What should I do about this situation I'm in with the guy I like

[vvx1711]

The guy I'm interested in and I hung out the other day for a little...only thing is....I was drunk. I don't know why I did it honestly, I was just really stressed out that day and it had been forever since I drank...I'm 16 and I know I shouldn't be relying on alcohol to make things better but at the moment it made me happy and forget about everything that was going on, even for just a little bit. But I don't so much regret the fact that I got drunk, I just regret inviting him to come over. As much as I like him and want to be with him, I never wanted him to see me that way. I don't think he was mad or upset when he found out I was (he found out as soon as he saw me since I'm not that great at hiding it lol) ...but I feel like that's just because he was happy that I was all over him and I let him be all over me. I didn't let anything go too far, I just let him cuddle with me and peck me on the neck/check...he wanted to actually kiss me but I told him that I didn't want to when I was drunk, and that I would let him do it the next day since I was anyway gonna stay home from school since I would be too hungover. Point is, I told him I like him and he said he likes me too......but for some reason I feel like he didn't believe me since I was drunk...he probably thought I was just kidding...and then since I didn't let him kiss me it could've showed that I don't like him even more....but honestly, I wasn't trying to do that. I like him....so much. I could possibly be in love with this guy. And the last thing I want is for him to think I'm one of those girls who gets drunk all the time and says stupid things because of that.... I only said those things to him because I felt like it was the right moment, and I finally had the courage to do so. Either way, the next day I skipped school and invited him to come over (obviously I was sober by then and felt disgustingly sick but I didn't care I just wanted to be with him) and he never ended up coming over....he made some excuse..and just to clear the air on the whole kiss situation that happened that night....I texted him saying that I'm expecting a kiss when I see him....no response....I only did this so that he would know that I was being serious about him kissing me when I'm not drunk, and so he wouldn't think that I didn't want to kiss him at all. So I was kinda surprised that he didn't answer, knowing he was the one who asked for a kiss that night. So, today I texted him again except this time I pretty much just poured out my feelings to himand let him know that I was sorry about how he saw me drunk and that how I didn't want him to get the wrong impression and that I'm normally not like that....and also, most importantly, how I meant everything that I said to him that i really do like him and wanna be with him....and I really appreciated that he was so respectful to me.......i just had to let him know that that means a lot to me even though i was drunk and he had a chance to do whatever he wanted.....(honestly, the only bad thing he really did was touch my butt a lot, but it wasn't even anything too far it was just like touching it from the side) I feel like if I had been with some other guy at the moment, they would've taken advantage, but the fact that he didn't do anything and didn't make me leave the house and was so worried about my parents coming home...it showed a lot.....I really feel like a guy would only do that when he cares about you....but to my disappointment, he hasn't replied to that text. I sent it about 6 hours ago....and I haven't heard from him at all..... It was a pretty long text but I just had to get my feelings out. I honestly don't know how much longer to wait for him to make his move and just ask me on a date....he knows exactly how I feel about him now , and I'm pretty sure he knew before too because I admitted it over twitter...and we flirt a lot .....so I feel like he could like me but doesn't know how to respond to the text i sent him today maybe? Or maybe he just is interested in me but doesn't want a relationship yet? I don't know what to think...which is why I'm asking for some opinions....how much longer should I wait for him to respond? Would it be a bad idea to call him sometime this week and see whats going on? Did I do the right thing by apologizing even though it wasn't the day after? I'm just really confused and upset....I let him know how I really honestly feel and I don't think he understands how much it's hurting me that he won't even respond....please I really just need some feedback on this whole situation....any tips, suggestions, thoughts....I'm really into this guy and I'm desperate for any kind of help. Thank you....

[drew6]

You didn't say how old you were or how old he is. I assume you know him from school.

You finished by mentioning that you, "don't think he understands how much it's hurting me that he won't even respond". That would be correct. So think about that - you can't blame him for that. He doesn't know. And if you told him, it will put him off.

Let me tell you a few things about guys in general that you may be glossing over:

1. We're big ol' scared-y-cats. And similar to you, the more we like someone, the more nervous we are at first. Girls in general? No. Girls we really, really like? We're nervous because we don't want to blow it. So don't assume he's some pillar of confidence.

