Am i wrong to be bothered by this?

[Katiya]

Ive grown up an only child in my home. My dad and i never got along and my moms not much better. My dad and i have gotten into bad fights. Hes choked me, thrown me on the ground, sat on me, spit in my face, gave me black eyes, kicked me in the chest and so forth. One time he broke my elbow whilst trying to pin me on the kitchen floor and i wasnt allowed to go to the dr or er for it. Im always screaming for him to let me go or to stop but it doesnt help. I think he wants to dominate me and for some reason when he does it just makes me feel disgusting inside. Aside from that hes always called me names and such. Like worthless fucking monster, stupid bitch, fuck up, piece of shit, and so on. He also tells me he wishes i was never born, im the bigest mistake of his life, im a dumb ass girl, he should give me to foster care, knew having a kid was a mistake ext... He yells at me for stupid things like spilt milk, this is how my arm got broke, i spilt milk and he lost it. I cant ever give him a hug he pushes me away and says get off of me. He ignorres me and tells me what i have to say is infantile and irrelivant and meaningless. I try to tell him about the abuse i recieve at school, college and from other adults in my comunity and he gets mad at me. Hes always mad at me and the car accident that almost killed me n my mom he says is my fault. I could go on and on about this. Its been like this forever and im 18. He told a home counselor that he doesnt love me at all.
My mom just sets by and does nothing and says its not that bad. She doesnt believe me either. My mom ignores me or gets mad when i try to talk to her. She yells at me all the time too and calls me names. I told her i wanted to die and she said she dint care.

Ive been cutting y self sense i was 13. And my dad found out when i needed stitches once and went burzrk and was sooo mad at me. Ive atempted suicide more than 5 times

I told my school counswlor about this and she says if im not being sexually abused then its not important and theres lots of people that need atention more than me and i should be ashamed for beong upset about such petty problems and i should not be botherwd by them. She said i dont even deserve to cutt y self, idk what thst means.
I know my problems arent that important and im probably a Huge whiner but i cant take this any more!!! I feel like such a selfish bitch because i know sooo may other people need help more than me but i feel that i still want some one to listen to me. I even punishmy self for feeling this way and i tell my self every day that its no big deal and theres lots of more important people to take care of than me.

But i cant shake my selfish feelings that i want some one to pay attention to me too. I feel awful, i feel like an atention whore just for posting this when i should be helping others.

How do i make my self not act so selfish?

My parents say im a bad kid, is this all my fault for not doing things right? Idk what im doing wrong. I just keep to y self all day.

Sorry for my errors amd this post, ive been up all night crying, i just couldent fight it tonight. I really feal like i should just end it all because im a selfish and worthless waste of a human being. Idk mayb this is no big deal, its probably not.

[CuteFunSmartGirl]

That is a big deal. And you are NOT worthless. I'm really sorry.

[Fallen Angels]

Oh my god. Your school councler said that? Fuck her. She doesn't deserve to be working there. That is just rediculous.

You have every right to be "bothered" by that. I would be a lot more than bothered. Don't think that your situation isn't that bad. Just because other people are hurting, that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be upset about your own problems.

No one deserves to be told those things by their parents. My own parents are pretty fucked up, and I know that it sucks. As a child, we look up to our parents for guidance, and love. When they respond with anger, and pain... it hurts like hell. We blame ourselves. Everyday, I tell myself that it's my fault for not being a good enough daughter. I feel like it was MY job, to make them happy. To be the perfect child. But, that's not true. The parents are supposed to raise the kids. They're supposed to be strong for us, care for us, love us, be there for us. It's not our fault... we didn't ask to be born. We didn't ask for those people to be our parents. And, the rest of the world will never understand. No one can understand your pain, like you do. All of those things they said to you.. it's not true. I am so sorry they make you feel like that. It's not fair. But, it's not your fault. Some people, just aren't fit to be parents. It's easy to blame yourself, because then.. you feel like you can fix it. But, if it's someone else's fault, you can't fix it. It will just stay broken.

