JustinCB95
October 19th, 2013, 11:38 PM
I posted this elsewhere, but of course no one wanted to reply so i'll give it a try here. I'm gonna post every little detail I posted there, so this is gonna be really long, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd read it all and reply..Thanks.
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Back in May, I got a job at Publix and my manager had this guy give me a tour of the store. I didn't think much of it at the time, other than that he was cute, but I figured it was a new job and I didn't wanna worry about falling for anybody. We've worked with each other a few times now, and when we do work together, I guess you could say we talk to each other quite a bit. Eventually I figured we were considered "friends" and decided to add him on Facebook, and when I did his phone number synced with my iPhone so we started texting each other. When we're texting each other, we talk about just about anything I guess. But he'll take forever to text me back, and sometimes not text me back until the next day. There was this one time we were texting around 9pm one night, and he didn't reply until 6pm the next day... and it got me thinking that maybe it was his excuse to start a conversation with me the day after, but I'm not sure. I'm probably overthinking it.
A few weeks ago we were working together. He wasn't getting off until 9:15, and I wasn't getting off till 10. Well, since it was late and we're both baggers... there's obviously not a whole lot of people that go grocery shopping that late. So we both went out to the lot and grabbed some carts. There were only two out there. He got the closest one to us, and then literally came with me so that I could get the other, and we just spent the entire time talking to each other, so I figured he WANTS to talk to me, and be around me, but I don't know...
So after all of what had happened with how we act towards each other at work, we got to texting each other about things were interested in, and things we spend our time doing, etc. Basically, what he told me was that his two main interests are skating and his guitar. So we got to talking about skating and stuff, and I eventually indirectly asked if he could teach me so that we could spend some time with each other outside of work... And he said yeah, and we sort of planned to do it the next day. But right after he said yes, he told me he felt stupid because he never saved my number to his phone, and though he was texting someone else, NOT me. So I started thinking, "alright, he doesn't wanna teach me. He never saved my number, so he isn't interested then, right?"
Well, that's what I figured. But then just a few nights ago, I went to Publix to get a few things, and he was working. Well, before I saw him, I had already checked out and stuff, and I walked over to customer service to buy some scratch-offs. He came over and said "hey what's up?" and I was like "nothing much, just waiting to get some scratch offs", and he smiled/laughed at me and said "Dude you're addicted". After that he walked away to bag someone's groceries and walked them out, so I didn't see him for a little bit. When I was done, I went back through checkout to get some gum, and he walked over to the lane I was in. I told him I needed a bag for it (even though I really didn't...It was just gum haha), and he smiled at me and said "Do you need me to walk you out too?" which I replied, yeah lol. So while I was paying and stuff, he was messing with my bag. Like crumpling it up pretty much. So I told him he messed it up and that I needed another, and he laughed, and literally bagged it 2 or 3 times. Then, when he was walking me out to my car, he knotted it so much, and when he handed it to me he said "Have fun opening it". So idk, I felt like he was being really flirty that night. Like, it's a "had to be there" moment. ok.
{I have a picture, but I can't post it...Really?}
But, one moment I'll feel like there's something between us, and then another I feel like he's completely uninterested. I've checked his Facebook, and yeah it says interested in Women, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything because mine says the same thing. (I'm bisexual, if I haven't mentioned that yet). Apparently, as far as I'm aware, his last relationships were 2010 and 2011. Nothing since then. So I'm not sure if that's a sign or anything, but it's out there.
Honestly, I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel, but I'm so afraid that he'll tell me he's straight. Back during Junior year, I liked this guy, and it literally took me a whole year until I built up enough confidence to tell him how I felt. And unfortunately, he wasn't exactly into guys...so yeah. I was crushed, and it took me quite a while to put myself back together...
I mean, should I tell him or what? I'm not exactly "out", but yeah a few close friends do know I'm bi, and they know all about him because I can't exactly go through all of this while bottling up how I'm feeling, so I'm constantly asking them for advice. But of course they've never gone through this type of situation, so they don't fully understand it.