2. The drunk part: I doubt he cares. It was a one time thing - don't sweat that.

3. The number one thing that me and my close guy friends and many not so close guy friends don't like about girls is ... drama. Just never forget that. Play games with us and we'll opt out. I'm sure how you see how guys can literally be pounding on each other and a half hour later, it's all good. We know girls aren't like that, so we can handle some drama, but not a ton. BTW, you haven't wandered into that territory yet. So you're fine.

4. Your relationships with guys have to be about him. Don't project your ... wants and needs on him and expect him to be a mind reader. So if you combine #3 and #4 you might think what the heck, right? But you should want to be with him because you like him. Not to see if you can get him to go out with you and I think you do like him and you've let him know that. Kudos on that. Boys and girls struggle with that. Very hard for me and most guys to make our intentions clear.

What to do:

1. Give him space until the weekend.
2. Call him - just like you said, to see what's going on. Nothing wrong with that at all. It sounds like, because you mentioned flirting, that he's already a sort of friend of yours - that's another good thing. I think we should date our friends and not just some random person we're attracted to who happens to be available. So just treat him as a friend and I'd be willing to gamble... that eventually he'll talk to you about it or collect on that kiss you promised. Just don't press him because if he likes you he's nervous. If he's never kissed a girl before he's more nervous.

3. if he isn't up for anything on the weekend, go back to treating him like you did a month ago or before all this happened.


Things I'm not sure on:
I don't want to project my junk on to the situation, but I'll mention it anyway. I can't stand when my texts are ignored a second time. Just bugs me. Sometimes when we're texting, we're texting with multiple people at once and a text can get missed because we scroll past it. I have no problem with that. A second text, long after the first one? That's pushing it IMO.

So try to remember he doesn't know how you feel and that it hurts. That might be too much for him. The cool thing is, you let him know how you feel about him already.

Final thought: It's not impossible that his phone is dead, his parents took it etc. Doubtful, but it happens.

[vvx1711]

Wow, I can't thank you enough. You're right, I probably shouldn't make such a big drama out of it because that'll just make him back off more, and he is obviously too oblivious to realize that I'm kind of hurt. I also didn't really think about him being nervous, I guess I never expected him to be that way. I have a tendency to overthink everything, unfortunately, but not on how he might be feeling about the whole situation..I would think he would be more annoyed than nervous, but taking into consideration what you said I'm probably wrong. His birthday is coming up in a week, and he's turning 18 so for some reason I feel like once he hits that age, being a college student and all, he will lose interest in me..probably sounds stupid but he has a lot of other opportunities, why would he wanna stay with me, a 16 year old senior in high school? This is the reason I wish he would respond faster, but I completely understand that I shouldn't push it or be pressed, so I'll wait until sometime this weekend to hit him up again. If it's meant to happen, it'll end up happening. Once again, thank you so much for your advice, it was exactly what I needed to hear from a guy's point of view. :)
*The only thing I'm still wondering about is....if I do end up talking to him soon and everything goes back to normal, should I bring up again the things I said in the text? Or should I just wait until he does something about it? I feel like I've done enough, I admitted I liked him, so he should make that extra step to actually ask me out, right? But then again, if we start talking normally like none of this ever happened, then he might not ask me out... so what exactly should I say when I call or text him? If I just kissed him the next time I see him, would that possibly resolve anything lol?

You didn't say how old you were or how old he is. I assume you know him from school.

You finished by mentioning that you, "don't think he understands how much it's hurting me that he won't even respond". That would be correct. So think about that - you can't blame him for that. He doesn't know. And if you told him, it will put him off.

Let me tell you a few things about guys in general that you may be glossing over:

1. We're big ol' scared-y-cats. And similar to you, the more we like someone, the more nervous we are at first. Girls in general? No. Girls we really, really like? We're nervous because we don't want to blow it. So don't assume he's some pillar of confidence.

2. The drunk part: I doubt he cares. It was a one time thing - don't sweat that.

3. The number one thing that me and my close guy friends and many not so close guy friends don't like about girls is ... drama. Just never forget that. Play games with us and we'll opt out. I'm sure how you see how guys can literally be pounding on each other and a half hour later, it's all good. We know girls aren't like that, so we can handle some drama, but not a ton. BTW, you haven't wandered into that territory yet. So you're fine.

4. Your relationships with guys have to be about him. Don't project your ... wants and needs on him and expect him to be a mind reader. So if you combine #3 and #4 you might think what the heck, right? But you should want to be with him because you like him. Not to see if you can get him to go out with you and I think you do like him and you've let him know that. Kudos on that. Boys and girls struggle with that. Very hard for me and most guys to make our intentions clear.