You are not worthless. You're not selfish, for wanting people to listen. You're not an attention whore. I feel the same way, a lot. You're not a waste of a human being. This is definitely a big deal. Don't let anyone tell you that you should be ashamed. That "councler" doesn't deserve her job. Her job, was to tell the authorities about what's happening to you. She shouldn't have said those things to you.

[Blood_Thorn]

In my opinion your school counsellor is quite wrong! They are quite important :/
And you are not being a whiner or anything since we are all entitled to a rant every once in a while, you shouldn't feel bad because of this or wanting to talk about it. Do you have a good friend you can trust that you could talk things over with? That may help.

[Katiya]

In my opinion your school counsellor is quite wrong! They are quite important :/
And you are not being a whiner or anything since we are all entitled to a rant every once in a while, you shouldn't feel bad because of this or wanting to talk about it. Do you have a good friend you can trust that you could talk things over with? That may help.

No, not a soul. :( I just have to keep it inside and shut up. I've mentioned this to other people but none of them want to help BC I'm 18 now. They just say move out, I don't have the money for one and i have chronic migraines and cant hold a job to save my bum.. And that's not going to stop this stuff from haunting my dreams every night just bc i move out.

Ever sense that lady said that i feel selfish and wrong. I feel like I don't deserve any ones time. How can I when there's people with problems that the world views as bigger and more important than mine? I'm sure if I was raped at home or something someone would care if I said that. But I never was. I feel deeply for those who have been. I just inside feel that I should be just as important as them BC I'm still a person. And I feel SO selfish for having that thought! :/

[Daunesis]

You ARE just as important as them, this counsellor woman is obviously shite at her job!
listen, its okay to feel the way you feel, because this really does suck. If I were you, I would go to a free support group where there are others who feel exactly how you feel, and can help you feel better and move on in life. I know moving on isnt easy at all, but its possible, believe me. my dad died when I was seven, and I now consider it something that I had no control over or couldn't have changed, whereas I used to think that it was all my fault, and that he would be alive if it wasn't for me. If you need someone to confide in, and I really mean this, message me or something. I really want you to feel better about yourself, and I think that you are a strong enough person to achieve anything you put your mind to. Its okay, dont keep it all in. Gregor x

[Luminous]

Okay, you are not selfish for wanting attention, for wanting to get out of there. You are being abused and it is awful. Different sorts of abuse can't be compared because they all hurt the victim. Yes, sexual abuse is extremely horrible, but so is physical and emotional abuse. They can't be compared, and it was extremely wrong of the counselor to say that it's only important if you're raped.

Next time you are abused, pick up a phone and call 911. You need to get out of there, you deserve to be safe. Report what the counselor said to another employee of the school- a teacher you trust, or someone higher up like the vice principal, I don't know how big your school is. You can confess everything that has happened, and it will feel better when you do. Less weight on your shoulders. You will always have these scars, consider them your battle scars. Physical and emotional. Do you have some relatives you could move in with?

None of this is your fault, you are a treasure, you are so special, and NOBODY has the right to take that away from you, dad, mom, school counselor, or anyone else. You are an adult now, make your move, and start over, a new life. Teach yourself to hold onto a job, work hard at it and don't give up. Get good, or better grades. Please, honey, you are a wonderful human being, don't commit suicide, try not to cut, rant here instead, nobody here is ever going to call you worthless or anything else bad. Because that's not true, and there are bad people in the world that say things like that, but we won't, okay? You can always VM me, or PM when you get enough posts. Have a wonderful day.
:bigsmile:
Hannah

[Stronk Serb]

You are right, they are wrong. All of those who call you worthless are the filth of the earth that must be cleansed in fire. Do not believe their verbal abuse. If it get's physical go to the police.

[CuteFunSmartGirl]

Hannah is absolutely right.

You are absolutely not selfish for wanting attention, you deserve it. No one deserves to be abused in any way!