Other than that, I also feel like I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to tell my parents. I know that if I told this guy how I feel about him, and he tells me he feels the same way and something serious happens between us, then I'd be more than willing to come out and not care what other people think of me -- because I'll be happy. And that's exactly what I want.
But I also feel like if I tell my parents now, and they accept me -- then I might be alright with coming out to him a lot easier than how I feel it's going to be right now. But then there's this whole other situation tied into it -- When I like a guy, it feels great. I feel like I've come to terms with my sexuality, and that I don't have any issues with it. But after my previous experience with the last guy I liked in Junior year, I feel like when I put my heart out there for a guy I like, and they don't feel the same way, I end up going through this "phase" where I want nothing to do with guys anymore, and that I'm better off without them, etc. So I feel like if I come out to my parents, and then I come out to him, and he ends up being straight, then I'll have wasted telling my parents because I'll go through that phase again...until someone else comes along, I guess.
But yeah. Not only that, but in the past my mom actually brought up the subject about being gay, and she asked me if I was. Of course, I said no. But she pretty much made it clear that she didn't have a problem with being gay, and that she has a gay cousin, etc. So I'm guessing if I were to come out to her, she'd be alright with it, which makes me want to tell her FIRST. My dad, on the other hand, I'm not exactly sure how he'd react... But then again, I don't want to tell my mom first, and then my dad get pissy later on because I left him out.
I don't know what to do!
{I don't need help with this ^^ anymore. But if you wanna comment on it, feel free too.}
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Anyway. I came out to him a week ago. I did it through text, and I did it while I was in the car going on vacation for a few days. I figured, if things didn't go the way I hoped, then I'd technically be "running" from my problems until I got back. Needless to say, he said he was straight, and that he wouldn't tell anyone. We didn't talk much since. I texted him yesterday, and he finally replied today, but I get this vibe that he feels uncomfortable talking to me now. I'm not sure. Yeah, I could back off, but I want to find some way to rebuild what friendship we had..
But anyway, that's not exactly my entire issue. I came out to my parents a few days ago. Literally like 2 days ago. I was on break at work, and I posted something on Facebook knowing my mom would see it and text me. She was constantly asking what was wrong and everything, and I told her it was nothing -- but she broke me down and I told her. She was really supportive, and said her motherly instincts knew a long time ago and that she knew we'd eventually have this conversation. We just had this whole conversation about my feelings and the guy I like and everything. And before I went back to work, I asked if she told my dad. She said she was debating whether she should or not, or if I had wanted to do it myself -- I didn't care who did it. It was hard enough telling her. So she went ahead and told him, so now I'm open to both.
I went back to work after that, and about an hour later she texted me asking if I was feeling any better. I mean, it felt great that it was off my chest and everything, and we even talked some more as soon as I got off work, but now I just feel completely lost and confused. It's great that my parents reacted the way they did, but everything's different now. I guess mainly, I feel like I have no "escape" from my problems now that the main thing I've hid is out there.
I thought telling them would make me feel a lot better, and that after I told them, I'd be more willing to tell other people without a care in the world -- but Nope. I don't want anybody else knowing. I sort of wish I hadn't of told my parents either. Like I said, they've been supportive. They asked if I wanted to see a therapist to sort out my feelings and stuff so that I wouldn't be so depressed anymore, and they've been pretty much setting aside so much to spend time with me to make sure I'm okay. But I feel completely weird. I can't explain it. I literally cried earlier today because of this. I told them I didn't care if I saw a therapist, so they called around and I'm suppose to see one this Tuesday... but after thinking about it, I don't know if I could go through with it. I don't like talking about my problems. I don't like talking about how I'm feeling. I guess it's because I'm so use to bottling stuff up, and even though it isn't healthy, it's still the easiest route -- and I prefer easy.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't know what to think of myself, and how much my life's changed these past few days. I just feel like I'm going to get even more depressed. If I could go back in time before I had told the guy I like that I like him, and when I had told my parents I'm bisexual, I would. Nothing's the same anymore.
