How do I let him down easily?

[Amazerful]

I have been friends with this person for about a year, we have grown really close in that time. He is really unstable and occasionally self harms, but he says that I help him stay happy and hanging out with me takes away the urge to harm himself. So recently he told me that he likes me more than friends but I dont feel the same way....

How do I let him down easily? I'm scared he'll do something extreme if I don't accept his feelings

Or do I just go with it for his sake ?

[Luminous]

There is no 'easily' here. Tell him that you love him, very much, but as friends. However, you may want to encourage him that there is a possibility you could grow to feel the same way as he does. Try to be extremely gentle and positive.

[badthoughts]

Or do I just go with it for his sake ?
Do not "just go with it" for his sake. When the inevitable happens, which is you eventually coming clean to him about not actually sharing his feelings, then it's going to get ugly, much uglier than if you were up front about it now.

How do I let him down easily? I'm scared he'll do something extreme if I don't accept his feelings
That is one-hundred percent not your problem. I understand the concern for your friend, but you are in no way accountable or responsible for his actions. If you tell him that you don't share the same feelings and his response is to do something extreme, that is not your fault, not one bit. However, if you "just go with it," and later everything comes crashing down, then you have some accountability because you were not honest in the first place; I don't mean have accountability for his self harm, rather accountability for the implosion of the relationship and, subsequently, the friendship.

This is a tough position to be in. My regards to you.

[Amazerful]

There is no 'easily' here. Tell him that you love him, very much, but as friends. However, you may want to encourage him that there is a possibility you could grow to feel the same way as he does. Try to be extremely gentle and positive.

I was thinking about trying it and seeing if my feelings change but I'm worried that they won't

[Amazerful]

Do not "just go with it" for his sake. When the inevitable happens, which is you eventually coming clean to him about not actually sharing his feelings, then it's going to get ugly, much uglier than if you were up front about it now.


That is one-hundred percent not your problem. I understand the concern for your friend, but you are in no way accountable or responsible for his actions. If you tell him that you don't share the same feelings and his response is to do something extreme, that is not your fault, not one bit. However, if you "just go with it," and later everything comes crashing down, then you have some accountability because you were not honest in the first place; I don't mean have accountability for his self harm, rather accountability for the implosion of the relationship and, subsequently, the friendship.

This is a tough position to be in. My regards to you.


I know I'm not responsible for what he does but in my mind I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happens if/when I tell him how I actually feel

[Living For Love]

I know I'm not responsible for what he does but in my mind I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happens if/when I tell him how I actually feel

I know you might feel worried, but it's not your fault if he does something rash just because you don't like him the way he likes you. Just continue to hang out with him, talk to him, be with him, make him know that he has your support, and avoid talking about your and his feelings.

[Amazerful]

I know you might feel worried, but it's not your fault if he does something rash just because you don't like him the way he likes you. Just continue to hang out with him, talk to him, be with him, make him know that he has your support, and avoid talking about your and his feelings.

its hard not to talk about feelings when its one of the first thing he brings up when we talk together, but I will try the other things you mentioned

[Stryker125]

It's best to just be straight up with him. As emotionally unstable as he already is, he could become even more unhinged if you "just go with it", only for him to later to find out that you really don't feel the same way. It'll suck, and probably hurt seeing him so bad, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Kindly and gently tell him how you feel. That's about all you can do really.

[Luminous]

I was thinking about trying it and seeing if my feelings change but I'm worried that they won't

Then tell him that. Tell him that you are willing to try a relationship. Tell him you give no promises that it'll work out. Even if you keep him in the dark for now he'll find out sooner or later and it will only hurt him worse.