[Katiya]

My biggest issue with leaving is I'm provided for here and my health problems make me miss a lot of work and I get fired. If I leave I will have to move to a homeless shelter, I've been there but don't like it any more than home both places have problems. And there is no one in my area that helps youth 18 or older. Once ur 18 ur done here.
Cops have been to our house tens of times but my dad is smart and good at making it look like my fault and my mom backs him up saying it was nessesary because I was violent or something. The last cop said next time I'd go to jail BC I'm old enough now. I don't want that. I also don't want to destroy the small relationship I have with my parents either sense I literally have no family but my mum n dad. No friends to stay with either so I can't just walk.
I know a lot of people in all types of bad situations don't want to leave and I truly understand this because I'm in the same boat with my problems.
I don't think I can rat out the lady at the school BC I graduated in the summer. But its been eating at me for years now. I never said anything BC I believed it.

I've just been buying my time until I go to away college. I enrolled soon as I graduated and its 2 years until I can go to a college with boarding. So to me it just seams I have to wait.

I feel a little better now that I know other people agree with my feelings and I want to thank everyone who's posting here. I really appreciate it! I never like to put my problems on anyone BC I know everyone has stuff of their own. So it means a lot that people here listen to me

[CuteFunSmartGirl]

That's what we are all here for kat

[Blood_Thorn]

Thats horrible that your parents blame it on you when the police are called. Where you ar do they perchance have any sort of Abuse Prevention Services or Domestic Violence services?
Though hopefully when you go to college you find Solace and meet some awesome people!

[Katiya]

Thanks CuteFunSmartGirl! :)

And no I'm not aware of anything like that, we are pretty rural area. The closest town is 30 mi and its small. Most of the people there don't like me at all BC of rumors from school. Ik bigger cities have those things but that's many miles away. Here there is not much. Just one old homeless shelter. There's one place tat helps youth but they put u back on the street at 18. College seams my best option unless someone came along and let me live with them. A family almost took me in once but they heard the rumors and got scared of me and said I was getting what i deserve at home and to never contact them again. I haven't told anyone sense. People around here aren't that nice. :/

It helps that there's other people on here that understand that I can talk to. And its nice BC no one in my RL will find me on here and nothing i say will get back to the wrong people where they could spread more rumors and tell my secrets to everyone. I'm really glad now I finally had the confidence to post on here. For years I couldn't speak a word anywhere and I just suffered in silence.

I feel like a different person than when I was little. I don't think the same about people and my trust for anyone is completely shot. Its like everyone else is living in a bubble and only I know just how hostile the real world really is. There's no going back, I won't be the person I once was ever again. Its like then I was ignorant and now my eyes are open . I think a lot of people I meet don't like me BC I'm not friendly or outgoing. Someone once said I look like a snake or a lizard who's expression never changes. They said i should smile mor and be friendly but i really dont feel friendly or smily and im not sure i evennknow how. I find I'm angry a lot. Like really a lot. There's people I really hate for what theyve done to me. People say I should forgive and forget but I don't think I ever can, actually I know I never can forget or forgive those people and what they did. Im really quick to defend my self against people verbally or physically, some times it might be overkill but I just don't want anyone to hurt me again.
I know my personality will probably run people off in the future but I don't ever see my self trusting people again, I just can't.

Idk if any of that makes sense.. I guess I am a pretty shity person now that I think of it.

[Blood_Thorn]

That sucks that people are spreading rumors about you as well, what sort of rumors are they that stop people from liking you?

Yeah, the possibility of anyone from real life finding any of us and knowing it is us, without us telling them, is miniscule which makes it a lot easier to discuss your problems and have a rant, and everyone here is nice and willing to help if need be :)

Well in my opinion those people that tend to trust everyone are those that end up being taken advantage of first, so it is always okay to not be instinctively trusting. It is also okay to not smile or be outgoing and friendly, I tend to be neither as well. Just if you get angry to not to do anything too over the top because that could worsen the whole situation.

