How Can I Come Out to Myself?

[Alex_3869]

Okay, so my life has been complicated in trying to find out who I am. So I basically know I'm am pretty much gay. For the past 6 months the only sexual, and more recently emotional attraction is towards other guys. However, I am in extreme denial.
For example, if someone calls me gay or some name like that, I take it personally because the first thought is, 'no way. I like girls.' but there is that voice in the back of my head saying, bullcrap , you like boys.
So I don't really know what to think, how did you come to terms completely. And I'm not 300% sure yet, like some people say they knew when they were like 9. I'm 97% sure. But I'm not to terms with what it means.

My question to you is, how did you come to terms with it? What steps did you take from there? Did it take a while for it to sink in? And how much during that time did you worry about how your family would perceive you if you were gay?

[Abyssal Echo]

I didn't have a lot of choices I had to to deal with it. one thing that helped me come to terms with it was a really cool guy I talked to here on VT. if you want to talk about it send me a PM

[ksdnfkfr]

I am close to your age and I read a lot of stuff about guys in our age bracket being confused along these lines. Me being one of them. But usually the older guys say that 13-16 is too young to try labeling yourself if you are unsure. So I have taken that advice. It's like right now we are on a journey exploring our sexuality and need to wait until the journey is over to find out what the final result is. I have decided not to struggle with it too much, but it is not easy at times.

[NeuroTiger]

Hormones are raging at this particular period in life. Do not make the careless mistake of labeling yourself yet.
It's time for you to discover yourself and the world around you. True, you'll be attracted to a lot of things.
Remember, when we were babies, we were attracted to each and every things which were within our sight. Well, we are no more babies but it's almost the same mechanism.
Just have fun with your friends and do good at school. That's teenage life,basically.

[steellord321]

I don't know why people say it's too early to label. That won't help to get over denial. You said for *6 months* only attracted to guys, and no mention of girls? Well! If it's only hormones you should like girls too. The fact you've called it denial, i guess you aren't in denial anymore since you can see that? The way i came to terms was just sitting in class looking around and noticing i only liked guys...It's really not complicated at that point.

Someone calls you gay as an insult, you try to fight it. But no matter what anyone says, you're either gay or not, or somewhere in between. What they say or what you wish can't change your sexuality. I'm sure it seems like a huge deal now and that leads to denial too. But remember this, if you are gay you'll be fine! You can still enjoy life.

[sqishy]

Okay, so my life has been complicated in trying to find out who I am. So I basically know I'm am pretty much gay. For the past 6 months the only sexual, and more recently emotional attraction is towards other guys. However, I am in extreme denial.
For example, if someone calls me gay or some name like that, I take it personally because the first thought is, 'no way. I like girls.' but there is that voice in the back of my head saying, bullcrap , you like boys.
So I don't really know what to think, how did you come to terms completely. And I'm not 300% sure yet, like some people say they knew when they were like 9. I'm 97% sure. But I'm not to terms with what it means.

My question to you is, how did you come to terms with it? What steps did you take from there? Did it take a while for it to sink in? And how much during that time did you worry about how your family would perceive you if you were gay?

What helped me was to remember all the times I was attracted to guys, and compare it to girls. No comparison, practically 100% the same gender.
This might sound strange, but I went onto youtube to search as many coming out videos as possible Annoyingly I chose the ones where the guys were more attractive. But all their stories related to mine, and I didn't feel alone anymore. And I just faced my sexuality head-on, which involved emotional outbreaks, but worth it. There is still a part of myself that does not go with the rest of me, but I have accepted who I am.

It might help too clicking on the link in my signature below. Give it a go.

Hope this helps!

[Alex_3869]

What helped me was to remember all the times I was attracted to guys, and compare it to girls. No comparison, practically 100% the same gender.
This might sound strange, but I went onto youtube to search as many coming out videos as possible Annoyingly I chose the ones where the guys were more attractive. But all their stories related to mine, and I didn't feel alone anymore. And I just faced my sexuality head-on, which involved emotional outbreaks, but worth it. There is still a part of myself that does not go with the rest of me, but I have accepted who I am.

It might help too clicking on the link in my signature below. Give it a go.

