was younger, I had more boy friends than girl friends, but as I grew up, that eventually changed, and I started to get closer to girls more easily than to boys, and the girls I got close to were really stupid people who eventually hurted me in a certain way. That's why I admit I have some kind of "disbelief" towards girls.

It's pretty obvious that your past experiences are affecting the way you feel towards men and women in the present, but the fact is that, although it's hard to believe, we can't generalize. Despite most of the girls I've met so far were not good people, that doesn't mean all the girls aren't good people. And the same happens to men, too.

One thing that I found curious about your other post is that you can get everything from your male friends, you only need women to "reproduce". I guess you just need to reformulate the way you see the differences between men and women. Instead of saying: "I have two male friends and three female friends.", just say "I have five friends.", because there's no need to establish a difference there. Women and men are the same. Period. The only important difference resides in their sexual organs, nothing more. I know that it can be hard to someone like you with your hard background history to just suddenly change the way they see certain things, but I also had bad experiences with women, and I just think they perhaps have something more to give me. I would like to have real female friends that would care for me the way that some guys I've met also cared. I still haven't met a girl who's not a nosy, fake, liar, mean, selfish, stupid, arrogant whore like most of the girls in my school are.

You also stated than guys far worse than you who don't respect women have the opportunity to get laid. I've also notice that, there was a guy in my class who actually treated girls in a rude way, but I don't know why, they just loved him! He wasn't really much attrative, but all the girls were around him, always, so many that his way more attractive guy friends couldn't even get some time to be with him. I just... can't understand... Maybe girls like guys who treat them rough, not funny, educated and calm boys.

It helps that you're studying Psychology, it's my second favourite subject, after Medicine. And you're also writing a book, I would really like to read it. I guess you just need to be patient, I'm sure you'll get a good girl friend soon, I mean, everybody has at least one, why wouldn't we also had? GL :)