I am sure that aren't a shitty person, and that if people didn't judge you as harshly and got to know you that you would be quite a decent person! :)

[Katiya]

I'm not 100% sure as no one will outright tell me. But people hint at them in snied remarks. One I know of for sure is that I am a "very dangerous sadistic person who will hurt people and manipulate them" yeah like I even have time for that in the first place. Others are that I'm skanky and into drugs and things which is absurd as I am one of the fiwe people that have never drank, smoked or done any drugs what so ever. I like to keep my head clear not fog it up. I'm asexual so I literally haven't even held hands with a guy or girl. Those are the main ones any others I'm not sure but are probably variants of the above.

I*have other problems too, I got viciously bullied in school(even teachers joined in). And there's some events that have happened to me that really bother me. I'm honestly scared to say them here BC I don't think anyone would believe me if I said it. I know not even the home counselor that came to our hose believes it. These few issues haunt me horribly. This stuff bothers me more than school and home life put together and are the main cause of me waking up screaming or thrashing on a nightly basis.

I'll tell u this one but I don't think anyone here will believe me either. :(
There is a man who beat me outside my home and swore that he will one day come back for me. I assume to rape me or even kidnap me from the way he spoke. This man just happens to have a very powerful position in law enforcement. So in other words when he does come back I'm fucked in all senses of the word. And if I were to make it public I would just be ridiculed and labeled as crazy more than I already am. Not a soul ive told believes me. An what will I do when he comes? I can't hurt him BC he's a law agent and no one will believe what ever he does to me. I've got no options.

The other incidents I'm not quite ready to talk about. Some pretty outlandish stuff has happened to me. And its hard to believe one person would have so much misfortune. :(

[laurakoller0815]

I agree with Hannah. In my opinion you should look for a person who supports you:)

[Blood_Thorn]

Hav you tried to put the rumors to rest? Because I think that might be a good first step, but the only problem I foresee is how you would put them to rest. :/

Well if you ever need to get those issues off your chest you can always talk to people here. It does not matter how outlandish your story we'll always try to help in any way we can.

It is okay, I believe you! Well you'd only be ridiculed and called crazy if it was your word against his. So I know it is not a way to prevent whatever it is, :/ but if you had evidence say photos, video, sound recording couldn't that be used as evidence to back up your claims making them harder to dismiss, though if you do this make sure to keep multiple backups. Other than that I don't really know.
I am sorry if what I say isn't that helpful by the way :(

[Katiya]

Oh yes I've always tried to put them to rest. Just impossible . And no it was a complete surprise. I had no idea it was ccoming and I cant prove it was him sense there's no evidence like video. We r rural and he came to my house unannounced and no one knew but me. Where I live you can scream to the top of your lungs and no one hears you. I screamed but it was no use. :/

And no worries I'm just glad to have some one to listen finally :)

[Blood_Thorn]

Though it couldn't really have helped with when it happened the first time, but if they threatened to come back it would always be good to be ready. Isn't there also laws regarding self defense in specific cases? Because if you were ready and could get some sort of evidence the next time then it should be easier to get out of trouble if you were to defend yourself.

[Katiya]

Yes that's my plan. I just suspect he's powerful enough to get away with it being a law agent. I know he'd know enough to not leave DNA.

I would think so but I'm not sure. Him being a cop would probably have many friends in court. I won't know until it happens :/ But I will be ready. I have signed up for self defense clases that focus on getting out of the grasp of an attacker along with normal self defense. It will come down to who sees who first. That incident has driven me to sleeping with a knife in my own home.

[Blood_Thorn]

If they touch you they will be leaving some sort of dna whethe it be skin cells, sweat or hair. But its harder to avoid if they have aquintances in the courts.
Try to remember though, that using the knife may not be the best idea, since if you don't know how to use it properly an attacker can easily disarm you and take it :/ But the self defense lessons is a good idea! Just make sure to be the one that sees them first though.