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Back in May, I got a job at Publix and my manager had this guy give me a tour of the store. I didn't think much of it at the time, other than that he was cute, but I figured it was a new job and I didn't wanna worry about falling for anybody. We've worked with each other a few times now, and when we do work together, I guess you could say we talk to each other quite a bit. Eventually I figured we were considered "friends" and decided to add him on Facebook, and when I did his phone number synced with my iPhone so we started texting each other. When we're texting each other, we talk about just about anything I guess. But he'll take forever to text me back, and sometimes not text me back until the next day. There was this one time we were texting around 9pm one night, and he didn't reply until 6pm the next day... and it got me thinking that maybe it was his excuse to start a conversation with me the day after, but I'm not sure. I'm probably overthinking it.
A few weeks ago we were working together. He wasn't getting off until 9:15, and I wasn't getting off till 10. Well, since it was late and we're both baggers... there's obviously not a whole lot of people that go grocery shopping that late. So we both went out to the lot and grabbed some carts. There were only two out there. He got the closest one to us, and then literally came with me so that I could get the other, and we just spent the entire time talking to each other, so I figured he WANTS to talk to me, and be around me, but I don't know...
So after all of what had happened with how we act towards each other at work, we got to texting each other about things were interested in, and things we spend our time doing, etc. Basically, what he told me was that his two main interests are skating and his guitar. So we got to talking about skating and stuff, and I eventually indirectly asked if he could teach me so that we could spend some time with each other outside of work... And he said yeah, and we sort of planned to do it the next day. But right after he said yes, he told me he felt stupid because he never saved my number to his phone, and though he was texting someone else, NOT me. So I started thinking, "alright, he doesn't wanna teach me. He never saved my number, so he isn't interested then, right?"
Well, that's what I figured. But then just a few nights ago, I went to Publix to get a few things, and he was working. Well, before I saw him, I had already checked out and stuff, and I walked over to customer service to buy some scratch-offs. He came over and said "hey what's up?" and I was like "nothing much, just waiting to get some scratch offs", and he smiled/laughed at me and said "Dude you're addicted". After that he walked away to bag someone's groceries and walked them out, so I didn't see him for a little bit. When I was done, I went back through checkout to get some gum, and he walked over to the lane I was in. I told him I needed a bag for it (even though I really didn't...It was just gum haha), and he smiled at me and said "Do you need me to walk you out too?" which I replied, yeah lol. So while I was paying and stuff, he was messing with my bag. Like crumpling it up pretty much. So I told him he messed it up and that I needed another, and he laughed, and literally bagged it 2 or 3 times. Then, when he was walking me out to my car, he knotted it so much, and when he handed it to me he said "Have fun opening it". So idk, I felt like he was being really flirty that night. Like, it's a "had to be there" moment. ok.
{I have a picture, but I can't post it...Really?}
But, one moment I'll feel like there's something between us, and then another I feel like he's completely uninterested. I've checked his Facebook, and yeah it says interested in Women, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything because mine says the same thing. (I'm bisexual, if I haven't mentioned that yet). Apparently, as far as I'm aware, his last relationships were 2010 and 2011. Nothing since then. So I'm not sure if that's a sign or anything, but it's out there.
Honestly, I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel, but I'm so afraid that he'll tell me he's straight. Back during Junior year, I liked this guy, and it literally took me a whole year until I built up enough confidence to tell him how I felt. And unfortunately, he wasn't exactly into guys...so yeah. I was crushed, and it took me quite a while to put myself back together...
I mean, should I tell him or what? I'm not exactly "out", but yeah a few close friends do know I'm bi, and they know all about him because I can't exactly go through all of this while bottling up how I'm feeling, so I'm constantly asking them for advice. But of course they've never gone through this type of situation, so they don't fully understand it.