What to do:

1. Give him space until the weekend.
2. Call him - just like you said, to see what's going on. Nothing wrong with that at all. It sounds like, because you mentioned flirting, that he's already a sort of friend of yours - that's another good thing. I think we should date our friends and not just some random person we're attracted to who happens to be available. So just treat him as a friend and I'd be willing to gamble... that eventually he'll talk to you about it or collect on that kiss you promised. Just don't press him because if he likes you he's nervous. If he's never kissed a girl before he's more nervous.

3. if he isn't up for anything on the weekend, go back to treating him like you did a month ago or before all this happened.


Things I'm not sure on:
I don't want to project my junk on to the situation, but I'll mention it anyway. I can't stand when my texts are ignored a second time. Just bugs me. Sometimes when we're texting, we're texting with multiple people at once and a text can get missed because we scroll past it. I have no problem with that. A second text, long after the first one? That's pushing it IMO.

So try to remember he doesn't know how you feel and that it hurts. That might be too much for him. The cool thing is, you let him know how you feel about him already.

Final thought: It's not impossible that his phone is dead, his parents took it etc. Doubtful, but it happens.





**********************************************************
Wow, I can't thank you enough. You're right, I probably shouldn't make such a big drama out of it because that'll just make him back off more, and he is obviously too oblivious to realize that I'm kind of hurt. I also didn't really think about him being nervous, I guess I never expected him to be that way. I have a tendency to overthink everything, unfortunately, but not on how he might be feeling about the whole situation..I would think he would be more annoyed than nervous, but taking into consideration what you said I'm probably wrong. His birthday is coming up in a week, and he's turning 18 so for some reason I feel like once he hits that age, being a college student and all, he will lose interest in me..probably sounds stupid but he has a lot of other opportunities, why would he wanna stay with me, a 16 year old senior in high school? This is the reason I wish he would respond faster, but I completely understand that I shouldn't push it or be pressed, so I'll wait until sometime this weekend to hit him up again. If it's meant to happen, it'll end up happening. Once again, thank you so much for your advice, it was exactly what I needed to hear from a guy's point of view.
*The only thing I'm still wondering about is....if I do end up talking to him soon and everything goes back to normal, should I bring up again the things I said in the text? Or should I just wait until he does something about it? I feel like I've done enough, I admitted I liked him, so he should make that extra step to actually ask me out, right? But then again, if we start talking normally like none of this ever happened, then he might not ask me out... so what exactly should I say when I call or text him? If I just kissed him the next time I see him, would that possibly resolve anything lol?

[drew6]

Wow, I can't thank you enough. You're right, I probably shouldn't make such a big drama out of it because that'll just make him back off more, and he is obviously too oblivious to realize that I'm kind of hurt. I also didn't really think about him being nervous, I guess I never expected him to be that way. I have a tendency to overthink everything, unfortunately, but not on how he might be feeling about the whole situation..I would think he would be more annoyed than nervous, but taking into consideration what you said I'm probably wrong. His birthday is coming up in a week, and he's turning 18 so for some reason I feel like once he hits that age, being a college student and all, he will lose interest in me..probably sounds stupid but he has a lot of other opportunities, why would he wanna stay with me, a 16 year old senior in high school? This is the reason I wish he would respond faster, but I completely understand that I shouldn't push it or be pressed, so I'll wait until sometime this weekend to hit him up again. If it's meant to happen, it'll end up happening. Once again, thank you so much for your advice, it was exactly what I needed to hear from a guy's point of view. :)
*The only thing I'm still wondering about is....if I do end up talking to him soon and everything goes back to normal, should I bring up again the things I said in the text? Or should I just wait until he does something about it? I feel like I've done enough, I admitted I liked him, so he should make that extra step to actually ask me out, right? But then again, if we start talking normally like none of this ever happened, then he might not ask me out... so what exactly should I say when I call or text him? If I just kissed him the next time I see him, would that possibly resolve anything lol?

I wouldn't mention the texts unless he tells you something happened with his phone. You've told him face to face how you feel and in text. Any more along those lines and you're just going to annoy him.

If you both end up acting normal and he doesn't ask you out, I assure you - go with that - as in, there is no relationship to be had with him and having him as a friend is all you'll have with him.

I wouldn't even think of this as you said, "so he should make that extra step ... ". I'd think of it as "he could", not "should".