[Katiya]

Yeah I'd only use it if I had a clear shot. I think the class I'm taking now has some stuff on that. Its a class for self defense on the street so it covers a lot. I figure if he's gonna kill me he's gonna do it knife or not and bleeding out would probably be faster than being beaten to death.

Being a cop h will probably wear gloves, cover his face and head, be fully clothed and use a condom. And what ever else a cop would know. It will at least be hard to get DNA. And I bet he knows to burn his cloths and what ever to get rid of evidence.

If I see him first I'll have a better plan time to call for help, hide or get ready with some kind of brief strategy. If he attacks me in my sleep most I could hope for would be to stab him when he's not looking at my hands if they are even free :/ Best defense would be to get away and hide but I'm sure he'd come back again.
Only time will tell....

[Blood_Thorn]

But since beating somebody to death takes longer you'd have more time to escape.
But even if they don't leave DNA, could physical evidence and recordings still be feasible?
If they did come while you were sleeping it would be harder for them though, since they have to get into the house and find where you are, giving you enough time to prepare.
It probably sounds stupid, but if you've done all you can about it, you should try to put it to the back of your mind.

[Katiya]

True but I'm not sure I want to be mentally or physically disabled for the rest of my life. I would rather just die than like 50years drooling in a cup or paralyzed, blind or what ever. Recordings would work if I could get one of it.

Yeah I guess the only thing I can do is just keep up with the self defense courses and hope for the best.

Mean while I have to deal with my dad and my igorring mother. He's screaming in my face again tonight and dominating me again. I really hate that feeling, it feels disgusting! He doesn't own me, and he thinks he does and everyone just let's him own me like a dog. I can't wait for away college. If he will even let me go! He kicks me out on a regular basis and makes me come back later. O.o talk about confusing!

[Blood_Thorn]

That is a good point, I would rather that than become paralyzed or disabled as well.

Wht do they actually teach you in this self defense course of yours?

I hope your okay after that... Please hang in there till you can go to College :)

[Katiya]

Thanks. Its nice to have some support even if its only online

They teach a variety of stuff I've been told. I will find out on the 8th as that's the first official class. Its listed as 'hand to hand combat defense against weppons disarming apponent ground fighting defensive holds, escaping attackers grasp and a few other things. It covers the basics and I can go back for more after the 3 months is up. Sounds kinda fun and very useful too.this is the first class like this in our area. A guy from the city is teaching it for college students and community too. Especially for girls sense we are statisticly prime targets on campus at city coleges for assault and such.

[Blood_Thorn]

It does sound quite useful, if your ever in the sort of situation that requires it. Since you said you can go back after 3 months, would they teach more than just the basics then, maybe more advanced techniques?
Maybe while you do it as well you'll meet new people, that haven't already prejudged you because of rumors. :)

[Katiya]

Yes it gets more advanced and I plan to go back. It also teaches defense against multiple attackers and defense against fire arms. I guess how to dodge a bullet? Lol idk abt that but OK.

Its possible I might but its a small town and there not a huge crowd to pic from. The only people that are OK with me are old folks who I deliver our fresh eggs to they stay home and don't hear the bad stuff. Butthe good about me doesn't get out either because they stay home lol. And 2 miles away from me is a bad area. Lots of pour live in shacks there many are ex criminal but some r ok. I was taking pictures for photo class once and a naked guy chaced me back to the car and sicked his pit bull on me. O.o some r weird like that too. Out side of that is miles of forest and farms like ours. 20 miles to the nearest school and 30 to town. We are considered close to town lol. I like it BC its quiet but when you have no friends you can't just walk out and find them as there are no people haha. Were in 'rural america' lol

[Blood_Thorn]

Well once you can dodge a bullet your all set then! :P But seriously It could just be how to disarm them..

Well there's only one way to find out who else will be there, and that is to go and find out. Even though they don't hear about the good, it shouldn't matter to much because they don't have anything to influence their opinions of you except how you act :)

Though the poorer side of your town doesn't sound the nicest, what's the forests like? Are they peaceful?