Other than that, I also feel like I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to tell my parents. I know that if I told this guy how I feel about him, and he tells me he feels the same way and something serious happens between us, then I'd be more than willing to come out and not care what other people think of me -- because I'll be happy. And that's exactly what I want.
But I also feel like if I tell my parents now, and they accept me -- then I might be alright with coming out to him a lot easier than how I feel it's going to be right now. But then there's this whole other situation tied into it -- When I like a guy, it feels great. I feel like I've come to terms with my sexuality, and that I don't have any issues with it. But after my previous experience with the last guy I liked in Junior year, I feel like when I put my heart out there for a guy I like, and they don't feel the same way, I end up going through this "phase" where I want nothing to do with guys anymore, and that I'm better off without them, etc. So I feel like if I come out to my parents, and then I come out to him, and he ends up being straight, then I'll have wasted telling my parents because I'll go through that phase again...until someone else comes along, I guess.
But yeah. Not only that, but in the past my mom actually brought up the subject about being gay, and she asked me if I was. Of course, I said no. But she pretty much made it clear that she didn't have a problem with being gay, and that she has a gay cousin, etc. So I'm guessing if I were to come out to her, she'd be alright with it, which makes me want to tell her FIRST. My dad, on the other hand, I'm not exactly sure how he'd react... But then again, I don't want to tell my mom first, and then my dad get pissy later on because I left him out.
I don't know what to do!
{I don't need help with this ^^ anymore. But if you wanna comment on it, feel free too.}
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Anyway. I came out to him a week ago. I did it through text, and I did it while I was in the car going on vacation for a few days. I figured, if things didn't go the way I hoped, then I'd technically be "running" from my problems until I got back. Needless to say, he said he was straight, and that he wouldn't tell anyone. We didn't talk much since. I texted him yesterday, and he finally replied today, but I get this vibe that he feels uncomfortable talking to me now. I'm not sure. Yeah, I could back off, but I want to find some way to rebuild what friendship we had..
But anyway, that's not exactly my entire issue. I came out to my parents a few days ago. Literally like 2 days ago. I was on break at work, and I posted something on Facebook knowing my mom would see it and text me. She was constantly asking what was wrong and everything, and I told her it was nothing -- but she broke me down and I told her. She was really supportive, and said her motherly instincts knew a long time ago and that she knew we'd eventually have this conversation. We just had this whole conversation about my feelings and the guy I like and everything. And before I went back to work, I asked if she told my dad. She said she was debating whether she should or not, or if I had wanted to do it myself -- I didn't care who did it. It was hard enough telling her. So she went ahead and told him, so now I'm open to both.
I went back to work after that, and about an hour later she texted me asking if I was feeling any better. I mean, it felt great that it was off my chest and everything, and we even talked some more as soon as I got off work, but now I just feel completely lost and confused. It's great that my parents reacted the way they did, but everything's different now. I guess mainly, I feel like I have no "escape" from my problems now that the main thing I've hid is out there.
I thought telling them would make me feel a lot better, and that after I told them, I'd be more willing to tell other people without a care in the world -- but Nope. I don't want anybody else knowing. I sort of wish I hadn't of told my parents either. Like I said, they've been supportive. They asked if I wanted to see a therapist to sort out my feelings and stuff so that I wouldn't be so depressed anymore, and they've been pretty much setting aside so much to spend time with me to make sure I'm okay. But I feel completely weird. I can't explain it. I literally cried earlier today because of this. I told them I didn't care if I saw a therapist, so they called around and I'm suppose to see one this Tuesday... but after thinking about it, I don't know if I could go through with it. I don't like talking about my problems. I don't like talking about how I'm feeling. I guess it's because I'm so use to bottling stuff up, and even though it isn't healthy, it's still the easiest route -- and I prefer easy.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't know what to think of myself, and how much my life's changed these past few days. I just feel like I'm going to get even more depressed. If I could go back in time before I had told the guy I like that I like him, and when I had told my parents I'm bisexual, I would. Nothing's the same anymore.