Avenida105
October 9th, 2013, 10:26 PM
So by this point in life, I have able to diagnose myself, regardless of the fact that my parents told me I needed to visit a psychologist, I said no, because I know what my problem is.
Lately I have been depressed, it usually comes in jerks, I could be extremely happy for three days, and the next three days I will be in extreme grief, sadness or anger. The worse part is that its happen more often, and after I pass a happy period the bad moments get worse and worse every time.
What really bothers me is the fact, that I usually put a numerical value, kinda like a stock in a stock market, on every person, even my friends, and even myself. I always feel mad because as hard as I try, I'll never be as good as the people that surround me, and even though my friends have told me numerous times of how "smart" I am, that doesn't really help. Why can people see something in me that I can't see, everyone is always saying, but you're a great person, you have a great future, and talents, but I can't see them at all, how will I believe in something I can't see. Then lately I've been behaving like an asshole with my friends, even though all they have done is support me, and they probably think I'm mad at them, or something, but they have no idea, that what pisses me off is that I guess I'm jealous. I'm jealous that they already have successful lives, and excel at many things, while I'm nor really anything that has a real value.
Sometimes I really wish I could change the way I was, or at least move somewhere else and change the way I look, and try to start over, because I simply hate myself so much. I hate the fact that I have to look up on people, before I used to be important and now I'm at the bottom, I guess, I'm a bit selfish too.
The problem is that I know my problems I can see them, but I can't fix them. As hard as I try to run away from them, they come back, and they keep on coming stronger every time.
Lately I have been depressed, it usually comes in jerks, I could be extremely happy for three days, and the next three days I will be in extreme grief, sadness or anger. The worse part is that its happen more often, and after I pass a happy period the bad moments get worse and worse every time.
What really bothers me is the fact, that I usually put a numerical value, kinda like a stock in a stock market, on every person, even my friends, and even myself. I always feel mad because as hard as I try, I'll never be as good as the people that surround me, and even though my friends have told me numerous times of how "smart" I am, that doesn't really help. Why can people see something in me that I can't see, everyone is always saying, but you're a great person, you have a great future, and talents, but I can't see them at all, how will I believe in something I can't see. Then lately I've been behaving like an asshole with my friends, even though all they have done is support me, and they probably think I'm mad at them, or something, but they have no idea, that what pisses me off is that I guess I'm jealous. I'm jealous that they already have successful lives, and excel at many things, while I'm nor really anything that has a real value.
Sometimes I really wish I could change the way I was, or at least move somewhere else and change the way I look, and try to start over, because I simply hate myself so much. I hate the fact that I have to look up on people, before I used to be important and now I'm at the bottom, I guess, I'm a bit selfish too.
The problem is that I know my problems I can see them, but I can't fix them. As hard as I try to run away from them, they come back, and they keep on coming stronger every time.