Hope this helps!
Thanks! Really helpful advice!
Oh my gosh I just watched that video. When he started talking
About his dad it made me tear up.

[Troy35216]

how i came to terms with it believe it or not was all the people on here trying to tell me it was just a phase or just hormones. until i came here i was resisting it and in super denial and trying so hard to be something i wasn't. so at first when I saw "it's a phase" "it's normal for guys our age" "it's just hormones" it gave me hope. but then one day i just realized....
if it's normal for guys our age, why aren't all my friends going thru the same thing? they're so horned up for girls it's crazy. and no they aren't faking. they're practically in heat.
how can it be a phase? "phases" have a beginning and an end. There was no beginning for me. i have felt this way for as long as I can remember. and I've been trying NOT to feel this way for as long as I can remember. I'm talking like 7 or 8 years old. if it was just a temporary phase then 7 or 8 years is a looooong time for something "temporary."
If it's just hormones then why did I feel this way before puberty? why do I still feel this way when the raging hormones aren't raging so much anymore?
so that is what made me come to terms with it as far as myself is concerned. now as far as my friends and family...I live in alabama where being gay isn't really cool at least in high school. I haven't told my parents. I only told my best friend and he turned on me so I haven't told anyone else. but just admitting to myself was a huge step so that's progress. it sounds like you are making progress too so good for you and keep it up

[Alex_3869]

how i came to terms with it believe it or not was all the people on here trying to tell me it was just a phase or just hormones. until i came here i was resisting it and in super denial and trying so hard to be something i wasn't. so at first when I saw "it's a phase" "it's normal for guys our age" "it's just hormones" it gave me hope. but then one day i just realized....
if it's normal for guys our age, why aren't all my friends going thru the same thing? they're so horned up for girls it's crazy. and no they aren't faking. they're practically in heat.
how can it be a phase? "phases" have a beginning and an end. There was no beginning for me. i have felt this way for as long as I can remember. and I've been trying NOT to feel this way for as long as I can remember. I'm talking like 7 or 8 years old. if it was just a temporary phase then 7 or 8 years is a looooong time for something "temporary."
If it's just hormones then why did I feel this way before puberty? why do I still feel this way when the raging hormones aren't raging so much anymore?
so that is what made me come to terms with it as far as myself is concerned. now as far as my friends and family...I live in alabama where being gay isn't really cool at least in high school. I haven't told my parents. I only told my best friend and he turned on me so I haven't told anyone else. but just admitting to myself was a huge step so that's progress. it sounds like you are making progress too so good for you and keep it up
Thanks for the support. I'm trying, but for me it started around two years ago, so I'm not really sure, I've just been thinking exclusively about guys for the past year ish. If it was purely hormones I think they would be just as strong for girls as they would be for guys, but that's not how it is for me.

[Biscuithead13]

I was the same way, I always was exclusively attracted to guys and took me several years to come to terms with my sexuality. After I broke up with my gf, I was extremely confused because being with a girl didn't feel right. I came out as bi several months after, but would cringe at the though of being gay. Turns out I have been widely accepted and came out as gay 4 months later. Now its been over a year and a half!

[Alex_3869]

I was the same way, I always was exclusively attracted to guys and took me several years to come to terms with my sexuality. After I broke up with my gf, I was extremely confused because being with a girl didn't feel right. I came out as bi several months after, but would cringe at the though of being gay. Turns out I have been widely accepted and came out as gay 4 months later. Now its been over a year and a half!

Good for you! If I am, I don't think I'll come out for a couple years

[Biscuithead13]

Whenever your comfortable with yourself :)

[Alex_3869]

Okay, so a little update.
Yesterday and today, just looked up coming out videos and stuff on YouTube, and that lead to watching gay vloggers (if you don't know what that is, it's basically people who put their life on YouTube). And I literally stayed up until 4:40 In the morning yesterday watching them, and I only got like 50 mins of sleep.
But that's not the point.
The point is, as I was seeing these people, and how much more happy they seem, I realized how I want that. I want to have that connection, and watching it made me feel so happy, and I don't know why really. If I were to watch a couple who is completely lovey Dovey and straight, I don't get that feeling of wanting it, and it doesn't make me feel as happy as the former...
If that makes sense to anyone at all.