[Katiya]

Yeah the woods is nice. I ride my horses there a lot. That's another thing. Every one thinks abuse and family problems are limited to the very very pour. Were not rich either but we run the farm and barely break even but its enough to keep the place and have 2 horses. People think of horses as a rich person thing so they always say "you have everything u want, your so spoiled. Shut up". I know very very pour people that live in those shacks that have the most wonderful family's. You could be a billionaire and still have abuse, neglect any problem! But no one in the organizations would care when I was a kid BC I "had a home and wasn't sexually abused by a family member" I wasnt important and I'm still not.
If it wasn't for my horse I would not be here today. He's the only thing that has ever cared about me unconditionally.

No one ever bothers to come see our house, they assume I live in a mansion or something. No I don't. It's an old house that doesn't have electricity or heat in the upstairs, is never remodeled. The house is 102years old with original windows and a block basement and we have no shower as the water pressure is too low. Showers take a looking time in the tub.
I don't mind it. I think its great compared to the one bedroom apartment we lived in for 15 years until my gma moved to Florida leaving us the farm. She died. I have no other family but mom n dad.

I just hate how o get called spoiled by all the social workers I spoke too at school. They just told me what was quoted above.

[Blood_Thorn]

Just because it isn't sexual it is still abuse, and should still be important to be dealt with. Horses aren't necessarily a rich person thing, though quite a few horse owners I know a bit snobbish but I don't think they all are like that.
It is good that you've found atleast one reason to keep on going, and animals are wonderful companions because of that and are good at cheering you up when your down. Does your horse have a name?
Do they assume you live in mansion because you own horses?
What about uncles, aunts and cousins?

[Zenos]

turn the school counsular in and if you have to report your dad

[Katiya]

No family what so ever all my living relatives are in a creepy cult of some sort and can not speak to outsiders. My parents left the religion when they were young.

He has a name but I just call him buddy because he follows me arround

They just figure I'm rich because of the horse, they automatically say "your house must be huge and amazing" and I'm like no, its just like every other 100 year old house, livable but nothing fancy. Some horse people are snots. You see those on TV horse sports and everyone thinks were all like that lol.

[Blood_Thorn]

Wwll thats complete bollocks then, with the rest of your family being creepy cultists. But atleast your parents left the cult and spared you fom having to be a part of it.
Thats a well trained horse then! What was his other name?
Stupid people prejudging you again.
Are you allowed often to go and see Buddy and get away from your parents? Because I'm sure being with him can help cheer you up :)

[Katiya]

Yeah. My grandma was awesome BC she would let UA visit her in secret and she was pretty cool but she died. I'm sure she would have let me stay with her and go to college. She was still in the religion but would break the rules lol. Its not as bad as the ones whoake everyone live in a certain place, she had her own house n everything. For some reason no one minded her breaking the rules. Guess BC if she left everyone else she knew would too. Lol I hardly know the rest n they are weird if your sick you can't go to the hospital or donate blood weird rules.

Yes he here and I visit him daily tho I can't always ride

I really hate my phone keyboard!!! I can't fix the errors! >.<

[Blood_Thorn]

That does sound like a strange cult... Though your grandma sounds pretty awesome :)
Pets are awesome because they love you unconditionally and don't care too much about what you do, so with one you will never be truly alone :)
Haha, when I notice one on my phone I tend to just backspace the whole lot until I get to the mistake, though it generally ends up shortening some of my posts considerably.

[Katiya]

Oh there's no use with this one its just make more mess ups lol

I really enjoy my horse

[sqishy]

