CosmicNoodle
October 13th, 2013, 08:10 AM
Two years ago my Granddad died.
I never talk about it, i can talk to one of my friends about ANY issue i have but even this is off limits to him. At the time i spend about a month walking and living in a daze. I bottled it up completely, glazed over it and didn't think about it or talk about it.
But the little box i put all those feeling in is breaking and i am starting to become overwhelmed by them again. up until a while back i was OK, even i thought i was mostly over it but apparently not. For a while not i can think of nothing but him, how he was before he...
How long it took, why it happened, is it my fault, it is constantly in my head and it is beginning to break up my life again. The same thing happened a little while back, some of you may remember me posting about it, but i managed to just out that little chipped and breaking box into a new one. But it is happening all over again, so what do i do?
I cant just go forever replacing the box only for it to break and overwhelm me. It feels like trying to stand in the way of a large wave, you can try to stay up but eventually it is going to knock you on your arse.
For the last few days i have been feeling great but it is in my mind like a blanket, and i still cry myself to sleep sometimes and i just cant do it any more, i just want out of it. I have contemplated suicide many times over the last few weeks but know that is a stupid idea but it is still there.
I want to get help, just to talk but i don't know where to go for it, i think my college has a counsellor but i don't know if i go to him/her, talk to my mum and dad, talk to my friend about it.
What do i do guys, i am starting to feel like a lost child, no idea what to do.
I never talk about it, i can talk to one of my friends about ANY issue i have but even this is off limits to him. At the time i spend about a month walking and living in a daze. I bottled it up completely, glazed over it and didn't think about it or talk about it.
But the little box i put all those feeling in is breaking and i am starting to become overwhelmed by them again. up until a while back i was OK, even i thought i was mostly over it but apparently not. For a while not i can think of nothing but him, how he was before he...
How long it took, why it happened, is it my fault, it is constantly in my head and it is beginning to break up my life again. The same thing happened a little while back, some of you may remember me posting about it, but i managed to just out that little chipped and breaking box into a new one. But it is happening all over again, so what do i do?
I cant just go forever replacing the box only for it to break and overwhelm me. It feels like trying to stand in the way of a large wave, you can try to stay up but eventually it is going to knock you on your arse.
For the last few days i have been feeling great but it is in my mind like a blanket, and i still cry myself to sleep sometimes and i just cant do it any more, i just want out of it. I have contemplated suicide many times over the last few weeks but know that is a stupid idea but it is still there.
I want to get help, just to talk but i don't know where to go for it, i think my college has a counsellor but i don't know if i go to him/her, talk to my mum and dad, talk to my friend about it.
What do i do guys, i am starting to feel like a lost child, no idea what to do.