Kuurachan
October 13th, 2013, 03:49 PM
Today in church my mom noticed I was frowning and was folding my arms, she said to stop and I tried to, but after a while I forgot and my arms naturally folded again. She said I looked angry and she's said that a lot before.
I just naturally look angry when I let my face relax, this is the second time we've visited this church so I was less shy. Later on she shouted at me and my dad did too because I looked angry and I needed to change my "body language". I honestly don't give a heck if people look at me and think something, since everyone has an opinion, but she's shouted at me countless times about me looking mad, so I was able to hold my tears. I brought my lunch upstairs and spent the rest of the afternoon listening to music and writing, I felt better and was ready for them to call me for a talk. But when they did we didn't reach any conclusion. We just became more tense. I was getting my supper ready, but my dad came in the kitchen and said I had to go to a pumpkin carving thing the church was holding. It's rainy and cold, plus I was barely still keeping myself calm. I went upstairs after him, when he was telling my sister and I said no, because I just wanted to be alone and that if I went I would cry, because at that rate I was going to start at any moment.
I went into my room, my mom followed me and kept telling me I had to go. I kept saying I couldn't, and I literally was already crying by that point. She said my dad had told her that they ought to send us to public school. I'm home schooled you see, and I love it, I'm not always at home, but I spend most my time here, but having her say that, in a way that she's given up on me just because I'm such a "brat", was just too much for me. I've been crying for a while, it's been maybe 10 minutes or so. I've finally stopped but I still feel scared and horrible. I can only assume that my dad didn't mean it, and I'm sure that public school is still great, but to have them say or even think that I'm just too much for them to teach, after being home schooled all my life so far, is just tearing my up.
Sorry for making this so long, but I had to get this out. My sister wouldn't listen or anything, I am just really lonely right now.
I just naturally look angry when I let my face relax, this is the second time we've visited this church so I was less shy. Later on she shouted at me and my dad did too because I looked angry and I needed to change my "body language". I honestly don't give a heck if people look at me and think something, since everyone has an opinion, but she's shouted at me countless times about me looking mad, so I was able to hold my tears. I brought my lunch upstairs and spent the rest of the afternoon listening to music and writing, I felt better and was ready for them to call me for a talk. But when they did we didn't reach any conclusion. We just became more tense. I was getting my supper ready, but my dad came in the kitchen and said I had to go to a pumpkin carving thing the church was holding. It's rainy and cold, plus I was barely still keeping myself calm. I went upstairs after him, when he was telling my sister and I said no, because I just wanted to be alone and that if I went I would cry, because at that rate I was going to start at any moment.
I went into my room, my mom followed me and kept telling me I had to go. I kept saying I couldn't, and I literally was already crying by that point. She said my dad had told her that they ought to send us to public school. I'm home schooled you see, and I love it, I'm not always at home, but I spend most my time here, but having her say that, in a way that she's given up on me just because I'm such a "brat", was just too much for me. I've been crying for a while, it's been maybe 10 minutes or so. I've finally stopped but I still feel scared and horrible. I can only assume that my dad didn't mean it, and I'm sure that public school is still great, but to have them say or even think that I'm just too much for them to teach, after being home schooled all my life so far, is just tearing my up.
Sorry for making this so long, but I had to get this out. My sister wouldn't listen or anything, I am just really lonely right now.