Ive grown up an only child in my home. My dad and i never got along and my moms not much better. My dad and i have gotten into bad fights. Hes choked me, thrown me on the ground, sat on me, spit in my face, gave me black eyes, kicked me in the chest and so forth. One time he broke my elbow whilst trying to pin me on the kitchen floor and i wasnt allowed to go to the dr or er for it. Im always screaming for him to let me go or to stop but it doesnt help. I think he wants to dominate me and for some reason when he does it just makes me feel disgusting inside. Aside from that hes always called me names and such. Like worthless fucking monster, stupid bitch, fuck up, piece of shit, and so on. He also tells me he wishes i was never born, im the bigest mistake of his life, im a dumb ass girl, he should give me to foster care, knew having a kid was a mistake ext... He yells at me for stupid things like spilt milk, this is how my arm got broke, i spilt milk and he lost it. I cant ever give him a hug he pushes me away and says get off of me. He ignorres me and tells me what i have to say is infantile and irrelivant and meaningless. I try to tell him about the abuse i recieve at school, college and from other adults in my comunity and he gets mad at me. Hes always mad at me and the car accident that almost killed me n my mom he says is my fault. I could go on and on about this. Its been like this forever and im 18. He told a home counselor that he doesnt love me at all.
My mom just sets by and does nothing and says its not that bad. She doesnt believe me either. My mom ignores me or gets mad when i try to talk to her. She yells at me all the time too and calls me names. I told her i wanted to die and she said she dint care.

Ive been cutting y self sense i was 13. And my dad found out when i needed stitches once and went burzrk and was sooo mad at me. Ive atempted suicide more than 5 times

I told my school counswlor about this and she says if im not being sexually abused then its not important and theres lots of people that need atention more than me and i should be ashamed for beong upset about such petty problems and i should not be botherwd by them. She said i dont even deserve to cutt y self, idk what thst means.
I know my problems arent that important and im probably a Huge whiner but i cant take this any more!!! I feel like such a selfish bitch because i know sooo may other people need help more than me but i feel that i still want some one to listen to me. I even punishmy self for feeling this way and i tell my self every day that its no big deal and theres lots of more important people to take care of than me.

But i cant shake my selfish feelings that i want some one to pay attention to me too. I feel awful, i feel like an atention whore just for posting this when i should be helping others.

How do i make my self not act so selfish?

My parents say im a bad kid, is this all my fault for not doing things right? Idk what im doing wrong. I just keep to y self all day.

Sorry for my errors amd this post, ive been up all night crying, i just couldent fight it tonight. I really feal like i should just end it all because im a selfish and worthless waste of a human being. Idk mayb this is no big deal, its probably not.

Wrong to be bothered by it? You are very right to be bothered by this. I'd contact someone you trust and talk about this, at the very least. The police would help as well. It might be a hard thing to do, but telling someone that this is happening, is a start. You need to get help from someone now.

[SawyerSauce]

I told my school counswlor about this and she says if im not being sexually abused then its not important and theres lots of people that need atention more than me and i should be ashamed for beong upset about such petty problems and i should not be botherwd by them.

When I told my school counselor about the abuse at my house she told me that we were all "pouring salt on each other's wounds" and that I should try to be nicer to my parents.

Hope life gets better for you xx

[Katiya]

When I told my school counselor about the abuse at my house she told me that we were all "pouring salt on each other's wounds" and that I should try to be nicer to my parents.

Hope life gets better for you xx

Thanks. Idk if I can be any nicer to them than maybe just shooting my self to get out of their lives. My dads screaming and yelling and calling me names again tonight because I spoke at the dinner table tonight. I'm not suppose to speak, I'm a worthless child so I have to be silent or I get no dinner and a ggood hours worth of screaming and name calling. And it gets worse if I cry so I cry with blood instead. I have literally just cut my self and there's blood all over my cloths and I can't leave my room so I'm stuck in this mess here. I hope no one barges in.

I'm so ugly an fat, I just worthless like he just told me. I said I wasn't going to eat anything but breakfast today and I had to have a bowl of fucking taco. I even fail at my own diet. I can'tbe perfect like they wwant me to I've tried and I fail. I keep my moth shut but not good enough. I'mjust a worthless fuck up. II'm gonna have to just hang my self. This nightmare is never going to end.

My own parents ddon't want me don't want to even listen to me whine. Idk what ever made me think anyone will ever love me When even my own parents ddon't. I should just do them a favor and kill my self...