Two Faced Mask Metaphore

[AbyssalLight7]

5971
Lately I've had this kind of feeling like I'm almost afraid of showing my true feelings, like I'm hiding them behind a two faced mask, some, such as my family, see me as joyful, happy, rapid mouthed, and outgoing, others see me as "cold", dark, quiet, gloomy and so on (mostly in school). Part of why I seem so gloomy is a defense mechanism, my greatest fear is to loose a friendship, I tend to push people away so they don't hurt me, I don't mean to it just happens. Then there are others that I already am close-ish to, it's them, especially my family, that I seem "to well" around, it's fake but I can't open up and tell them how I feel. Both sides, the dark and the bright are fake, like 2 sides of a mask, hiding the weak, easily hurt, imperfect, real me, something only one person truly knows. I need advise on what to do, I want to be real, to take of the two sided metaphorical mask. Sorry, I don't have a defined question or know if this is the right place for this post, but any advise would be more than welcome. :( / :)

[Axw_JD]

I know how it is... I keep a mask and pretend to be happy and that everything is awesome and going good and inside I just want to die... I know it might not be of much help but all I can say is I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through and I am here if you want to talk.

[ksdnfkfr]

Well you already have a good handle on what your situation is and you are able to view it objectively, so that is a good thing. I think this is something you should consider talking over with a school counselor who could properly advise you. I take it what you are looking for is to come to someplace in the middle between the two extremes.

[Amazerful]

5971
Lately I've had this kind of feeling like I'm almost afraid of showing my true feelings, like I'm hiding them behind a two faced mask, some, such as my family, see me as joyful, happy, rapid mouthed, and outgoing, others see me as "cold", dark, quiet, gloomy and so on (mostly in school). Part of why I seem so gloomy is a defense mechanism, my greatest fear is to loose a friendship, I tend to push people away so they don't hurt me, I don't mean to it just happens. Then there are others that I already am close-ish to, it's them, especially my family, that I seem "to well" around, it's fake but I can't open up and tell them how I feel. Both sides, the dark and the bright are fake, like 2 sides of a mask, hiding the weak, easily hurt, imperfect, real me, something only one person truly knows. I need advise on what to do, I want to be real, to take of the two sided metaphorical mask. Sorry, I don't have a defined question or know if this is the right place for this post, but any advise would be more than welcome. :( / :)

I can relate to this, I do the same thing and the only advise I can give you is to find a venting buddy, it can be a person online or in real life that you just tell them everything, how you really feel, your problems, and you can go to them when you are distressed. Even though its only one person who knows how you really feel, it honestly helps and you help them in the same way by listening to their problems. I have a venting buddy myself. If you ever want to talk about anything just message me

[AbyssalLight7]

Well you already have a good handle on what your situation is and you are able to view it objectively, so that is a good thing. I think this is something you should consider talking over with a school counselor who could properly advise you. I take it what you are looking for is to come to someplace in the middle between the two extremes.

What I'm saying is both sides are mostly fake, semi-extremes, but fake, I don't so much wanna act like I'm between the 2, that would be like being in the middle of the mask, more normal feeling but still part of the mask, still fake, I wanna open up and show the REAL me behind it all, I know it's my problem but I still thought advice would be good, idk if we even have a school counselor, but all the same, Thanks for all the advice, everyone, really.

[ksdnfkfr]

What I'm saying is both sides are mostly fake, semi-extremes, but fake, I don't so much wanna act like I'm between the 2, that would be like being in the middle of the mask, more normal feeling but still part of the mask, still fake, I wanna open up and show the REAL me behind it all, I know it's my problem but I still thought advice would be good, idk if we even have a school counselor, but all the same, Thanks for all the advice, everyone, really.

That is a hard one to answer. I wish I could be more help. With my autism, If I am not wearing a mask, the real me is to stay within my mind and shut everyone out.